I'll Die For You
by MarandaWrites
Summary: Third in my trilogy. Maranda is back for the Extra Year Program, but what is going on? She's becoming the real her everyday and begins to like a certain someone. COMPLETE!
1. A Warm Welcome

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Yes, third book in the series. I just have to warn you guys, though, this is dramatic, kind of angsty, and some of it is slight OOC. There is still humor, joy, and of course-my character's growing sarcasm. HOORAH! Anyways basic summary of this third story: Maranda returns to Hogwarts with a few of her friends to assist different professors for the Extra Year Program I thoughtfully made up when I started writing the trilogy. Also, there is a possible discovery of finding who killed her parents. maybe.. blah blah blah...Gwen's tellin me to hurry up and write hahaha. (sing's the monster mash...it's stuck in my head)

_Chapter 1: A Warm Welcome_

Sunbeams glimmered down through the tree-tops as birds sang a melody of genuine happiness. Summer was almost at its end, as Autumn was chasing the warmth away with its chilling breezes and falling leaves. The Hogwarts Express gave off steam. This was two weeks before school started, but the train was making a special trip for us E.Y.P-ers.

Fantabulous. The summer had been so fantastic and fabulous. I stayed over at 'Mione's house again, and we did not spend one minute sulking. It took us a full two weeks into the vacation to realize we really had graduated. _Pfft_...How can graduating take _that _long to kick in? Easy: It just can.

Now in our train compartment, 'Mione and I stared longingly out the window as trees whizzed by. We left as students, but we were returning as teachers...Well, sort-of-teachers. Either way, it was a great feeling to think of helping students learn different potions and uses for them. I couldn't wait to step into the castle. For some reason, I felt like a new person.

A few minutes ran by when we heard a knock on our compartment door.

"Come in," Hermione said happily.

The door swung open and in came Ron and Draco. I had forgotten that Draco was going back to Hogwarts with us.

Draco sat across from me, next to Ron, and greeted us. "Hey guys! You know anyone else in our group who's going to be at Hogwarts with us?"

"You're in our group?" I teasingly asked, "Since when?"

Giving me a look of annoyance, Draco replied, "You really want to start with me this year?" I shook my head and he continued, "That's what I thought. We'll already have enough on our minds...I don't think you and I need to have shaky grounds, Maranda."

"I think Gwen is coming back," Ron piped in, "At least she told me she was going to try. Her Mum and Dad might not let her, so we won't know until we either see her or don't see her."

Now staring back out the window beseide me, I found it hard to look at Malfoy. We had hated each other, dated each other, hated each other again, and have become somewhat friends..All in two measly years. It's kind of tough speaking to the Ferret as though nothing wrong ever happened. He is the one who lied to my face and cheated on me while I was completely out of it. But..whatever.. I had to put that aside. No more time for sadness over the past that I can't fix. It's a new year with new goals. I can't let any pests, like ferrets, get in the way.

A rain drop hit the window. The sky was cluttered in greyish whisps of clouds, indicating the summer days of golden rays were soon to be gone. It was time for falling leaves, chilly breezes, long-sleeve shirts, and hot cocoa from Hagrid. Autumn wasn't here yet, but I could feel the season's changing fingers run down my spine.

Time was a snail, moving slowly and sourly by, giving me an urge to hasten it. Anticipation ate at my insides.

0o0o0o0o

The castle was lit up like a birthday cake, for all the windows glowed with acceptance and warmth. We were home.. In all its pride and glory, Hogwarts stood tall. I wanted to jump for joy..I wanted to scream wit happiness.. I wanted to get off the damned buggy. I suddenly had this odd picture of Dumbledore as a hippie in my mind. . .

Leaving the black buggy, I immediately spotted Hagrid and ran so fast, I thought my legs would fall off. Speaking no words, Hagrid noticed me, grinned, and hugged me.

"You have no idea how much I missed you!" I practically screamed.

Hermione and Ron dashed over to us. Hagrid was the official greeter at the front door of Hogwarts. He hugged us all, even me again, and asked how our summers went.

"Great," Ron chimed.

Hermione stated, "Couldn't have been better."

"Awesome," I admitted.

"That's great. I'm glad you all have had a good time. Yeh know, once yeh go in there, Dumbledore is goin' ta' announce who's workin' with who. I'm invited to the E.Y.P. dinner...Oh!" Hagrid shook his head, "I forgot to tell yeh. First, tomorrow nigth is the E.Y.P dinner officially greetin' and meetin' everyone who got in. Second, I heard there are no more than about thirteen people who got in. A lot of parents said no, a lot of students wanted to go right to college, and a lot of other people needed to go straight to work.. So many people passed, though. Oh well. Oh, another thing.. Don't get in Filch's way tonight, as he's outraged. He hates the fact that you all are comin' here early before the school session actually starts. Other than that..._Welcome back!_"

We yet again hugged Hagrid before entering Hogwarts. Draco somehow made his way ahead of us, for he already walked on the stairs to reach the Great Hall. I wondered why we hadn't seen anyone else yet, but Hermione mentioned that one buggy was running late, for it lost a wheel. Of all the things to go wrong in a magical land, it's a loss of wheel...How ironic.

"Oh Merlin," Hermione exclaimed as we reached the doors of the Great Hall. She was excited to be here.

I stood beside her and Ron as the doors swung open. Time to fly..

Dumbledore's voice boomed in the air, "Here are Hermione Granger, Maranda Maguire, and Ron Weasley!" The small gathering of professors and students clapped as we entered.

Our Gryffindor table we sat upon two months ago was deserted. Students were at the Slytherin table while Professors were at their professors' seats. The scene was sort of depressing, for we'd never seen the castle this empty. Hermione, Ron, and I sat next to Draco, for he was the only person we recognized at the time. The there he was... Severus Snape.. Slimy Snake, Head of Slytherin. He was sitting in his usual spot, glaring around the room. My stomach fell a few feet and my heart jumped up my throat. I had completely threw the thought of working with him out of my mind. And it was staring me in the face, making me unable to avoid it. No way out now.. I was here..

"You alright?" Ron asked me, but I couldn't answer on account of the Great Hall doors opening again.

Dumbledore's voice echoed as previously, "Here comes Melisa Knowles...Behind her is Gwenneth Thompson..Behind _her _is Gregory Frankson.."

"Gwen!" I shouted while clapping. Neville's sort-of-girlfriend was there too, but I didn't know the guy behind them.

Darting over to us, Gwen greeted happily. "Howdy y'all! I spent the summer in Texas..Pronounced, _tay-has _in Spanish. Guess what I got there?"

"What?" Draco piped up, now interested.

She pressed on, "I got...a...**_sunburn!_** Hahaha," She started to laugh as she sat next to Mione, "I'm only joking. Well, I'm not, but I got something else."

Ron looked concerned, "Are you alright? The sunburn hurt? What'd you get?"

While still chuckling, Gwen pulled a living, lime-green lizard from her pocket, "His name is_ King Fredrick Monopoly Watson Lionel Gregory the Third_. ..Ringo for short." The lizard stuck its tongue out and we all broke out in laughter. "The sunburn is fine.. It's healing quickly." Gwen concluded with a smirk on her face.

"Why'd you bring him to Hogwarts?" Hermione wondered.

With her smile widening, Gwen answered, "I am working with Professor Handrel in Care of Magical Creatures. This is no ordinary lizard..King Fredrick Monopoly Wa-..._Ringo _can transport from one place to another. Also, he does anything I say."

Stepping up to the podium in front of the teacher's table, Dumbledore started a short speech. "As everyone is here now, exactly fifteen graduated students and our faculty and staff, I shall begin by welcoming everyone. You former students sitting before me have not only proven intelligence, but courage, potential, and achievement. I am proud to say you are the first class who has experienced the E.Y.P's, and I know you will all have a wonderful year. Now, I know everyone is probably questioning certain situations. For instance, you will be told where to sleep by who you work with. Everyone will have their own room next to the one they will be working in. It might be the next room over, or the room down the hall, but either way, you will be near your professor. Another topic of question is the eating arrangements. We are adjoining a few tables onto our head table behind me, where you will sit next to your professor. Any problems should be confronted, so come to me if you need aid. Now, I will call out everyone's name and who they are assisting for the year. Approach each other and they will bring you to your new rooms immediately. Tomorrow night at five p.m. sharp is a grand feast for all of us."

After that, Albus began to name off people. Hermione was called to work with McGonagal, Melisa Knowles went to Flitwick, Gwen was going with Handrel (as she said before), Draco unfortunately went with Lockhart, Ron was with Madame Hooch, and the list went on. After each pair of names were called, students and teacher met up and left the Great Hall. Pretty soon my name was called, as was Snape's. I slowly approached him with a look of nervousness on me.

"Good evening, Miss Maguire," Snape's intimidatingly mysterious voice began, "We shall adjourn to your room. The house-elves have been ordered to bring a tray of food to each person tonight for supper. As for everything else that should be mentioned, I will do so once you are a little more settled. Agreed?"

I agreed without a doubt. No way would I start instigating with Snape the first day I'm back. No flogging way. We quietly sauntered to the dungeons. I hadn't remembered how cold it was down here during the night.

Note to self: Bring sweaters.. Lots and lots of sweaters..and Mittens..And hats.. and Gloves...And more sweaters.. Oh and pants.. need pants..

I'm crazy like whoa.

We reached Snape's end of the dungeons and stopped abruptly.

"This is your room," He pointed to a door across from his classroom and continued, "It used to be a storage room where I'd store all of my extra potions and such. Now I must keep all of my belongings in my study."

I just stood there like a dummy.

"Well," Snape's voice became slightly pushy, "_Go _on."

Opening the wooden door, I revealed the room within. Entering it, I noticed every detail. My new bedroom/dorm was painted a dark green color, (for it was the Slytherin part of Hogwarts), had a low bed with black sheets and a black comforter, a dark brown bureau, a mirror on the left wall, and a dark green, circular floor rug over the stone floor. How plain. But it would suffice.

"Great," The sarcasm escaped without me knowing...

A glance of anger from Snape changed into a look of amusement. He mumbled, "You have no choice."

"I know, Professor," I turned to face him, "I'm just going to have to get used to all this green. I love the black, though. Who's going to bring my luggage up?"

"House-elves.." Snape backed up a bit and said, "I'm very busy tonight. If you need anything, you can ask, but if it's minor please wait for the morning. I suppose you had a good summer?"

My head nodded on its own.

A few more words were spoken, "That makes one of us.Now, I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

He turned and walked into his classroom. Let me elaborate...He turned, walked into his classroom, and left me standing in my own shock at his rudeness. Oh well.. I can't win them all.

But Snape's welcome wasn't very kind.

It just wasn't very welcome.


	2. Bothersome Battles

Disclaimer: I own nothing of J.K. Rowling's.

A/N: The first is over.. this book, I know, will be the longest thing I've ever written. I'm going to have to milk it at some parts, though, in order to keep the plot straightforward and upright. This is more serious, despite Maranda's language, and the story itself is a bit darker in some senses. My own take on snape's life too.. can be OOC at times by the way. Just warning you all. Thank you very much Gwenny for the very motivating and inspiring comment. I'm so glad you like.

_Chapter 2: Bothersome Battles_

_It was a bitter, icy night. The room was disturbingly quiet, except for the pitter-patter of rats moving about. _I was stuck in a damned storage room! Sleeping wouldn't be an option this year, would it? I watched as the shadows moved across the walls. They were dancing back and forth, irritating me in every single way. Then I realized it was a ghost, an that scared me into a few minutes of sleep.

All in all the night passed horribly, with only an hour of sleep to my name. I guessed I would soon have to become accustomed to slumberless nights. No big deal, right? It's not like I need to function or anything.

I changed quickly, not wanting to ask Snape where a shower was. I could see me now, walking in his room and bluntly asking, "Where do you bathe?" Yeah, that would really start us off on a right foot.

Besides, I wanted to wait until later to ask him when I wasn't so groggy. Opening the door wasn't such a great idea, for I noticed that the Potions class was closer than I had thought previously. Suddenly I knew this year would be the most challenging of all. I had an authority figure across from my new bedroom, which meant no funny business. _Ha...ha...ha?_

My pinstripe black pants and black top made me appear sophisticated, which is how I wanted to look on my first real day back in Hogwarts. Gathering my dignity, I exited my room and went knock, knock, knocking on Snapey's door. At first there was no answer, not even a sound to signal life on the other side of the wooden door. I knocked again, hoping not to disturb Snape if he was still sleeping. I sighed, waiting patiently for some reply to my knocking.

"Can I help you?" Snape swung his door open fast as if it were an emergency.

My throat became dry for a moment, "I...I just wanted to ask..." I thought about the bathing question and almost chuckled, "I wanted to know when breakfast was."

"At seven-thirty it begins, just like the normal school days you remember. You came to ask me that at seven o'clock when I could have been sleeping still?" A sneer appeared, making me feel slightly uncomfortable.

I conjured up another reason for bothering him, "I also wanted to know if my attire is acceptable, or if everyone involved with the E.Y.P's has to dress a certain way."

"You are fine for today," Snape seemed to calm down, for he wiped the sneer off his face, "but when the school session starts, you are required to wear professors' robes as the rest of us. Dumbledore is going to mention this at the feast tonight, so I wouldn't worry right now if I were you. ...Now, will you kindly leave me be. I have much to do before breakfast."

Feeling defeated, like I had just been in a battle, I nodded and began walking down the hall. Behind me, I heard the Potion's door shut loudly. What a crappy start to a day. For sure, I thought Snape was going to yell at me for no reason, but his cold words were worse. I decided to go up to the Great Hall. At least it would be nice and quiet until breakfast started.

And I was correct; The Great Hall was dead quiet, giving me time to recollect my thoughts and ideas. I sat at the Gryffindor table and glanced around. It felt so strange having the Hall this quiet. A rush of independence rushed over me like a chilly autumn breeze. Here I was, at last, a graduate preparing herself for the world of work. Growing up was hard to do, who didn't know that? But I had this urge to be little again, even though it would have been in my orphanage. I wanted to have another chance to make everything right. I wanted to go back in time and make the shy, hidden girl I was to be more outgoing and strong. However, being where I was now and who I was now was just as great as any wish to correct the wrongs of the past.

After a half-hour of pondering life, professors and graduates began to enter the Great Hall. Among them were Hermione, Ron, Draco, and Gwen.

"Maranda," Hermione giggled, "You're sitting at the wrong table. We're supposed to sit next to our professors, remember?"

I smiled, "Yeah, I know. I just wanted to be at our old table one more time." With that, I stood up and went to the professors' table.

Dumbledore soon walked in and directed everyone to sit in different assigned spots. I want to hug him, for he sat me next to Hermione. The only downside was I sat in the middle of her and Severus. Next to Hermione was McGonagal, and then the list went on. Ron wasn't too far from Hermione, and Draco was actually in the middle of Snape and Gilderoy. I wanted to laugh in his face, **Ha Ha Ha!**

I took my seat just as Snape sauntered into the Hall. He gave me a hateful stare, plainly not wanting to sit near me.

Hermione saw this and whispered, "_Someone's grumpy."_

Breakfast initiated as Dumbledore took his seat. All the professors seemed very amiable, for they started conversations with us E.Y.P-ers. Snape didn't send any friendly vibes out, so I avoided contact with him. Hermione talked to me about the location of her new room, which was on the first floor, down the hall from McGonagal's classroom.

"Yeah, at least you get some breathing space." I tried to stay quiet, "I'm stuck right across from the Potions room. I mean, it's not a terrible thing, but I would like some peace and sense of privacy. I feel as though _he's _going to watch everything I do." My voice wasn't too loud. I was pretty sure Snape hadn't heard my complaints.

Hermione let out a small laugh, "You know _he _would not give any of his precious time to watch what you are doing."

"True.." My frown disappeared.

In a minute, Snape began talking to me, "Are you going to bother me every morning?"

"No, I won't bother you every morning. I was awake and had a few questions on my mind that were haunting me." I was becoming a bit irritated.

"Well, how would you like it if I bothered you early in the morning for silly questions?" Snape had a bad attitude, but I could handle it.

"I," My voice sounded mockingly proud, "would not care in the least, for I can't sleep correctly in that room. It wouldn't matter to me if you bothered me at any time, for it seems I can handle it a tad better than you can."

Snape was not only shocked, but speechless. I had won the battle alas. Breakfast for me remained silent, except for the constant praise Hermione whispered to me for sticking up for myself.

Before I left the Hall, Snape ordered me to meet him in his classroom to clean with him. Great...Now I'm a maid.

As ordered, I met Snape in his class and he began to list things off for me to do. Wash the cabinets, sweep and wash the floor, straighten the tables and chairs, go through the cabinets and place any empty flasks in the sink, clean the empty flasks, and then wait for further instructions. Of course, this wasn't a detention, so he allowed the use of magic. Yet, the cleaning did take a long time, for I had to make sure everything was as close to perfect as it could be. Otherwise, I would be screamed at by the Snake. I attacked each problem one at a time, realizing I shouldn't have worn such sophisticated clothes for such a dirty job.

"Professor," I looked over at Snape who was cleaning out his desk drawers, "May I be excused for one measly minute to change into something I won't mind getting dirty?"

"Yes," He kept his head down, looking at some old papers, "you may."

Changing into some blue jeans and a blue top only took me about three minutes. I dashed back into the Potions classroom and returned to work.

Hours seemed like minutes, quickly passing by without me noticing as I kept on task. My stomach began to grumble, indicating it was close to lunchtime. I wondered what Snape would think of me if I skipped lunch alltogether and kept working. The cabinets sparkled I cleaned them so well, the empty flasks were glittering though they had never been used before, and the floor was almost done being washed. My _'chores'_ were taking so long because I wasn't too good at cleaning with my magic, so it took a longer time. Snape had progressed though, for he moved from cleaning his desk drawers to cleaning his study, which was in another small room in the back of the classroom. His bedroom was a room behind his study. I only knew this because he told me not to go in the back room for any reason. When I asked him why, he told me his private quarters were after the study. He also advised me not to enter his study unless he told me to. What a demanding guy!

"Are you hungry, Miss Maguire?" Snape's voice startled me and made me jump.

I answered quickly, "Not really. I'm going to finish my job before eating anything." Some soap suds found there way to my arm, but I didn't care.

"You don't want to eat anything?" He almost cared. Obviously I didn't buy his concern.

I shook my head.

Snape went to the door and said, "Last chance..."

Again, I shook my head, "I'm fine."

He left the room and I continued to clean. He was the one who ordered me to help clean, so why not give one-hundred percent?

0o0o0o0o

Time passed again, but I hadn't noticed...again.. I was completely into cleaning, which was a first for me. I actually enjoyed making Snape's room sanitary enough to stay in. Not that it had been atrocious and disgusting, but it held a murky, moldy smell to it as though Snape hadn't touched it for...the whole of summer vacation. Funny, he _hadn't _touched it for the whole time of summer vacation.

Soon the clock read close to five.. I was surprised Snape hadn't stopped me from cleaning the tables or chairs one by one. He never asked me to do this, but as I thought before: Better one-hundred percent than a half-ass job.

"Alright, Miss Maguire," Snape realized how dirty my clothes were, "I think it's time for you to stop. You have hand-washed most of the things in here, when I allowed the use of magic. You are the filthy one now, so I hope you will clean up before going to the supper."

I looked at my shirt, which went from blue to a greyish-black from dirt. "Professor, I only hand-washed some of the things because my cleansing magic is not very strong yet. Oh..." The bathing question came into my head, but this time I had to ask, "Where is there a shower I can use? I'm sure I'm not permitted in the Gryffindor Common Room to wash up."

Snape looked at me with a calm sense, "You'll have to use the bathroom down the hall, near the Slytherin house. There is a shower there. I would let you use mine, but I feel that is a bit extreme.. We _both _want our privacy, now don't we?"

Oh no..He _had _heard me this morning. "Erm..Yes.. So, down the hall?"

"Yes, that's what I said. The feast begins in about fifteen minutes, so hasten, will you?" He raised an eyebrow, and I nodded in return.

Running back to my room, I grabbed the clothing I had worn before, and ran down the hall to the bathroom. The walls were painted green, which didn't surprise me, and in the corner stall was a shower. Perfect..Anyone with claustrophobia would not have a good time in here.

My pinstripe pants were comfortable enough to run in, so I ran to the Great Hall. Something told me I would be late for the feast if I didn't hurry. However, the feast had not begun yet once I entered. I sat next to Snape, who half-smiled at my exhaustion from running. Yeah...Let's see you run a mile, Snake!

As everyone was in their seats, the E.Y.P Feast intitiated with Dumbldore making a small speech. "Welcome one and all," Albus began cheerfully, "to the E.Y.P Celebration Feast. This has officially been day one of you graduates being here, so congratulations! I am here now to inform you all of any questions that may have been swimming in your oceanic minds. Sleeping arrangements should have already been made by the professors who showed you where your new rooms were last night. As for eating arrangements, you are in your new seats for the year. Tomorrow, I will allow you assistants to purchase teachers' robes from Hogsmeade. You are now expected to wear these robes every weekday, while you help teach in class once school starts. Until then, and on weekends, you may wear anything appropriate that you wish. If, at any time, you have a problem with whom you are assisting, please see me in my office at a reasonable time of day. I realize it is hard, at times, to work with a person one-on-one who used to teach you, which is why I am all ears. The rest of information regarding you helping professors is up to them to hand out, for they will help you help them. Also, they will give you objectives to fill for teaching a class. May your year be wonderful and exciting, and may you all succeed with excellent progress. Without futher adue, let's eat!"

Mountains of food appeared on the table, in our plates, waiting for us to eat. I was starving. Mione and I conversed while we ate. Snape kept pretty quiet aside from the few words exchanged with Draco. The night would end after the feast, and I couldn't wait to actually fall asleep tonight. The bothersome battle of sleep and awake waited for me, teased and taunted me. Today was full of tiny battles, and I felt they would soon turn into wars.

But I knew life was a battle, and us soldiers had to fight for our right...to party!


	3. Incense Inspirations & Black Robes

Disclaimer: I own nothing of J.K Rowling's.

A/N: bah... chap two sucketh. wouldst thou stabbeth my heart? Please? lol jk

_Chapter 3: Incense Inspirations & Black Robes_

Forcing my brown eyes open, I inhaled the fresh new day. The room smelled of coffee and vanilla. There was also a hint of cinnamon. Getting out of my bed, I walked curiously to my door. The aroma wasn't from anything in _my _room, so I wanted to find the source as badly as a detective on a murder case. I opened the door and left the room, still smelling the now stronger, candy-like fragrances.

Apparently, the scents were originating from the Potions classroom. Why would Snape want to smell so feminine? Knocking on his door, I hoped to receive an answer.

Snape pulled his door open no more than ten seconds after I knocked. He questioned me, "Why are you interrupting my morning, Miss Maguire? I thought you were'nt going to trouble me anymore in the early hours of the day."

"That smell.." A stronger rush of cinnamon pinched at my nose, "What is it? I woke up having my air smell of vanilla, cinnamon, and coffee."

"If you _must_ know, I'm burning insense. I do this almost every morning to start my day off without the musty smell of potions. However, the scent lasts only for a short while. The coffee smell is from the cup I made for myself. Does that answer your second day's rendition of silly questions?" Nothing but anger was shown by Severus. I had royally pissed him off once again.

"Yes, Sir... .. ..Oh, maybe one more question.." I waited for Snape to cock an eyebrow to go on with my query, "Are you going to use the same fragrances every time you burn insense?"

Bewildered by my over-personal interrogation, he practically scolded me. "Is that really your business?"

_Did I have to answer? _"Yes," I replied sharply, "I live across from you. I can smell it. Therefore, it is my business."

"Fine...I usually use the cinnamon, but vanilla is only here or there. Are you satisfied?"

"Affirmative." With a smile, I walked back to my room and shut the door. Time to get out of my pajamas.

Changing in my usual unelaborate ensemble, I decided showers would be a nightly ritual. First of all, because I would have more time at night to take it, and secondly because I was too lazy in the morning. I realized that today was the day us E.Y.P-ers, (Yes, I love that term.) go to Hogsmeade for our robes.

On my content way to breakfast, I began to recite some poetry. This was very irrelevant to everything, but I found it amusing. I hadn't read poetry in forever, so it amazed me how much I recalled.

Breakfast time on day two of, "Operation Snake's Apprentice" began quite normally. Sat down, grabbed some grub, and chatted with my best friend. We talked of different topics, and I told her about my encounter with insense. She only laughed and warned me not to see Snape first thing every morning. She was right though, if I saw him everyday right when I woke up, I would start having nightmares! Either that or start immitating his ways from seeing him so much. That could actually happen. He'll have me as a clone not for one day, but for the year! That would kill him, or kill me depending if he notices or not. Maybe I'll just pretend to go blind every morning to save my eyes from any Snapey exposure.

Surprisingly, breakfast passed by smoothly as a pebble in rippling waters. (Except, I didn't have a pebble _or _rippling waters.) I hadn't even been bothered by Snake. However, he had asked me to go to his classroom after breakkie..(Breakfast.) Where else did he think I would go? China? The moon? The Netherlands? Under a rug?

"How do you think today will turn out?" Hermione asked me as we neared the dungeon stairway.

I calmly replied, "I think it'll be alright. Not just today, but everyday. I believe Snape isn't going to be a problem, as long as he doesn't intimidate me too much. If I do as he says without complaint, and don't plan on fighting, the year will be peachy. Unless of course he starts getting on my case for no reason like he did a few times before. I'm not going to pull anything funny."

"Don't sound so sure of yourself, Maguire." The almost silky voice of Snape lingered behind Mione and I.

_Damn, why'd I always say styupid things at the wrong times?_

We turned and faced our former professor.

"Perhaps," Snape looked down on me and continued, "I _will _be a problem."

I never noticed how he towered over me, and not just when I felt inferior. My words came out insanely wrong. "Don't be an ass."

Hermione shot a glance of terror at me. My beat red face explained I hadn't said what I meant to. There was no taking back the cuss word.

"Sorry...Snape..._I mean.. Professor Snape!_ Sorry, Professor Snape!" Even my appology was screwed up.

With no patience, the towering man stated, "If I could give you detention, I would give you a month's worth right now. Maybe you should learn how to respect your authority figures a little better. How do you expect anyone to respect you in return? Do you have a malfunction in your brain, so that everytime you speak to me, it comes out as rubbish, nonsense, or insignificant drabble? ... I don't expect you to answer that, for you might actually have to think to answer. I'll see you in my room immediately. There's a load of paperwork you can help me with."

Now, as Snape stalked out of sight, Hermione and I stood speechless. In a moment, she wished me good luck and told me to run to McGonagal's room if I needed her before the Hogsmeade trip this afternoon. We then had to go our separate ways. I, deeper into the dungeons, and her, towards the Grand Staircase. The point of me not being able to see my best friend while I faced an angry Snape made me feel deperate for something to talk to. Yes, some_thing_.. What was just as wonderful to rant at as a friend? A journal! What a fantastic idea to post every detail and thought I hold throughout the day! I could keep it by my side at all times and update as the day progressed. Good...It's settled then. I just need a notebook, which I would get at Hogsmeade later on.

Potions class.. Thank the stars I didn't have to learn as a student anymiore. My abrupt entrance startled Snape, who was currently in his study. He exited it and greeted me with nothing more than a scowl. This made me feel _so _welcome..._Not_.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I blurted unexpectedly.

He inched closer to me, "I'm looking at you the way you deserve to be looked at. I have very thin patience today-"

_"I can tell.." _My interruption was obviously uncalled for.

Very unexpectedly, Snape said nothing and went to his desk. I stood dumbfoundedly, waiting for something.. **Anything** to happen. Still nothing, but I stayed in place. I swear five minutes crawled by with a deathly silence. If I had to stand here for hours, I would, only to show Snape I wasn't a coward and wouldn't hide away any longer. But why was he so silent? I was just waiting for a bomb to drop on my head or a curse to be placed upon my very soul. But nothing.

**Alas! Movement!** The Snake peeked his head up from some papers and stared at me.

"I...appologize..?" My appology sounded more like a question, so I repeated it firmly. "I appologize."

Then he caught me off guard, "Why do you enjoy pestering and annoying me?"

"I...I.." My face was again burning with a red tint, "I don't mean to. I don't enjoy it, anyways."

He changed the subject, "Help me sort these papers by date. Month by month. Quickly."

"Fine." I pulled a chair close to his desk, right next to the Serpent, ready to help him in his request.

And I helped. No words spoken. For at least two hours. I felt guilty for some reason. I saw him act as he never did before.. Actually staying quiet through a whole seating near me. Something else was there.. A sort of unspoken understanding resided, mending the broken ties. Paper after paper, I glanced at the mysterious snake from the corner of my eyes. His lips drew my attention, as they were pursed from a deep concentration. My slight staring started to scare me, so I tore my eyes away. I hoped he didn't notice my over-curious self. I bit my lip as I looked again at my professor..._err _..former professor. Some invisible force was making me glare at him, and some invisible force made him notice.

"Now, why are _you _looking at _me _like that?" He asked in almost a whisper.

I only shook my head and said, "I wasn't." I went back to looking at the papers.

Before I could get any further, Hermione burst through the doors with Ron, Draco, and Gwen by her side. She excused herself to be polite when Snape witnesed there loud arrival.

"Can Maranda be dismissed? We are going to Hogsmeade now. Filch came around telling all of us to get ready and meet outside." Hermione's not so persuasive voice worried me.

Nodding twice, Severus declared to me, "Go, Miss Maguire. I expect to see you on your return, so you may finish helping me. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," I stated in an overzealous manner. It only took me three seconds to run towards my friends.

Hogsmeade wasn't too packed with customers on this beautiful autumn day. I with my friends, my friends with I...uhh..with me.. Who could ask for a better chance to bond? After all, I wouldn't see any of them very often. The first stoor all of us visited was the candy shop. We all agreed of our desire for intense sugar rushes. And indeed, we would have intense sugar rushes..

_Where's the chocolate?_

"Try this," Draco grinned and shoved a chocolate frog in my face.

I took a bite and instantly felt bad for eating a frog, "This isn't a real, live, frog, is it?"

"What does it matter? You already bit into it." Teasingly, he mumbled, "You bet it's alive."

Ron ran over to me and laughed, "No, don't eat him! That was my friend, you wench!"

We three laughed as Gwen and Mione came over. Gwen had her pet, _King Fredrick Monopoly Watson Lionel Gregory the Third_, on her shoulder. He was sleeping peacefully. This made me jealous. A lizard got more sleep than I did? How dare he! Hahaha.

Our group moved on to a clothing store. We found the teacher robes section and started viciously searching for the ones we wanted. My destination leaned towards a darker color. Like maybe black or ...black. I didn't really enjoy wearing the other colors they had in stock, which included red, brown, green, orange, blue, canary yellow, navy, lime gree, and pink. Not much to choose from for girls. Guys seemed to have the same colors, but more shades. What was the deal? I say the store was sexist, but I can't jump to conclusions.

Then I saw the perfect set of robes for _moi._ They were black, sort of like Snape's, but with a peasant top shirt and a long, sparkly black skirt, which ended at my ankles. Also, the best part, there were little rose colored stars scattered around on the shirt and skirt bottom. The robes that overlayed were detachable, which was definitely a positive. They were mine! Mwahahaha! I grabbed them before anyone else did, not like there was anyone but the gang and I in the store.

After a couple of hours, Gwen, Draco, Hermione, Ron, and I went into the Leaky Cauldron for ten minutes. We wanted to spend a few minutes relaxing with each other to catch up on the last day of excitement. Unfortunately, my previous day wasn't too great. I explained, and everyone sympathized.

Except for Ron.

"He loves you," Red-head bluntly stated.

My stern face didn't give Ron a good feeling. I defended myself, "Snape does not love me, nor does he even like me. So, Ron, take your head out of your ass and stop being a bitch!" I had never spoke to him like that before, but it felt right. I needed to show Ron I wasn't kidding when I told him not to tease me anymore last year..and the year before.

"Eh..Sorry, Manic Mara," Ron frowned, "I just find it amusing to tease you. I will try not to anymore."

I obviously knew he would fail at any attempt to stop being an annoying person, but I let it go this time. We all finished our drinks and headed back to Hogwarts for the remainder of our day. The fun was gone, time was out, and we wouldn't see each other until supper. That was at least three hours away.

Upon reaching Hogwarts, I bade farewell to my friends, including Draco, and sulkily stalked to Potions class with my new robes and journal in hand. I planned to drop my stuff off in my room and then go into Snape's room to obey every command of work he would hand out to me. Not complaining sort of backfired in his face. There he was, ready to give me a mountain of work at any second, and here I was ready to take it all and treat it not as a mountain, but as a foothill. How ironic.

"Well," I told myself after putting my new things on my bed, "time to face Snape with another wordless work session."


	4. Conversations, Complaints, Cliches

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my story and plot

A/N: LAlalala.. Gwen-You rock! lol. random ramblings...The cow jumped over the moon.

_Chapter 4: Conversations, Complaints, Cliches_

As expected, Snape had more work for me when I returned to his room. He handed me a pile of folders and told me, in a hasty way, to sort through them and throw away any papers older than two years. Such a _painstaking _job!

The silence consumed us like a vacuum, making it almost impossible to breathe. I would have never imagined a day working with Snape could be this quiet, uncommunative, and almost indifferent. He should be screaming, lecturing, ordering me about. Was it humanly possible that I missed being a student in his class?

Was it?

I came upon some old test papers, one that were aging with a sallow appearance and moldy malador.

"S'cuse me, Professor," I swallowed a lump in my throat, "What do you want with these disgusting papers? I think they've had enough time existing in your room."

He glanced at the papers then at me. "Toss them in the trash. I've no idea why they've been salvaged, although I haven't gone in some of these folders for ages."

Throwing the vile papers away, I blurted quietly, "It shows."

I sifted in another folder and found our final from last year. This was quite funny and ironic. Too bad I hadn't been requested to see these folders last year. I would've taken a copy of the test to study from. This is also known as cheating, but I'd rather not admit it. I'd probably chicken out if the chance to cheat was there.

"If you haven't gone through these for so long, why why is our test from last year in here?"

Snape took my question into consideration and spoke knowingly, "I kept adding tests and such into new folders, as you see, but never had the time nor patience to clean out the unimportant ones from previous years."

"Oh." The spark of a conversation ignited, waiting for one of us to add fuel to really start it up. But should I talk with the man who just today picked a fight with me?

A cough erupted from the Snake as he blew away some dust off a book. I sincerely asked if he was alright, hoping to maybe mend our broken ties by showing I cared.

He sniffled, "..I'm pretty sure my body is in tact and I am alive. Sorry if any dust floats your way-"

As Snape said this, I sneezed, which sounded like I was squeeking.

"Bless you."

"Thanks," I decided to talk after all. "Funny how life is. When you least expect it, something wonderful happens. The element of surprise reaches out and grabs our soul."

"This has something to do with sneezing?" Snape put his book aside, awaiting my answer.

"No."

He asked another question, "Then why are you digressing?"

I responded honestly, "It was only small talk."

"Small talk," Snape edged me on, "includes the wonders of life?"

Instantly, I broke out in a fit of giggles. Snape now stared at me with a distinguishing curiosity. His sollicitous gaze made me laugh harder, enough to snort once or twice. I was unstoppable, but didn't know why. My chuckling and giggling probably stemmed from stress. There is such thing as laughing for stress relief. When I stopped my foolish laughter, Snape sustained his wonderous look.

"You were laughing quite hard. Do you have a reason?" His puzzled look caused me to giggle once more.

"Your sarcasm...It's amusing."

"My amusing sarcasm," Snape repeated, "made you die of hilarity?"

"I'm dead? I didn't think I was that bad..." My cheeks burned red.

Showing a half-smile, Snape said sharply, "Oh you were bad.. Awfully bad. Worse than ever.I thought I would go deaf at the sound of your laughter."

"Hey," I whined, "... It was the snorting that killed it, wasn't it?"

He nodded. I took a good look at him, realizing who he was. Severus Snape, Slithering Snake of Slytherin. We were talking like humans for once, which scared me.. Seriously, no joking, gravely, terribly frightened me. But I listened to him with an open mind, taking into thought that maybe he wanted to put the past behind us once and for all. _Hakuna Matata._

Starting to snicker, Snape hid his smile so that I could not see. He spoke over his apparent sniggering, "No, it wasn't the snorting." His face suddenly went blank, no emotion showing. "Erm.." He looked down at his papers, "It's getting late. Supper is going to be served by the house-elves this evening, so maybe you should find Miss Granger and keep her company. I have to clean this mess up and start preparing for the new school year."

"Hold on a second," I couldn't believe Snape. He was getting rid of me. I continued my argument, "I thought you needed my help. Are you kicking me out?"

"Miss Maguire," Snape reminded me of my inferiority in the way he spoke to me, "I am allowed to kick you out if I want to. Everyone needs their personal space. I am aware that I asked you to help, but I no longer need any assistance right now."

"Ok.." I was defeated, so, as any loser, I picked myself up, and headed towards the exit. "Goodnight, Professor." My words were soggy, showing the upset he caused in me. I left the room and went in my own, ready to write in my journal for the first time.

_Dear Journal, _I began, _The first entry just had to show sadness, didn't it? Snape...He's confusing lately.. It seems that sometimes he'll want to talk to me like any human being, but other times he treats me as though I had just arrived from the orphanage. What is going on? _

I went on, babbling about the day and how it ended horribly with my loser-ness. Thinking about Snape, I noticed something.. My hatred was slowly fading away. I dislike how he treated me, but deep down inside, I knew he was just keeping his intimidating self at bay, in case anyone tried to hurt him. But I wouldn't hurt him..

Wow, Maranda's actually feeling quite emotional. It must be her time of the month. Hopefully it is so I don't wonder why my mind isn't yearning to murder Snape.

The house-elves delivered soup to everyone for supper. It was chicken noodle, my favorite besides Beef Stew. I sat on my bed, doodling in my journal as I ate the hot soup. What an uneventful night! I would've visited Hermione, but I felt like being alone for a bit. I hung up my robes, making them nice and neat, ready for next week. The closer the new school year approached, the more anxious I became. I would soon be considered a student teacher, or teacher's assistant, whichever Snape prefers to call me. Teaching little eleven and twelve year olds was going to be tough, probably as tough as putting up with the little orphanage kids.

Eight o'clock came, bringing nothing to do. I didn't want to sleep, for it was too early. I figured maybe it was too late to visit anyone, so I decided to take a shower. I actually almost forgot that I chose nights to do it. Thank Merlin because if I took showers in the morning, I would have all this lonely time at night with nothing to do.

After my ten minute shower in the Slytherin girl's lavatory, I changed into my pink pajamas and headed back to my room. My cold and lonely room. Yeah, yeah, I know I could visit Mione, but I don't want to bother her. It's already half past eight p.m.

"Hello?" I heard a knock on my door, so I asked who was there.

Draco opened the door and looked downright pissed off, "Can I visit?"

"Sure," I motioned him to come in, "What's wrong?"

He sat on my bed and sighed, "I can't take it anymore. Lockhart is a stinkin' fruit basket! He's royally pissing me off! Everywhere I go he's there waiting for me, telling me what to do!"

I held back a giggle, "That's what he's supposed to do, Draco. His job and yours is to work together and clean everything out before the school year starts. He's going to push you around somewhat."

"I know," He frowned, "but it's so annoying. I hate Lockhart, so him ordering me around just makes me want to kill him even more. You know how I feel. I know you've felt that way about Snape. The way you two always fought and ...Damn, you had a fun two years, huh?"

Rolling my eyes, I stated, "I wouldn't say that. It was more of a challenge than you think. Not only did I have to put up with Snapey, but I had to deal with my first heartbreak..."

"Umm..Yeah..That too."

"Don't worry," I forced a smile, "I'm alright now. Besides, the past is the past and it belongs in the past. So, you came down here to escape Gilderoy. I just wish I had a head start and escaped from Snape first. You're the smarter one."

"How is he?" Draco's concerned tone caught me off guard, "You two aren't fighting every second, right?"

"I try not to..We had a conversation going tonight, but he stopped suddenly and sent me out of his room before supper. Whatever. I can't win 'em all."

"No one can. Oh well, Maguire, you know what they say, can't win 'em, join 'em." He yawned, stretched, and turned his head to face mine.

Thinking about it for a moment, I replied, "I can't join him. Snape wouldn't let me stay in there for supper, so there will never be a way of becoming his friend, or anything close to it."

"Never," Draco proved to be the king of cliche, "say never."

I laughed at his sudden quotes, "Get outta' here! King of Cliche!"

"Thanks," He stood up, "I will leave, but only because I am deathly tired, not because you asked. Goodnight Maguire."

"Goodnight Ferret...I mean, Goodnight Malfoy." My evil grin caused Draco to chuckle as he left my room.

I got up, shut my door, and decided it was time for bed. My day was done, finished, finito, ended, haulted, stopped...Ok, I begin to annoy myself, so it's time to shut the little voices in my head up. At last, the fluffy covers of my bed kept me warm and cozy. I looked forward to waking up smelling the aroma of insense. Snape's taste wasn't as bad as I imagined it could be. At least the pretty fragrances would let me prepare for school, and get up on the right side of the bed.

But which side of the bed was the wrong one?


	5. Eyes On Me

Disclaimer: I own nothing of J.K. I only own my plot and chars.

A/N: Dododododo... I've been writing a lot lately! It's fun! MWEEeee.. hahaha. I've realized things in here mirror my real life. namely the friends thing.. plot bunnies are raiding my brain, urging me to write a few new fics, but I will wait till I'm done my lazytown fics and my labby land fic.

_Chapter 5: Eyes On Me _

Anxiousness burned at my soul, twisting and biting at my stomach, making it's way to my heart. My breaths were short and scattered, a feeling I didn't want to witness. Tonight was the night that students arrived. I didn't want to go through with the whole ceremony. . .People enter, sit, eat, get congratulated for entering the school.. Not a big deal, but it was going to be strange sitting at the teachers' table.

The days had passed slowly, uneventfully, and quietly like a dying mouse wasting away in the bowels of a basement. Snape had comepletely cut of conversation except for orders, tidings, or a thank you here or there for my work. I probably should have initiated a chat myself, but reaching his good side had to be pushed aside to make way for the nervousness of school. Hermione and I had found it nearly impossible to catch each other for a short talk or even to say hi. The only time we saw one another was during breakfast or supper, which was our sacred catching up time. I never got to talk to Snape during these times, so Hermione and I chattered a storm. It was nice just being able to talk to my best friend whom I hadn't seen for so long. As for the rest of the friends, I saw them here or there, saying hello at breakfast and supper. I missed them terribly, so we decided to meet up a week from now to figure a plan out to visit.

Oh and forget being able to visit Hagrid! I was buried alive in work, leaving only next week free to visit. I think saturdays would be easier to see him, as I woudn't be piled with chores and jobs.

"You ready for tonight?" Snape asked me during breakfast.

I swallowed a lump of toast and replied, "Uhh..no.."

"Why not?"

The sudden contect with Snape caught me off guard, "I'm not ready to see little people. I'm not ready to see students."

"You," Snape smirked, "are not ready to see how you looked as a student. It was odd for me as well when I first began teaching. I actually think it's harder to teach than learn."

"Speak for yourself.."

"I will!" Snape raised an eyebrow and glared at me, "You haven't taught yet, so how would you know which is the more difficult task?"

I frowned, "Geeze...**_Sorry Mr. Touchy_**." Why was Snape so defensive and irritable?

Hermione was next to me, giving me that _'oh no' _look.

Severus seemed ready to murder me, "You _do not_," His voice became louder, "**don't dare disrespect me!** If you cannot act your age, perhaps you are not ready to become an assistant teacher! Maybe you shouldn't even be here!"

The harsh words pierced me like a dagger to my heart. Embarassment burned me, leaving scars inside, for the entire table of professors and peers stared at Snape and I. I felt a rush of tears build up behind my hurt eyes. It was time for me to leave the Great Hall. I glanced at Hermione before preparing myself for departure. She held a certain sypathy in her eyes, but I couldn't stay and talk. I needed to escape. Half of breakfast was over, and even though it would be rude to leave, I had to. So I took a deep, calming breath and found my quick way out of the Great Hall. The journey out felt like a walk of shame, knowing everyone's eyes were on me.

I pondered about my surroundings, taking a lot into consideration. The realization of something came to me: This year would suck. I didn't want to sound all overdramatic and depressed, but it was partially true. This year was going to suck as much as it could until it sucked the happiness out of me. Snape had started with me _again_.. There was no reason for him to act immature. He was the one who said I wouldn't act my age, but what about him? Does Snape obtain some special advantages I don't know about? Like being able to instigate whenever he pleased?

The rest of the day was ahead of me, and I definitely got off on the wrong foot this morning. No, Snape did. He awoke on the wrong side of the bed. I swear as soon as I find out which side is the bad one, I'm going in his room and cutting that part of the bed off! Ha!

Brain...My brain has gone berserk.

One sacred place I could turn to whenever I needed some serenity was the school library. The only terrible events in there were ones from stories old and new, adventurous and brave. Yet, the brevity of tales spited me in so many ways. How I longed to remain in the fragments of far off lands and scenes of upmost interest and appeal. I yearned to become one with the characters, taste what they taste, smell what they smell, touch what they touch, and see what they see. The irony of it all...was that two years ago, I had been brougth to my fairytale, and it turned out to be more of a soap opera than anything. There were no such things as fairytales or mystical lives. Only usual lives dressed up with a bit of magic. Such a pity that we could not even breathe a happily ever after. And once upon a time, our imaginations created these utopias knowing we would never, ever, ever hold a key to ultimate happiness. ...Or true love.

Which is why I do not believe in love. It is only a creation of mankind to help deal with the sufferings given to us. Love is a lie which we force ourselves to trust only to think that there is more to birth than existence, more to existence than growing, more to growing than pain, more to pain than destruction, and more to destruction than hate. We do not want to face the pain, so we paint over it with a myth about something utterly great. But we are fools. Bitter, lonely fools who accept fabrication as a cover up for the underlying layers of hurt that we dumbly named life.

As aforesaid, the library was and is my only sanctuary, despite the deceit it feeds to our eager minds. And yet I entertained myself with romance novels to laugh in the faces it portrays. Authors have taken the lie of love and exacerbated it. So, my new favorite genre of literature is horror. Nothing passionate about it, but a strange romance dwells within the crisp pages of terror. I would read it, and envy it for not projecting any false depictions of pretend emotions.

My very detailed thoughts must end. I scare myself sometimes. Even in thought.

"Maranda!"

**_The voices in my head? _**Oh...no.. It's ok. Only Hermione. Heh...heh..(Dramatic pause in between my sarcastic laughter.)

My gaze moved from a book to Hermione, who power-walked to me. "Hey," I tried to sound calm.

She immediately began a conversation, "Snape left breakfast a few minutes after you. He gave me a strange look and seriously, _I'm not even lying_, actually told me to check on you. He distinctly said, and I quote, '_You had better go check on your best friend and my apprentice, if she still wants the position.' _That's what he said, and I replied by telling him I would check on you. Here I am, your best friend, ready to hear what's going on."

"Wha-" I queried on the subject, "What do you mean '_ready to hear what's going on.'_ I'm fine. He tried instigating again so I stood up for myself as usual, just without the yelling part."

Hermione shot me a look of discontent, "You are acting odd lately. I can't pinpoint exactly what is it about you that's strange, but it's there. Anything on your mind?"

"Nothing aside from the normal contemplative inquiries swirling about."

She shook her head with a grin on her face, "You've been reading too much. So, are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm going to stay in here for awhile and simmer down. I'll be better for tonight. Thanks for the concern." I planted a smile on my own face.

Giving me a hug, Hermione expressed her gladness that I was taking everything so well. She left the library, giving me the chance to return to my reading. But for a few moments I tried to register Hermione's observation. I was acting strange lately, according to her. How could I be acting differently without even knowing it? Besides, Hermione hadn't seen me except for in the Great Hall, so how would she know If I really was changing?

As I read deeper and deeper, I barely noticed how swiftly the day was passing. Eleven a.m turned into twelve p.m, into one, into two, and into three. The librarian even checked on me once or twice, but I was too involved to aknowledge her.

Four p.m. was close, and I had a lot to do before entering the Great Hall. I wanted to wear some of my own clothing, but from now on it was required that we wear the teachers' robes. The onyl time we could choose our own aparell would be at night, on weekends if we wanted, and if we were alone. I loved my robes, but seeing them everyday would become tiring. Also, I love the color black, but a nice dark pink or red could be nice as well. Damned regulations and rules. I suppose when I have free time, I can buy a new set of different colored robes.

Leaving the library with no books to check out surprised the librarian. She shot me a worried look as I walked out. Oh well. Time to take a shower. Hoorah ten times! Yay cleanliness! Yay smelling like a flower! Yay sarcasm towards daily obligations! I'd rather take a nap right now.

The time in the shower and getting ready seemed longer than the actual day, but I spent so little time preparing. I put on the skirt and shirt which came with the robes, and realized I didn't have to wear them every single day. I had normal black clothes, so that would we good to use every now and then. My room was slightly stuffy though, with the smell of cinnamon and apple flying about. Snape was using his insense again. But at night?

When I was ready to leave my room, the scents faded away. I exited my room, shocked as Snape was in front of my door.

"Miss Maguire, He began with a smirk and a quiet voice, "are you ready? We must enter the Great Hall together. Every professor has to have their assistant by their side. Are you still interested in being my student teacher?"

At first, I didn't know what to say. But a smile formed on my face, "I suppose. Besides, who will keep me on my feet."

Hearing my response caused him to widen his eyes for a moment. "Let's just go to the feast." Snape let his face form the usual stern expression.

We walked silently to the Great Hall, not moving inside yet. I had to ask the Snake a question.

"Why are we supposed to enter together?" I just wanted a reason.

Gazing over at me, Snape replied, "So Dumbledore is sure everyone is with the right professor."

"Oh."

We opened the doors and entered the Great Hall. I immediately noticed Hermione grinning at me. I couldn't understand why she would be happy. So, I followed Snape and we sat down in our seats. This night would be very interesting.


	6. Frantic

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters. I don't own the Ramones either.

A/N: Twitch twitch.. I'm not too keen on writing a report for Psychology, but I must. So I'm writing this at the same time to keep me satisfied.

_Chapter 6: Frantic _

Patiently waiting for students to enter the Great Hall was becoming the most strenuous task ever. Once they ate the feast and went to bed, tomorrow would come and I would begin assisting Severus with his classes. I already felt the night's hours secretly plot against me, going as fast or slow as they wanted during different situations just to spite me.

Gradually, students of higher years inched into the Great Hall, sitting at their already known house tables. My stomach lurched with a tormenting nervousness. The more the hall filled, the more frantic I became. Snape didn't help the situation, for all he told me was to take a deep breath. He had noticed my sudden shaking, so that's why he thought something was not kosher. When I inhaled deeply, I almost choked on my own breath. Thanks, Snape, for nearly killing me with poor advice.

"Calm down, Maranda. It's alright." Mione tried to cheer me up as best friends did.

I yet again came close to choking on my own breath before I replied. "I have no remedy for my ongoing nerves. This always happens to me, but I think this time is worse than ever. I've never felt this horrible in my life. I'm... having a nervous breakdown!"

"Here.." Snape handed me a glass of water, "Drink this ans take several deep breaths..This time not choking on them."

Oh Snape thought he was clever, eh? I tried to ignore him while imbibing the water slowly, but in one gulp. I calmed down just a tad. Breathing deeply, I soon witnessed the knots in my stomach untie. Was it this easy to get rid of anxiety?

I looked at Snape, "Thanks. I think I'll be fine now."

"You should be great. That water had a tasteless drop of my serenity potion in it. I carry a small flask with me at all times. Professors are able to have anxiety too. We're not all invincible robots as you may have thought while being taught."

_Snape's a smart ass._

Turning to face 'Mione, she had a big grin on her face. She asked, "Better?"

"Yes..Much better."

Albus Dumbledore strode into the hall, along with some more upper classmen. I spotted Ron's sister Ginny, who I hadn't formally met while I was a student. People sat down, eager to know who the 'new people' at the teachers' table were. They would soon know.

Finally, the first years burst through the doors a few moments after the Serenity potion finished its job. I felt better, despite all the stares from students. I would have to get used to being looked at the way teachers are looked at; With dislike, annoyance, or attentiveness.

Dumbledore stood in front of his podium, glancing over each student's head as they all hushed.

"Welcome one and all," he began cheerfully, "to another year at Hogwarts. For the newcomers and underclassmen, welcome to your first year. As expected, the Forbidden Forest is off limits unless accompanied by a professor or staff member. Before we feast and go on with the wonderful night, we must sort the first years."

McGonagal called the first years up one by one. Each child sat on a stool and had the tatter, aging Sorting Hat placed on their heads. The hat spoke up, shouting different houses best fit for each student. The sorting went by quickly. Before I knew it, Albus voiced another few statements. This time, he started to explain the E.Y.P's and how this was the first year it's taken place. Also, something we hadn't known, the E.Y.P's would only happen every six years for _'reasons unexplainable,'_ according to Dumbledore. Personally, I think it was just so the school wasn't taken over by adolescents who just graduated. Perfectly understandable. Just because we all graduated doesn't mean we're all mature.

Albus went on, introducing each of us professor-helpers and added who we're working with. Alas, the talking ended, initiating the feast.

"There they are," Snakey Snape turned to make eye contact, "the first years. You will be assisting me during their classes and only a few second year classes. I might ask you to help in another class depending on how you behave. . . _If_ you behave."

Placing my goblet of juice to my mouth, I mumbled, "I'll behave," before taking a sip.

I leaned forwards to look at the farther right end of the table. Hagrid was speaking with Flitwick, but waved once he saw me. I waved back with a smile.

Food mounted on the tables in an abundance. Mouth-watering main courses made their way onto silver and gold plates. I don't recall ever seeing such a grand feast. Boy, don't I sound like a hungry pig.

.._Oink.._

Soon enough the feast was completed; Everything eaten and drinks imbibed.

"I'm going to have so much trouble sleeping tonight." I admitted to 'Mione as we watched the students leave the Great Hall.

Snape stood up, hearing my complaint. He muttered, "You may use some Somnis potion if need be. Sleeping potion. Except, you would have to help me make a new flask, for the rest of mine was used the other night."

"O..K.." I was astonished at Snape's help. Sometimes he could be so great, and others I wish he never knew me. He had a good and bad side, and I had seen enough of both to call him his own oxymoron. Snake the Oxymoron. Sounds like an insult to me. But, even with a slightly angelic side, the devilish snake was always more noticable. I definitely need to write this in my journal tonight.

Mione was clearly hiding a smirk. What was she so happy about? Not bothering to ask, I bade farewell to her as I walked away with Snape. We walked silently to the Potions class and immediately started making the sleep potion. Wouldn't it have been easier going to a non-magic store and buying sleeping pills?

Speechless, Snape brought ingredients to a table and hastily added them to the black cauldron. With a forceful action, he grabbed a wooden spoon and whipped it in front of my face. Truthfully, I wanted to push it away, but I took the stupid spoon anyways.

I stirred the potion in a clockwise motion, which wasn't too simple. The liquid was thick and sticky. I just hoped it didn't taste as bad as it looked. The Somnis Potion was done, and poured by Snape into a flask.

"You're Welcome." The Snake snapped before I could thank him.

I held the flask carefully and snapped back, "I was going to thank you."

Not wanting to hear another negative word from Snape's venomous mouth, I left the room shaking my head. No offense to the Snake, but unless he had super powers and was undeniably amusing, I didn't feel like hanging around him at the moment.

Although, would magic be considered a super power?

As I wasn't ready to sleep yet, I figured the current time could be used to write aimlessly in my journal.

_Dear Journal, _I wrote down everything that happened tonight, then started to ramble as predicted. _So I'm in my room with the potion Snape gave me. He has been seemingly schizophrenic with his good and bad sides. Sure, everyone has a negative side and positive, but Snape has so much of it that he is his own oxymoron as aforesaid. I'm just wondering why he's sometimes perfectly friendly with me, and then randomly fighting with me as though he wants me dead. Ok..Maybe not dead, but hanging on the last string of life.. That sounds even worse... Whatever, I just wish he would pick one or the other: A) Be my almost-friend, or B) Hate me and end this insanity. Easy as pie to pick, so why can't he? Personally, I wish he would pick hate me.. He tends to scare me a bit when he's nice. It's completely out of character. Oh well, close to eight, I need my beauty sleep..Ok, not beauty sleep..Sanity sleep. Goodnight Journal. XoXo-Manic-Mara._

I stuffed the journal into my backpack, knowing it would come in handy if I had free time during Snape's class. I was going to bring my backpack which had a few empty notebooks in case I was asked to take notes on how to teach. Snape would definitely give me work no matter what I did in his class. If not, then at least I was prepared.

Sitting on my bed still, I took two sips of the thick sleeping potion and wanted to throw up! It tasted as though someone burnt toast, put it in the blender, and hit frappe! Disturbingly gross, but I had to take it. Before I got into bed, I took a shower. It wasn't too cold in my room as the dungeon halls, so I didn't mind wearing a spaghetti string nightgown. All of my other pajamas were in the laundry.. Damn house elves.

The house elves were told to take every E.Y.P-ers' laundry last night and this morning, placing them in two seperate loads. Unfortunately, my load was this morning. I guess this is going to happen once every week to keep our clothes safe from becoming mixed with the other professors' clothing. _Fan-freaking-tastic! _

Surely, the Somnis Potion calmed me down, preparing me for sleep. I have to remind myself in the morning to thank Ol' Snapey for the sedative.

And to thank the Ramones for making a song about being sedated.


	7. Misfit Mary

Disclaimer: I own nothing of J.K or Harry Potter.

A/N: Yeah. HAPPY CHRISTMAS...oh, I mean..Holiday lol. I still say Christmas.

_Chapter 7: Misfit Mary _

"Oh crap on wheat bread!" I awoke with a startle.

Someone was practically knocking my door down, and I couldn't even gather myself before opening it. In my red nightgown and dishevelled hair, the misfortune of the door no longer being a barrier made me feel awkward. Snape apparently didn't care about my disordered self, but still looked a bit concerned. Obviously for another reason though. Unless he's part of the fashion police.

Snape scowled, "You're late! How much of the potion did you take? Nevermind, no time to answer, get dressed and get to breakfast!"

Damn, he's not rushing me or anything. To show him who was boss of the room, I nodded and shut the door...Not in his face, but close to it.

Hee hee.. I can be evil in the morning too.

Breakfast passed quickly, for I could only sit for five minutes before it was time for classes to start. Lucky me, (not really lucky, but I'm trying to be optimistic), I had first class to help teach. Snape told me to keep quiet for the first class to get the feel for it. He didn't want me to speak unless he told me to. Wow, that's not taking my freedom of speech away or anything.

I'm in such a horrible sarcastic mood. I better not be when class actually starts, or Snape and I will clash with bad moods. Just by him waking me up, I knew his temper was wearing thin. I can picture him saying, "_You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be held against you in Albus' Office." _I need to erase that image and stay calm. I have the feeling no amount of Serenity Potion will help today.

"Sit on a chair.. Put in next to mine at my desk. The first years are immature, so beware. They better not give me any problems. Of course, I can't hold my breath." restlessness seemed to entwine Snape's emotions.

I moved a chair as ordered and sat. Class began in a mere few minutes. Snape stood motionless, but soon left the room. I wasn't alone for long.

The first handful of first years giggled and chatted noisily on their way inside of the room. Girls with permed or slick straight hair talked as if they were in a drama movie. Guys with apparent attitudes pushed their buddies and chuckled over hidden jokes. Then moer students piled in and filled every seat. Where was the Snake? I bet anything this was a set up to see if I would talk or not. Or if I could handle a class on my own. . .He had better walk in this room within the next five seconds or I am going after him.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five..._

_Six.. Seven.. Eight.. Nine.._

Aha! The Snake doth enter with his billowing robes. Four seconds late, but I'll excuse it this time. Since I can't talk aloud, I will ask in my head why he was late, and where he was.. _Where were you, Snape, to make you late? _I am now satisfied with my silliness.

"There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class.." Snape started a long speech about the art of potion making and the dangers of not paying attention in his room.

Then, out of the blue, a short, skinny, brown-haired girl walked in with a scowl on her face. She knew she was late, as did Severus Snape. He watched her take a seat in the Ravenclaw group and slouch. I could feel the heat of anger rise from the Snake. He wasn't going to let this go.

"You," He walked towards the row where the girl was, "Late girl.. What's your name?"

The girl blushed and said in a light but distressed voice, "Mary Burmingham. I'm sorry I was late, Sir, but I couldn't find the room. And then this ghost said it was on the other half of the hall, but the room he directed me to was a closet."

"No reason for your tardiness. Ten points from Ravenclaw." Snape walked back to the front of the room and continued his spiel of potions care and what to expect from this class. I found it oddly funny that he knew exactly what house she was in when her name was presented.

After the long and quite tiring speech from Snape, he began asking random potion questions to the students around the class. A lot of students couldn't answer, but a few guessed right, and some knew for sure. Once Snape called on that poor Mary girl, she turned red again. By this time, we could all tell she was shy and didn't like being put on the spot. Kind of like me in a way.

"...I asked you a question, Miss Burmingham..Care to answer?" I could see the ire in Snape's eyes.

Mary stayed quieter than a summer breeze.

"What is preventing you from answering a question?" A definate hush traveled and settled in the room for Snape was ready to blow a fuse.

The meek voice Mary used made her seem vulnerable and weak, "I...don't know the answer."

"Another ten points from Ravenclaw for being too quiet and not even attempting to reply. One more problem and it's detention time. Understood?" The rising anger from Severus distinguished when poor Mary nodded her head.

The remainder of first period class went pretty smoothly. Mary wasn't chosen for questions at all. I think Snape was fed up with disciplining everyone during such an early time of day. Honest to goodness, I would've spoken up if Snake the Oxymoron had picked on her anymore.

As the bell rang for the end of first class, some boys began teasing Mary.

"Misfit Mary," The boys chanted as some girls joined in, "Misfit Mary, your hair and face are deathly scary. You're shy and weak, you barely speak, and you sound like a little faerie."

Oh, that was _so_ original. I was about to voice my opinion of their stupid chant, but Snape shouted at them to leave. Then he walked over to his desk and sat down.

"Three minutes until the other first year class. Slytherins and Gryffindors." Snape looked in one of his desk drawers for something. Maybe he was looking for the Lost City of Atlantis.

My mouth moved with words I didn't want to say, "You shouldn't have picked on that girl."

"You shouldn't have opened your mouth."

I laughed, not wanting to take his crap, "Ha! _Touche!_"

The next congregation of first years came into the Potions Classroom and sat down quietly, knowing the rumours of Snape's bad temper. Too bad they wouldn't know the living oxymoron.

Boring as ever, Snape repeated his whole lecture from the other class. He must do this every year. If he was going to make me stay silent for much longer, I'd go insane. To make him aware that I wasn't a manequin, I coughed a few times. He waited until after the students relaxed to say anything about me.

"This young woman," Began Snape unenthusiastcally, "is Miss Maranda Maguire. She will be questioning you in a moment on some safety tips you all should know by now."

Eh? Wanna repeat that, Your Majesty? I didn't understand the part from _She will be_ to _you all should know by now._ Oh. Right. The entire statement.

I wasn't sure what to say, "Umm..Sir..."

"Yes," Sev turned around and glared at me. As did the children.

My mouth froze, but I managed to release some speech, "What, exactly, do you want me to ask?"

"Simple common sense questions of safety in the classroom. You should know it perfectly, for you _did_ learn from your mistakes in the past two years. All those spills and problems. Safety should be natural for you now."

Cue overdramatic pirate's voice in my head...**Yeh got me there, Cap'n..Yeh got me fair and square. Arrgh! But beware! I know where yeh live.. Ahaha Aha Ahahaha Ah-**

"Miss Maguire, are you ready?" The Snake pulled me from my strange thoughts. I stood as he said, "Ask anybody. If they give up too easily, without even guessing a resolution, I will take points away. If they are wrong, I will also take points away."

My feet wanted to guide me out of the room, but there I stayed. The class was watching me as if I were a new species; Wonderous eyes that hold curiosity, bewilderment, and the common hatred from young people to authority. Glancing around the room, I noticed a few girls giggling, one gleeming with a smile. She was not the type I would pick first. I hate overly-perky females. They reminds me of the popular clique from my orphanage.

"You," I pointed to a red-headed boy in front of me, "Name four things you must clean after making a potion."

The boy, who reminded me of a much younger Ron, answered boldy, "Your cauldron, your desk, your...umm.. I don't know the rest."

I shook my head, trying to impress Snape with my disappointment in the child. "You forgot to mention your spoon and your hands. You can't expect to go around with dirty hands! And if you use a contaminated spoon...Whoa boy... You could pass out, get sick, or even die!" Out of the corner of my eye, a smirk from Snape was visible. Hopefully my effort to interrogate was all right.

The perky girl was still grinning, but not for long if I could help it. She was in Gryffindor, so I don't think Snape would mind if she got a question wrong. I will ask one she won't even know. And, judging by the looks of her, she wasn't too bright.

"Miss," I looked in perky-girl's direction, "what could you do if an acidic-based potion spilled on the floor, and you had no wand to cast it away?"

Perky girl started to chew gum like a cow, "Like, you'd totally wipe it up with a paper towel."

"Wrong!" I felt...powerful in a way.. "You couldn't use the paper towel, for it would be eaten away by the acidic ingredients. For cleaning the spill, it would have to dry and be cleansed with soap and water that has been specially treated for acid. It's not as potent or dangerous when dry. Of course, from what I've learned, acidic-based potions can take hours to dry."

Snape chimed in, "Five points from Gryffindor." How did I know he was going to do that?

The perky-girls smile disappeared. Yay, mission accomplished to crush a preppy chick's mood. I know, I know, I'm terrible.

I asked a few more questions, but stopped once Snape stood and smirked at me. Mr. Oxymoron. He assigned homework to the students, which he also did in the previous class. The day was dragging by way too slowly.

"Next class you have off. After lunch you have to come back though. The second years will be waiting for you to drill them with safety questions like just now. The first few days are repetitious and strenuous, but after awhile things will be more interesting." Snape stared at me blankly until I got the hint to leave.

Back to my room. Back to boredom.


	8. Spaghetti Strap Slip

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of J.K Rowling or Harry Potter. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

A/N: Meeeeow... MERRY CHRISTMAS! I have a notebook which I write in everyday of different fanfic, and this is the main one I write. This is easier to do because now I can just update whenever I copy down the chappie. Hoorah! That means no more watiing for me unless I specifically say I am going to take awhile. YAY!

_Chapter 8: Spaghetti Strap Slip_

_Dear Journal, _Ok so I want to rant, _Who does Snape think he is? First he tells me to stay silent, then he orders me to question the students. I know I should be honored to help, but Snape's a...schitzo! Anyways, I'll just show him by doing the best I can!_

Small blurbs in my journal let me vent. It helps.

During the second year class, Snape told me to quiz the class on safety tips when handling potions and ingredients. I only lasted a few minutes before Mr. Snake the Oxymoron stated that I was done for the day. Thank Merlin! I completed my first day, and it was somewhat exciting. Now it's night..I'm taking a small dose of sleeping potion. Hopefully I don't oversleep again. My alarm clock was set perfectly; I checked before melting into my bed. The house elves had returned every article of clothing to me except for two pairs of pajamas. I was obligated to wear a silly summer nightgown once more, and probably freeze to death this time. Stupid dungeon chilliness. I didn't mind it last night, but tonight the cold air is flying into my room for some reason.

0o0o0o0o

"Wake up...Time to rise and shine.." I tried to reassure myself that the new day held hapiness and joy. I had awoken not to my alarm, but to another loud knocking. Once I realized that it was time for breakfast, I knew the person behind the door was Ol' Snapey.

I jumped out of bed and rushed to the door, my hair as messy as the previous day. I was having _de-ja-vu._ The door was again, a shield let down, leaving me vulnerable to Severus' attacks.

"Late..What is your malfunction?" Almost shouting, Snape continued, "If you want me to wake you up every morning, say so! But don't expect me to wake your dishevelled self up late anymore."

Hey! He stole my word...(Dishevelled)

"Oh my God!" I felt like shouting too, "My alarm has not been working for the past two days. I'm sorry if I make you look bad with my tardiness, but..It wasn't my fault." One of my spaghetti straps fell ever-so-gently off my shoulder. I am such a dork. I need to fix them later...Note to self...

I felt his burning eyes glance at my shoulder and at the strap, which rested on my arm. For a moment, my stomach felt an odd feeling as if I were about to fall fifty feet. Snape sneered, finally realizing how much of a wreck I was.

"Pull yourself together and get to breakfast." With that silken voice like the calm after a short storm, Snape left my sight.

Practically running to the Great Hall with whatever dignity I had left, I was surprised to see Snape hadn't arrived yet. Now in my teacher's robes, I sat down and chatted with Hermione.

"Second day he has to wake me up... **Second Day! **I don't know what's-"

Hermione interrupted me, "Peeves the Ghost. He's been shutting alarms of every student teacher. Dumbledore found out this morning. If it happens again, he's going to ban Peeves from Hogwarts."

"Oh.." I was now satisfied by knowing what's caused the chaos.

"Snape," Mione changed the subject, "will be back. Luscius Malfoy pulled him aside for a chat."

I jumped, "Mr. Malfoy! What's he doing here? I thought he only hung around Hogsmeade, not the school."

She answered shortly, "Draco."

"What about him?"

"He's been complaining about Lockhart. For some reason, Luscius thinks Snape can help."

I was sort of worried, "Do you think he's trying to transfer Draco from helping Poptart to helping Ol' Snapey?"

"Ol' Snapey?" She was obviously wondering about the nicknames, but went on with her reply. "I don't think that would happen on account of Dumbledore not allowing, and I don't think Luscius is too persuasive."

"True.." I noticed Snape entering the Great Hall alone. I thought he would've been with Luscius.

Mione whispered, "I don't think he's in a good mood."

"Let me tell you a secret.." I held in a giggle, "Neither do I."

The day went on, I prepared myself for first class with the first years. I deeply missed my other classes. Being a student teacher was so odd. Terrifying in a way. Although I was pretty comfortable with the younger kids, I still felt paranoid that they all hated me or wanted me to just go away. I mean, I know they're all innocent, but I _do _know how children view professors.

During first period, nothing significant happened. I was quiet. Mary Burmingham was quiet too. I should start taking notes on how she acts to see if a solution to her shyness is possible.

When I had second period off, I lounged in the library. Draco had walked in for a moment. I could only say hello because he was running an errand for Poptart. I wished he'd stay longer to give me the reason why he yearned to leave Lockhart's so badly. I mean, sure Lockhart is nothing but a toasted breakfast pastry, but he's not the worst person to work with. Hello! **I** almost worked with him!

Third period, I sat serenly as Snape sauntered about with his wicked ways. He ordered once again for me not to talk. In fact, I'm thinking that after yesterday with my well done questioning job, Snape is a bit...competitive or intimidated in the lightest sense. Perhaps my mouth should move more so I can prove to him that his slithering self cannot disturb or threaten me. I want to show him that I can teach..Not just interrogate, but teach.

After the day was over, and everyone was walking gleefully to supper, my decision to approach Snape with a request emerged. I had the urge to get the permission of teaching an entire class.

"Here he comes," Mione wanred me as the Potions Master waltzed proudly into the Great Hall.

I had told Hermione my plan. I would corner Snake, trap him like a fly under a paper cup, interrogate him nicely, then brace myself for the worst lecture of saying _no_. I have my reasons why I want to teach one class, so him letting me down won't be easy. I had to face him man-to-woman, unlike ever before. Demand (nicely) to teach an entire class.

"You shouldn't have a problem waking up. Peeves has stopped wrecking the alarms." Snape began normally chatting with me. He added, "I wouldn't mind waking you up myself if you wanted," smirking, he finished, "as long as you get a hold on your runaway straps."

He didn't...

Mione stared at me wide-eyed. He did..

"Umm.." Time to respond to Mr. Oxymoron.."What..are you talking about?" My words fell out uncontrollably. I hadn't meant to ask. . . . I'm an idiot.

Snape swallowed his food, "Every morning I see you, you're a mess. Maybe you need better sleep tactics."

"Maybe I do." I had wanted to say, _Maybe you do._ My response went on, "But that doesn't mean you can criticize my sleep habits or how I look in the morning." I got up from my seat, left the hall with repressed anger, and decided to wait in his classroom until supper was over. The need to ask permission to teach still resided in my brain.

Wasting time, I sat down in the same chair that I sat in all day today and yesterday. Alas, the Snake slithered into the class, surprised to see me waiting so patiently.

"You aren't supposed to be in here unless I tell you to be, or if I am also in here." His voice held irritability.

Shrugging, I stated, "I didn't know, sorry.."

"I think," he stepped closer to his desk, "someone shouldn't have left the Great Hall in such a rude fashion."

"Speaking of fashion," my subject jumped to another of mischief, "who are you to insult me about my dishevelled, unorganized, ugly morning self?"

Raising his voice, Snape defended himself, "I only remarked for the purpose of conversation and amusement! A bit of friendly teasing."

"**Friendly** teasing to you is like setting a bomb off in a toilet while someone is using it. And, are you saying I'm easy to laugh at and only used for jokes?"

"No," Snape half-smiled and talked soothingly, "but you do amuse me in the morning. I've never seen anyone with such tousled hair. I do appologize if I offended you somehow. ...Toilet bombing is not my idea of fun."

I gave into his good side, "Fine. Whatever. I do have a question though. I was wondering if I could possibly teach a class on my own one day."

Snape quickly answered, "Yes, you may."

"Wha-?" I stood dumbfoundedly.

"I said yes." He repeated himself, knowing I couldn't believe his words. Then he threw in, "Sometime this week even, if you want."

I nodded and smiled girlishly, like a cheerleader on crack. If only I could rewind time and make my smile more bearable. I took the moment to return to my room and soak in all of the out-of-characterness that Snape provided me with today. And yesterday. He was proving himself to be a real person, not just an animal.

Not just.. Snake the Oxymoron.


	9. Lint Fuzz

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of J.K Rowling's or Harry Potter.

A/N: So what I got the last chap in AFTER the holidays.. I can still think I wished you all a Merry Christmahannakwanzadaan. hehe. I have a new computer, thank God, so I'll be typing so much more now. Anyways, I know the last chaps were kind of Snape/Maranda centric with barely any mention of other characters, but it won't be like that now. I just needed to set the stage of her teaching, that's all. So onto the story. I was inspired for this chap by a real life situation. Go figure.

_Chapter 9: Lint Fuzz _

Beautiful little Friday. The day where we all rejoice over facts that tomorrow is the start of a weekend. Although we're so happy, it's still upsetting that there's one more day preventing freedom from work. The week had gone by kind of boringly, for Snape told me not to be part of teaching until next week, when we would schedule a day I could teach on my own.

So here we were, Snape and I, in first class where the second years sat patiently waiting for his instructions. He wasn't in a bad mood today, but that didn't stop him from disciplining the class and handing out some detentions with Filch. My alarm had worked since the other day, so Snape was no longer needed to wake my sleepy self up. Thank goodness. I don't think I'd be able to put up with another joke about my messy hair and slipping nightgown straps. In fact, because of the straps incident, I yelled at the House Elves to not take all my pajamas at once. I hope they won't.

The first period class left as the annoyingly loud bell rang. I used to love that bell, too. But ever since I realized how much I heard it throughout the day, it became a pest. Snape didn't seem to mind the bell, but then again he's heard it for so long.

"Miss Maguire," Snape began in his usual monotone voice, "You have next period off, but may I ask a favor?"

I stood next to him, "Sure. What's the favor?" I wouldn't mind doing something productive for once. I hate feeling lazy unless I need an off day.

"I need a few books, and I know you love the library just as much as I do. Could you check a couple books out for me?" He handed me a paper with three different book titles on it.

"Ok. No problem, Professor."

He stopped me from going any further, "Wait.. One more thing.."

I looked at him with confusion.

"Lint.." He moved his hand towards my head and touched my hair. "Lint was in your hair. Deathly annoying. I would have said something earlier, but I didn't want to embarass you and have World War Three over how much I pick on you."

My stomach twisted. "Oh.." I patted my hair once, "Thank you."

Walking to the library, I thought about lint. First of all, why did Snape touch my hair? He could have just told me to look in a mirror, right? Or was it that bad that he didn't think I should be seen by public? Second of all, where the hell did that big green fuzz-lint thing come from? Is my bed shedding?

The rest of the day consisted of nothing significant. I retrieved the three books for Snape in the library, and he let me take the rest of the day off. So, I wrote in my journal about lint, and read in the library. As night approached, I decided to save my fuzzy story for tomorrow.. Hogsmeade day with the gang. I had missed them so much. Tomorrow I would be able to see Hermione, Ron, Draco, and Gwen.

0o0o0o0o

Hogsmeade. A wonderful market for wonderful people to shop, drop, and ...erm...plop? I met Hermione outside of Hogwarts. We waited for Draco, Ron, and Gwen before venturing to our destination.

"So, what's first? We going to shop or what? Or are we going to the Leaky Cauldron?" Ron was so determined to mapping out our day.

Draco basically yelled, "**Relax! **We can do whatever we want to do. There's no need for planning everything. It's Saturday, and we are allowed to be free."

"Thank you Liberator." Gwen held Ringo, her pet lizard.

"Hey," I jumped in, "We can plan, just not everything. Would we all like to shop around and then go to the Leaky Cauldron, or the other way around?"

"Shop." Hermione grinned.

Ron chimed, "Shop first."

Draco and Gwen also agreed to shop first. So, on our way to stores we went.

Once we entered Hogsmeade, the candy store was our first stop. Afterwards, we separated and decided to meet in front of the clothing store around noon. Hermione and I naturally stuck together, going to the book shop nearby. We browsed through the fantasy and horror sections before noticing someone we hadn't seen in awhile.. Lucius Malfoy.

"Maybe we shouldn't say hello." I suggested to Mione.

She queried, "Why not?"

"We mostly see him in Hogsmeade. I recall already seeing him in this store before. And then we fought with Draco..Well..I fought with him."

"Yeah, but Mister Malfoy stood up for you in a way. You know that. Saying hi won't be a problem. I'm sure he'd be glad to get a visit sooner or later. You two do seem like friend material." Hermione shot a grin at me and pointed to where Lucius was.

True we were friend material, but he was the father of the boy I still had hidden problems with. However, I wanted to say hello. Besides, I forgot to ask Draco what the problem was with Lockhart, so why not ask his dad?

"Miss Granger, Miss Maguire, How nice to see you." Lucius cheerfully greeted as we approached him.

Hermione smiled and I replied, "Good afternoon, Mister Malfoy. We haven't crossed paths for a long time. How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are both of you? I hear you make great student teachers. Nothing but compliments from your professors." Lucius smiled charmingly and awaited our next response.

With subtlety, Mione threw in a smart comment in with normal conversation. "Well, teaching with our old professors is really fun, but sometimes challenging. I suppose that's the way it's supposed to be. I heard Lockhart is a pain to work with, because of his excessive perkiness and non-stop demands."

"Yes," Lucius frowned, "Draco is working with that fruitcake. If you ask me, I don't think it was a bright idea letting Lokhart back into the school. He teaches alright, but there's something about him that no one likes. I tried to move Draco around to another professor, but the ones I asked already had students teachers working for them. That's when I asked Severus what to do. He had no idea.. Told me to transfer Draco to a higher grade, but Dumbledore wouldn't allow it."

So that's why he was talking to Snape about Draco. Hmm.. At least he answered wityhout us directly asking him.

A few long minutes passed before Lucius glanced at his watch and had to depart. He told us he had a meeting to attend to, but he was glad to see Hermione and I again. Looking at our own watches, we realized there was an hour to go before meeting our friends. To take up our time, we went back into the book shop. Yes, we even laughed at ourselves for acting so nerdy.

Shortly, Hermione and I strolled over to one of the clothing stores and met Draco, Gwen, and Ron. We went inside for a few minutes, but soon journeyed to The Leaky Cauldron for lunch and relaxation. Hagrid was also inside, standing at the bar with Rosmerta, who worked there. When Hagrid spotted our interesting group, he waited for us to sit at an empty table before approaching us.

"Hello everyone. I see yeh found a day to congegate. Least the work isn't tearing yer friendship apart." Hagrid seemed happy, but his statement was sad.

Draco was never fond of Hagrid, but he replied first. "Yeah, it is hard getting together with everyone, but it's definitely worth the trouble."

"Thank you very much, _dear friend_.. Worth the trouble? We bring you trouble?" Gwen shot back at the Ferret.

"No," defended Draco, "you don't bring me trouble. . . Well, maybe Maranda does.. But it's such a task to find free time to see you all at one time."

I picked at his remark, "I bring you trouble? I see what you really think of me now.."

For a moment, our table, including Hagrid, was completely silent. Until, as expected, we all laughed. Draco and I knew how to joke about our past now, which was a great step in the direction of a real companionship.

Unfortunately, Hagrid announced his need to leave to finish a job Dumbledore sent him out to accomplish. We all waved goodbye to him and continued to chat amongst ourselves. I took it upon myself to update the gang on how it was working with Snape, including my tales of morning spaghetti straps and lint in my hair. Of course I knew Ron would torment me, but that was his job. ... Which he should quit.

"Snape _lurves_ you." Ron began, "He couldn't keep his hands off of you. I bet when he saw your bare shoulder his pants became too tight and his-"

"**Ron!** Enough." Draco shouted, and then calmly added, "We don't need your disgusting details."

Mione nearly choked on her butterbeer, "Bad images...Bad images... I think you need to stop reading naughty magazines, Ron. They're turning you into the worst pervert I've ever met. It's Snape for Merlin's sake. Let's not vividly describe what you imagine happens between him and Maranda."

"Nothing happens," interrupted silly me, "between us. We almost never fight now, however. This completely astonishes me. Everyday I'm worried I'll do the tiniest thing wrong and _bam_, he'll yell, scream, attack. But no. Nothing. Teasing, yes, tiny remarks on my morning fashion, yes, but no abuse. No immaturity from either one of us. I don't understand it. I don't miss fighting with him everyday, but the atmosphere is too serene and unflawed to trust. There has to be a landmine somewhere, waiting for me to step on it and get blown to pieces."

"..._and I'm vivid.._" Retorted Ron, who had been sickened by my complaints on Snape's niceness.

After being quiet for most of the preceeding conversation, Draco finally contributed to the chat. He said, "My father was sharing thoughts with Snape this week, and according to him, Snape is content with you by his side. Apparently, he had been so surprised that you were eager to teach and assist, that he sworn to try and not lash his bad side on you. I guess he wants to see if you have the potential to actually work as a professor someday. That's what my father said, though. I don't really trust him these days for personal reasons."

Gwen tried to repeat Draco in a simpler way for me, because I was in too much of a shock to believe it. "So Snape is trying to be civil so he doesn't turn Manic-Mara off from teaching whatsoever, right?"

Draco nodded his head as I registered all of the unbelievable information. I must have too much lint in my head to think.

"Great." My words formed nothing but nonsense, "So Snape is being uberly out of character just so I can teach with him and become a teacher myself, which I don't understand because he hates my guts, but obviously there's hope if he's being nice to me, but he's only being nice to me to let me teach, which brings me back to asking why he wants me to teach, but I realized I hadn't even asked that, and then I wonder all the time why he's such a horrible person, for in reality he always fights and teases except for now, and I'm starting to scare myself because I think I like his good side, I think I like him but there's something there that completely turns me off. He's Snake the Oxymoron and I hate him, but I swear I could force myself to like him more than an acquaintance if I wanted to, which I do, but he's too busy pretending to like me to let me even start a friendly relationship with him."

Everyone stared shockingly at me when I stopped my motor mouth. What did I say?


	10. Honest Simplicity

Disclaimer: lalalalallala. hehe I own nothing but my plot and chars.

A/N: Wow.. I actually wrote all that nonsense she said in one sitting. I didn't break to read it or anything. Holy crap. Anyways, I guess that's why they say you act like the character when you write them. I swear I'm so tapped into the characters it's not funny. I need to watch Harry Potter again. That was random.

_Chapter 10: Honest Simplicity_

"Care to run that by us again, but in normal, slow terms?" Hermione asked me after my fast speech of nothingness.

I took a breath and said, "I don't really remember what I said. I probably meant most of it, though."

"You like Snape?" Draco bluntly questioned.

"What? I didn't say that."

"You said," Gwen put Ringo on the table, "that you wanted to be more than an acquaintance with him, and that you liked him... It was along those lines anyways."

Trying to repeat the spiel, I realized what stupid things I said. My nickname for Snape was thrown in there, along with something about wanting to know why he wants me to teach. It wasn't too hard to figure the rest out, for my words weren't that sloppy. The more I thought about what Draco told me, the more I wanted to know why. Why _didn't _Snape fight with me everyday? _Is _it on account of what Draco's dad had said, or was that all a lie? Damn me and my never-answered questions... These questions would be answered, or I shall be struck dead by ...something sharp.

My mouth began moving again, "I did say I wanted to be more than acquaintances. I want to be his friend, that's all. Everything else...I just basically want to know if what Mister Malfoy said was true or not, and why Snape feels like he has to pretend to be amicable. His teasing is so unnatural and unnerving. Maybe Lucius is right. It would fit with Snape's attitude lately, but then again maybe he as another reason I don't know about."

"Ask him.." Hermione declared, "Just ask him. Straight out, no joking interrogation. You told me how passive you felt when asking to teach, so why not go opposite for once? Show him you mean business and he can't turn you down. I know he told you that you were able to teach, but that was a minor question that hasn't even happened yet. Why not badger him into telling you why he's so abnormal lately?"

Headache time. I replied, "I guess so. After all, he's only acting like this to me, so there has to be an explanation. I'll ask tonight."

Little did I know the day would fly by in spite of my anticipation. Where was that serenity potion when I needed it?

0o0o0o0o

Supper came and left at Hogwarts. Persuasion to go interrogate Snape tonight came from Hermione everytime I glanced at her. She would whisper, _You can do it, _and, _Don't turn back _as if I were climbing a gigantic mountain or doing a dangerous act. Metaphorically speaking, Snape was a mountain I would have to climb to the top to receive any answers. Meaning, attack and keep going or I will never know. **Great**.. This also meant I had to be aggressive, which was not possible for me.

"Professor Snape?" I knocked on the classroom door, "You in there?"

The voice responded, "Yes, come in."

Upon entering, I smelled scents of cinnamon and peppermint. Insense made me tired, easy going, and incapable of pulling this aggressive thing off. Maybe I should leave.

"Can I help you, Miss Maguire?" Snape lured me in by just standing near the chalkboard. What a perfect place to scream.. I was so utterly not ready for this. I was looking for landmines, and found one to put off myself.

Closing my eyes for a second, I enjoyed the moment of peace before initiating Plan 1: Interrogation of the Snake Kind.

I started quietly, "I need to talk to you for a few minutes, Professor. It's really nothing crucial, but something I personally want to know."

He inched closer to the front row of desks, where I was standing. How did I get here? Oh yeah...walking.. That thing you do with two feet, or one depending if you have a wooden leg or not.

"Well?" Snape snapped me back into reality.

I couldn't avoid it now, "_Well_...You've been acting rather strange lately. See, we always fought and quarrelled, but now it's barely happening, most likely being replaced by conversations and teasing. I need to know if there's something wrong with you mentally, or are you just setting me up for some big let down? Why are you being nice to me?"

"In the simplest, most honest answer, I am being friendly because I respect you. You are no longer than immature orphan girl that once thought standing up for herself only included shouting. Now, you stand up for yourself by actions, mature words, and cooperation. I treat you as an equal because you are one. We will always have our quarrells, no matter what, just not always in the form of yelling." Snape sighed and added, "Also, I am being slightly nicer because I want you to stay in this job. There won't be anymore open spots for the E.Y.P's for another six years, so I'm making sure you aren't turned off of the teaching profession by my ...cruelty and thin patience."

"Good." My matter-of-fact voice kicked in, "I'm glad that is settled. I suppose I should leave you be now. Thank you for being honest, Professor Snape. I didn't expect you to answer so smoothly."

He raised his eyebrow, "What _did _you expect?"

"Uhh...Nothing... Another fight, I suppose."

"Well, you _supposed_ wrong. Get out of here before I do find something to fight over." He turned around and went to his desk.

Sitting down on my unoccupied bed, I pondered about everything that just took place. Ok so I wasn't that aggressive.. At least I got the answers, right? And.. What was with everyone questioning the one line about me wanting to be Snape's friend? I don't want to be his enemy, so I don't see the shock in that. I would never like Snake the Oxymoron in any other way, for it's wrong and...it's wrong! Besides, I don't believe in love. Also, Snape has nothing that I like in the male species. Sure he's somewhat charming when he wants to be, or slightly humorous and sincere, but you could find that in anyone.

Journal time..

0o0o0o0o

Ten p.m. at night and nothing to do. Boredom. Lonliness. I have too much energy to sleep. Oh, I can't tell time either, for it's eleven p.m. Hmmmm... _Late night stroll, anyone..?_

Taking my wand, I opened my door slowly, so the old hinges wouldn't squeak loudly, and walked into the dungeon hall. Obviously I wouldn't use a light spell yet because Snape would surely wake up. His door was ajar, which meant I had to run down the hall without him hearing me stir. So I dashed to the end of the hall in the darkness, finally saying '_lux'_ to see the light emit from the tip of my wand. How about that! A wand and flashlight all in one! Hehe.

My mind wasn't very alert, so I didn't know exactly where to go. If I went to Hermione, or any of my friends for that matter, they would probably get in trouble. So, I decided the best place to relax would be outside, but then remembered it was night, and I would probably be eaten by some creature like the one eyed, one horned, flying, purple people eater. There was one place that I barely ever visited, but was a nice escape. The owlery, which was one of the highest towers in the school. Harry had mentioned it to me last year. I guess there's a big enough gap in the wall, where the owls fly away and back, to see the stars and moon at night. In other words, a perfect place for a dreamer like me.

Up the Grand Staircase, trying to recall the directions towards the tower. If I kept going up, I would only come across the seventh floor, which had no way to the tower. Oh, I needed to go on the third floor, down the Defense Hall, across some hall with a statue, and up the stairs.

On the third floor, I became close to the Defense room. I saw another shining light down the hall, and hoped to God it wasn't any authority..Like Filch. To my advantage, it was Draco.

"Hey Ferret Boy," I greeted quietly.

He jumped, "What are you doing up here? Out for some trouble? Or did Snape get rid of you?"

"I wanted a stroll. I'm going upstairs to the owlery where I can sit and stare at the stars for awhile."

"Watch out," He chuckled, "Or you'll get owl waste on your head. I wouldn't go up there if I were you."

My thumbs started to twiddle, "Where can I go then?"

Another male voice was heard, "To bed."

Damn, Lockhart! Draco didn't say anything on Lockhart's entrance into the conversation. Neither did I.

Poptart continued, "Why don't you go to bed, Miss Maguire? And Draco, finish that errand I asked of you."

"Sir," My thumbs twiddled more, "isn't it a bit late for errands? It's not my business, but Draco should be the one going to bed."

"My dear Maranda," It sickened me hearing my first name from the Fruitcake, "You both should be heading to bed, but I asked Draco for a quick favor. I think you should go back to the dungeons before Filch comes around the corridor. He was on the second floor, so any minute now he'll be coming upstairs."

How the hell would I escape down the Grand Staircase without being seen now?

Draco noticed how shaky I was now, "Professor, do you really think Filch is on his way up here?"

"Yes," He nodded, "I don't lie." Sighing, Poptart became my savior, "Miss Maranda, you can stand in my classroom until Filch is gone. But after tonight I don't want to catch you strolling around without permission. Understood?"

Amen. "Yes, thank you so much, Professor."

The three of us entered the Defense Classroom and Gilderoy shut the door. He lit a few candles and waited to hear the footsteps of Filch and his cat, Mrs. Norris. Only a few motionless, speechless, thoughtless moments streamed by before we heard Filch's mumbling getting closer and closer. Poptart saved me from the filthy Ficlhness of the school. After he was out of range, Draco and Lockhart said goonight to me. I returned the comment and was about to leave when Poptart stopped me at the door.

"You'd better not come up here at night anymore. Filch is such a...senile old man, no offense, and would do anything to upset you. Worse than any fight you've ever had with Snape. Goodnight, Maranda, and I hope you'll come visit during the day sometime."

Smiling, I only said, "Of course, Professor. Goodnight. Don't keep Draco up too long. Ferret's need there sleep too."

Making my fast way down to the dungeons, I dodged any sign of life by shutting my light spell off once I reached the first floor. I knew how to get to my room from here. I was still very surprised that Lockhart let me in the room. Sure, he was nicer than any professor I'd met, but I hadn't expected him to be welcoming this late at night.

As I plopped into bed gratefully, I realized the honest simplicity about tonight...

The night was pointless. The night was random. But the night was fun.


	11. Preppy Arrogance

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Tis time to update another chapter. Since I plan to make this story longer than the others, I might dwindle my author's notes to only once every two or three chaps. Not starting until after next chap though. Note for anyone who knows me in school-the stupid bianca girl in this story reflects the obsessive mirror thing I used to have. laugh out loud hehehehe.

_Chapter 11: Preppy Arrogance _

Chocolate was not a very grand idea for breakfast, especially when I first woke up. But I couldn't help but want something sugary to pep me up for today, Monday. This was the day I would teach a class on my own. Snape would still be in the room, but only at his desk. As I hopped out of bed and into my black robes, I decided to have one more piece of chocolate. First of all, I needed to be energetic, and second of all, I was a secret chocoholic.

"I teach today," I told myself over again, "I teach today." I still couldn't believe it. The only drawback of this teaching business was that Snape picked me to not only teach one, but both first year classes. Mary's class and the prep's class.

Breakfast was the usual sit-and-chat with Hermione. I decided not to ask Snape for the serenity potion only to show off that I wasn't as nervous as I thought. Let's just hope I stay this confident throughout the rest of the day.

"I might be in and out of third class today. If you're alone with the students for a few, don't be alarmed. Go on as if you were a real professor, and don't let your guard down. Children can act horrible if they feel you're vulnerable." Snape tried giving me tips I already knew. It was funny though, for now I knew he didn't want to seem vulnerable in class.

I purposely teased, "Is that why you act so intimidating in class?"

"It's not an act. I am strict because I need to be. End of story."

Ok.. So Snake the Oxymoron is sensitive when it comes to teasing him about his teaching methods. I'll keep that in mind.

First period I had off, for it was Snape's Advanced Potions class. There was no way I would go back in that class. Not that last year was terrible, but I've had enough of past memories.

At long last, the time had come to enter Snape's classroom. He had given me a sylabus to teach from, but I didn't really need to use it. The class would be mostly reading from their textbooks today anyways. Snape mentioned how he tried to make a day in the beginning of every week a reading day, to read the chapter aloud or silently and answer all the chapter review questions. Additionally, he said this set up was mostly for the younger years, so he would have more time for the upperclassmen to make potions.

Standing in front of the class, which started immediately as I entered, Snape announced, "Miss Maguire will be teaching your class today. It is her first time, but she knows rules and regulations as much as I. No fooling around, no backtalk, and do your work she assigns without complaints. I will be at my desk if any punishment is needed from me. Other than that, she has _all_ rights as a professor today, which means she can and will punish if needed. That is all. The floor is your, Miss Maguire."

Oh Merlin, here I went. Time to teach these tiny mutant children things about potions. Wow, I sound like him...The Snake.

"Hello," I began calmly, "I'm glad to be here today, teaching you all. Please turn your books to chapter three. I'm going to need a few volunteers to read aloud.. Any takers?"

A few girls raised there hands, and a couple boys were hesitant, but raised their hands high. My brain began conjuring a plan, seeing Mary's shy, slouching self. Should I pick on her, despite the non-raised hand? Snape would do it.. But the question is...Would _I_?

Yes I would.

"Miss Burmingham," She shot her head up as I spoke, "Would you be so kind as to reading the first page of chapter three?"

She sighed and nodded her blushing head. Facing the textbook, she began reading in almost a whisper. I didn't want to pick on her, but she needed to raise her voice. So I asked her to, and she did. The first page was read, and then the second, third, and fourth. I had them silently read the rest and answer all of the chapter review questions. This took up the rest of class, and unexpectedly went well. When class finished, Snape pulled me aside for a moment.

"See, no need for your serenity potion." I smiled and waited for Snape to say anything.

Patting me on the shoulder, which was damn odd, Snape stated, "Well done, Maguire. But are you ready for the next class?"

Nodding, I replied, "Yes, Sir! I hope I didn't anger you by picking someone who didn't have their hands raised. I just thought Mary should have some boost to open her mouth."

"She reminds me of you when you were quiet.. That didn't last long. Let's pray she doesn't end up being the next you in the yelling department." With a smirk, Snape sat back in his chair as the next class piled in.

From his desk, Snake introduced me as their teacher for the day. He repeated himself from the first class. Unfortunately, the students in the room didn't look as settled as the last. Not only because the preppy chick was in here either.

Before I asked for a volunteer to read, Snape stood up and left the room. Of course he would choose the rambunctious class to exit. Pressing on, I chose a few students to read, and they followed orders...

Until preppy chick, Bianca Hawford, spoke up, "Why do we have to read out loud? Professor Snape isn't in here right now, so we should take a break."

"Miss...Hawford," my tone was neither intimidating nor vulnerable, "We cannot and will not stop doing our work because the certified teacher is out of the room. Sorry to disappoint you, but school work is more important than playing with make-up." I only threw this comment in on account of her checking her make-up every five minutes.

She shot back, "Guess we know who was a nerd during her years of school."

The class made an _ooooh_ sound as if I had gotten badly dissed. To my disbelief, it hadn't angered me one ounce.

"Five points from Gryffindor. I may be a nerd, but I have the power to punish those who have big, egotistic heads full of hot air. Now, back to reading.. I believe Scott was reading the second half of the fourth page before Professor Snape left." My oh my, authority felt good to have once in awhile.

The student who was reading was going to coninue doing so, but Bianca interrupted with her mammoth mouth.

"I refuse to learn anymore from this amateur graduate. Where is Professor Snape? Have you chased him away with your ugly face, Miss Maguire?"

Ok...not mad...not mad..**Not **mad..

Mad...

"_Ten _points from Gryffindor, Miss Hawford. Ignorance and arrogance are not usually turn ons this day in age." I felt slightly better.

"Neither," said she, chewing on gum like a fat pig, "is having a horrendous looking teacher, and I'm not talking about Snape, who is most handsome. Anyone would look better than you, even Filch. Even the scum on the bathtubs. Go ahead and take all the points away from me if you want, but that won't make up for how disgusting you are."

Sigh. "Well, you'll be most hated today. Twenty points from Gryffindor, and detention with Filch tonight. You seem so fond of him, why not spend a little quality time with the ones you love?"

**_Ha! _**Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, preppy chick. Wait...She called Snape handsome?

"_Three rolls of parchment on the reading today," _Snape waltzed into the room with a look of upmost ire, "Due tomorrow. Anyone doesn't turn it in, you will have detention with Filch for the week. If that doesn't satisfy you enough, another week of detention with me. If I ever catch any student disrespecting Miss Maguire again, your parents will feel how much pain you are in before it even happens. She is a student teacher, yes, but she is older, wiser, and more intellectual than all of you put together. She is also human, so treat her right, or leave my class. I never tolerate discourtesy in this room, so save it for your own time. And you," He shot an icy glare at Bianca, "I want you to stay after class. Use the rest of class time to read the chapter silently. Chapter three."

Sitting down in a chair next to Snape, we side-glanced at each other and spent the next fifteen minutes quietly reading and sifting through papers. He had stood up for me. The insults hadn't mattered the second Snape came into view. I knew that somehow, he knew what was said, what was done. And yet, he still chose to be the good guy for me. He kept his guard up, but hinted to me that everything was finally under control. Hints of care for me. Care for dignity. Equality.

Bianca approached Snape's desk as the last few children left the room. She only stood in front of him, but I could tell in her eyes that she had meant it. She thought Snape was handsome. From all the romance books I read, the stories had taught me how crazy people can act when in.. _love._ The tales additionally inferred me of what they look like when they adore or fancy someone. Their eyes glimmer with faith, their lips subtlely tremble with lust, their breath becomes heavy and drawn out. Complete messes. Completely disturbing, in my opinion.

"You owe Miss Maguire a meaningful appology." Ordered Snape.

Turning to me, Bianca bobbed her head to the side and practically whined, "I'm sorry, ok? Very sorry. You should understand though. Monthly thing.. Totally ticking me off... Moody...Aching.."

Please no more excuses... Stupid chick.. "It's fine."_ It's not fine. _"Really." _Not really_. "You seem like a nice girl." _You seem like a freaking dumb ass. S'cuse my language, despite it being in my thoughts._

"Thank you," Snape caught Bianca's full attention. "You may go now, but don't forget your detention with Filch tonight."

A breath of relief escaped both my and Snape's mouth as she left.

"Profess-"

"Miss Ma-"

We started talking at the same time, which was kind of amusing.

"Ladies first," He smirked.

Continuing on, I gratefully stated, "Thank you so much, Professor Snape. Miss Hawford was way out of line."

"No problem," Looking into my eyes, Snape said, "but remember not to take her words seriously."

"I know. I don't find myself ugly, and I don't think I'm very pretty either. But that's just my humble opinion." I glanced at the door, for it was almost time to leave. The next class was third years, and I didn't teach it or help teach it.

Snape stated, "You'd better head out, Maguire."

"Yeah," Standing, I agreed, "I'd better head out."

And so I left his room with a confident piece of mind. Snape had stood up for me. He had helped me overcome a smart-alek, conceited, arrogant female. I was euphoric.


	12. Dizzy Spell, What The Hell?

Disclaimer: I own nothig but my plot and characters

A/N: I'm thinking about a crossover for Hp and something else. Of course, I must finish my other ficlets before this actually happens. I'm definitely doing it in the future though, somewhere near spring or summer. Anyways, I'm uploading a bunch of chaps as soon as ffnet allows editing again, and so this note is for chaps afterwards-I told you all about the author's notes thing, and I'm initiating it right...now. Every two or three chaps I'll add 'em.

So sorry.. I don't know what happened. I got so tangled up in my college searches and so on.. Anyways, back to writing.

_Chapter 12: Dizzy Spell, What The Hell _

Autumn leaves had fallen in my dreams. Elegant, like ballet, leaping into the air and landing gracefully with style. But as all dreams end, one must face the dawn of a new, unknown day.

Hermione was in a perky mood from the minute I stepped in the Great Hall for breakfast. She explained that all E.Y.P-ers would now have every wednesday off, free to do as they chose.

"Alright! That means we can have a together day with our friends more than once a week." Exclaimed me happily.

So happy, that I accidentally knocked Snape's juice over. Whoops. My elbow had slammed into it, causing the drink to spill into his breakfast.

He glared at me, and I almost begged for mercy, "Sorry, sir, so sorry. Mione made me really ecstatic from her news, and I couldn't control my arms. So sorry."

"...Watch where your rejoicing arms fly." He scolded, but not irrationally.

After gobbling up eggs and bacon, the new day officially began. First period I didn't have to attend, for class was a higher grade. My time was spent in my room, writing down random poems in my journal. A few about nonsense things such as dragonflies absorbing all of our torment to help us live longer. Another about Oranges that sit on a lonely table until someone squeezes them to death. I don't know where I think of these strange obscenities.

But the best poem was about snakes. Just snakes. Snakes squirming about, sneaking up on terryfied teenagers and wrapping themselves tightly around, so the victim cannot breathe or blink without feeling tremendous pain. The victim, of course, being me. I hadn't meant for the poem to seem metaphorical at the time of writing it, but the words turned against me and forced the pen to write what I did...

_Snake will come,_

_Snake will bite,_

_Bind and break,_

_Grin in spite,_

_Trick and fool,_

_Slither 'round,_

_Rip my heart,_

_Pin to ground,_

_Snake is here,_

_In my sight,_

_Oxymoron,_

_Dark and Light._

Short poem, but I didn't care at the moment. It was quality, not quanity, that mattered. Especially with metaphorical nonsense that I never thought of writing before it was on paper.

The time to leave my room came, but today I had a yearning to take a day-long nap and not help Snape at all. Being the generous, predictably nice female I was, no such nap would happen. Instead I walked into Snape's classroom, sat down, and pushed away the icky tired feeling in me with a huge yawn.

"Sleepy, are we?" Snape's voice echoed behind me. He came out of his private study and stood next to the blackboard, thinking of something to write.

I opened my stupid mouth and retorted, "Stuck for words, are we?"

"That comeback," He shot humorously, "would have sounded better if you had used a two-syllable word. It fits better."

How much I hated him today. Just hated him.

Class poured in like a bad poison, sending bad fumes of attitude and arrogance everywhere. I hoped it wasn't contagious. Even more so because this was the class with Bianca, the human lump of poo. Poo-head sat down and immediately flipped me the bird while Snape wasn't looking. Oh great! Another one of _these_ days.

Turning around, Snape faced the class and began teaching. I felt like napping still while I listened to the boring lecture. Not that Snape didn't do a fine job at lecturing or even talking, but I just wasn't in the mood to hear it. Apparently, Poo-head didn't either. BIanca raised her hand and batted her eyelashes flirtatiously. Snape called on her, asking what she wanted, and it took her a moment to realize she could put her hand down. _Poo-head_.

"Professor Snape," Bianca chimed, "Do we have to do work today? We should all just relax and have a pajama party or something. What type of pajamas do you wear? I bet you wear silk boxers..."

Did she just harass Snape verbally?

Eyebrows raised, mouth agape, Snape almost speechless until, "My pajamas are none of your business, and no, we are not having a slumber party."

He returned to his lecture after that, and Poo-head ceased talking for once. Maybe her smell got too strong for even _her_. Class emptied faster than imagined. It satisfied Snape though, for he had a lot, it seemed, to prepare for his next classes. I guess the higher grades were taking tests all day.

The sky ended another day by simply waving its hues of pink and purple at the school before pushing the sun into a low nothingness, bringing the moon to a peak in the mountains. I was staring out of the window in the library while reading a horror fic. While I loved this genre dearly, I missed my old addiction for some reason. Romance novels always allowed me to escape into a world where people actually fell in love and such. I made fun of it so much, and still have my theories against it. However, horror is not too inviting. Horror is reality gone worse, if that's humanly possible. My readings had transformed from lovey-dovey to slice and dice. Why was I so strangley attracted to horror? There was nothing to gain from it but intimidation and the occasional faux friendliness. But was it fake at all? Or did the characters in fright-night books become corrupted by pretend love too, and hide it away with murder? Were all books contaminated with love? With roses and fresh scents of perfume and cologne mixed together after a long day at the beach, riding in the sunset with Mr. Somebody?

"Mmmmhmmm" A feminine mumble came from around the corner. I could not make out who it was.

A flicker of blue light streamed towards me, planting itself on my chest. It paralyzed me painlessly. Spread to my head, to my legs, to my toes and fingers. I dropped my book with a _thump_ sound as it hit the floor. An overwhelming sensation of dizziness swept through me, and I was forced to shut my eyes.

0o0o0o0o

I'm alive. Alive with no idea of what just happened. Alive with a masculine smell dangling over me. I pause. Someone is feeling my face...Hand on my cheek. Probably worried if I'm dead. But I don't open my eyes. The feeling of the unknown person's hand feels nice. It's a man's hand...I jerk upright in shock.

"What the hell?" Was my first reaction back from La-La Land.

Gilderoy Lockhart is slouching besdie my body, which is unfortunately on a Hospital Wing bed.

He says, "A student knocked you out with a dizzying spell. I sent her to Dumbledore's office and tried to wake you up. Her name was Bianca Hawford. Said she was sorry, that she couldn't help it. I yelled at her before she left for Dumbledore's. How are you feeling?"

_Why was your hand caressing my cheek? _"I'm fine. Thank you for bringing me here instead of leaving me lying like a dead carcass."

"No problem, Miss Maguire. It's ten p.m, however, you were out for a few hours. I shall bring you back to the dungeons so that you aren't punished by Filch or his dirty cat. Alright?" Without my answer, Gilderoy Poptart straightened his spine and waited for me to hop out of the hospital bed.

Side by side, walking casually to the freezing dungeons. No mention of hands to my face, no mention of anything. Poptart, of all cheery, ecstatic people, had nothing to talk about. I figured it was just one of those days for him too.

Handshakes are perfect gestures to use when leaving someone after an awkward moment or mysterious event. Gilderoy was out of sight, and I was out of my mind. He already told me he was trying to wake me up. I read too many books, I guess. My brain is melting into a pool of vulnerable, gullible mush, trying to make unrealistic sense out of common, normal things. This is called the Jello Brain Effect. JBE for short.

Vanilla scents flew into my room, drugging me into a state of dullness. I was spacing out because of Snape's incense. _Fantastico._ An idea pops into my brain, but because of JBE I forget and plop into bed lazily. Tomorrow is a day off. Maybe I'll visit Snape. Oh, he teaches. JBE... Also known as a blonde moment, but worse, and non-discriminating. Plus, I am brunette.

My new goal for the night is to fill the empty space from here to sleep with utter nonsense and random thoughts. Although, random to me is rambling in my head about novels and class.

I have just realized I haven't taken a shower yet. Might I journey to the Slytherin bathroom? It is night, and I know for sure Filch is not in there..Unless he is a pervert. I would go to shower now, but the vanilla smell is so wonderful, so enchanting, that I cannot move from my position: Half in bed/half out of bed. If I fall asleep like this, I have a fifty-fifty chance of falling onto the floor during my slumber. Shall I experiment? No? Yes? Bubblegum?

Eh? Wow, I lied to myself when I thought I didn't think or say anything random. But if everyone were random, random wouldn't be random anymore. Normal would be random. And since there is no such thing as normal, for there are only socially acceptable behaviours, then no one would be random. Unless they were worse than random. What is worse than randomness? Insanity? I am there. I am the one who belongs in an asylum. Just so people can pass and yell and laugh and throw popcorn kernels at my aging body.

Where do we go when we die? Do we get pancakes and maple syrup?

Killing time.

Severus. I am getting tired. Babbling nothing in my poor suffering brain. Snape. Why is his name so...catchy? Easy on the tongue.. Kind of neat to say..

"_Severus_.."

I have been corrupted by vanilla smelling air. If the time is needed, I will venture to his room and demand he stop drugging me with incense. I am sleepy. So...Sleepy..

Goodnight Mom and Dad.


	13. Lounge

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my story and plot and whatever. Not J.K's stuff.

A/N: Thank you Gwenny and Amanda for those wonderful reviews. I shall write more for you in this early 8 a.m. hour of the morning.

_Chapter 13: Lounge _

Dancing around when making my bed never happened. For some reason, my great night's sleep made me feel so enthusiastic when I awoke. I sniffed the air and smelled not vanilla, but lavender.. The mother of all scents, in my opinion. Lavender was relaxing and calming, but also very awaking and alluring. Today was my first Wednesday off from working with Snape. I looked around my room and realized I was getting very sick of green walls.

Managing to reach breakfast rather early, even before Hermione, I had to sit alone with Snape. There were other teachers and students in the hall, but no best friend beside me. This was probably the first time I had nothing to talk about.

"You ever see the teachers' lounge?" Snape suddenly asked me.

I shook my head.

He continued, "You and your fellow friends are allowed in it from now on. It's located on the second floor, behind a portrait of a galloping horse and maiden. You can only access it by password, which is _honeystone._ Dumbledore thought it best for the professors to tell their helpers, instead of making an announcement for everyone to hear. We don't want students floating about in our area."

"That's cool. When are we able to go?"

"Anytime you want, even later at night, as long as you have a professor with you after cerfew."

A subtle grin appeared on my face, "Thank you for telling me." I finally figured a conversation starter, "Since when did you start using lavender? I know that was off-topic, but I could smell it this morning and ...I never knew you used it."

Snape offered to pour me some more orange juice, and answered, "I just purchased it from an herb and aromatherapy store near Hogsmeade. Thought I would try some. I am fond of it, but lavender is not really my type."

"Well, if you don't like to use it often, may I have it? You don't have to let me, if you don't want, but I was only wondering. I love lavender." Maybe I asked too quickly, or he didn't comprehend what I said. I waited patiently to hear any answer at all.

Almost in a satisfied sigh, Snape replied, "I'll tell you what. You teach a class tomorrow, and I will give the lavender incense to you."

A bargain? This was a definite first for Snakey. "Deal," I reached out my hand, indicating to shake it for an official seal of the deal.

Lifting his hand from his lap, Snape took my hand in his, and shook. He smirked, and put his hand back down. My stomach suddenly felt a surge of electricity shoot through it. . .The hand of the Snake was not as rough as I had imagined it. Of course, I knew this when I waltzed with him last year. My stomach's reaction was most likely caused by the question of which class I would teach tomorrow. I sure as hell didn't want to teach Bianca's class. But he knew this, so Snape wouldn't purposely make me do that...Would he?

Guess I have to wait to find out. Stay tuned for a dramatic conclusion to my soap opera, "As The Wand Turns.." Hahaha.. ok not funny. Time to escape my stupid thoughts before I get myself into trouble.

I dashed up to the second floor, immediately spotting a portrait of a galloping horse and maiden, who was picking apples from a tree. I approached the picture slowly, just gazing at it until some students passed, and then said the password. The portrait swung open and I hurried in before anyone noticed. There was a narrow walkway as I entered, and I walked down it carefully. The tight space made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Once I reached the end of the walkway, there was a wooden door. I opened and stepped through the doorway, finally entering a large room.

The teachers' lounge was not too different from a common room, except roomier and a few other small things. The couches were gold-colored, with fringe on the bottom. There was a portrait on the wall of an orchestra, which was actually playing some mozart. Walls were painted a navy with sky blue accents. So many details to see, and too little time to absorb it all at once.

"Maranda!" Draco popped up from behind the extra-large gold couch and grinned.

I hurried over to him, "Draco!"

Sitting on one couch was Draco, Hermione, Ron, and Gwen, with her pet lizard laying lazily on her shoulder. I sat between Hermione and Draco, waiting for a conversation to begin.

"So, Maranda," Draco started on me, "I suppose you and Snape are getting along?"

Shrugging, I replied simply, "I guess so. No bloodshed yet."

Ron peeked his head over to me, (he was sitting next to Hermione), and teased, "Well, why would someone who loves you make you bleed?"

"Ron," Gwen moved to the spot next to Draco, "Don't be stupid today."

In his defense, Red-Head said, "I'm only stating truth. Isn't that right, Hermione? Didn't you tell me that Snape's been looking at Maranda differently lately?"

"Yeah," She admitted, but sounded a bit annoyed, "but I meant that he respected her."

"Sure.. He respects her alright.. He respects her lips, her chest, her hips, and her-"

"Hey!" Draco interrupted Ron, who was going too far. "Enough of that. Besides, you don't even let Maranda state her part. I bet you she doesn't even want to work with Snape anymore."

Gwen mumbled, "We should keep it down.. This is a teachers' lounge after all.. But go ahead, Manic-Mara, tell us how you feel."

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I calmly spoke, "I think he's alright. Nothing wrong with him. Respect. That's all."

Again, Ron opened his fat mouth, "Is that how you feel about Snape, or his bed sheets? I bet you love him deep down inside...Inside the covers that is.."

"God, Ron!" I shouted, "Will you ever shut the hell up about this? Are you jealous that Snape actually gets along with me? Is there something wrong with me actually enjoying my work for once? Sure, he isn't the best damned person on earth, but right now he's proving better than you! I don't love him! I don't even _like _him more than a friend.. Is that terribly wrong? That I don't like him?"

Why, God, Oh freaking why? Unless my eyesight has gone crazy..

"You have a problem with me, Miss Maguire?" No, my eyesight is perfect.. Snape had heard...Well, I don't know how much he heard, but no good parts obviously.

I noticed Ron back up into his seat, apparently melting from the anger and heat rising from Snape. Goldilocks Poptart was behind him. They must have entered together, but either way I was now screwed over.

My small voice stumbled over words, "I...uhh...No...No..problem. Just Ron...Always..umm.. Sir.." I coughed, and tried to no longer sound like a scratched record, "If you were here to hear the whole thing, Sir, you would know that Ron has taken it upon himself to tease me alot about working with you. He thinks..Well, it's scary what he thinks, but I have no problem with you." I couldn't believe I just practically told him what Ron thinks of us.

Glancing at Ron, then back at me, Snape replied cooly, "You may say it over and over, but I now know you _do _have a problem with me. Do not blame Ron for what I heard. If you have such a problem working with me, why not quit? Before you're fired."

"Professor.." Ron raised his voice as I sunk into my seat, "It wasn't her fault. I always egg her on and she was only trying to shut me up."

"Of course," Snape turned to Red-head and scowled, "her little companions always stick up for her when she is stuck for words. How childish. I say you all grasp onto reality and gain some independence before you miss it entirely. As for you, Mr. Weasley, don't try and take the blame. For once, Miss Maguire has no backup plan. Let her sink in her misery this time. Maybe it will let her taste what we all go through. Get her head out of the clouds."

My mouth was dry, fists tightened. Head in the clouds? I stood without realizing it, and Snape's back was turned. He was walking towards Lockhart, who clearly knew I was upset. Hermione tried to pull me back in my seat, but I looked at her and said, "I know what I'm doing."

"Don't do anything irrational," Gwen responded, "You look at him the wrong way and _Booga Booga, _there he is, ready to pounce."

Like a Snake.

My fists are let go, hands free by my side as I sluggishly approach Snape. Lockhart was telling him to appologize to me, but Snape didn't speak. Everyone knew if he stayed silent long enough, someone would get the hint and leave him alone. Especially poor Lockhart, who motioned to Snape that I was behind him.

No farther than a few inches away. Heart beating harder and faster. Breath quickening. The black-robed man turns to me, cocking an eyebrow and waiting for something he is unsure of.

"Snape," My eyes swell up with tears that I hold back, "For Merlin's sake... You are the one who needs to get your head up from the ground and out from the clouds. All you heard was something about me not liking you... Well, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I downright hate you. But you just don't understand what Ron says everytime I see him. If you only knew... My friends are well aware of reality, as am I. I think it's you who needs to be smacked very hard with reality. If you don't want me to work with you, fine, but don't expect me to beg. I'm not some filthy little female who is desperate for comfort or anything for that matter. So before you think you can act like a parent again...Take some advice; I have been parentless all my life, and no God-forsaken, miserable creature like you is going to start treating me like their child. Why don't you, for one freaking time in your life, mind your own business and not care what people say about you."

I didn't want to wait for a fight, or any reply. I just walked away with trembling hands. How badly I wanted to hit him, smack him, punch him, push him... Hug him so hard he cannot breathe. I heard Gilderoy behind me, running to me as I left the teachers' lounge. Why was he following me?

"Miss Maguire," I let him catch up to me. He pressed on, "He doesn't want you to stop working with you. Just letting you know. The best way to get through to him is to not give up your work position and show him that it takes more than some bad temper to stop you. Your friends want you to go back and sit with them, by the way."

Sighing, I decided it was best to stay away for awhile. I was terribly pissed at Ron.

"Tell them I'll be alone for awhile. I need time to think, Sir." My vague smile was all that I left with Gilderoy.

My destination was not the library, but Hagrid's hut. The school bell rang indicating the start of another class. Meaning Snape was no longer in the lounge. I could've gone back, but I felt it was too late. Plus, I figured Hagrid knew Snape well enough to help me figure everything out.

The air outside was brisk, but peaceful. No breezy wind to tossle my hair around. No loud, yelling winds to make me too meak to stand tall.

_Knock Knock_

"Maranda?" Hagrid opened the door, questioning my sad appearance, "What's wrong?"

"Can I come in and explain?"

Nodding, Hagrid held the door open for me while I entered. I immediately took a seat on his huge couch and took a deep breath. He sat across from me and waited for me to start talking.

once I spilled every detail of the day to Hagrid, he sat still, dumbfounded.

"Snape is complicated.." Hagrid chose some words to initiate a response.

I blurted, "Understatement."

He continued, "Yeh' ever think that what he heard hurt his feelings? He may be Snape, but he is still capable of being torn."

"Well, yeah...but.. I mean.. He didn't even shout. He just scolded me with calm, but harsh words. That's why I was so stumped. I don't think he's hurt badly though.. It's not like I'm important to him."

"Maranda, if he's been nice to yeh for this long, do yeh think it's because he hates yeh? Or that yer' insignificant? Believe me. I know Snape. Not terribly well like he knows himself, but I know enough to say that he does not hate yeh. I also know that maybe yeh should show him that yer' sorry."

Yeah...I'll show him I'm sorry..

Even though Hagrid was a great help, I couldn't stay any longer. All these strange emotions were nibbling at my stomach. I felt guilt for approaching Snape with the same weapons of choice as he did to me. I additionally felt sorry for him. Snape wasn't a popular man, and I was trying to be a friend. So how would I feel if one of the only friends I had was heard saying they didn't like me?

Awful.

More importantly, I felt completely icky because one of my friends was not very true to me. How many times in the last two and on years have I asked Ron to stop teasing me? Sure, some of the things he said were funny, even mildly humorous. But lately every tiny comment has made me upset. Almost defensive on both my and Snape's case.

Today's lesson: Snake's are vulnerable.


	14. Metaphorical Fog

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

_Chapter 14: Metaphorical Fog _

Frozen in time. Fog that reached and stayed on black asphault, which forms the path of our life. I was here. I am in the fog. I am unclear and unsure. And he is here with me. Unrecognizable and hazy. Nebulous like the ring aroung the moon at night. Snape and I were alone together in the fog. Trying to figure life out. Trying to find out why things are as it is and was. We are stuck in the present and past. Or maybe it was only me who was stuck.

My theory of fog enchanted my mind and took over completely during Thursday's first year class. I sat in my chair, spacing out into nothingness. Thinking about fog clogged my mind, no mental pun intended. Snape hadn't said one thing to me all morning. No words whatsoever escaped his poisonous mouth. He taught without even motioning to me for any help with the lessons. He didn't even meet my gaze. Maybe I really had hurt him? But wouldn't he scream at me? I find it hardly possible that he is taking this regressive stage into childhood by ignoring me.

I guess I'm not too weird when I'm seriously thinking. Usually I make nonsense seem common, and common things seem silly.

As I spaced out, my eyes fell to the floor. I was still stuck in the fog.

"Miss Burmingham!" Snape shouted, "What is the meaning of this?"

Looking up, I held in an ironic laugh. Mary had accidentally created a potion to fog up the room. How ironic and coincidental! I felt bad for Mary, though, for she had no idea what she was doing.

Snape mumbled a spell, trying to rid of the cloudy mess. Once failing this, he shouted, "Everyone out of the room! Gather in the hall please."

What would happen if I stayed in here? Well, I didn't want to find out, so I followed the crowd out of the potions room. The students gathered in a circle around Snape, who was against the door. I took my own standing place in front of the students, but facing the Snake as well.

"Miss Burmingham has caused your class the pain of losing twenty points from her house, and making each and every one of you write a long essay on the dangers of not following directions correctly. You will include quotes from your textbooks and at least three paragraphs detailing consequences for wronged potions. Seeing as there are only a few minutes of class left, you are dismissed. Miss Burmingham, you have detention with me tonight at seven." Snape sneered, watched as students flocked away, and turned to enter his classroom again. I was ignored completely.

So, I did the Maranda thing to do. Followed him like a lost puppy into the horrible mist in his room. I stood at the classroom door, trying to see what he was doing. Taking the cauldron which held Mary's potion, Snape poured it down the sink and pointed his wand at it. He said some spell, clearing up the fog near the sink. Then he said another few spells and soon the room was back to normal.

My stomach suddenly felt odd, like those times when I was unexplainably nervous around Snape, or Draco, or anyone.

"Sir," I strolled over to Snape's desk, where he sat, filing papers.

He glanced at me with cold eyes, "Yes, Maguire?"

"Am I still teaching a class today? I know you basically fired me yesterday, but I would be glad to teach another class." No, I wouldn't mention anything else from the fight. It was over with, so I didn't want to dwell on it.

"Hmm," His icy glare softened a bit, "I suppose so. You aren't going to do it next class, though. I think you've had enough of Miss Hawford, so I won't ask you to teach that class. Why don't you help me teach last class today?"

"Alright, second years don't scare me." I switched the subject onto yesterday, despite my self-promise. Taking a deep breath, I asked, "Are you still miffed at our subtle quarrel yesterday?"

His face was unreadable, but his voice told me anger still resided in him, "No..." He reconsidered his answer, "...And yes. I'm irritated with the fact that you would lie about what you said. I heard what you said with your friends. I didn't really care, but it was the point that you tried to blame it on Mr. Weasley."

"-Wait, Sir, I need to tell you what happened." My clear, prominent voice caused Snape to be attentitive, "Ron was teasing me about you.. Saying really awful things. He has been teasing me since I entered the school. This is the honest truth, _I cross my heart and hope to die _kind of truth. I only defended myself and you just happened to come in on one of my stupid cut-off-half-of-a-sentence-so-I-can-be-quick things. I do this a lot. Even in my thoughts. So you can't be mad at me for blaming Ron, for it was his fault for getting me riled up. And what I said to you after that...I'm sorry. I guess I touched a nerve. Never meant for you to ignore me."

The next class was piling in as I longed to hear Snape's reply. No way was he going to make me wait for an answer.

He mumbled so no one else could hear, "It's alright, Miss Maguire, I was in a bad mood. I don't know if you realize this, but Professor Lockhart and I don't get along very well. He was tagging along wherever I went after breakfast yesterday morning, so I took the ire out on you. I was not, and will never, try to play the part of a parent to anyone. Let's just put this tiff behind us. I have a class to teach."

So he wanted to be professional about it. Good. I nodded and took my seat by his desk as class started. The fog was clearing up.

_Yay metaphors! _Ok, my weirdness is taking flight. Sorry to the people who can hear my brain. Including me.

"Professor Snape!" Bianca raised her hand high in the air, "Professor Snape!"

Annoyed, Snape tried to ignore her, continuing on with his lesson. He approached the blackboard and started to write something on it.

Bianca pressed on with her stupidity, "Professor Snape, I have a question!"

Covering my mouth, I silently laughed as the prep was ignored yet again.

"It's important!" She shouted, "I need to know, like, now!" She looked around and put her hand down. She didn't give up. Instead of waiting for Snape to reply, she blurted out her question, "Are you a virgin? 'Cause, like, I totally am _not_!"

Oh my rasberry jelly! Snape whipped around, face stern and unamused. He sauntered to Bianca and hit her desk with his wand. "Is that really necessary, Miss Hawford? I don't seem to think you grasp the whole idea of learning the significant facts of school. Maybe an entire month with Filch will help you gain knowledge of shutting your large trap you call a mouth."

I wasn't very surprised, for it was Snape, after all. But when he turned around, I was shocked to see Bianca's hand fly towards his back...lower back...umm... His _arse_.

The class gasped in ultimate horror. My mouth was agape, as everyone else's, and my eyes were widened, as everyone else's. Snape, however, remained calm...on the outside. Inside, I could tell he was a raging lunatic ready to maim anyone who crossed his path.

Turning around, Snape practically screamed, "**How dare you assault a professor! **How dare you harass me in front of my class! If I were you, I would get up, right now, and leave my classroom, head to DUmbledore's office, and let him know you are now permanently kicked out of my class! _Thirty points from Gryffindor._ I would take more off, but it won't punish you as badly as I want to right now. Get out of my classroom!"

Standing up, Bianca made a noise and left the room. Everyone was silent. Including lil me, who would have been one of the first to laugh out loud. Snape returned to the blackboard and sideglanced at me. I guess he thought I was going to laugh too.

After the class was over, I sighed with relief. "Thank Merlin that's over," I said to Snape as he sat at his desk.

"I cannot fathom what happened. Did you see it happen? Am I completely insane into thinking a student would...sexually harass me?" Snape forced the words out as if they were terrible curses.

"Ehm.." I searched for supporting words and _Go Snape Go_ almost escaped my mouth. "At least no one oggled you as you ran around in a black tutu singing to Rob Zombie." Oops. Heh. Oh well. I guess it wasn't as bad as the other possible remark.

"That was your own doing." He smirked, but went back to his upset state, "Miss Hawford is terrible. I have never, in all of my years of teaching, come across such a blunt, careless female. She beats you by far."

A snort was heard...by me.. Followed by a chuckle, "I sure hope so. I would never go that far to piss you off."

Looking at Snape, I was glad to see a small smile form on the corners of his lips.

0o0o0o0o

Second year class was not very hard to teach. Snape had stayed in the room the whole time, which somehow made me feel a little calmer. The students seemed a tad more sedated than the first years, which was even better. I guess the older kids became, the easier it was to teach them...Until they all realized they hit puberty and start acting like jackarses.

And then they make friends with an impossible man and get trapped in metaphorical fog. That's just me, I know.

Supper time at last, I decided to hang out in the teachers' lounge. Draco was also in here, telling me he wanted to escape Lockhart.

"I swear that man just gets fruitier everyday." Draco said with a grin, "He seems to be _sweet_ on you, Maranda."

My head jerked, "Pun intended, I take it? Gilderoy Poptart does not seem sweet on me. Even if he was, I have no attraction towards him. He is a nice guy, but not for me. Plus, I don't believe in love, remember?"

"You believed in a boyfriend, though. Isn't that close to it?" He had a point, but not sharp enough.

My only response was, "Boyfriends are different. There might be no love at all between the two in a relationship. My theory stays."

"You didn't state a theory..."

"Exactly," I retorted, "I won't publicize my theories on fake love. That is that."

Another male voice was heard, "Then how are you going to ever express yourself if you hide all of your thoughts away?"

Why do Poptarts always pop up when least expected?

Staring into Gilderoy's ocean blue eyes, I said, "I don't care to be expressed. I say what I say, and that is all. If I do not say everything I am thinking or everything I believe, does that make me a bad person?"

"No," Lockhart took the space on the couch beside me and relaxingly sat, "but that doesn't make you a good one either."

What the bloody hell? Since when did Fruit Loops McGee backtalk?

"Sir, with all due respect, aren't you being a little..._erm_...judgemental?" I queried, trying not to sound too harsh.

"I see it as expressing myself. I'm not trying to be mean, Maranda, but it's time you think about what _you_ want in life, not what others want in your life. You need to consider your last three years here and see if you could possibly find reasons for these theories you make up. I have no idea what they consist of, but I'm sure they are all against love. Did you ever think for a moment that maybe you are against love because of where you grew up, not because of how silly it seems?" Gilderoy knocked sense into me, but how did he know I thought love was silly?

Inhaling deeply, I stated, "Maybe I should ponder life, but let me do it on my own time thank you. I know you are trying to help, but I am helpless. I am surrounded by fog that will never be blown away."

Draco and I both stood up and left the lounge, not wanting to hear anymore lectures. It was time to take a shower and go to bed. I would write in my journal tomorrow.

Against love because of where I grew up? Hell yes. Think love is silly nonsense? Hell yes. I had so many reasons to be against it. That stupid four letter word. My theories were solid-based and sensible. Maybe it was time to share one, just to show Lockhart that he doesn't intimidate me one bit. He is too fruity to be intimidating.

Perhaps he needs lessons from Snape to learn how to be aggressive.


	15. Clash of Great Minds

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and character

_Chapter 15: Clash of Great Minds _

JBE. Jello Brain Effect. Night time and mushiness of the mind causes me to become exhausted even before bed time. Friday, eight p.m, lying in bed with all the lights out. I find myself laughing at nothing. My humor expectations had dropped to the bottom since Snape gave me my own lavender incense. I laugh and chuckle and snort at everything when these thin candle-like-things are lit. But I am not drugged. Unless Snape added an illegal substance to my glass of water.

Can I be considered insane if I hang off of my bed upside-down? It's amusing seeing the world like that.

So, Bianca was removed from Snape's class. What a relief. She was such a brat! Dumbledore had banned her from taking potions with Snape any longer. Lucky for her there was a different class she could take. However, I don't find arithmancy very fun. The rest of today hadn't been very exciting. Sit, sit, sit, read, sit, sit, sit, bathroom break, sit, read, eat supper, and here I am. Even Snakey Snape seemed slightly satisfied with classes. Of course, this was because no student would smack his butt anymore, or harass him, or flirt with him. Why would that stupid Bianca chick flirt with Snape anyways? He was a greasy git who couldn't keep his temper down if he tried. Wait, what am I thinking? He kept his temper down all the time with me.. Except for a few times, but that's pretty normal.

I suppose Sevvie isn't all that bad. And no, he's not very greasy or git-like. Over the course of time I had been here, serving as a teacher's aid, I had grown very fond of Snake the Oxymoron. Nothing was wrong with him.

Excluding when he took it upon himself to enter my room while I was hanging upside-down.

"Miss Maguire," He stood tall in the doorway, "Are you alright?"

I was stuck in the upside-down position, blood rushing to my head. My mouth didn't want to open, so I blankly stared at the Snake.

Placing his hands by his side, Snape began to walk towards me. He stated, "You have used too much incense. I knew I shouldn't have given this to you. Not without instructions, anyway. That's why I'm in here; The smell is overpowering the scents I'm using, which is not a good sign."

If I played dumb, how long would it take before he became annoyed?

"I'm stuck," I didn't want to see him annoyed tonight.

In a moment, Snape grasped both of my shoulders, sending my nerves on a crazy-spree, for I _hated_ being touched. He pulled me up and helped me find balance. My head urgently fell to the pillow below it. Blood rushed back into its original form of flow. I took a deep breath and opened closed my eyes. When opened, I realized Snape was sitting on the edge of my bed. He quickly got up, walking over to my incense, and putting the flame out.

"No more tonight," He warned, and then added, "I don't want you to overdose on lavender."

A smile played around my lips, "It's your fault. You gave me this stuff. But I'll be careful. I guess I shouldn't have let it stay lit for so long."

Glancing at the clock, I noticed it was just turning nine p.m. Time for sleep. Snape thought so too, showing this by going back to the doorway. He said goodnight, and listened for me to return the statement. Instead of a normal goodnight, I cheerfully said _farewell. _

Climbing into my bed sheets, I used my wand as a light source as I wrote in my journal/diary/thing-to-rant-in. Lockhart was wrong; I did express myself...To inanimate objects like journals.

0o0o0o0o

Early in the morning, I awake feeling pieces of a headache form in my brain. The incense had been too much for me to handle, as was hanging upside-down. Saturday morning, another weekend to stay in my comfortable bed.

Bursting through my door was Gwenny, panting and heaving. "Ma-Ma-Ma... Maranda!"

Sitting up in bed, I questioned, "What's going on?"

"Nothing.. You're up too late. We're supposed to visit Hogsmeade today. I ran to tell you to get your butt out of bed and change into some clothing. I'll wait for you outside. We'll be late but it's better than not going." Without giving me a chance to copmprehend her verbal attack, Gwen slammed my door shut on her way out.

I hastened to put on some blue jeans and a green long-sleeve top on. Opening my door, I raised my eyebrows as I spotted Gwen hopping near Snape's room, with her lizard on top of her head.

"Snape drove me hopping mad.." She frowned and pointed to the potion's classroom door.

My uninterested reply was, "And..."

Gwen stopped hopping, "He won't let me in. I wanted to show him Ringo, but he said he wasn't interested in seeing a _beatle_ right now. Doesn't he know Ringo's a lizard?"

The Snake listened to the Beatles?

I broke out in a short fit of giggles, but soon haulted my immaturity. Gwen and I began to walk out of the school and into Hogsmeade.

Herrmione and Ron were snogging outside of a candy store. Draco was a few feet away, looking in a bag of purchased things. Gwen and I approached them quickly, relieved that we finally made it.

"Oh!" Hermione pulled away from Ron. I had almost forgot they were in a relationship.

Ron sighed and wrapped his arm around Hermione, "You interrupted us!"

"So sorry," My sarcasm caused me to blurt, "But we know you were fantasizing Snape. Don't deny it either. You say I love him, but you're really projecting the lust and adoration that _you _feel." Finally, a decent insult. Hoorah!

"Umm...No." Ron put his hands in his pocket and stepped closer to me, "You're just in bloody denial. You love Snape, but are too afraid to admit it to anyone, even yourself."

Holding back the urge to punch his face in, my attention turned to the road in front of me. I pushed past everyone, hearing Hermione yell at Ron, and power walked towards the Leaky Cauldron. I knew they would leave me alone if I secretly wanted them to.

Entering the Leaky Cauldron, I was surprised to see how desolate it was. A few unknown people were scattered, but no crowds. Lockhart was by himself at a table, sipping on butterbeer and reading the newspaper. I felt bad at his lonliness, but not enough to accompany him. I laughed to myself, however, thinking why anyone would be all over the fruit. ...Ok...I had to remember not to start thinking mean thoughts or else I would act mean too. I didn't want that today.

"Miss Maguire!" Gilderoy called. It was a perfect time to turn invisible.

My ignoring the man did not work, for he called again, "Maranda Maguire!"

Cornered.. Not really, but I had nowhere to run or hide. I was forced to turn around, face him, and sit at his table. I was obligated to stay for a chat.

"So how are you, Maranda?" I hated when Lockhart used my first name.

No friend of mine was around, so I lied, "Perfect. How are you?"

"Great." He adjusted his shirt and continued, "I am sorry for Wednesday in the teachers' lounge. Severus wouldn't appologize after I asked him to. Then again, he doesn't get along with me very well. He doesn't really get along wit anyone, now, does he?"

"He gets along with me," I sounded a bit defensive. I hated the defensive side of me, for it always got into trouble.

Taken aback, Poptart mumbled, "I've been proven wrong. He hasn't brainwashed you, has he?" A grin appeared on Lockhart's face.

"No. Not that I know of. I trust Severus-" The name slipped, "I mean, Professor Snape. He is interesting to work with. No problems except for our occasional disagreements."

"You probably would've had more fun working with me, Maranda. I would never fight with you. Sure, you had a few days last year where I wondered if you even liked my class, but no terrible quarrels were held between us. I guess that's why I've always liked you as an individual. You know, Severus talks about you a lot. Quite confuses me. He never directly says anything to me, but I hear from other sources what he says, and sometimes I come across him during a conversation between him and another colleague." Gilderoy's eyes became inflamed with seriousness.

My voice was fading, "What...What does he say about me?"

"Nothing bad." He hung the words in the air for a moment before pressing on, "Mostly about you both working together. I guess he enjoys your company, that's all, really. I can't remember everything else."

Was it that he didn't remember, or couldn't say? "Oh. Oh!" I recalled Lockhart's lecture to me, "By the way, thanks for the little lecture. I'm actually planning on sharing my theory with someone soon. I know holding in my thoughts are bad, but I think they are pretty safe in there. Protected from being criticized and chastized. I don't fear what people feel towards me, but most of my ideas and such are better of in my mind, locked away from publicity."

"I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel the same way; That there's no one who would really understand what I'm imagining, so why bother express it? I didn't mean to snap at you in my lecture, but just wanted you to see that holding _everything _back is not good." Lockhart was actually somewhat intellectual.

Ok, he was downright smart, but covered all of his brainpower with stupidity and perkiness.

As I was going to speak some more, Snape walzted into the Leaky Cauldron, looking strangely angry.

"I wonder what he wants.." I blurbed on accident.

Gazing at me, Lockhart whispered, "I'm afraid to ask. Last time he saw me, he gave me his famous death glare. You know which one I'm talking about?"

"Believe me," I smiled with discomfort, "I know exactly which one you're talking about. But you should know," I decided to help Poptart a bit, "Never let him put you down. It only makes him more superior, and creates this undefeated better-than-you emotion surge through his body. That's when the yelling starts."

Have I cracked the puzzle of Snape's bad side? I think so! **Woohoo!**

Snape spotted Gilderoy and I, and sneered as he strolled over to us. I didn't want to be in the middle of whatever mess they were prepared to make, so I pushed my seat back a foot or two. The way Snape folded his arms automatically portrayed the enraged mood ready to explode onto poor Lockhart. Just as Snape glared down at me, Hermione and Gwen entered the Leaky Cauldron.

"Excuse me, Miss Maguire, but I need a word with _this man._" Snape sounded awfully distraught, so I nervously got out of my seat and practically jogged to my two friends.

Hermione tried to ask me what was going on, but I shook my head as we all watched Snape and Lockhart like deer about to get hit by a head on collision.

Lockhart quaked with paranoia and stammered, "Severus... What's wrong?" Lockhart stood up, trying to gain balance.

"Oh nothing huge, except that I hear you snuck into my private study.. Why on earth would you do that?" Snape held his temper, but we could all sense it ticking away like a bomb.

"Please," Lockhart was extremely nervous, "I actually didn't go in your study. One of the ghosts did, and took some flasks of potion out, hiding them near my room. I simply took the potions and placed them back in your cupboards. I did not step one foot in your study. Check the cupboards, three flasks of potion are inside. You can see for yourself."

Narrowing his icy eyes onto Lockhart's, Snake the venomous killer raised his voice, "_If I were to believe you, I would be a fool._ I checked my cupboards, and nothing was inside except for the normal student-made-potions. **You lied to me, and I will give you one more chance to tell me the truth.** Go ahead, Lockhart."

The ol' Poptart glanced in my direction, as if I were to comfort him, and then he cleared his throat. His eyes were fixed again on Snape, "You know, Severus, every incident where you lose something, you come and blame me. I always end up being innocent. Why, in Merlin's sacred name, do you suppose I would take something from you after dozens of threats and warnings? Do you think I am that dumb? Dim-witted? Why don't you..." He took a breath and spoke loudly, "Take your head out of your arse and interrogate someone else for once? How about the _floggin'_ ghosts? Peeves, I believe? He is the one who did it!"

That was it... The Clash of Great Minds. A verbal battle in which Snape lost. He held his icy glare, but turned on his heel to leave. Hermione, Gwen, and I moved away from the door in case an overflow of bad mood spilled from Snape onto us. Lockhart also turned to leave, but smiled at me before leaving.

"What was that?" Gwen asked, eyes wider than ever.

I sighed, realizing Ron's torment wasn't nearly as bad as Lockhart's troubles. "That," I faced Hermione and Gwen, "Was our former teacher finally standing up for himself."


	16. Peeves, Phobias, & Paints

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

_Chapter 16: Peeves, Phobias, & Paints _

Fear of being touched. Fear of messing up. Fear of intimidation. Fear of snakes. My list of phobias was growing, larger and larger with every new experience I had. Oh, and cannot forget the brand new phobia: Fear of dances. I can't even explain this one to myself very well, but I wrote about it in my journal. Basically, because the student teachers are not permitted to do anything but chaperone at a dance, I have grown afraid of the upcoming Halloween dance. Hermione and I will stand against a wall, making sure no students begin trouble. Ron, Draco, and Gwen will be on food and drink patrol. Other student teachers will be standing against the wall as well, and some are not even attending. Halloween Ball, next Saturday after a Quiddich game.

Fear of ghosts. Almost forgot this one. Peeves the ghost is on a rampage because Snape found out he _had _gone through his private study and taken three flasks of potion. When Gilderoy put them back in the cabinet, Peeves took them and dumped them down the sink. This brings my fear of snakes..I do not ever again in my life want to screw up a potion. Peeves threw the potions down the sink causing an explosion, and a real, breathing snake was created by the mixture. It was indeed, a rattlesnake. Snape had tried to stop it in his room, but the snake found its way under a crack in my door. Luckily, I ran out of my room screaming bloody mercy and Snape saved the day by using a spell to incinerate the slimy thing. Of course I thanked ol' Snakey after he saved me from having a heart attack or being bitten by a pest.

Now I sit in my room, on a Wednesday morning, writing all these events in my journal, wishing it were Halloween so I could get the night over with.

"Come in..." I heard a knock on my door.

Snape entered my room to see me sprawled out on my bed. I swiftly sat up, putting my journal under my pillow.

"I have some advice.." He began supportingly, "..If you see Peeves, tell him I would like a few words with him. Dumbledore told me he is floating somewhere in the dungeons."

Laughing, I responded, "If I see that little bugger I'm going to flush him down a toilet!"

"That would work too, I suppose." He hid a chuckle, which proved he wasn't in a great mood.

Before he seemed to want to leave my room, I asked, "Can I paint this room?"

"Pardon me?"

"Can I paint this room?" I added, "I really need some new colors around me. I love green, but it's sort of annoying now. No offense to you or any Slytherin."

The Snake half smiled, "If you paint this room, be sure to clean up after yourself. Not that you would make a mess, but I warn you I will laugh if you turn up paint-covered and a wreck."

"Can I take that as a _yes _then?"

"Yes."

My stupid, hyper self raised both hands in the air and shouted, "Woohoo!" I dropped my arms and my face went blank.

Snape fired back, "Sometimes I wonder about you, Maguire.."

"I always wonder about me.." My grin reappeared, hiding the phobia of Snape's short temper. I was afraid of annoying him.

Getting off of my bed, I waited until Snape left my room to leave it myself. My plan was to go to the teachers' lounge for awhile.

Entering the lounge, I see the only one of my friends inside is Ron. We've never had any time alone together, so naturally I was weary. However, I sat down next to him and knew this was a great chance to settle problems between us.

"Hey, Red-Head," I begin unenthusiastically.

Ron answers, "Hi." A moment passes before he speaks up again, "I'm sorry for teasing you all the time. We never really spoke to each other after that day at Hogsmeade. Hermione was so mad at me for not appologizing sincerely."

"I know," My upset voice chimed, "but it upsets me because the only time you talk to me is when you mention Snape. Two and then some years of knowing each other and I don't even know you. You're my best friend's boyfriend. That's all I know. I don't even know what your favorite color is or your middle name."

With quick movement, Ron turns to face me and smiles idiotically. "Hi, I'm Ron."

My giggling erupted, and soon Red-Head and I were holding a complete conversation. He did not once mention Snake The Oxymoron, which made me wonder if the world was ending. As minutes turned into an hour, Mione came into the room. She was ecstatic to see Ron and I bonding and communicating. Who could blame her? What would wonderful Wednesday wield into my day next?

Staying in the lounge all day was neither boring nor exciting. It was pleasant, for I read three hours straight; Yet it was painful, for there was nothing else to do. I would have talked some more, but Hermione, Ron, and I ran out of conversational topics.

Before two p.m. came, McGonagal entered the lounge and looked infuriated. She explained that Peeves had written vulgar language on her board for all her class to see. He flew away before she could grasp the chance to hex the ghost. Ron stated that Dumbledore should've banned Peeves from Hogwarts. McGonagal only replied that Dumbledore wanted to threaten Peeves and give him one more chance. One more chance for what, destroying the school?

At four p.m. I left the lounge with intentions of finding the ghost and turning him into a burnt piece of toast. Either that or a coctail weenie so someone could feed him to a dog. That would get rid of the pest. Misfortune came about when I stepped into the dungeon halls. There, in the space on the floor between Snape's room and my room, was a spilled bucket of yellow paint.

"I thought you wanted piss-yellow for your room!" Peeves' voice echoed through my ears. I was afraid to even peek at my room.

Cautiously opening the door, I spotted nothing abnormal except for a sign hanging on my wall which read, '_Ha! Fooled You, Evil Female!' _

"Argh!" I grunted in frustration and stormed towards the hall. Peeves was near.

Taking my wand out from my pocket, I screamed, **"Come out now or I will turn you into a marshmallow and feed you to Hagrid's dog!"**

Obviously Snape had heard, for he burst through his door in shock.

Peeves finally flew in front of me and asked, "What do you want, leech?"

I attempted to sound as nice as possible, "I just wanted to tell you that there's something for you in the bathroom, but you have to follow me to obtain it."

"That ain't gonna' work," The ugly ghost declared, "I'm not that dumb. You're the one who threatened to flush me down the toilet. Well, I will not let you, _maggot._"

The voice within me suddenly decided to raise, "Then stop this shit or I will light you on fire. Better yet, I'll have Snape chase you!" Only after I stated this did I remember Snape was right next to me.

Peeves stuck his tongue out at me and floated away. An incantation was muttered by Snape, which cleaned up the floor.

I faked a laugh, "Heh. Hello, sir."

Leaning against the wall, Snape stared blankly at me. With a short sigh, I walked into my room and shut the door. Apparently, Snape had put up with enough worried today. I didn't even want to question what was bothering him. His eyes had held an intense fire, ready to ignite and catch onto anyone that passed. At least he wasn't the one with a gazillion phobias and yucky yellow paint embedded in his mind.

Supper was nearby, and I could hear my stomach rumbling. Tonight I would eat in the Great Hall. Usually I sat by myself and had a house elf bring me some food. This time was different, for I had the urge to be social. I stepped into the Great Hall happily, glad to see Hermione sitting at the teachers' table as well. When I sat down, Snape side-glanced at me. He must've wondered why I said nothing to him after the Peeves incident.

Mione wasn't in a large talking mood, so I stayed mute for awhile. Eventually Snape glanced my way as he took a bite of supper. My eyes wandered and fell into the dark pools of his eyes. Silence. I swallowed a lump in my throat and felt my stomach churn. Phobia of silence between the Snake and I.

"Quiddich game soon." I spat out.

A short breath was released, followed by his words, "Yes, it is soon. You do know that your friends are no longer allowed to stand in the student section. You all must find seats in the professors' sector. The seats are higher above, but we get a better view."

My mouth moved slightly, but no words came out. I turned to Mione and said, "I need to talk to you later." I had to tell her about my phobias. They were eating me alive and not letting me breathe right.

"Dumbledore has insisted the teacher aids sit with whomever they are working for." Snape added, making me turn to face him.

Hermione mumbled in my ear, "It's true." Why was I always the last one to know things?

The remainder of supper passed like this: Eat...Eat.. Side-glance at Mione..Eat..Eat...Side-glance at Snape..Eat..Sigh. Quite boring, but tolerable. My mood suddenly changed from alright to flustered. All of the phobias I gained were unexplainable. How the hell could I randomly obtain a fear one day? How?

Hermione listened to every word I said as she walked me to my room in the chilly dungeons.

"...And it's not even funny because I really am getting these horrible phobias that make no sense at all. It's like I'm becoming this new person without any warning. It's all happening at once and I cannot stop it no matter how I try. I'm afraid of ruining what friendship Snape and I have by breathing the wrong way. I'm scared all of a sudden of people touching me. Although, not my friends like you or Gwen or anyone. Just...other people."

With a baffled look, Mione asked, "When did the touching phobia start?"

"It was," I opened my door and entered the room with Mione, "when the Snake helped me up from being upside-down. I felt this horrible and odd feeling in my stomach. Felt like I was going to be sick."

We sat on my bed and Mione giggled, "Are you sure you felt sick?"

I nodded.

"Alright, well, what other phobias do you have?"

"A lot," I named off a few more, "fear of intimidation, fear of snakes-but I explained that one to you when it happened, and fear of being a klutz or just terribly wrong."

She shook her head at me, "Maranda," Her eyes seemed sincere and honest, "I think you need to figure this one on your own. Sometimes things aren't as they seem. Why don't you think by yourself for awhile? Use your journal or something to write your thoguhts out, and then re-read to put the puzzle pieces together."

"Sure. Why not? Thanks for helping me, Mione." I knew her advice would help somehow, it always had. So why not follow it completely for once?

After saying goodnight, Mione left the room and shut the door. I was alone. Alone to drown desperately in my strange and mysterious brain.

So what was so wrong about having a queezy feeling stomach all the time? Or the physical and mental weakness I got when dealing with intimidation? What was causing my anxiety whenever working? My journal's cold pages awaited for me to heat them up with writing, and so I wrote.. and wrote.. and wrote. By the time I was done explaining everything to my inanimate object, I was too tired to re-read it. I would do it the next free chance I got..

Besides, I'm not going to figure out why my body and mind are so complex.


	17. Signs of Insanity

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Tired... Need sleepy... Gwen where are you? I have chappies for you to read.

_Chapter 17: Signs of Insanity _

Halloween morning, seven o'clock, breakfast with orange juice and orange colored toast. Black and orange candles floated above our heads near the ceiling in the Great Hall. I loved this morbid time of year!

My stomach was acting strange once more, and my palms were a bit sweaty. Just a tiny amount though, not '_Oh my I'm a river,'_ sweat. I glanced at Snake the Oxymoron and was desperate to ask him to feel my forehead for any signs of fever. But Mione entered just in time for me to ask her instead.

"Feel my head, will you please?" My voice cracked a bit.

Being my best friend, Hermione felt my forehead with the palm of her hand, and then the backside of her hand. Her diagnosis: I was perfectly fine. How could I be fine? Not to be dramatic, but I had gross palms, a sick stomach, and my mouth was starting to become dry.

"Are you alright, Miss Maguire?" Snape asked with concern in his voice.

My head shook _no,_ but I said, "Yes, I'm grand. How are you?"

"Okay," He stated, "but you worry me. You can go to the Hospital Wing if you need to."

I disagreed, "No, I'm ..umm.. I can tolerate it. Really, I'm fine. A crazy, ill stomach is nothing." My eyes met his as I began to feel worse. My mouth felt completely numb.

Failure had swept over me earlier from not solving the riddles to my rediculous phobias. I now had a new theory in mind: I was slipping into insanity. What else would it be? I know, I'm falling down a wormhole of illness. Maybe I'm slowly dying. No, no, I don't need to start sounding depressed and disturbed.

Since it was Saturday, Mione and I gathered the gang and headed to Hogsmeade. The air was crisp outside, like the taste of the first fallen apple from an orchard. Beautiful, fragile, and painted with scattered foliage on the trees. It was a fantastic view of nature. This day would stay picturesque, no matter what mood I was in. The environment had acted as a temporary cure for my ailments.

Only a few feet from the Leaky Cauldron, Draco suggested we eat brunch. He had skipped breakfast this morning, so naturally he was hungry. We instead agreed to meet for an early lunch, but would have to leave Hogsmeade before two, for the first Quiddich game of the season would be held. Our new plans were to window shop until we dropped. My plan was to drop...dead.. I felt horrible again. My stomach was initiating a full-powered squeemish party; Every step I took made me feel more and more terrible.

Ron walked backwards to face me, "Why don't you take a deep breath. Ask Snape for that calm-yourself potion you said you used the first day of teaching."

"I can't," I found myself honestly admitting, "I don't want to seem weak. Plus, I'm not in the mood for a lecture on going to the Hospital Wing when ill. He seemed to have wanted to this morning."

Abruptly stopping, Hermione stomped her foot, "That's it! Maranda, you're going to see him and that's final! I will not stand here witnessing you kill yourself just because you are stubborn! I'm sure Snape is around here somewhere, so let's find him."

I hated when Mione acted aggressive, it usually meant I was going to be proven wrong, punished or caught for trouble, or about to realize something I never thought I would know. Gwen started to chuckle, however. She thought it was very amusing. Even Draco and Ron let a few bubbled laughs leak out. So, as a good little girl, I searched with Hermione, Gwen, Ron, and Draco to find Snake the Soon-To-Be-Annoyed Oxymoron.

**Thump**

"Agh! Sorry, Mister Malfoy." I had bumped into Luscius, who was trying to cross a path between two stores.

His handsome smile showed brightly, "Who knew I would _bump _into you today, Miss Maguire? Nice seeing you, but I must be on my way. I have a lot of errands to run today..." He noticed my bland and emotionless mood, "Are you alright?"

My uneasy head nodded and bade farewell as Hermione began to pull me away. She told me she wanted me to have a cure immediately, and she would not tolerate stalling today.

We moved forward, eventually letting the remainder of our group wander off, knowing to meet at the Leaky Cauldron later on. As we closed in on a little potions shop, our eyes unsurprisingly spotted Snape inside, reading over the ingredients of a product. The moment before entering the store, I prevented Hermione from opening the door.

"I change my mind... I'm fine.. I'm peachy.. I'm perfect.. I'm-"

"-going to see Snape.." Hermione finished my rant with her own ending.

It seemed to take forever to get through the entrance. I felt the jolt of electricity eat my tummy as usual when in nervous situations. I had never experienced anything like this before. My anxiety was the worst it could ever become. And yet Hermione tortured me by explaining to Snape that I was very ill, and needed to be directed to the closest serenity potion there was. I could read on his face that he was slightly amused by this. His lips quiverred with the annoyance he held towards me. I was dead. Simply dead. I should have gone to the Hospital Wing, not bothered Snape on his Saturday. But then again, it was Hermione's fault. What did she accomplish here? I was shaking like a leaf, and she tried to calm me down, but there was no way. Perhaps it wasn't anxiety, but held back anger wishing to be leashed out into the open. I didn't feel irritable or mad at all, so that wasn't the answer. And Snape might as well have stuck a knife in me-anywhere, because he had to buy the potion for me. Buy it! I could have! I would have! My money was in a box under my bed, waiting for the day I needed something. I should have bought it. Yet, he said not to worry, for he was missing one ingredient to make his own serenity potion. But still, why pay for a potion when the stupid idiot-me-didn't even need it?

According to Hermione I needed it.

0o0o0o0o

The Leaky Cauldron was packed today, but once Hermione and I found a table to sit at with Ron, Gwen, and Draco, I was reminded too many times to take the potion. Thirty minutes and two butterbeers later, I felt a tiny bit better, but not really.

The Kerfuffles, (what was left of our group), left for Hogwarts around one-thirty p.m. The Quiddich Game was awaiting our arrival. As soon as we entered the school, I ran as fast as I could to my room. Ha! Money to pay Snape back! I grabbed just enough, plus a few extra coins for troubling him. I felt guilty, and needed to be vindicated by reimbersing him.

Gwen and Ron were sitting in two separate sectors of the non-student seats in the Quiddich Field. Draco was next to mine, but not close enough to chat with. Hermione was in the same section, but still not close to talk to. Snape arrived a few minutes after me, shocked to see I found the right place to sit. I never realized how high in the air we were until in these seats. I bet someone could reach up and touch a cloud if they wanted to.

"Sir," I silently gasped as I almost hit Snape in the head, "Sorry. I was trying to get your attention and didn't notice how close we were in these seats. It's kind of crowded, huh?" Fear of crowded spaces? Claustrophobia! Agh! Another frightening thing.

Snape half-smiled, "Yes, crowded, but better view then students. Remember that over and over and it will make up for lack of room. Now," He _kind of_ licked his lips, "What were you trying to get my attention for?"

I reached my right hand into my pocket to retrieve the money. Pulling it out, I handed it to him and said, "This is what I owe you for buying me my own flask of serenity potion. Please take it."

"No," He pushed my hand away, "I will not accept it. I was doing a favor. Just think of it as a present to make you feel better for all those times I murdered your mood. Do not fight over this either. I am not taking the money, and that is that."

Head dropping a tad, I put the money back into my pocket. No, I wasn't planning on fighting with him.

A bludger whizzed by my head. Oh, right, the game. My mouth went dry again, and stomach uneasy. I twiddled my thumbs hoping it would take my mind off of the breath of death on my body. While looking down a few rows of seats, I saw Hermione. If I could only sit near her, she would keep my mind off of illness. But, Snape's company was good company too.

The wind was picking up a bit, so I tried to take some gloves from my back pocket. I rested my hand on something when turned around...Something...humanly..My body was sure alert, jumping to find out my hand had been on Snape's knee. If the seats weren't so cluttered, I would have avoided that, which brought my stomach into a jungle of nerves. The nerves I was used to feeling. Gosh my stomach was a wreck!

"Oh my God! I'm utterly sorry, Sev-uhmm..Snape...Sir..Sir, sorry." Attempts to act calm failed.

The Snake picked up the glove, which I had dropped next to an old guy in the seat below us, and stared emotionless at me. "It's alright. Don't worry, I forgive you, Maguire."

For the rest of the game, I leaned forward a little so that my hair covered the sides of my face. I imagined how beat red I was after the knee incident, and didn't want Snape to start yelling at me. The funny fact...When I looked down as it all happened, Hermione had been watching. I'm glad I wouldn't have to explain my insanity to her.

End of game and I practically threaten Mione not to tell Ron about Snape's knee. I knew one wrong word and Ron would have a field day with teasing me. So Ron and I made up? Yes, but that made no difference. He discontinued all normal teasing, but basically told me if anything did happen, he would laugh it up. If anything happened, I would laugh at myself, and then die of emberassment as everyone else made fun.

Sunlight fought with the night as Hermione and I walked in the school together. We had hurried so no one else would catch up, for Mione said she needed to talk to me alone. In actuality, we went to her room, grabbed her robes, and then went to my room. In a short while we would be standing against the walls of the Great Hall just watching people dance.

"We can't dress up?" I asked disappointedly.

Mione opened the bag of clothes she brought to my room, "Not supposed to if you are a professor. No where does it say that student teachers can't." She pulled out a black dress, long and swaying, with orange glitter on the bottom.

My malicious grin recalled some Halloween clothing which still resided in my trunk. Taking out my black tutu, Hermione shook her head and stated it wasn't appropriate. Wasn't that the point? Besides, I knew someone else would be dressed worse than I. So, I put my black tutu on and laughed.

"Do you think I'll get into trouble?" My new question was.

"Umm.." Hermione noticed the costume wasn't all that bad after all, "No, I think you're riding on the fence of clothing rules, but not enough to be punished. However, you might get a few stares. Especially from Draco and Snape who were the victims of your frustration the last time you wore that."

I shrugged my shoulders, "Oh well. I think I can handle that. Besides, I think Snape is giving me the silent treatment from today. You saw what took place. Although, I gave him the silent treatment during the rest of the game, so it's definitely not him."

When I was done changing, she brought up the knee situation again, "So, have you recovered from the terrifying knee incident?"

"Yes and no. I'm sure he wanted to murder me."

"But it's not as if you never touched him before. You both danced together last year, and he had no wishes of death on you."

Maybe she was right, "I know I'm too dramatic with things like that, but it was so ..." I trailed off and glanced at the clock. My next statement was, "We have to go!"

Grabbing her arm, I pulled Hermione out of my room, and together we ran to the Great Hall. I was anticipating the dance, even though we had to stand in one place for four hours. As long as I didn't feel ill or sick again, I would be fine. No sweaty-palmness and dry-dead mouth would bring me into depression tonight. No signs of insanity would ruin my night.

Not at all.


	18. Snake Eyes To Snapeology

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Special thank you to Amanda for being as obsessed with my story as ever. Thank you Gwen too, for finally returning! lol. You are both the best fans ever.

_Chapter 18: Snake Eyes to Snape-ology _

"How beautifully morbid." My taste for Halloween did not die.

Black balloons were tied to the refreshment stands, the same colored candles were lit in the air, and black and orange streamers were everywhere. The light of the room was dim a blood red, which just made the hall perfect. Not too decorated, but appreciated just the same. The night sky ceiling was cloudy, black, and portrayed a full moon. Halloween was gorgeous.

The stares I received as Hermione and I were seen made me feel quite uncomfortable. Yet, it felt refreshing to wear something daring and bold. Hermione had to find McGonagal so she could begin the treacherous night of standing near a wall. Better yet, we were allowed to walk around once or twice to make sure no trouble was going on under our noses. Not thinking of how boring the night could be, I braved it and moved through the crowd towards Snape, who was indeed, near a wall.

"Good evening, Sir," I spoke loud enough over the orchestrated music for him to hear me.

His eyes glanced at my costume and he commented, "That costume...Are you planning on singing some heavy metal tonight and beating up Draco?"

How did I know teasing would be heard as soon as I approached him? Oh right, because he's Snape and he has the power to do that without me interfering because I am afraid of him killing me. Wow if I had said that whole thought I would've been out of breath by now.

"I don't have my Rob Zombie tape with me, so I guess I can't." A smile perched on my face, "Temptation won a battle with me. I had to wear this tonight..Just had to. I cannot stand making something to wear and then never being able to wear it ever again."

Snape said nothing as we both leaned against the wall. I knew I would be thinking about this statement all night long. Against the wall...Against the wall.. Against..the..wall.. Annoying myself? Yes.

"I'm going insane.." The sentence slipped out of my mouth.

An expression of concern swept over Snape's face. He glanced down at me, for I was leaning with my legs in front of me, causing me to lower myself a bit, and sighed. "What makes you think this?"

The ill feeling returned. Why must I always jinx myself? "I feel sick at random times of the day.. The feeling disappears for awhile, but then it comes back to haunt me. Obviously I am not coming down with the flew if I have no fever, so there is no other explanation except for pure insanity."

"You are a bit crazy, but not in the sense of mental health or problems. Is anything troubling you?"

From my point of view, the sight of Snape seeming taller than he really was made me think of my intimidation phobia again. To fix the temporary problem, I stood up straight. The brain in my head was buzzing, trying to conjure up a problem. I was unable to produce any known trouble with me, so I simply answered no. After I answered, Bianca the Bimbo approached Snake the Oxymoron.

"Professor, can I have a dance with you?" Her ugly voice asked with a lustful yearn.

With a sly, smart sneer, Snake responded, "You can have a dance with me. Only if you go to the other side of the hall and wait for me. I will be there in a few minutes. Just wait. Do not come back over here or I won't dance with you."

Bimbo-ass Bianca bounced of like an elephant, believing everything. I was, in a moment, giggling harder than a laughing hyena.

And then it hit me more forceful than a train. More enormous than a meteor. More shocking than the worst thunderstorm or earthquake. Sickness...An impossible reason for all of this ludicrous insanity. My breathing became heavier, quicker, and full of anxiety. Mouth tasteless and stale, and body trembling with confusion, incredulity, and hatred towards myself. After all of these years, all of this time, all of the events and situations that led up to my realization, I had to finally acknowledge the feeling inside. But how could I feel this way after all of my theories, my points not to believe in it? Lost for words even in my own mind.. I could not be.. I could not condole with the improper truism which lay before me. Taking in a cold, sharp breath, for I had forgotten to breathe for a moment, my feet slipped from awe and I fell to the floor with a thud.

Life had thrown me some dice, allowing them to unexpectedly and unpredictably land on snake eyes.

An outreached arm was in front of me. I grabbed onto it and struggled to stand. I inhaled intensely, gazing into the deceiving eyes which brought me into this miserable vitality.

"You okay?" His voice was silkier than ever, something I would've passed over normally.

Chokingly, I said, "Yes. Umm..The floor..it's slippery."

Slippery. Yeah, that's all..

"The night doesn't have to be this dull, you know. I'm handing you permission to visit your friends. Go before I change my mind." Snape half-smiled, which nearly killed me.

Pushing through the people on the dance floor, I eventually found my way to Hermione, who was sitting on a chair near McGonagal. It felt odd preparing myself to convince myself and my best friend of the harsh reality I tried not to face.

"Hey, Maranda, what's up? Isn't this night boring? I had an idea...We should go and dance. Who would it hurt? No one.." Hermione was cheerful when I pulled up a chair to sit with her.

My lips shook. Trepidatious claws ripped at my insides. "Mione... I've ..come to a conclusion. Horrible and disturbingly bad..But a conclusion nonetheless. It concerns Snape."

"Maranda," She took my hand in hers and declared quietly, "I'm glad that you know at last. Let me just tell you that ever since the beginning of the year, I've sensed the feelings you have towards him."

It was a slight comfort knowing the words expressing this would not need to be said. "Theories against it.. Ideas against it.. All of my phobias. I can't like him! It's not humanly possible. Except..Earlier, only a few minutes ago, it all crashed on me as waves during a violent storm. My fear of ...everything.. All a cover up? I only feel ill around him.. Not ill, but...different. Because of all the books I read, I know what to expect if the emotions ever occured. I never, for one split second, could foretell the effects to make a home in my heart or brain or whatever."

"No one ever knows when they'll start liking someone. I knew your phobias weren't phobias at all, but excuses for what your heart really desires. You said to me that you were afraid of being touched, being intimidated, and messing up on something. You said you were scared of a lot. Apparently, you know those were cover ups-Deep inside you yearn to be touched, to be intimidated in the _right way, _and to mess up. Messing up and fighting used to be the only way of you and Snape communicating. Now that it's basically gone, you want it back because getting close to him scares you...Right?" Mione took her hand away and waited for my answer.

I involuntarily nodded, "I'm scared. I never even shared my theories to anyone, and now I seem to be contradicting myself. What do I do?"

She sweetly grinned, "Share them. State your ideas and see if they make you feel any better. If you want to know what to do in terms of dealing with the man, just try and act as normal as always. You are good at bottling your feelings away. It isn't a good thing, but in this case it might be for you. Now, I want to ask, are you going to be alright the rest of the night?"

"I might be. If not, I'll fake sick-not that I need to-and go to bed. Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for being my best friend."

"Your welcome, Manic-Mara."

Feeling a lot better, I got out of my seat and walked across the dance floor and back to my wall. Snape wasn't surprised to see me back. A hatred formed towards him for being so likeable.

"Bianca was dumb enough to believe you for this long..?" A conversation was sparked by me.

"HmmHmHm.." Snape chuckled with his mouth closed and formed a smile, "You noticed that too? At least I didn't have to be the bad one and say it."

"Are you implying that I'm bad?" What was I even replying for?

He shot back, "Perhaps. Every now and then I experience the way you act negatively. All those people you've killed..."

It was clear he was trying to make me laugh, but my mood felt no amusement. "Eh. They deserved it." But I joked back anyways. Now I was at last able to see where the side of liking him was portrayed. . . Everywhere.

Nervousness flooded me like an ocean at high tide, sweeping me into the nebulous water. It had kicked in at full speed..The facts. The ways I hid it away. There was no turning back now, not after I admitted liking him to not only me, but my best friend. Sighing, I felt my arms drop to my side as I began to space out. My eyelids became heavy. Exhaustion pulled and pulled. Time for bed? Time to leave? Or was I tired of this night? All I knew was I could not hint in any way to Snape that I liked him. This whole idea had insanity written all over it, but maybe..just maybe..I could reverse it. Reverse the fondness like you reverse a spell. All I had to do was do what I did best when it came to frustration: Fight with Snake the Oxymoron.

Hermione once told me, a day or so after my amnesia left last year, that your deepest desires are seen while unconcious or in the state I was in. I guess she was right on some level. I'm not an obsessed lunatic who flirts with Snape every second, but I do like him, and am trying to become settled and comfortable repeating that to myself. I have to do that in order to accept it.

I like- Oh I can't even finish the statement in my brain.

"Miss Maguire?" Snapping back to earth, I heard Snape call my name.

I glanced up at him. I was on the floor again. "Huh? Oh, did I slip?"

"Yes, it would seem so. Do you need to lie down?" His voice was completely velvety and caring. I always noticed this when he talked seriously to me, but now it made much more sense _why _I thought about it.

"No. I'll just sit here until I can stand with balance again." I forced a laugh, but stopped as Gilderoy Poptart came over to us.

Poptart practically cried out, "Oh! Maranda! What are you doing on the floor?"

I already heard the hatred in Snape's statement. "She's looking for your brain, Lockhart."

Perfect time to initiate my silly reverse-_Snape-ology_ method, "That was mean, Sir." I stood up from the floor and brushed off my fishnet tights.

"So," Gilderoy ignored the Snake, "Maranda, how are you?"

Why does everyone seem to ask that question when the worst or weirdest day is in process? "Great." I shortly replied.

A sullen, glower look on Snape's face made it obvious he would not settle for my nonsense. "Miss Maguire," He started threateningly, "may I remind you who tolerated your instigating for two years? Your comments are not required here. Hold a civil tongue."

"Well, I won't be holding your tongue then.." Honestly, I had no idea where that smart-alek remark emerged from.

Lockhart jumped in, "Ah..Maranda, why don't you take a walk. We don't want you leaving for the Hospital Wing, now would we?"

"Are you implying, Lockhart, that I would hurt Maranda?" Snape used my first name. He was getting angry. Irritated. What had I done? Oh no...Fighting... Twiddle thumbs...

"No, Severus," Even Potart was getting louder, "but you would defend yourself.. Sometimes that involves hurting others. I am only saying that you should watch where you point your wand."

**"How about I point my wand up your-"**

"Please!" I yelled, "Stop this! I'm sorry I started with you.. I'm.. I appologize, Professor Snape.. I appologize."

Not knowing what else to do, feeling complete disgust in my choices, I had nowhere else to go but out of the Great Hall. I ran with all my might down to my room. To the dungeons. Why did I have to drag Lockhart into the fighting? He hadn't done anything wrong! I'm shocked at this point that I don't like him too. He is a nice male figure, but not for anything but a kind-of-friendship. I would rather stand up for Gilderoy than myself, simply because I now knew how much of a terrible human being I was.

Returning to my room after a speedy shower, I layed on my bed and wrote my brains out in my journal. Every thought, feeling, emotion, idea, theory, and rant. I explained phobias, the Reverse Snape-ology method, and the fight. If I wanted to succeed in the method and plan I had, I needed to not include anyone else next time. Assuming there was a next time.

I let out a breath of both exasperation and annoyance. Whining wasn't my usual way of venting, but it was the only way I could get to sleep with some frustration gone. All I knew was that if liking Snape was this hard to get rid of, I might have to give in to the fate of snake eyes.

_Roll the dice again, Maranda. Roll the dice again._


	19. Biting

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. Insert words here. I do not own J.K Rowling's work. Nor will I ever.

A/N: Oh freakin A that chap took a lot out of me. It was so intense to write and had so much work and thought put into it. I needed to read it all over again just to believe what I wrote. So it's finally out in the open. I couldn't drag it along anymore. Nothing's going to happen though...or will it? hahahaha. im evil.

_Chapter 19: Biting _

"Ugh.." I awoke to the new day. Sunday.

Was it possible to have a hangover from a night of realizing you liked someone? Or maybe this pain originated from me falling twice on my butt last night.

A knock on my door made me jump out of my bed. I shook my head so my hair wasn't terrible, for I certainly had no desire for more teasing about my messy morning self. Now that my hair was fallen in place, I felt it alright to open the door. Sure as rain, Snape towered in my doorway.

"Good morning, Sir." I tried to act innocent, for his facial expression showed discontent.

Snape pointed at me for a second, "You, Miss Maguire, I have a request for you today."

"Erm... Okay? Go on." A strand of hair fell in my face, but I left it there. It was insignificant and not bothersome at all.

"Well," He folded his arms and scowled, "I am in need of your help today. Would you mind coming in my room for the day to help me clean up? It seems Peeves has trashed my cupboards, my desk, and my private study. I would like a hand, that's all."

Stomach in knots, I knew I could not deny him. "Sure..As long as I can have a lunch break."

"Well, if you must." He smirked and added, "I was under the impression that you wanted to starve yourself."

Heh. He was funny when he wanted to be. Oh, I hate this. Catching me in thought processes of liking him. This is freakishly odd. What could I do? How about stop considering him as someone to have a crush on?

Snape caught my attention, "Alright then, come into my room around ten."

He left the room and I fell on my bed. The sheets were comforting, but I knew I had to get dressed. I looked in my clothing trunk for something old to wear. At least old clothing woudn't matter if it became dirty or worn out. At last, towards the bottom of the trunk, I found an old blue t-shirt and some rugged jeans. The shirt was a little short on me, showing maybe an inch of midriff. The jeans were baggy, but who cared what I looked like? I just wanted to feel comfortable.

The time was nine-thirty. I made my bed and sat down for a few minutes writing in my journal. My plan was to start fighting whenever Snape left a loophole in his speech or actions. Reverse Snape-ology had to work, or else I would be stuck with my heart's curse. The misfortune of the plan, however, was that I might have to return to the way I was when I first entered the school. Quiet and stubborn.

Only ten more minutes until I became Snape's cleaning slave.

"Enter." Snape's voice called after I knocked on the Potion's door.

Inside the class, I gasped at the mess. There were papers everywhere, books on the floor, and Snape kneeling behind his desk. My guess was that he wanted to clean. Somehting I had definitely not looked forward to, but didn't mind.

Popping up from behind the desk, Snape mumbled and forcefully threw some crumpled papers in the trash. He noticed me standing near the front of the class and said, "This is why I hate ghosts. Especially that prat, Peeves!"

"Peeves is a pest," I agreed, "but don't let him bring you down." I thought maybe Snape would take this the wrong way. I started my method already.

"I do not let him bring me down!" Snape's volume raised, "If you had a room trashed and distorted, you would be distraught too!"

Hehe. Time to be evil, "Sheesh. I think maybe you should calm down. I know what it feels like to have a crapped-out room. Don't forget lil me lived in a torturous orphanage before I came here. They always picked on me, the quiet one, and practically murdered my room sometimes. But here, in this room, there is nothing a little magic and hard work won't do. This world has advantages like that, unlike mine." I sounded optimistic, not malevolent.

Folding his arms and pursing his lips, Snape strode over to me. He stared blankly, but held intense annoyance or frustration. Perhaps neither of those, but I expected him to, at any second, pull out his wand and hex me.

"So," He broke the silence, "Let's clean."

He hadn't yelled, hadn't faught, and had not hexed me at all. My plan was clearly not working. I wasn't mad at myself, just disappointed. It seems as if this 'new me' is preventing any accomplishments at all. I should admit myself to an insane asylum, _pardon me, _correctional institution for people who like their former professors. **Oh!** how rotten of me not to realize that before...He was my professor, and now I like him? Oh, fates have spited me with daggers of truth and unbelievably discomforting facts!

My hand formed a fist and I bit my index finger's knuckle. Snapping back to some reality, I ran over to Snape's desk after putting my hand back down.

"Where do we begin?" My motivation to clean was very fake, but Snape wouldn't notice.

Taking out his wand, Snake the Oxymoron blurted, "The floor. You don't have to pretend to care though." Ok so he noticed.

"Are you going to hex me?" What the bloody hell was wrong with my mouth? I swear my body parts have plotted against me! The only place I could hide was my brain, and Merlin knows that isn't safe at all!

"Yes Maguire," He replied with sarcasm, "I'm going to clean you to death."

Now, I have no idea where my sense of humor originates from, so I wouldn't be surprised if Snapey gave me odd stares for the rest of my life. I began to giggle, which gradually led me into a doubled-over laughing fit. I had experienced the Humor Domino Effect.

While my fit stayed continuous, I saw Snape use some spells to pick papers up from the floor and magically place them on his desk. He cracked a smile. Now I could tell he was holding back a few laughs of his own.

My breath was quick, short, but heavy. Calming a little, my fit ended and I bit my knuckle. I think this is my knew twiddling of thumbs, but worse.

"You finished?"

I answered, "Yes."

My eyes wandered, seeing half the mess was already clean. I stepped up to his desk and he handed me a pile of papers.

"Any tests, place in my top drawer. Any homework goes on top of desk so I can separate them into classes." Snape waited for me to start sorting before he went on with his organization.

The papers were easy to sift through, for not one was missing a name or date. A bunch of them made their way into the top drawer, and the rest went on the desk. When I finished the job, Snape motioned for me to sit.

"I still have that brown book you gave me at the end of last year." I blurted sheepishly.

Snape looked down at me, "Oh. Have you finished reading it?"

Truth was, I hadn't remembered I had it until just then. "No."

"Alright."

"Why," I adjusted my seating position, "do you want it back?"

He put the pile of papers down on his desk, glaring at me afterwards, "Not unless you aren't going to use it. I gave it to you for educational purposes."

Meh, Snape was apparently becoming angered for some reason. I wanted to feed off of it, "I know, but truth is, I haven't been able to read it yet. Sure I glanced at it, but haven't read it thouroughly yet."

I bit my knuckle, but this time Snape noticed...

"Are you hungry," He questioned, "or cannibalistic?"

I took my hand away and blushed, "Neither. It's a bad habit I just acquired."

"Like your twiddling thumbs?" He teased me, making my blush of red darken.

Perfect loophole, I must say, but my mouth would not move for a moment.

I shot back at last, "Leave my damned twiddling thumbs alone! I don't appreciate you teasing me about my flaws and idiotic habits. You don't see me picking on you!"

"There is nothing to pick on.." I could say so much to this statement by Snape, but didn't want him to attack me for it.

"Yeah right!" I snapped, "You are more complex than a Rubix Cube! I'm never able to tell if you are teasing me or starting to fight. I can't read you...You're impossible.." I stood up and wanted so badly to punch him in the stomach for being so right without saying anything.

His voice dropped into a hurt tone, "I'm impossible? How long has it been since we haven't fought? You are the one starting now, Miss Maguire. Why don't you take the rest of the day off? I can certainly handle this classroom on my own. I have for long enough now, so your departure will not affect this room or myself."

"Fine!" I slammed my fist on his desk, "I'll leave! I don't need you either! I've managed my life on my own! Besides, maybe I don't want to clean this filthy room. It won't matter anyways. You know Peeves will be back for you! I hope he screws up your entire week."

As I turned around and walked away, Snape yelled, "Don't come back until tomorrow!"

My plan worked, but I felt guilty. I know I wanted to fight with him to make me not like him, but it hadn't worked. I ran to the library and raided the romance section, throwing a shelf of books on the floor, sitting down, and flipping through each one of them angrily. How absurd could one subject be? Gallant knights, princesses, poor girls finding real love.. All a hoax! Liking someone did not go this way! It was impalement just skimming these books. No one ever wrote about liking someone they never expected to and finding out what to do to stop it. No one wrote for those who hated the mention of love. These books were once my favorite, now just a sham and impasse to everyone who finds out that love does not exist. We like people, but they only let us down. And to think, I used to read these everyday...

_I used to secretly believe in them, didn't I? And because of lack of any good emotions, I decided not to believe in love, just replace it with fantasy novels and romance from stories. _

Sad how long it took for me to finally begin knowing myself. Better late than never.

I walked to the teachers' lounge and sure enough found my group of friends talking with one another. I planted myself on the seat next to Hermione as everyone greeted me. It was time to be true to myself and stop denying my feelings, no matter how preposterous they were.

"Mione," I whispered in her ear as everyone continued talking, "I'm going to tell them. I can't hold it in. And plus, if I let them know, then I'm basically admitting it to myself all over again, which will help me accept it."

She nodded and squeezed my hand for a second. I waited for Draco's conversation to end in order to intitiate my confession.

"Ahem.." I began after biting my knuckle again, "I'd like to talk to you guys for a few."

"What about?" Gwen asked, placing Ringo on the table.

Draco cut in for a moment, "Before you go on, why are you here? I thought you were cleaning with Snape today."

"Yeah, but it's all done." I lied through my teeth so I could get out the truth before I changed my mind.

Ron raised his eyebrows, "Go on.."

This would definitely be harder with Ron next to me... "I ... uhh... Have a confession."

"Yes?" Hermione flashed a faint smile towards me.

I inhaled deeply, realizing this would be extremely hard to say...


	20. Nostalgia Trips & Denial Unfolded

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my plot and characters.

A/N: My birthday was last Wednesday. Yay. Now I can buy scratch tickets. lol anyways.. oh yeah..story..I'm skipping homework to write this. lol. besides, I was absent from school today so it doesn't matter.

Note to those random people who added this and other HP fics to faves: Thank you for liking my story. If you could, would you review sometime?

This is mostly a friends chapter.

_Chapter 20: Nostalgia Trips & Denial Unfolded_

"I like Snape." Finally, my mouth sputtered the words of unbelievable facts to my friends.

Silence.

I repeated myself to make sure I really _did_ say it, "I like Snape."

"What?" Ron sounds very irate, "**What? **You tell me to stop teasing you and you go on and say that? Bloody hypocrite! You're joking, right? You have to be kidding."

"No, I'm not kidding. I have a crush on-"

Hermione hit my arm, making me stop talking. Snape had entered the room, searching cupboards for something. My arm ached from Hermione's nudge. Ow.

Once Snape left the room a minute or two later, I finished my sentence, "Snape. I have a crush on him."

"How can you feel that way?" Gwen asked, obviously disgusted, "He's a nasty old git."

Draco smirked, and then started to laugh, "I'm...I'm sorry," He spoke between laughs, "It's just...I never...expected _hahaha _you to like him.."

"Oh thanks, Ferret Boy. Laugh it up... You know," I sighed, "I thought you guys would support me since this is my first real crush, and not only that but first one I've admitted to. This is besides you, Draco, of course. Besides, you were the one to start our relationship, not me."

Mention of Draco's relationship with me ignited a feeling of nostalgia. What would it be like to be in a relationship with a snake? Oh, I can't do that. I can't think about him like that. Even if half of my brain wants to.. What would it be like to be held by him? I must stop this.

"We support you," Ron sounded unusually kind, "and everything you believe. I just don't understand why it has to be him."

I let out a fake chuckle, "_Ha! _You think I know why I like him? I've been trying to figure it out since the Halloween dance. Geeze, Ron, you don't understand. All of you don't understand..I've tried to fight my way of liking him. I've tried denying it for the longest time-"

"Exactly.." Hermione gave me a sincere smile and pressed on, "You have been hiding it forever, Maranda. I notice when someone likes someone else. Just think of it this way; If you didn't like Snape, you wouldn't have gone through all that trouble over finding ways to patch up the trouble between you. Not only that, but what about when you danced with him last year? We all saw the way you looked at him and blushed after he taught you to waltz. True, I was dancing, but I could still see my best friend swooning over her professor."

My face burned a bright red like a stop sign. I wondered if my cheeks would fall off from being so emberassed. Everything Hermione said was true. I had denied the honesty not only from them, but myself. But, that meant...I had liked Snape slightly when I met him too. I remembered the night perfectly.

Snape had approached me, the lost soul, informing me about the Sorting Hat and which houses were which. He told me to follow him to Dumbledore's office, leading the way with his enchantically billowing black robes. The night was short, and the next day shorter with pleanty of tension. We had faught from the start...I had talked to him first, and back talked to him first, and even stood up to him before anyone else.

"I adored him." My mouth felt dry, but it didn't remain very long as I spoke with accurate honesty, "Watching him teach, learning new things-magical things, feeling somewhat significant...All because of Snape." I softened my voice and stared at the table. "I faught with him almost everyday, not realizing that I was trying only to get his attention. It took me forever to stop fighting, only because I liked it so much. I hated being punished, but fighting with Snape released tension and stress, but also made me feel close to someone for once.."

Hermione appeared to have tears in her eyes, or was that me?

"Maranda?" Hermione poked me gently, whch brought me back to Earth. I _was_ starting to tear up.

I concluded my startling speech, "Snape was my savior, in a way. He forced me to stand up for myself. With that, I guess I began to see a new side to him, so I tried haulting all fights. Although, when he began to act nice to me, I became scared. I was no longer in control, so to speak, of when we faught or not. I knew which buttons to press to make him tick. This morning I pressed a few, but not that bad.. I don't really understand why he's pissed at me.. Anyways, that's all."

A single tear rolled down my cheek. I felt angsty. Not a feeling I liked to hold.

Draco coughed and then declared, "We love you, Maranda, no matter who you fancy."

A short laugh escaped me as more tears rolled down like droplets of rain, "Coming from you, that's rich."

"Hey now," A cheshire-cat like grin formed on Draco's lips, "Just because we had some rough times doesn't mean I don't love you. Same for Ron and everyone else."

I nodded, "I guess so."

Before I could predict it, Gwen, Hermione, Ron, and Draco gave me a group hug. It felt nice to let some tears shed and words be expressed.

"One thing, though, Maranda," Ron blurbed.

"What?"

"Please," hiding a giggle, he requested, "please don't forget to give us all the horny details once you two hook up."

"_Ronald!_" I shouted, "Wouldn't you not want to hear the details, or are you **denying **your secret lust for Snape?"

Shaking his head in disbelief, Ron replied, "No...I'm not you."

No response from me, for I was busy laughing too hard with everyone else.

0o0o0o0o

Sew my mouth together with thread and needles, replace my eyes with plastic buttons, for I might as well be a silent doll. Lately, within the past month and on, it has been so hard to talk to Snape. Ever since that day where I decided to intitiate reverse Snape-ology, things have been...back to the beginning. We haven't fought more than a few tiny disagreements, but we haven't had a real conversation since. Also, I haven't been able to teach a class on my own at all. It's like he is punishing me for something I didn't mean to do.

Which brings me to another point.. I tried to appologize to Snape the day after that, but he scowled at me and said he didn't want to hear any sorries from me. He admitted that he wished not to talk to me until '_I could handle my temper more efficiently.' _

I can handle my temper... He just doesn't know that I can also control it into a bad direction.

So, being December the first, I have come to the conclusion that I need to start sticking up for myself without any reason to. I'm just going to walk up to Snape and tell him that he needs to stop ignoring me all the time so we can work together as well as we did previously.

Yeah, I'll tell him off... As soon as Christmas comes 'round. I can handle this uncomfortable situation until then.

Visiting Hagrid's on a Friday afternoon was better than on a weekend because I liked saving Saturday's for friends. Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Gwen had surprisingly not talked about Snape or my confession to them. Hermione did, however, tell me that she suggested to our friends to leave the subject alone, and eventually I would chat more about it. This was correct, for whenever Snape and I began a tiff, I would run down to one of my friends and tell them. They always helped me through the situation. I should have trusted them earlier; It might have saved me a world of trouble with the Snake by letting me rant and vent.

"Are yeh' doin' well?" Hagrid handed me some of his infamous cocoa.

I wanted to let him know how much I liked Snape, but felt it a bit odd. Despite Hagrid's amiable nature, he was family. And for some reason, talking to family, even the only one person you have left, is more strenuous than talking to friends.

My short and dishonest reply was, "I'm peachy."

Hagrid and I talked for a few about the holiday season approaching faster than a stampede, trampling on all other days of the year to make way for their presence.

"What's wrong?" Hargid could clearly see through my lies.

Calmly and rationally, I began confessing my liking of Snape to Hagrid. "Snape...I have found myself wondering and wondering about him all these days. Come to find out, I fancy him. It's odd, strange, and so weird that it makes my explanation redundant, but it's all true. I like him."

"I knew it." Hagrid blurted, which caused me to go in shock.

"You," I pointed to the burly man, "You..You knew?"

He explained, "I could tell. I saw it in the way you glanced at him and heard it in the way you spoke of him."

Taking a deep breath, I lashed out, "Boy...I must be oblivious... Everyone seemed to know except for me!"

"At least I'm truthful." Hagrid gave me a comforting smile and pat on the back.

The remainder of our conversation revolved around Snape's indesipherable behaviour, from ignoring me for no reason to acting like a seraphim. Of course, if Snape were an angel I would definitely want to go to Heaven...

**Damn me and my stupid crush! Damn me!**

I can handle my feelings, but I cannot tolerate the corny statements that come with it. It's like a package you open up just a tiny bit, for you know you don't want what's on the inside. But then you open the rest anyways because you are dumb. Like me. Hahaha.

Venturing back into the school, I was surprised to see Draco and Mr. Malfoy talking in the Entrance Hall. Lucius had a displeased look upon his face, so I dared not bother him nor Draco.

"Miss Maguire?" But he sure did spot me and call my name.

I answered back, "Hello, Mr. Malfoy." At first, I only waved, just in case he wanted to say hi but not actually talk to me.

"Would you join me for a moment?" Lucius wanted to see me for something, so I walked over to him and Draco. What an odd moment, being with the Ferret and Father o' the Ferret.

Asking what he wanted, I tried to sound ready for anything.

He replied with a question, "Would it be so much to ask if you could assist Draco in a small task?"

_Like what? Hunting down tapioca pudding?_ "Sure, like what?"

"Father thinks," Draco added, "that I should ask someone's help for this chore Lockhart gave me. He just piles on work as if I had no life of my own to attend to. He's asked me to take back all the books he borrowed to the library, and then to find some more for him. The problem is, he has over ten books to borrow on his list, and I am completely sick of doing all of his work."

Inside I was laughing, but I tried to stay still. "Alright. I love the library, so there's no problem there. Umm...When are we doing this, though?"

Lucius jumped back into the conversation, "As soon as I leave, actually. Lockhart is waiting in his classroom for Draco. Truthfully, Lockhart is a bit too fruity to be bossing my Draco around all the time. I don't know where he gets the pushiness."

"Neither do I," I admitted playfully, "but he isn't all that bad. Sure, he is bossy to Draco, but that's probably because Gildie never got along with him in the first place, and now thinks he has the right to shove him around a bit. If I get enough time, I will try to say something to Lockhart about his problem."

"I appreciate that very much, Miss Maranda." Lucius jumped from my last name to first. I wish the authoritative people I knew just used my first name to make it easier.

Draco and I left for Lockhart's within a minute or so. We conversed about nothing important on the way up.

Once in the Defense Classroom, Lockhart instantly greeted me with a smile as he gave Draco a list of books. Gildie Poptart took a stack of books from his desk and handed half to me and half to Draco.

"I really appreciate your help, Miss Maguire. Draco would have done this by himself, but according to Lucius Malfoy, I give too many chores." Standing back a foot or two, Lockhart kept a solid glare at Draco. Lucius must've scared Lockhart.

My simple reply was, "No problem." And then, trying to get a good grip on the books, I added, "Lucius is a nice man. He only wants what's best for his child. Maybe, if you'll excuse my bluntness, you should stop being so harsh on Draco."

I didn't want to hear any excuses before doing chores for Poptart, because that would obliterate my do-good mood. And no, we didn't want that.


	21. Flight Of The Snowball

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

A/N: My appologies for taking so long. I had some college interviews and things to attend and it took up most of my time. Sorry all. -smile-

_Chapter 21: Flight of the Snowball _

The library was not overpopulated today, but it never really was. Draco by my side, we returned the ten books Lockhart the Poptart borrowed. Then, to finish the chore, we took our some more informative novels for him. Hoorah, what a joy it was to do chores and work and work and chores. My mind is redundant when I cannot think. I'd laugh at myself, but I know Draco would give a strange look to me. That is why I will keep on doing as Ol' Master-Poptart asked.

_It was a cold winter's day, sitting in my room, after completing the tasks that were once at hand. _I was finally done helping Gilderoy, so Draco brought me to my room and left after a fond farewell.

Night approached pretty quickly, and the day wasn't even eventful. Sure I didn't just sit around all day, but I didn't move either. I went to supper with a grin planted on my face. A content mood played around in my mind, causing me to one minute, love the day, and another minute, hate the day. Basically, my emotions were schitzophrenic tonight.

Sitting by Hermione, I began eating my supper in silence. Snape was next to me, and it felt as though he was about to stab me with a fork.. Or worse, a spork. Maybe sporks weren't worse, but they were harsh weapons. . . I have got to get my head checked by a doctor. Seriously.

"Yeah.." I sighed to myself.

Hermione heard my sigh and asked, "What? Are you alright?"

"Just tired, Mione. Just tired."

"Well," She began with a wide smile, "You won't be tomorrow. It's snowing, so maybe we can gather our group after classes and have some fun."

Shrugging, I answered, "Sure, I guess so. It could be fun."

And that was that. Supper continued on with barely any words spoken between Snape, Hermione, or me. We would all encounter the end of the day soon. The moon was very eager to rise in the velvet sky tonight. That was no lie.

0o0o0o0o

Last night's sleep barely existed like the hair on Filch; Able to reach out for it but there's nothing to grab hold of. I scrambled out of bed and to my feet, racing with time to change and enter breakfast early for once.

"Good morning, Miss Maguire." Greeted Snape casually. "You're early today."

Dear Zeus' Lightning, I just sit down and my legs are shaking. My hands are leaves flapping softly in the wind as butterflies play around in my stomach. Oh no, the sickness...The sickness of liking someone has taken me full on today. I must cope.

"Hello, Sir." I managed to choke up.

The stir-fry of burnt bacon and runny eggs was giving me heartburn. I couldn't eat anymore after three minutes of chewing on the sloppy mess.

"Did you have trouble sleeping last night?" Clearly Snape was not finished picking at the topic.

"Yes."

Placing his fork on the table, Snape advised, "You should take sleeping potion. If you have none left, I can supply it to you. I have one new flask already made."

"Show off," I mumbled to my plate as I scooped in one last bite of soupy eggs.

"I do not show off," Snape snapped at me almost playfully, "I just work exceptionally good in what I teach and expert in.."

My strength held back a grin, "You are an expert on sleeping potions. It's a wonder why you didn't fall asleep while teaching then."

Joking was an option between us once more. It felt really odd just randomly jumping into a friendship again, so I stood and left before the situation got weirder or worse. The day was new and fresh, ready to be taken by the horns and directed in any path I chose. Hermione had mentioned gathering our friends together and playing in the snow outside later. I suppose that meant no Hogsmeade for us today?

Correction, there was no Hogsmeade for anyone today. As I walked through the school halls, I heard a few older students saying Filch had gotten a touch of the flu, and was recovering today. Plus, every once in awhile, there would be a week off from Hogsmeade. Dumbledore found a day where the chaperone was sick a perfect day to skip the trip.

My feet wanted to drag me to the library, but then I would most likely be entrapped by novels, thus wasting my whole day. So, I decided to go outside, after obtaining a long coat, and wait until someone came along and talked to me. Besides, how often have I sat outside and relaxed? About none. Maybe once or twice by a huge oak tree, but never during the winter.

Powdered snow crunched lightly beneath my feet as I stepped happily outside. The sun painted warmth across my rosy cheeks while the icy wind bit fiercly at my nose. Only three or four students were outside building snowmen, but they looked about ready to go back inside. I found a bench nearby and brushed the snow off. I sat down, ready to do absolutely nothing.

A couple of lonesome minutes squirmed by unnoticed. Pretty soon, I found myself spacing out. I didn't really notice anyone or anything around me. Just stared at the blinding light reflecting off the snow, which should have killed my eyes.

My eyes fixed upon a flying snowball...Flying, flying, and landing in front of my feet. I frantically looked around, trying to find the source. Sure enough, Draco and Gwen were approaching me with huge grins of happiness plastered on there face as if any other emotion was not possible.

"You almost hit me," I said while standing up.

Gwen giggled, "I was aiming for the empty seat next to you."

Hermione was now visible as well, along with Ron, who was already covered from head to toe in snow.

"What happened to him?" I questioned as the group was now together.

Ron scowled and grunted, "_Draco _decided to push me in the snow bank while I wasn't looking."

"Also called," Gwen informed us, "a _white wash._"

I smirked and bent down to grab a handful of snow. "Are we going to play now?"

While slowly backing away, Hermione answered, "I suppose we should now that we're all here."

"Wait," The white pile dropped from my hand, "I have an idea. Why don't we play snow-tag. Whoever is it has to hit the others while we run away. Once someone else is hit, it'll be there turn to be it."

"Even better," Draco suggested, "once someone else is hit, they sit and can only be back in the game if someone running taps them on the shoulder."

"So...Snow-Dodgeball?" Ron chuckled.

We all nodded to one another and were ready to play. I screamed, "1, 2, 3...**not it!**"

_"Not it_.." called Mione.

Draco yelped, "Not it..not it!"

Before Gwen could speak, Ron shouted, "I'm not it!"

Gwen was it, and everyone who wasn't began running around the field, hiding behind mounds of shoveled snow. I dove behind the bench I sat at earlier, near the door, and made as many snowballs as I could. It was a silent rule that we could still try and hit the person who was it. Gwen wasn't running towards me, so I knew I was safe for now. Draco came over to me and started talking of a plan to get Gwen. I didn't register a word he said at first, but nodded anyways.

"No!" I heard Ron squeal like a little girl. He had obbviously gotten hit.

Draco ran into view of Gwen, who chased after him like a wild animal on the hunt for prey. I rolled out of my hiding place and felt a cold lump hit my head. The rules were to stay where you were hit, so I sat upright to see where Gwen was. When I sat up, I saw Gwen laughing at me. She had somehow hit everyone, and was declared winnner. What a short game!

"Everyone out from where they are!" Gwen shouted as we all crowded around her.

"Who's it next?" Ron asked, hoping it was not him.

In a short breath, Gwen answered, "I think if the person who is it wins and hits everyone, they should be entitled to choose who is next."

Agreeing, we nodded our heads simutaneously.

"Therefore," concluded Gwen, "I choose you, Manic-Mara."

My mouth agape, I felt like I had no time to think of a strategy. Everyone scuttled from my sight, leaving me in the middle of my own thoughts. First target: Gwen. She would pay for picking me to be next.

Grabbing some snow woke my hands up. I ran near a mountainous snow pile, glancing to see if Gwen was nearby. She was giggling, which made it easier to track her down. I shot the first ball of white at her back, but missed. She saw me and began to ran. I chased after her quickly and soon enough hit her in the back of the leg. One down, three to go.

My aim wasn't very good. I hit Ron easily though, for he did not see me crawling up to his side. The last two waiting to be hit were Hermione and Draco. Unfortunately, I was too slow to catch Draco freeing Gwen. I needed to stop for a minute to breathe. The cold air stung at my lungs, but did not hault my playing. My new plan was to throw snowballs everywhere and see where they landed. I stayed far enough away from draco so that he couldn't see me, but close to have an acceptable hitting range. My snowball flew high in the air...near Draco...falling..falling...hitting perfectly on his shoulder.

Gwen somehow teamed up with Hermione. They started to throw snowballs near me and freed Draco and Ron. Now I had to start all over again. But I wasn't complaining. The game was fun, entertaining, and helpful to my health. Gwen threw some snow at my head, but it landed near that bench. That stupid bench that was in my way. Draco was covering it like a guard, making it impossible to have any safe ground.

I picked a large pile of snow up and mumbled, "No more Miss Nice Girl."

The huge ball whizzed at Draco, forcefully pushing him onto the ground. Ron ran to his side, ready to tag him, when another one of my snow bullets flew towards his arm. The ball missed, ultimately shocking me where it landed.


	22. Frozen

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters. NO, I don't own Green Day's song.

A/N: Beware slight OOC

_Chapter 22: Frozen _

"I cannot fathom the reality of your snowball hitting me." Severus Snape, tall and intimidating, stood near the school's exit. He brushed the snow from his shoulder.

I was still alive...A very bad sign. Gwen, Mione, Draco, and Ron stepped out from there hiding spots, or got up from there sitting areas...Wherever they had been. They were now behind me, not close enough to hear my jackhammer heart pounding my insides, but enough to see my breath freeze in the air at a quicker pace than usual.

Would I get away with a mere appology? No...Not in this situation. The mother of all nightmares had come true. I hit Snape with no escape button nearby. I gulped again.

Snape took the silence as an invitation for trouble, "You are all quiet. No support for Miss Maguire this time, hmm? All her fault? What if I had hit you? Would it be funny? oh," He shook his head with warning, "I know laughter is not heard on the outside, but I can sense it burning away at the layers of respect you have for authority, waiting to explode without grace."

No one moved. No one blinked. We were practically dead.

"...Sir..." No, not my voice, but Hermione's.

"Stop." The simple statement from Snape caused the earth to stand still.

In such an unlikely fashion, Snape picked up some of the deceitful snow and formed a ball. "I cannot hand out detentions to those who are not my students. Instead..." He whipped the snowball, which painfully knocked on my head.

**"Ow."** I wiped it from my face and felt like having a heart attack. Snape just threw a snowball!

Fast, faster, fastest.. My heart pumped blood to my blushing face. Running was heard, even playful screaming. The sun blinded me as I was knocked to my back by another snowball. He was fighting. He was throwing them at everyone; Playing a game with us. Impossible. Just...Impossible. I got to my feet and ran behind a snow bank. Snape followed, taking his anger out on all of us by engaging in a snowball fight. The end of the world must've started, for no one on earth guessed this would have happened. Maybe he would kill us or harm us, but never begin a snowball fight. I swore on my life Snape would never show a fun side publicly, let alone with his former students.

The air yet again attacked my lungs, for I had been running quicker than my body was used to. Snape was an awesome player. He ran more than I had ever imagined. His arms threw snowballs like a damned catapult, almost always landing perfectly on one of my friends. The time was a speeding bullet, yet I felt frozen in it's seconds. Slow, sluggish, but swift and hastened.

"Who thought he would do_ this_?" I asked Draco dumbfoundedly when I came across his hiding spot.

He replied out of breath, "I don't think anyone would have, but I'm not complaining. It's about time the old git showed us he was a human being and not some masochistic robot freak."

Draco ran to another hiding spot, leaving me alone. I pondered hard, trying to tell myself over and over again that this was all very real. I was almost convinced when another snowball hit me. Snape was closing in one me, so I darted to another pile of snow.

"Miss Maguire," _Shit, _I was caught.

Trying to stand up, I was knocked again to my back by a chilling ball.

"Ok, Sir.." I looked up at the intimidating man, "Why? Just why? Why are you _playing?_"

He took a second to smirk with an evil glint in his eyes, "I'm punishing all of you. I am not playing, but merely ... getting even."

Sharply, Snape arched his back. He had been hit. He turned around and pelted Gwen in the leg with a snowball. She ran from the scene, yelling to everyone that he was going to kill them all. I stayed helplessly in the snow, unsure of why I was there. Yes, the snow was obviously chilly, but at this point I had no concerns about my health. The oddest of odd was taking place, and I was in too much of an awe to care about anything else.

"Are you going to stay there all day?" Snape shot a threatening glare at me.

My only reply was, "Uhnn.." My mouth was either numb or dumb. I'd bet on the second choice.

Lying in the snow, I became silent as a snowball hit Snape in the head, then one in the back, and then one in his arm. He fell forwards, landing with one arm supporting himself as he hovered over me. He placed his other arm on one side of me to surely support himself so he could not fall...on me..

His eyes were dark pools of mystery dripping into mine. As I inhaled I could smell his masculine scent. We stared at one another with no emotions portraying themselves, but I knew my trembling lips and shaking hands gave something away. Time completely froze like the ice dangling from the school's roof. Everyone seemed to slow around me; All laughter and shouts ceased, The wind surrounded us and blew through our hair in an intangled mess, and -without a doubt- I felt my breathing come to an end. I was lost in his beauty..Lost in his entrapment. So lost and not a single glimpse of an exit. Snape had finally won me over without attempting to. I sunk into the snow, leaving the world behind, taking the Snake with me. His gaze deepened. He lowered his body, but only to help himself off of the ground...

I took his outreached hand and he aided me to stand. My shaky legs made me wobble a bit, but I stood with upmost...klutziness.

"I think I've had enough fun for one day." Snape mumbled.

I was a melting statue, weak and motionless in my own emberassment. "Yeah," I forced out of my mouth.

The Snake slithered in the snow towards Hogwart's entrance. My eyes directed themselves to seeing Hermione, Gwen, Ron, and Draco in awe. They clearly had seen what they did to Snape.

"You ok?" Asked Draco as he pat me on the shoulder.

"I..." My trance-like state appeared in my speech, "..I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up when December ends."

My feet dragged in the snow, creating shoe marks. I knew they were sorry- I wasn't mad at my friends. They hadn't done a single thing wrong. Snape...No, mustn't think of him.

0o0o0o0o

Cannot eat. Cannot sleep. Nap time isn't even available for me. I lay in my bed for minutes, close my eyes, but nothing happens. Peeking at the clock, it reads barely after three p.m. Close my eyes again, and eventually becom very irritated with no relaxation.

But after all the tries, I had finally fallen asleep. Now it's near six, close to supper, but I am still not hungry. However, I know it won't be to my advantage if I skip. Worrying my best friends was not on my _'To Do List'_ tonight.

Entering the Great Hall, I saw Hermione shoot a glance at Snape and then at me. I approached the table and sat in my seat, acting as calm as I could. Things would not get worse tonight.

"I'm still chilly from the snowball fight. How about yourself?" Snape asked me while I took a sip of juice.

I put the drink down and stated, "Yeah, I'm a little frozen." Double-entendre in my words? Yes.

Hermione poked my arm to attract my attention and questioned whether I was alright or not.

"I'm fine," I smiled, "just shaken up a bit. You know...It was very unexpected."

"Well, at least he's acting like nothing happened right now." She was right. Snape was acting his unusually talkative self to me now.

Since I was not hungry, I cut my food in tiny pieces to look as though I had eaten some of it. I took another sip of my drink and gulped down hard. The night would be long, I could tell from the nausea bubbling in my stomach. But I took one bite of pot roast to humor myself. It tasted rather bland. I wouldn't be eating this ever again.

My curiosity finally grabbed my entirity. I turned to Snape and asked, "Why _were_ you outside today?"

"Hmm? Oh," He swallowed some supper and replied, "I was outside for fresh air, but when your snowball hit me, I became side-tracked. When I saw you at first, I had it in the back of my mind to ask for your assistance in some potion work. However, you hit me and sparked my revenge side to show itself."

"You know it was an accident...My hitting you, that is."

Snape half-smiled, "I know. To tell you the truth, I didn't expect my reaction to be so..._fun._"

"You aren't the only one who's surprised, Sir." I tried not to, but couldn't help bite my knuckle.

"Alright.." He now sounded agitated, "I think it's about time you stop addressing me as _sir._ It shows great respect, but I am no longer your professor. We work together, so there is no need to fear using my first name."

_Oh gods in outer space on the nebulous path to black holes and alien life form_, he wanted me to say that forbidden first name. "But wait," I found a loophole, "I can't say your name. You never use _my_ first name. So you just proved yourself a hypocrite."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "I use your name sometimes, Maranda. There's no harm in being on a first-name basis with me. I promise I won't murder you."

Severus..His name was engraved in my mind..Severus.. I couldn't say it..Severus.. "Sir..." I caught myself, "I mean... Severus, Why now? Why didn't you ask me to call you this before, at the beginning of the year?" His name accidentally rolled gently off of my tongue again, "Severus."

"I never really noticed until you began calling me _sir._ I truthfully hadn't found the chance to tell you. But now we're here, talking, and I reminded myself. That's all."

There had to be more than that...No? I replied, "Oh. Alright."

"Monday," Snape altered the subject, "would you be willing to help me out in my classes again? You sort of stopped helping altogether, which was partially my fault."

I quickly said, "Sure."

After that statement, Snape ceased talking. Supper had finished in no time, leaving me ready for a good night's sleep.

My room was freezing cold, so I bundled up in about three sweaters, a pair of gloves, two pairs of socks, and two pairs of pajama bottoms. If Snape were to come in now, he would probably laugh his arse off.

Not like I want him to come in this room or anything.

My journal was ready to be written in, so I let my words fly at the paper, not caring where or how they landed. As long as my words were there, I would be satisfied. Funny thing, words.. You can say what you mean and not mean what you say, or mean what you say but not say what you mean. If emphasis is on one wrong word, you can be in a lot of trouble. Or, if you say something like: 'I like you.' plain and simple with honesty, there is no misunderstanding and you are home free. However, if you say 'I like _you_,' it might be mistaken as sarcasm or exaggeration.

Words can be gifts or weapons. They can be torturous or heavenly. More powerful than thoughts, for they can start wars...End lives... Or, on a happier note, they can heal and protect. Also, they can express emotions such as faith, joy, and even (my least favorite) love. But if words were so powerful, why couldn't I use them sensibly out loud?

Oh I know why.. Because I am a sodding idiot.

My bed was quite comfortable, especially with the layers of clothing piled on my body. I wanted to be knocked unconcious and not awoken until spring time. That wouldn't be such a smart plan though, for I would miss Christmas with my best friends.

While I think of friends, I recall Hermione saying a couple of phrases telling me that Harry and Seamus had written letters to our group. A chance to read the letters for myself hadn't corssed yet, so I planned to give them a look later. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the day after. Hermione said the letters explained how Harry and Seamus were doing, and that they missed us terribly. They also said they would try to visit during Christmas vacation, which started in a little more than a week.

So my life wasn't exactly dull lately, but it wasn't fun and dandy either. Snape might stay in his almost friendly stage if I steer clear of my temper. Although he and I seemed fine, I felt a ping of weirdness between us. Most likely on my behalf because I am a strange girl and fancy my former professor. Dear french fries on toilet seats, how did I become so unbearably hypocritical to myself? I was my own oxymoron. Not like Snape, for he can change when he wants to. I'm just a mess. Manic-Mara the Oxymoron. More like Manic-Moronic-Mara.

Eh, enough thinking for one night. I will sleep in my twenty layers of clothing only to wake sweaty and gross. Why? Because my bedsheets will add unnecessary heat and make my brain think it is summer. Next thing I know, I will be wanting to swim in the ice and skate on the water.

_Who's got the suntan lotion?_


	23. Dipping And Elegance

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

A/N: this chap and next chap are crucial, addictive, and significant to every hp chap i've ever written. Have fun reading it and I hope you all enjoy it just as much as I do. The next one, I promise, will be just as addicting.

_Chapter 23: Dipping and Elegance _

_The day before Christmas Eve. _Students all over the school were preparing to leave for vacation. The Yule Ball would normally take place when vacation ended, but instead it had been moved to tonight. Currently, I was sitting next to Severus, watching very closely at the quiddich game in front of us. Hermione actually arrived early enough to sit one seat below me, giving me the chance to speak to her whenever I wanted. The only problem was that I was not in a talkative mood.

Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor, Hufflepuff in the lead by one point. The Hufflepuff team obtained some new players this year. Players that had enough smarts to trick the Gryffindors multiple times. I'm sure if Harry were here he would have a fit.

The game was almost over, for the snitch had been spotted and the seekers were chasing it like madmen. As expected, the Gryffindor seeker caught it only after the Hufflepuff seeker was hit with a bludger, thus ending the game. I had made it! Sucess of not talking to Snape and not screwing anything up. I made a plan this morning not to talk to Snape until tonight at the ball. That way we wouldn't fight during the day and have a horrible evening. Unless of course he made it a horrible night.

"So what dress are you wearing tonight?" Hermione asked me while we walked through the halls.

"We're allowed to wear a dress?" my confused self added, "I thought we had to wear teachers' robes at dances."

Hermione shook her head and grinned, "No, Dumbledore is letting us dress up for the Yule Ball and the Prom when the time comes. I've already chose to wear a long silver dress with tulle on the bottom. It's really pretty. My Mom let me take it with me this year. It was her prom dress long ago. It's not too dressy for a ball."

"Nothing is too dressy for a ball.. It's a _ball._ Maybe I'll wear something like you. I have dresses I never wear. I'll go look in a minute or two." We neared the corner to the Grand Staircase. I waved to Mione and walked the opposite way towards the dungeons.

Finally in my room, I looked in my huge trunk for some possible dresses to wear for the ball. There were a few I had already worn last year and the year before, so I looked some more for any that I hadn't even touched. I found a white dress with a corsette top. I never realized I had it, so there was a good chance I hadn't ever worn it. I wasn't really into white clothing, especially not for a formal party, but I felt anarchistic towards myself and my rules, so I wore it after all.

I stepped out of my room and into the bowls of the dungeons. The halls were always chilly, but for some reason they didn't feel too bad. I walked the long and lonely way to the Great Hall, happily discovering Hermione and Draco standing outside of the door, hopefully waiting for me.

"Hey guys!" I shouted as they smiled at me.

"This sucks," Draco bluntly stated, "Mione and I have to open the doors for everyone. It's _common courtesy_. Personally, I'd like to smack Lockhart in the head for asking us to do it."

I faked a laugh, "Heh. Yeah well good luck. When are you guys going to be in?"

"About fifteen minutes." Mione frowned with her answer.

Opening the Great Hall doors, I smiled and went on. Upon entering the hall, I was surprised to see most of the students already dancing. Unsurprisingly, I spotted Snape standing near a wall which overlooked the middle of the dance floor. He was scowling as usual. With my best foot forward, I walked towards him and prepared for a night of nothing.

"Good evening, Maranda." Snape spoke my name.. I still had to get used to hearing it and addressing him with his first name right back.

"Erm.." My stomach lurched, "Hello, Severus." Already my body felt like combusting.

The conversation died. It hit a dead end. Kicked the bucket. Pushed up the posies.

Ten minutes went by with no words or friends to save me. Everyone was busy except for Snape and I. He just stood intimidatingly next to me as I drowned in boredom. Listening to the orchestrated music was fantastic, but not being able to dance was tormenting. Not being able to calm down was tormenting. It was time to get a drink.

"Severus," I caught the Snake's attention, "Do you want something to drink? I'm going to grab some punch."

His subtle smile sent shivers down my spine, "Yes, thank you, I would love some punch."

Approaching the refreshment mini-bar, I realized Gwen was in charge of drink and Ron in charge of food. I had to wait in a line of three people before actually asking for the fruit punch.

"Yeah, Gwen, give me something hard. Vodka sounds nice." I joked, making Gwen laugh a bit.

She took out a goblet and asked, "No vodka. How about rum?"

"Alright, two glasses of rum. I'm taking one for the gentleman in black way over yonder."

"Snape?" She was no longer joking, "You're getting some punch for Snape? Is he too lazy to get off of his stupid ass and get it himself?"

A small grin appeared as I stated, "He's standing, not sitting."

"Oh," She began to pour the punch into two goblets, "Well then he's too lazy to move his stupid feet to the refreshment stand."

Ron heard our conversation and teased, "He just wanted to see Maranda swing those hips of hers all the way across the hall."

The death glare gave Ron a hint to shut his trap. I took the two drinks, thanked Gwen, and walked back to Snape, who showed no gratitude.

As I downed my drink, my eyes wandered over to the Great Hall doors. In came Draco and Hermione, who were met by Gilderoy. It appeared as if he were lecturing them, or giving them more orders. Draco and Mione walked through the dancing croud to the other end of the hall and stood with Professor McGonagal. Snape noticed my wandering eyes and tapped me on the shoulder.

"Are you uncomfortable, Maranda?" Snape asked innocently.

_With you being all intimidating and snake-like, yes. _"No, but I do wish I could do something else right now. I'm kind of ...bored. No offense."

"Why don't you visit your friends?"

Quickly, I responded, "They're all busy. I'll be back. I'm going to take a walk around the room. Maybe that will spark up some ideas in my head to cure my boredom."

He actually agreed, "Good thinking. If you aren't back in ten minutes I'll send a search party."

Nodding my head, I slowly pushed through the dancing students to the door in the very back of the hall. I decided fresh air on the balcony wouldn't be a bad decision.

Winter actually held an elegance. On the balcony, snow fell gently onto the ground and bench behind me. The black sky shivered with stars from left to right, scattered perfectly above the clouds. I was a bit cold, but the magic of the night devoured my attention. To come outside was a great choice, for my head felt clear, my stomach stopped feeling odd, and the rest of me was at peace. My feet brought me to the railing at the edge of the balcony, and I rested my arms on it after brushing the snow off. The sky cleared up softly, leaving a few more white puffs to hit the ground before stopping. I inhaled the chilly air, which bit at my lungs playfully.

Behind me, I felt a presence. The velvet voice of Snape surrounded me, "Everytime you come out on this balcony, you are drunk. It has been more than ten minutes, so I sent the search party: me. Are you ok, Maranda?"

"_Mmmyeah,"_ I felt weak.

Snape came to the railing and rested his arms like mine. The snow started to fall again, but barely noticeable. He stood there for a minute, staring at the sky. I stared at him.

"Have you ever danced in the snow, _Miss Maguire_?" His voice was heard, but I was lost in his beauty.

My voice cracked, "Uh.. N- no."

Turning to face me, Snape took my hand and brought me to the middle of the balcony. I could faintly hear the orchestrated music from here. I hadn't noticed this previously. With one smooth movement, Snape placed his hands in waltz position. I did the same. We began to sway from side to side. I stared at the sky, unable to believe I was dancing in winter's elegance with the man I ...loved.

Somehow, the stars forced me to change my gaze from them to Snape's eyes. I never had noticed how gorgeous they were. I stared into his eyes and saw the world. Snape stared back at me, but who knew what he saw?

Suddenly, the world was upside-down. Snape had dipped me. When he pulled me back up, I felt my cheeks burning red with a fire of emberassment and wishes that he would do it again. Instead, he placed his hands on my hips. My hands went over his shoulders. We were crossing dance boundaries between professor and student. I was no longer a student. Why were my thoughts going every which way but right?

"..Sev..." My whisper was heard, but I hadn't meant for it to be. I was trying to make sure I was still alive and not in Heaven.

Swaying side to side, ocassionally turning slowly; This was our 'Dance of the Snowflakes.' The snowfall became slightly heavier and noticeable.

Snape finally replied to the whisper of his name, "You called me Sev. No one has called me that for years."

I was in dreamland. My mouth wouldn't open and I could tell soon I would be in school naked or something terribly moronic like in dreams. Even worse, Snape looked ready to hear something from me.

"Nnnn." Apparently I was being punished by my mouth. I was able to make noise, but no real words.

Suddenly, as if a meteor hit earth, Snape pulled me closer and placed one hand on the back of my head. He left no room for me to realize what he was doing. In a single instant, my lips were touching his. But they couldn't be his. His lips always formed frowns, scowls, deathly negative facial features. Now they felt ...utterly delicious. My stomach held sparks similar to fireworks. I swear snowflakes were exploding around us. He pressed on my lips harder, as if to crush them. I closed my eyes. The stars were watching us, laughing at us, planning to shoot me down with disappointment and make me know that this was a fantasy, not a reality. I would wake up soon, in my bed, and know that Snape, the Snake, was just as hateful towards me as ever. Kissing... Oh gods... His lips, so tender and yet so dominatingly tremendous.

He pulled away, and let go of my head and hips. I was free to run away and pretend it never happened. But I stayed. Stared into his eyes confusingly wondering why.

"Severus.." My voice came back_. Surprise surprise_. "I...I... Why?"

As if fate was playing with my head, Gilderoy Lockhart stepped onto the balcony. I hated Poptart.

"Severus," He addressed Snake the Oxymoron, "Dumbledore needs to see you for a moment."

"Alright." Snape had nodded his head.

Lockhart left the balcony. I ran. I ran past Snape and the elegant outside. I ran past the dancing students and great Hall doors. I ran to the dungeons. I ran to my room. I slammed my door. Layed on my bed. Looked for my diary/journal/who-the-hell-cared-what-I-called-it.

_Gone._ My journal was gone. It was missing. Searching high and low, I could not find it anywhere. My written thoughts were no longer with me. Who knew where they were? Not me.

Laying on my bed wasn't relaxing at all. I was nervous beyond belief. My breathing deepened as if I were going to choke soon. Choke on my own deep desires come true and I'll die. Snape kissed me. **Kissed my lips!** And my journal was missing. This night was the best and worst at the same time. I needed to sleep. To die. Maybe I could go into a coma for awhile and avoid Snape and his delectable lips.

I tried to fall asleep in my ballgown. I decided to be tired and lazy and not change into pajamas. Maybe I **will** wake up and nothing will have changed between him and I.

Tomorrow will be the first Christmas Eve I spend in bed all day, pondering life's ultimate despise of me.

Good gracious goobleberries, Snape kissed me and I enjoyed it.

...What's a goobleberry?


	24. Lost and Found

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

_Chapter 24: Lost and Found _

Wake up, Maranda, wake the hell up.

My mind is at war. Fighting the thoughts of those lips touching mine, trying to accept it and reject it at the same time. Severus Snape, Snake The Oxymoron, The Snake, Snakey-Snape... I loathed him. Last night he made me fall for him. Fall into a slight fixation of love. I hated love. I could kill him right now. I could shove him into a vat of acid and make him cry out, '**No! Don't hurt me! I will give you your heart back!**' What fun it would be to hear him yell in agony. He has given me pain by taking my heart. By making me fall in love with him. I wanted revenge. But at the same time I wanted to tell everyone what happened and show off that I somehow got through to the Potions Master.

None of it made sense. Why would Snape kiss someone? He was not the kissing type. He wasn't even the dancing type. Not even the romantic type. Not even...liked. No one liked him, with the exception of me, but how would he know to attack me with his lips and not someone else? How would he know my feelings? Unless he just took it upon himself to kiss me randomly because of tension...No, that's not like him. But none of this was like him. And how in hell would he figure I was the one to kiss?

_That bastard. My journal! _It had to be my journal! He took it! How else would it have left the same night Snape put the moves on me..

Kissed me...

"Oh Hermione.." I whined as I entered the Great Hall for breakfast. Snape wasn't there.

She seemed very concerned, "What's wrong? You left the ball running last night. What's going on?"

"No one would believe me... I need to talk to all of you.. We should all meet in the teacher's lounge tonight."

"We have to go there anyways," She explained, "It's Christmas Eve and we have been invited to the professors' Christmas party. Snape should have told you about it."

My head dropped, "I still need to talk to all of you tonight. I would now, but it needs time to sink in. A Christmas party won't interfere."

I couldn't eat breakfast, so I sat there, staring at the floor. Shocking me, Snape burst through the hall doors and strode down the isle to our table. He sat in his seat and immediately I looked away. I would leave but Hermione would think the worst, and I didn't feel like being chased down and interrogated.

Thank whoever made time, for I only had to wait one more minute for breakfast's end. I told Mione I would see her later, and I left for the library.

"Miss Maguire!" Oh dear gods, not a good time to see anyone.. Luscius Malfoy stood before me in the library, towering over me as I knelt on the floor glancing at books.

"Hi, Mr. Malfoy," I greeted with faux happiness, "What's up?"

He reached out a hand to help me stand, "Nothing in particular, my dear. Draco invited me to the Christmas party tonight. He told me the only reason he wanted me there was so I could intimidate Lockhart. Do you think it will work?"

A short laugh escaped my mouth, "Hahaha, I think so. Lockhart is afraid of Snape, why wouldn't he be scared of you?" The mention of Snape made my heart jump into my throat.

Luscius glanced over a shelve of books and took one with silver binding, "One of my favorites. It's about revenge against one's family's deaths, but the person falls in love with the killer after he seduces her. Nothing good can come from that, can it?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

He handed me the book, "Why don't you read it?"

"I would," I was afraid to say no, "but I have a lot to read at the present time."

"Alright then, I know how to take no for an answer. I suppose I should read it again to touch up on my memory. For some reason I think I missed a part of the story."

A moment passed, so I started to look at the books again. Why was I in the love section again? Oh, because Snape is playing with my mind. Right.

In one swift movement, Luscius brushed his hand against my shoulder. I had worn a t-shirt despite the cold weather.

He smirked and said, "I guess I will see you tonight, Miss Maguire."

"Please," I was really sick of hearing my last name, "call me Maranda. I'm getting a little annoyed with my last name right now. Usually when it's used, I'm in trouble or about to be..." ...Or about to be seduced by the villain: Snape.

"Well, it's only fair then to let you use my first name, Luscius. I'll see you later on, Maranda." He grinned, turned around, and went to check his book out and leave. I wasn't aware that the Father of the Ferret could check out books here. I guess anyone could, as long as the school knew them.

My love for reading stayed strong, but I wanted to leave the library and go search for my journal. It had to be in my room somewhere. I was probably too upset last night to find it. Maybe it's lodged between my matresses or hidded in my clothing trunk.

The room I slept in. The room I thought in. It was a wreck. My clothes were spread about the room, cluttered in corners and tossed onto my bed. Even my dresses were scattered around, along with undergarments and socks. Papers were everywhere, and my bedsheets were awry.

"**_What the bloody igneous rocks in hell is going on?_**" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My wand was on the floor, next to my foot, and I picked it up. Thank fate it wasn't broken.

Since I screamed, obviously Snape heard me. He ran into my room and stated, "What're you shouting f-" He noticed the mess and sneered, "Who did this? How did this happen?"

Anger boiled inside of me. Could I, should I, would I dare blame him?

Before any answer rose to my mouth, Snape grabbed my wand. He said some incantations and cleaned up the mess. My clothes went back into their trunk, the papers went into my backpack, and any other mess was cleaned up. He was playing the hero again.

"Thanks..." I said after he gave me my wand back.

"I'm going to have to teach you those incantations at some point, Maranda." Snape smirked, but I looked away from him. I was not going to allow myself to fall for him again. he pressed on, "You need to come in my room for a moment. I think I might have found something for you."

Stupid me followed him into his room and approached his desk. He took something out of his drawer and handed it to me... My journal..

"You had my journal?" I was definitely angered.

Severus, the Bastard Snake, defended himself, "Peeves took it from you and for some reason dropped it in the men's bathroom. It was on a sink. I took it and brought it here."

"How'd you know it was mine?" I knew the answer, but needed to hear it for myself.

"I," He sighed, "had to flip through the pages to find your name. I honestly didn't read anything...Just looked for names."

_And saw yours, didn't you? _"When did you find it?"

"Last night, before the ball. I forgot to give it to you, though, until today."

"So you...but you..." I gulped, ready at last to know the truth, "You saw your name, didn't you?"

He seemed to turn a shade of red, but I must have been seeing things. In his usual deathly voice, he replied, "I may have, but I didn't read anything. Although, my name did appear many times... Why is that?"

"Why did you kiss me?" I answered a question with a question. I knew I would ask sooner or later.

A moment went by with no answer, and then Snape bombed his words on me, "Alright...I read one page..It was a poem...It caught my eye..Had some significant meaning.. Then I pieced some puzzle pieces together and realized something. And so I took it upon myself to give you something to write about. So I kissed you...Danced with you... Felt like I owed you soething interesting to dwell on."

"Bastard..You bastard...You kissed me for entertainment? You..." I raised my voice, "You led me to believe you kissed me for some good reason, and then you tear that romance up like a bad test paper. What am I to you, an experiment? Do you find it amusing that I have no life and like to express myself in a journal? You probably didn't even get the journal from Peeves, did you? You went through my things and found it.. Let me guess, you destroyed my room too, just to add some spice to your experiment!"

"I didn't touch your room. You are so lost, aren't you? Don't you understand that Peeves has been tormenting you all year long? It's not my fault I found your journal!"

My hands clenched tightly, I yelled, "You are nothing! You trick me with this kind side of you and then rip it to shreds with the jackass you prove yourself to be! What the bloody aching, coughing crap are you doing? You enjoy torturing me? You are a moronic, no-good, evil, malicious, bastardous, thick-headed **oxymoron**! That's right! If you read my journal, you would know what your nickname is! Snake the Oxymoron..." My heart was pounding through my chest. I wanted to kill him.. I wanted to strangle him.. I wanted to squeeze him to death.. I wanted to crush him with my lips as he did to me, but harder. So hard I would draw blood.

"_How dare you! _I knew enough not to read it! So what if I read a bloody poem? It was great! And you think for a second that a nickname will hurt me, you are wrong. Why don't you go back to the orphanage where you belong? I'm sure one of the boys there will love to kiss you.. I'm sure they'd understand your ethics on not believing in love!"

"You flogging read my journal! How else would you know what my ethics are?" I was about to punch him in the stomach.. I swear on Merlin's beard I am about to jump on him and _strangle the life from him._

Snape stepped closer to me, towering over me. No, this would not effect my feelings of hatred towards him.. **"How else is anyone going to get to know you? We have to suffer with your denial and avoidance all the time! Maybe I want to know your ethics! Maybe I want to hear your poems! You are selfish! You write everything in this journal and hide it from the world. What about sharing? I don't even think you tell your friends how you feel!"**

"You don't know what I say to my friends! I don't like sharing information because of people like you! You take my dreams and mock them. Take my thoughts and mock them. If anyone is selfish, it is you! You go around everyday and say nothing more than simple conversation. I am surprised you even talk to me! What the hell is your problem? You have no right to make fun of me! You are far worse than I will ever be. And don't you dare speak of my orphanage again. You do not know what went on!" Oh, my blood was boiling.. About to burst.

He was no farther than an inch from me, breathing down my neck. "I have every right to say anything to you. I am older and wiser."

"Not quicker!" I shouted before my fist flung at his stomach. He doubled over in pain, but grabbed my hand in his. I tried to leave, run, but couldn't move. His grip was hard, as if he was going to rip my hand off.

**"Let go you serpentile jerk!"** My shouts were louder than anything.

I pulled on him, trying to set me free. In a sharp movement, he yanked me closer, able to feel his body. He placed his arm behind my back, but still held onto my arm that hit him. He forced me into another lip-locking torture session. His lips crushed mine, harsh and painful. He let go of my arm, which immediately flung to the back of his head. If he wanted to kiss me, he would pay. I brought his head closer to mine, if that was possible, and kissed him just as hard. He jerked his head away from me, as if I was not supposed to even think about kissing him back. It was his fault, for burnt bread's sakes!

"Leave!" He screamed at me.

I was still being held by him. "How can I go, _Professor?_"

He dropped his hand from my back. I ran to the door, turned around and flipped him off. Then I ran in no particular direction.

What the hell was going on? Oh, I knew I forgot my journal there, in his room, but I didn't care anymore. He could read it. Obviously he knew I loved him, so what did it matter? I would be scarred for life. Good God, he kissed me again. Severus Snape..bastard.

Tonight would approach quickly, but for the time being, a good nap int the Hospital Wing sounded good for me. Hell, a good year or two knocked out sounded good.

Damn, I am in a mess.


	25. Mistletoe Mishaps

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

_Chapter 25: Mistletoe Mishaps _

Tears stung at my face. I had cried for about an hour before realizing it was time for the Christmas party. I washed my face, changed into a red skirt and peasant top, and left for the teachers' lounge. This night would be very long.

"Maranda!" Gwen greeted me as I entered the lounge.

A smile was produced on my face, "Hi guys." The whole group was sitting together, on the two couches we used before.

The lounge was decorated with reds, whites, and greens, reminding me of the Italian flag. There was classical music playing on a small stereo, which game the room some flare. Everything in the room was perfect, until I saw him...Snape..He was chatting with Luscius.

"My dad's here," Draco suddenly blurted. "He's going to tell Gilderoy off for me."

Ron stated, "Yeah because you're so special like that."

"Snape kissed me." I mumbled.

Hermione heard me... Draco heard me...

I repeated myself a little louder, "Snape kissed me."

Ron heard me, Draco heard me, Mione heard me, and Gwen heard me.

"I'm going to have a heart attack," Blurbed Ron.

In my best calm voice, I explained everything from the ball's balcony to this afternoons' attack. I included all of the details, including the words we exchanged. I knew Snape knew I was talking about it, which made me expand even more upon it. I stated how good it felt to punch him in the stomach.. But in all honesty with myself, it wasn't that fun.

"Punch him again!" Ron stated, "He deserves it.. Lousy git."

Hermione warned, "Watch it, Ron, he's close enough to hear us now."

She was right. Snape was leaning against a wall no farther than three feet from us. Oh well, didn't stop me.

I said loud and clear, "He's a pompous jerk."

Luscius was making his way over to us, but turned and started to interrogate Lockhart. Dumbledore entered the lounge, along with McGonagal and many other teachers. The room wasn't cramped surprisingly.

"You still love him?" Gwen murmured to me.

I stared at my feet and nodded. It was true. No matter how hard I tried to hide it, I could not shake the feeling of love that I felt for Snape. How ironic that the one I fall in love with completely hates me. It's not a nice feeling. Especially when he rubs it in by kissing me for entertainment and reasons to be mean. I had so many ideas to get revenge. The right words would scar him for life as he did to me.

"Attention all!" Dumbledore silenced the room, "I would like to say Happy holidays to everyone, and welcome to our annual Christmas party. As you know, or don't know, we always start things off by picking names from a hat. We then have to partner up with the person we picked and play any games with them tonight. Usually we have a number of games, but tonight it's down to two or three. but before we start with any games, we will have refreshments and food in the back of the room. When you are ready, come pick a name from the hat. Beware, if you try to cheat, this hat will know. Cheaters are not welcome here. Now, let our party begin!"

Hermione looked at me, "I know you are thinking you will get stuck with him, but remember not to worry. If you do get paired with him, just try not to pay attention. Lose everything on purpose."

"Oh yeah," Draco sarcastically said, "because that is just the best way to do things."

One by one, people either went to get food or went to pick a name. I wouldn't want to be stuck picking last, so I walked over there with my friends. Draco was paired with Professor Flitwick, Ron was with Gwen, and I was next. I reached my hand into the white hat and scrambled around until I found a paper that had no bad vibes. I took my hand out and waited until Hermione picked to open it.

"We'll open it at the same time," She said, "to make you feel better." We sat back in our seats and opened the parchment.

_Gilderoy Lockhart._ Thank you God. For once, you do not spite me.

Hermione sighed and showed me her paper. _Severus Snape._

"Dear Lord, I'm sorry.." I was relieved but sympathetic simutaneously.

She forced a laugh, "Hah. It's okay. I'll hold back comments to him. At least Lockhart doesn't hate you. You get along fine with him."

"Maranda!" Speak of the devil, Lockhart found me, "I went to pick a name and the hat spit out yours. I guess if you pick first then we have no choice, do we? But, I'm glad I could be your partner."

Jumping out of her seat, Mione stood up straight as Snape approached us. "Hello, Sir," She greeted. Snape looked at me... My world went dark.

"Granger," Snape's focus left me, "I'm paired with you, I see. Let's grab a seat, shall we?"

With Gwen and Ron at the other side of the room, and Draco talking with Flitwick somewhere else, there was only room for Snape and Mione to sit across from Lockhart and I. I slouched in my seat, ready to die. Mione shot a sympathetic glance at me. This seemed to be the night of sympathy.

Dumbledore announced that our first game would be sharades. He said that the team who reached ten points first won. Madame Hooch and Hagrid were first. I hadn't even noticed he was at the party, believe it or not. I had been too involved in dying to pay attention. Besides, he had most likely been talking with everyone, for Hermione and Ron and the others would have said hello too. Unless they had before I entered the room. Either way, the game began. Each team began shouting out guesses as Madame Hooch acted something out. I didn't care what it was at this point. My attention was on Snape, who was giving me a death glare.

Instead of talking, I just used my eyes to talk. With Snape still glaring at me, I copied him and did it right back. He clenched his fists, and I did too.

Draco guessed that Madame Hooch was pretending to be a pirate, and they were right. It was draco's turn now. I broke my glare with Snape and turned to watch Draco. He smirked at me before starting. He got on the floor, hands by his side, and he began to squirm. Someone shouted fish, while others shouted plants and other random things.

I shouted, "_You're a snake!_"

Draco grinned, "Yes!" It was my turn.

Lockhart said, "Good job."

With Draco now out of the spot where the game was being played, I stood there thinking of what to do. And then it hit me. I would get revenge. I would do this.. Taking my hair out of its ponytail, I let it fly free. I placed some strands in my face and stood up straight. I scowled as best as I could and made sure to glare at everyone. There were suggestions that I was a ghost, some said I was the devil. There was a small black blanket on a chair next to me, so I took it and swung it around my shoulders. I took my wand from my pocket and waved it around, still scowling. I glared at Snape and he was surely insulted...Well, I hoped so.

Finally, Hermione yelled, "You're Professor Snape!" I knew she would get it.

Placing my wand back in my pocket, I stayed in the Snape-mocking-mood and stated, "Five points from Gryffindor for being right." Hermione hid a fit of giggles, but I could still see Snape was pissed off. I sat back in my seat after putting the black blanket back.

The game ended with Hagrid and Madame Hooch winning. We all applauded, and went on to play wizard chess with our partners. I won twice out of four times before Dumbledore announced that we could pretty much do whatever we wanted. I got up and walked over to get some juice. On the way back to my seat, Snape stopped me.

"That wasn't very nice, you know." He scolded me.

I rudly gulped my drink before throwing the cup in the trash next to me.

"You two," Lockhart pointed out, "are under the mistletoe."

Why would Lockhart, of all people, point that out to Snape and I? Sure enough, above our heads was a bundle of mistletoe. God spited me after all.

My mouth went dry as more people gathered around us. McGonagal was surprised, but she declared, "The first kiss of the night! I didn't even realize misteltoe was hanging. You two have to kiss or that will jinx your holiday season."

"I'm already jinxed," I stated while looking straight into Snape's deceiving eyes.

"If we must," He said sourly, "We must. Of course, you'll probably prefer punching me in the stomach, won't you?"

That was the last straw! I hastened to plant a small kiss on Snape's cheek. "There, done, over with."

Luscius spoke up, "That was not a kiss."

"Oh?" Snape chimed, "Let's see how a real one is done if you know so much, Luscius."

He did not just set me up for this..

Draco seemed more shocked than electric eels having a hoe down. Luscius slowly came over to me, bending down slightly to reach my height. He whispered, "I'm sorry, dear." His lips pressed onto mine for a moment, then pulled away. Snape was heated. I don't know why. Maybe because Luscius was man enough to accept a challenge.

"That enough, Severus?" asked Luscius as he disappeared into the crowd again.

Snape left my sight, and the crowd dispersed. Hermione came up to me and softly smiled. She and I went back to our seats. Snape and Lockhart were still sitting there, along with my friends. And unfortunately, there was barely any room left. Without thinking, I sat directly across from Snape, and Hermione next to me. This night was horrible.

Out of the blue, Ron questioned me, "Maranda, how's that journal coming along? I know you told us that we could read it soon."

I could tell Ron wanted this to be helpful to me, so I played along. "Oh, it's fine. My story has its downpoints, but new research is letting me have some twists and turns in it. I just don't know where I left it though. Someone said they saw Peeves take it, someone else said they had seen it in the Potions room." I turned my head to meet Snape's eyes, "Have you seen it, Severus?"

"I think I might have it. Is it a normal notebook, or does it have designs on it?" He was playing too, that jerkhole.

"It is just a normal notebook," I added, "but I tend to draw in it sometimes. And write poetry."

He smirked for a split second and finally stated, "Alright, I think I do have it. Why don't you come to my room after the party and get it?"

Ron sideglanced at me and said, "She would, but she's busy later. We're hanging out."

"Umm.." For some reason retrieving my journal wasn't a bad idea, "Don't worry, Ron, I need to get that notebook. Severus, I'll be in your room after the party to get my journal."

After that was said, I walked across the room and talked to Hagrid about random things. He kept asking me if something was wrong, and after all, I pulled him aside and confessed everything. He was sorry, and told me to kick Snape where it hurt. Obviously punching was enough, so kicking was out of the question.

Within an hour, all I did was talk to my friends, some professors, and Hagrid. Eventually, it was time to leave. Hermione gave me a hug and wished me good luck. I knew what Snape was doing. He was going to act like nothing happened. Or maybe not...

As I entered his room, he handed me my journal and said, "Don't ever mock me again. For your information, I was lying about the reason why I kissed you. Apparently you cannot point out liars like you might think. And don't guess for a second that I read more than that poem. Peeves had heard you telling Hermione one time about how you felt about love. I've known for a long time now. Happy Holidays, Maranda."

"That's it?" I questioned, but Snape had left me alone. I left the Potions room and went into mine.

My bed was comfortable, so I lied down again without changing out of my clothes. I wrote everything in my journal, and added that I was disappointed with the outcome of going into Snape's room after the party. There wasn't even a good fight or anything. Just gave me my journal and ended everything.

Vacation was this week, and if I didn't want to, I wouldn't see Snape until New Year's Eve. Tomorrow I would be with my friends all day long, opening presents and laughing over nothing. Tonight, I would be sulking and trying to figure things out. I could still feel Sev's lips crushed onto mine, and I would soon fall asleep with that one thought engraved in my mind.


	26. Everything I Do

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Oy! Let's get some reviews for Maranda, eh:-) I swear I'm not trying to be mean, but if I don't get like two or three reviews soon, I won't post for a month. Hey, hey I know HP4 is out, but cmon guys! (sad face) pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease write a review. I need to know what you guys think. and constructive crit is allowed obviously.

_Chapter 26: Everything I Do _

Christmas Day had been fun. Opening presents and chatting with friends took my mind off of the Snake. Ron actually behaved and said nothing either. I really enjoyed myself that day. And then vacation really started, leaving spaces of time to be filled with nothing but reading. I avoided all contact with Snape whatsoever. I had breakfast in my room every morning, or not at all, and supper too. My time was spent mostly reading, writing, or doodling little broken hearts all over my journal. How pathetic, but I still felt bamboozled and betrayed when nothing had really happened. Besides those kisses of course.

Oh, my lips yearned for Severus' touch, my body tingled everytime I thought about his eyes meeting mine just before kissing. But then my body burned with rage. He hurt me after taking my heart for no time at all. For people like him I hated love.

New Year's Eve. The night I dreaded, for a small get together would be held in the Great Hall. Why the Great Hall and not the teachers' lounge? I didn't know. But we were actually allowed to stand on the balcony this time. Maybe I could just stand there all night long and not worry about seeing that man in black. However, ten minutes until the New Year's party with professors and E.Y.P-ers, and I felt like ditching it altogether.

Dragging myself from my bed, I changed into a little black dress I made earlier. It ended just below my knees and started with a spaghetti strap top. Simple, but good for a tiny party.

"Maranda!" Gwen ran over to greet me as I entered the decorated Great Hall. "You came! We thought you wouldn't because of Sn-"

"Shh...Don't say his name." I half-smiled and added, "It's bad enough to see him."

Silver and gold streamers flew across the hall, along with the starry night sky ceiling and silver floating candles.

Draco patted me on the back, "It's ok. We tied him in the closet and left him to rot."

Just as he finished stating this, Snape was visible. I took in a sharp breath and shook my head. My body was exploding. Severus Snape looked around, and finally found me with his hateful eyes. Taking in another sharp breath sent me into a coughing fit.

When I was alright again, Mione asked, "Fancy some fresh air?"

"Would I ever!" My voice lifted.

Ron, Hermione, Gwen, Draco, and I walked out onto the balcony.

"**_Holy crap! Harry! Seamus! Neville!_**" It was true. Out on the balcony stood my three lost friends. I lept to their sides and hugged the life from them. Oh how I missed them so much.

Neville was first to speak, "We have vacation this week too. Thought a quick visit wouldn't hurt."

"Unfortunately," Seamus frowned, "We heard what a mess you've been in, so we got you a present."

Harry grinned charmingly and took something from behind his back. He handed me a large, brown, cuddly teddy bear.

"Aww! Thank you so much guys!" I gave them another hug and held onto the teddy bear tightly, "I have to tell the truth. I've never had a real stuffed animal. I used to have a stuffed sock with button eyes...How sad is that?"

Seamus beamed, "Pretty sad. But no fear, you have a reminder of us now. So, where is the git so I can slice him into a thousand pieces?"

"Inside." My one-word answer as I remembered that Snape hadn't been locked in a closet.

"Maybe," Harry suggested while scratching his head, "We should go say hi to him. Give him a little reminder that your friends have your back and will give him so much pain if he ever hurts you. Although, we couldn't believe when we heard how you felt towards him. Does he know?"

I hugged the teddy bear, "I don't know. I hope not, but for some reason I can't believe in my hopes lately. He kind of killed me."

"Hmm..." Neville sounded angry, "I think we should say hello. We'll be back in a few minutes. C'mon Harry...Seamus.."

Hermione turned to face me as the others went inside, "We'll be in too. I don't think those three should be talking to Snape in times like these. He'll have a bloody fit! We need to witness this. Are you coming?"

"No," I gave her the teddy bear, "I'm going to stay out here for now. Could you tell one of the House Elves running about to bring my teddy bear to my room?"

She nodded and left my sight. I was alone on the balcony once again. I loved this place even though most of my mishaps took place here. Everything I did wrong came flooding back to my mind. It was all my fault Snape ripped my heart from my chest. If I hadn't fallen in love with him, out of all people, I would still be in one piece. But...Without him... I would still be the old me: Quiet and alone. He was the reason I had friends, for those years ago he had actually allowed me to fight with him. And by fighting, I expressed my stress..and soon expressed everything else. Except for my morals and ethics and dreams. Only now did I realize that Snape had been right: I never share my true feelings. Once in a great while I will, but not with many people.

Insecurity suddenly grabbed at my lungs, causing me to lose breath for a moment. Oh God, I loved Snape. I loved him so much it hurt. Why did I have to love him?

"So, you sent Harry, Neville, and Seamus in to say hello? They asked how I was doing, and then said I upset you, but you wouldn't tell them why... Are you plotting against me, Maranda?" Heavens, tell me I am hearing things. Snape is behind me, all around me, and I can smell his musky scent.

My head dropped.

Snape continued as he stood next to me, "I never meant harm. In fact, I never meant to upset you that much. I didn't think you would mind...I mean..."

"You mean what, Sev? You mean to tell me you're sorry and that you hope I won't take it to heart that I don't even have a heart anymore?" I blurbed too much information.

"Believe it or not," He smiled, "I'm just sorry." his smile disappeared, "Why don't you have a heart? All I did was kiss you."

My mouth quiverred as a tear or two rolled down my cheek. I alas admitted it, "But you took my heart, Snape. You took it and twisted it with lies and harm until it broke comepletely. All because of a couple of kisses. You know, I guess you are right about me not expressing myself much, but what do you know about expression and honesty? You befriended me this year. I thought nothing of it at first except maybe a few changes or something. And then it hit me that I liked you. I was fond of you. I enjoyed being around you. And you ended up being an asshole. Just like I predicted in the first place."

"I'm not an asshole," He wiped a tear from my cheek, "I'm..." His voice faded.

My eyes shut themselves to prevent more crying. Snape placed his hand on my cheek. He hand warm hands.

I wanted to fly away. _Oh God I love you. _"_Oh God..." _

"I'm trying to save you." He finished his sentence.

My words were barely audible, "...From what?"

"From," He moved his hand to cup my chin, "..from me."

I slightly opened my eyes, able to see his handsome face glowing under the moonlight. He lifted my chin, then let go. My lips were almost touching his. I lost myself. I figured _everything_ I do from now until five minutes from now would be crucial to my life. So I went ahead and cautiously moved closer to caress his lips with mine. We started slow, with both of our eyes closing, barely touching one another's lips. Moving closer, my hand swept across his soft cheek, and I kissed him lightly. Open mouth, sensual, romantic kissing. My stomach jumped into a somersault festival. My hand moved from his cheek to his hair, which surprisingly wasn't greasy. My other hand swept across his neck, shoulder, and down to his hand. I laced his fingers in mine, deepening the kiss. Our breathing slowed.

Snape moved his free hand to the back of my neck. The moment was still. Time wasn't moving. Wind circled around us, bringing us closer. I was dying from his touch. His lips were sweet poison. Touch was painfully pleasurable. I could have spent hours repeating this kiss alone. Yet, Snape was the one to pull away.

"Wow," my idiotic mouth blurted. How stupid could I be? I turned every shade of red.

"Funny," Snape raised an eyebrow. He sounded relaxed, "I've never received that reaction before."

I sighed and noticed I was still holding his hand, "So I guess you did that for shits and giggles."

"Who said that? The only thing I'm mad at is the point that you never believe me. Peeves took that journal." Snape had stared into my eyes while telling me this. Maybe it was the truth.

"But," I spoke with some confidence, "I didn't ask what you were mad at.. You're avoiding the topic. Why did you kiss me?"

His grip on my hand tightened, "You know why."

"Tell me… I want to hear."

"Not until you tell me why my name was in your journal over and over again."

Our hands were still locked. I felt like flying away into the clouds. I wanted to scream. My reply was scattered, "I…You…"

Severus raised both eyebrows. I hesitated. Was this the chance to answer? Was this the only time I would be able to hold his hand and not feel freaked out by it?

"I… Severus, there are some things better left unsaid."

"And some topics aren't."

I let go of his hand, "This isn't one of those able-to-say-topics."

"Then I cannot tell you why I kissed you."

"Frankly Sev," My heart pounded insanely as I quoted and old movie, "I don't give a damn. You cannot accept that my journal is private, so why should I care?"

My cheek was touched by his hand. I wanted him to hold me close. And just my luck, the spaghetti strap on my left shoulder dropped. I couldn't help but giggle. That was the worst response ever! However, Snape ignored it and, with care, fixed the strap for me. His hand brushed against my shoulder, which sent my body into a bad explosion of feelings. We could suddenly hear shouting of numbers counting backwards from ten to one. Snape and I both looked at each other with surprise written on our faces. Neither one of us had realized it was almost New Year's.

_"Happy New Year!" _Several screams, cheers, and yells were heard from inside.

Shockingly, my hand had been raised by Snape, who kissed the back of it sweetly. My intake of a large breath was followed by intense emotions bubbling in my stomach.

I guess my breath was noticeable, for Snape asked, "Are you having problems?"

"Yeah...You..."

"Maranda, that was too cliche even for you. I'll tell you why I kissed you if you really want to know." He let my hand go.

I shook my head, "No...It's too late now. Maybe another time, another place. For now, we need to go back to the party and act civilized as though nothing happened. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but it won't work. Somehow I think you might be nothing but a serpent all your life. Even if sometimes you prove not to be so slimy. Happy New Year's."

Pushing through the balcony door, I went inside the Great Hall. Snape was behind me, but we went our separate ways. I explained everything to my friends. They seemed really pissed off, but I told them not to care for now. I knew that one day, one moment, we would meet again in a predicament to share ideas with each other. Tonight was not the night. It was New Year's, and time to start anew. My resolution would be to not let Snape get to my heart ever again. Not even with great snogging.

Harry, Neville, and Seamus would leave Hogwarts in three days, which really sucked, but they promised to write letters to us non-stop. During the rest of the party, Snape and I glanced at one another here and there, but we knew not to intrude on our personal time. Hopefully he would learn his lesson and not bother trying to appologize to me later on. This had been one hell of a vacation. Come Monday, it will have been one hell of a end of vacation. Intuition had its way of letting me know that I would be very uncomfortable. But as always, my nerves dominated my body. There was no way out of being sensitive and sarcastic: Two odd mixtures of traits that I owned.


	27. Promotion

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

A/N: Ok, this is my new view on things... I realized how out of character some people are, but I can't change that this far in my story, which is halfway done. So... I figured, what the heck, it's a fanfiction, and they can be OOC sometimes if I make them that way. As long as I don't go too far, I suppose that's fine, isn't it? And besides that, one of my online friends used to have a story (CHARLOTTE!) which centered around her and Snape's relationship only, so I am not doing anything against fanfiction purposes. So...once again, I am having fun with my fic and that's all that matters.

Thank you. Oh, and Gwen, I know you review. That wasn't pointed at you. Just random people that read this and don't let me aknowledge their existence.

And sorry for shouting mentally at you.

And sorry for taking so long. Loss in family.

_Chapter 27: Promotion _

_Please, Almighty God, read this journal with your powerfulness and let me fall out of love with he-who-is-snake-ish. Please_.

Today be a week 'till me birthday. Of course I am thinking that line with a pirate's accent. After waking this morning to hearing screaming, one could only guess Snape was angry. I had let the curiosity grab me as I peeked out from my doorway. Someone had left rose petals everywhere, scattered about in abundance. Of course I didn't dare do a thing like that! I wasn't about to make him hate me.

After spotting him try to clean the petals up, I shut my door and changed into my teacher robes. I had at least ten minutes until breakfast actually started.

Hearing a knock on my door, I opened it and greeted Snape.

"Good morning, Severus.." I was still a little shaky around him.

In a monotone, uncaring voice, he replied, "Morning. I'm hoping it wasn't you who put rose petals all over the hall and in my room."

"Wasn't me, I swear it."

"Very well then, I think it might've been that obsessive girl. Anyways," He sounded a bit more concerned now, "I am ready to offer you something you cannot refuse."

I thought for a moment, "One million dollars?" My joke didn't amuse him.

"I would like for you to help me with a different level class. Perhaps you are willing to do so?" Snape sounded awfully ready to persuade me however he had to.

"Which class?"

A moment passed and Snape mumbled, "Advanced Potions."

"Eh?" I was not hearing this.

"I would appreciate if you helped me with the Advanced Potion class. The teenagers this year are really rambunctious and could use someone close enough to their age to reach them." He continued, seeing me still in shock, "Plus, you were one of the top students in my class last year. I know you had your days, but who doesn't? Basically...I'm desperate. Ron's sister is in the class, so you would feel comfortable.."

"So screaming at the top of your lungs and punishing everyone doesn't work anymore?" I asked with a slight attitude.

He smirked and stared at me with intensely serious eyes, "It works. I am just completely fed up with the way they behave. You'd think because they are older, they would act their age. Yet, each and everyday they find some way to drive me insane. Maranda, my class needs someone to relate to and to show them that school work is more important than the latest gossip. You are the one to do that. Why would they listen to me?"

"I listened to you..." My voice trailed, but I quickly said, "It's Advanced Potions. They should be mature. I suppose you'll want me to _really_ help you..Talk to the class, question them..."

"_Teach them_." Snape added.

My chocolate eyes widened, "Teach them? You mean to tell me you want me to actually teach a class on my own? And a class that has people one year younger than me?"

Snape nodded and rudely began walking away. It was time for breakfast. None of this fit. Snape was perfectly capable of teaching a class. He was intimidating, wise, and downright mean. All the ingredients of a successful professor. Alright, I give nice teachers credit because they can make a class enjoyable. However, Snape was a snake, able to linger and have students cower. Have them finish work in fear. This teaching method worked for him, but suddenly it began fading.. Is that what he meant?

I followed slowly, thinking on the way to the great Hall about if I should be nice or mean to Snape. Was I able to pull off teaching a class full of students almost my age? Should I do this huge favor for Snape, or get revenge for everything wrong he had done by not doing it? My heart says to act in a kind way, helping him out as much as he needs. My brain is neutral; It feels revengeful and yet full of empathy. I wonder if he could ask anyone else to help. Perhaps Albus?

"Wait," I stopped before the Great Hall doors, causing Snape to stop as well.

He seemed puzzled.

"Haven't you talked to Dumbledore about this?" My sudden flood of questions spilled out of my mouth, "and what about another professor? Couldn't anyone else help? What's so special about me that you had to ask? Haven't I been punished enough by you? I have trouble talking to first years, who are not in the least bit intimidating as you."

"Does that mean you have trouble talking to me?" Snape inquired back.

I shook my head, "That's beside the point."

"True.." Smirking, Snape sighed and answered once and for all, "I talked to Albus about giving you this promotion. Honestly, I believe you have the talent to teach. I considered many ways of exposing you to different tasks, but this was the only answer good enough... Another professor would be nice, but I don't need anyone else. I am not weak. My Advanced Potions class is troublesome, but I can handle it. No one can get in my way. But you are young, intelligent, and able. I am giving you an opportunity to learn before you leave for college. Take it or leave it."

My mind raced, but I slowed down by taking a deep breath. "Answer me one question... Will you still be in the classroom with me while I help teach?"

"Yes."

I glanced at the floor then brought my eyes back up to meet his. "Alright, I accept your offer."

Snape extended his right hand. We shook hands for a moment and went in for breakfast. Together..

Hermione had been reading a small book when I sat down next to her, so I didn't bother her with any gossip from Manic-Mara-Land. I began to eat some warm french toast and look around the room. I spotted Ron's little sister, Ginny, talking with some friends and laughing. Then I viewed some more older students and my nerves started to act up. My leg bounced up and down in a violently fast manner, and my stomach churned a bit. Snape had his wish, but I bet anything he didn't consider my feelings about the situation. Leave it to the snakes to slither and bite before thinking they'd be hurting someone.

Time went by quickly. Mione eventually talked to me about her book, and I told her I had news to share later on. As I was chatting with her, Snape bumped his leg into mine. I thought nothing of it, but as he did it another time, my brain leaked with wonder.

"Excuse you, Severus, but why are you bumping my leg?" My bluntness caught him off-guard.

He put down his fork and sneered, "I dropped my wand. I felt it unnecessary and rude to bend over you and pick it up. So, I used my leg to roll it closer to me. Unfortunately, it seemingly rolled to the other side of your foot."

Snape was never a klutz, so this obviously surprised me. I looked beneath the table and saw his wand. I swiftly picked it up and handed it to him.

"Thank you."

What a weird morning!

"Advanced Potions is first, by the way." Snape said quick and quiet, as though I wouldn't hear him.

I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand, "Why didn't you say that before? Are you going to make me teach today?"

"I won't make you do anything," replied Snape as he placed his wand in a pocket, "but it would be nice if you did."

Hermione gave me a confused look, and I decided to tell her after all. I was completely shocked that all these tiny events happened in five minutes. The bell rang when I was done telling Mione about my promotion. Snape, as though it were amusing to him, slightly laughed as I stumbled out of my seat. He stopped as I shot him an icy glare. Dear Merlin, I was becoming him!

Stepping into the hallway, Snape waited to walk to Potions with me. How nice, he's buttering me up so I can forgive him laughing at me and my klutziness. I suppose the theme of the day is being a total klutz, as I have thought of that word twice already.

"Just sit at my desk as usual. I will explain to the class what's going on." Snape already had a speech planned. How impressive.

The chair I normally sat in was already at Snape's desk. I peeked into the trash can and saw hundreds of rose petals. I giggled under my breath. Poor Snape had to deal with things daily that I would never know of.

Students piled into the room, immediately staring at me with wonder. Snape was in his office for a moment, so there was naturally a blanket of conversation hovering over the room. The whispers turned into soft talking, which turned into normal volume, and finally into a few outbursts of laughter, yelling, and imitation animal noises. Snape poked his head out of his office and glared at everyone, who returned to a normal volume of talking. Ginny came in with a blonde girl, who had an extremely short skirt on. Alright, I love skirts, but why that short? And near the middle-end of winter!

"_Silence!"_ Snape hissed as he finally appeared out of his office. He strode over to the blackboard and wrote my name down with white chalk.

The class calmed down. Ginny and the blonde were sitting in the front, hiding laughter. Hmm.. I decided to be the eyes behind Snape's head. That would be fun. Report to him everyday what stupid little things go on behind his back. I'd not only be doing him a favor, but I would have blackmail for the class if they got on his nerves too bad. Boy, I'm full of malice today.

"This," Snape pointed at me with his wand, "is Miss Maranda Maguire, your new student teacher. She will be teaching you a few days each week. I imagine you all recognize her from the Great Hall, as Albus Dumbledore introduced her, so don't think she is brand new and able to be taken advantage of. Any questions?"

The blonde raised her hand, "How old are you, Miss Maguire?"

I cleared my throat and replied, "Eighteen. Going to be nineteen next week."

"Alright class," Snape was plainly done introducing me, "Everyone open your books to chapter five and read the first three pages. When you are finished, close your books. When everyone is done, we will continue with the lesson."

I sat up straight in my chair as a feeling of confidence swept over me. Snape sat at his desk and took out some blank parchment. He began to write. I found something out while staring at him: He is really cute when concentrating. And I found something else out: I need to stop loving him.

Fifteen minutes passed before everyone was done reading. Snape stood up from his chair and went to the blackboard again. He erased my name and started writing some questions.

"Class, you will answer these questions on paper and hand them as soon as you are done. Tomorrow, Miss Maguire will be teaching. I will still be in the room, so there is no reason for you all to misbehave." He finished talking and turned back to the blackboard. As the chalk hit the board, one student in the back mocked Snape's actions. The boy was hit by a flying ball of paper, which caused a domino effect of flying papers and trash. Now I see what Snape meant. For an advanced class, no one was really smart enough to be here.

I spoke up even though I shouldn't have, "Can't you guys behave for one second? My class was never this bad? What are you, five years old?"

"Ten points from Gryffindor and Slytherin!" Snape turned around after I spoke and took control. The room went dead silent as if we were at a funeral.

No one made a move. Crumpled papers were all over the floor. The blonde girl coughed, and Snape shot a glance at her.

She spoke in a bubbly tone, "Oh, sorry, Professor. I had to cough. My throat has been bothering me."

I couldn't hold it in any longer, "Well, maybe if you wore sensible clothing in the winter you wouldn't be catching a cold."

"Miss Liam, perhaps Miss Maguire is right. You are in ridiculous garb. I suggest you change before Jack Frost blows his icy cold breath in the wrong places, and you have to go to the infirmary for embarrassing causes." The class _ooohed_ at Snape's more-than-forgiving retort.

Class went on without anymore interruptions. Actually, I think the class was quiet because of shock, not respect. Even I couldn't comprehend that last statement from Snape. I think maybe he's been listening to me talk to much. Or maybe he can read my mind.


	28. Being Love Sick

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my chars and plot.

A/N: Thank you for catching my typo gwen. lol.

_Chapter 28: Being Love Sick _

Apparently every single student in the school now knows what Snape said to _Miss Liam._ Tara Liam, not a snob, but close to one. She is close friends with Ginny, who, according to Ron, is turning into a bit of a snob herself. I really didn't want to get involved with the drama of Hogwarts when I wasn't even a student anymore, but I did like knowing what was going on. Anyways, Ginny is now mad at Ron for '_allowing me'_ to back-talk one of her close friends. First of all, I have my own thoughts and mouth to project what I want to say, so obviously Ron has nothing to do with it.

"Oh, Ginny's just taking it out on me because I teased her about some boy she liked. She's using any excuse possible to yell at me." Ron explained Saturday afternoon in Hogsmeade.

The sun was warm on our faces as we walked to a candy shop. I forgot how much fun it was to come with my friends to places like this.

"Umm," Gwen stopped her lizard from crawling all over her back, "Now that I have Ringo settled, what do you guys want to do?"

"Let's get more candy," Said Ron with his mouth full of chocolate. This was not a pretty sight.

I looked around the area and suggested, "Why don't we go to the Leaky Cauldron and grab some grub."

"I could use some butterbeer right now," Admitted Hermione.

We all agreed and strode to the Leaky Cauldron happily. I think for once we were all in content, non-aggressive or upset moods. Yay!

Upon entering the pub, Hermione pointed to a table we could sit at. Of course, the first person I spotted in here was Lucius Malfoy. Draco went over to his Father and said hello as Gwen, Mione, Ron, and I sat at a table in the corner. A waitress came over and Ron asked for a round of butterbeers, including Draco. In a minute, Draco came to our table. Luckily, Lucius didn't come over. I wasn't really in a be-nice-to-older-people mood. In fact, I felt like snapping at anyone who looked at me wrong. But I was still happy..Go figure. Our butterbeers were passed out after I thought of the odd mood I was in.

"My Father," Began Draco, "is irritated. According to him, Peeves the Ghost is at it again. Dumbledore asked for some help the other day with something, and Peeves dumped chocolate milk all over my Father's head."

To hide my laughter I took a swig of butterbeer.

Hermione, however, let her laughter go uncaringly, "Is he alright?"

"Yeah. Just miffed." Draco took a sip of his butterbeer.

Ringo crawled off Gwen's shoulder and onto her head. She sighed, "Ahh, the joys of a lizard messing my hair up."

"How can it get any messier?" Shot back Ron, who was then hit over the head by Gwen.

I took another long sip from my butterbeer and glanced up. I almost choked on my drink as Lucius walked over to our table.

"Good afternoon," Lucius started with a smile on his face, "How are you all today? Good? Well? Joyful?" He walked over to my side and patted my shoulder.

"Hello Mr. Malfoy," I mumbled after he took his hand off my shoulder.

"My, my, what a friendly group we have here." He smirked.

The jug of butterbeer reached my mouth once again, this time tasting a bit colder than before. It might have been because the pub was actually freezing, though we ignored it. Either that or I was imagining things. I had a few more sips before putting the glass down. Thank goodness the only way to get drunk off of this was to have more than five in one sitting.

Ron never liked Lucius. I could tell by the way he looked at him. So it shocked me when he actually spoke, "Are you going to do anything about Peeves? We heard what happened."

"Hmm?" Lucius cocked an eyebrow, "Oh. Well, I want to, but Albus is too busy to be bothered. I won't annoy him with such childishness. Right, Draco?"

Draco responded quickly, "Right."

"I hate Peeves." I blurted accidentally, but purposely at the same time.

With that said, Mr. Malfoy added his own statement, "He is a bother, but can be on your good side if you just try. Obviously I didn't try hard enough." He looked at us all once again, "Well, I must be off. Just came to say hello to Draco's pals. Tata."

"Bye," Our group said in unison.

One more sip left in my butterbeer glass, so I drank it. We were all done except for Gwen who was preoccupied with Ringo crawling near her neck. During the next few minutes, we just sat and talked.

My stomach felt a little nervous as we got back to Hogwarts. The remainder of the week had gone by with barely any work. Snape only had me asking questions here and there and passing out papers. Although he hadn't actually let me teach yet, I would be going to his class when I got back from Hgsmeade. Which, un-freaking-fortunately, was in a few seconds.

I entered the dungeons after saying bye to my buddies. Ron had mumbled select comments about, '_dirty old git,'_ and, '_I'll kill him if he touches you.'_ At least he supports me! Haha…ha…no.

"Come in…" Snape's voice called. My stomach felt odd. Not nervous as normal, but kind of nauseous.

As I entered, he stood over his desk, sorting through papers.

"Hi, S..S..Severus." It took me awhile to say his name. I was aware of my stupidity. His billowing robes were on the back of his chair, leaving him in only his ensemble of black pants and a black, button-down, long, fitting, gorgeous coat-type-thing.

**I need to stop oggling him!**

And just as I stopped oggling him, my stomach went into painful knots. I cringed a bit, but thought nothing of it. Snape motioned for me to approach him, so I did. My sight felt a little blurry, but stupid me didn't care.

"I have the lesson plan here, Maranda. All you need to do is go over it as if I were a student. I figured if youpracticed on me, you wouldn't be so nervous in front of the students. Is that alright?" Snape's voice was so calming, like a velvet blanket with lace embroidery.

My feet wobbled a bit, but I ignored it and took the paper from Snape's hand. Oh, to have his hand brush through my hair would be Heaven. Taking one more step, I became unbalanced and tripped. Luckily, Snape caught my fall. My hands grasped at is shirt to hold onto something stable. Dizziness had kicked in.

Snape's comfortable voice came back, "What's wrong?"

I tightly closed my eyes, hoping that would lessen the blurriness. I opened them back up to see Snape's eyes very close to mine. He must have helped me stand. I could feel my heart pumping faster and faster, draining blood from my brain. I couldn't think. The grip on Snape became stronger. I held his shoulder and his arm with my shaking hands. My eyes grew heavy like lead, and I couldn't keep them open long enough.

"Maranda," I felt his soft hand caress my cheek before I layed my head on his chest. I felt so weak. So tired. So sick.

And a sudden thought crossed my mind as clear as day: I was love-sick. But not just pretend or in an exhaggerated way. I felt ill to my stomach.

I felt Snape move me and pick me up off the ground with one arm supporting my legs, and one supporting my back. I found a way to cling onto something, probably his chest. If it was his chest, he must've had some muscle. If I was dying, I wanted my last sight to be my friends and Snape. And my last feeling to be his lips on mine, wishing me a romantic trip to Heaven.

0o0o0o0o

**"I don't want to die!" **I screamed. Not sure if I mentally screamed it or actually yelled.

My eyes burned, my throat ached, body shook, and hand...was warm. Warm with the contact of flesh on flesh. Someone was holding my hand, and I could only hope...

"You're alive!" Gwen's voice boomed in my ears. I rubbed my temple and slowly opened my eyes.

My hand was not being held by him. It was being held by Draco.

"Uhn.." It took me a moment or two to absorb my surroundings. I was in my room, on top of my bed sheets. The pillow under my head was warm and supportive.

Hermione was on the edge of my bed, "You gave Snape quite a scare. He said you were wobbling and clinging onto everything as if you were having a fit."

"I only clung onto_ him_." I admitted, not even aware that Snape was in the corner of my room.

_Damn._

Ron glanced at me with worried eyes, "Are you alright?"

"I ache." My responses would now be close to anti-social. I felt too icky to talk.

Snape turned to face everyone and demanded they leave so I could have some quiet time. I didn't argue.

After my friends wished blessings upon me and yadda, yadda, yadda, Snape stood over me. I felt too lazy to even look up at him, which was very sad on my part.

"Maranda," Snape glanced at my position, "if you don't want to lie down in your bed, I can help you walk to the Hospital Wing. I thought it best if you stay down here in your own room, where you won't be disturbed by immature teens. I know how you don't really like being bothered when upset. I felt your forehead, and by judgement, you have the flu."

I forced a half-hearted laugh out of me, "Is that why I was wobbly?"

"Yes.." he cracked a small smile, "I am conjuring some healing potion for you, but it might take overnight before I can give it to you. The best thing you can do right now is stay where you are and relax. I can have the house-elves bring down some juice for you later, if you'd like. If you need anything, just shout for me. I'm only a room away."

My heart felt like leaping into the air. Snape was concerned and caring. I could see in his eyes a glimmer of kindness. If his eyes could cure, I would've been one-thousand times better.

"Thank you," I spoke softly, "I really appreciate this. You're really nice when you want to be."

He half-smiled, "And you're really honest when you want to be.. Of course, I think I win by a landslide."

Before I could even realize what he said, Snape left and closed my door half way.

That's why I loved him. He was so unpredictable and ...Oh, here I go again. Even my brain can't take a break from me. No wonder I fell ill. But, I found it weird that I only started feeling sick after my visit to Hogsmeade. Then again, I always have nerves, so there's no telling if I was sick previously or not.

My body was so exhausted, but I didn't really want to fall asleep over my covers. But then again, I couldn't move. I was never really one to get sick. Go figure that the first time I really feel disgusting is the time someone is willing to take care of me. Maybe I should get ill more often. I had never meant to cling on so tightly to Snape, but I thought I was going to die. I'm so happy he took me in my room though, instead of the Hospital Wing. I guess I should give him credit for that. He knew I wouldn't want to go in there when I'm not even a student.

As I tried to shift a little on my bed, my back began to ache. I let out a small whine in frustration. How could I get a backache from the flu? Then again, how could I get the flu? I hadn't done anything unusual or gone outside without a coat. Yet, I was always one for having bad luck, so that was probably it. Unless someone cursed me or poisoned my food. But then I would actually be dead.

All this thinking was kind of hurting my brain, but I had nothing else to do but sleep, and I wasn't in the mood to sleep yet. If Snape found out I were still awake, he'd probably yell at me. To make him stop, I would give him a cookie and he would leave me alone.

But then, if you give a Snape a cookie, he's going to want some milk. And then he'll want to kill me for fattening him up.

Hehe. Fat Snape. What a funny image!

"Maranda," _Ahh_! Snape startled me by knocking on the door.

I stayed in my place as he opened the door with a flask in his grasp, "The potion is done early. I see you're not sleeping, as suggested, so why not take this now?"

There was no way I could even try to sit up. "I can't move."

He knelt next to my bed and opened the tiny cover to the flask, "Open your mouth."

_Oh Great trains, planes, and automobiles, I wish he would kiss me right now._ I opened my mouth a little bit and Snape placed the flask on my lip, slowly slanting it so that I could drink the red liquid. It tasted like cherries and peppermint, not a combination I was used to.

After drinking it, Snape took the flask away and said, "See, that wasn't bad, was it?"

"No." I was too mesmerized by his Snapiness to answer in a longer version.

"Get some rest," He stood up, "I'll be in periodically to check on you. Your skin is pale," he felt my forehead, "and you are hotter than lava. Sleep."

Snape said I was hot. **I know!** It wasn't in a flirty context.

He left the room before I could say anything. I definitely couldn't sleep now, knowing he was going to come in here every now and then. What if I fell asleep and he came in to kill me? Ha. Ok, I think my brain does need a break.


	29. Seductive God of the Dungeons

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

_Chapter 29: Seductive God of the Dungeons _

Monday morning. 10 a.m. Still sick in my bed. I had slept until a few minutes ago, having no dreams at all. How could someone sleep for two days in a row when they're ill? Easy: I just can. Actually, the rest was quite relaxing. I could at least move a little now without feeling like throwing up.

Since I had turned into Rip Van Winkle for two days, I hadn't showered or changed. I wasn't in horrible shape, but if I waited any longer to get some other clothes on, my jeans would probably start growing mold. So, out of bed I cautiously crawled, being careful not to let my dizziness fool me and make me walk into a wall.

"Alright," I told myself, "Slowly. Baby steps will help. I don't want Snape to have to help me walk to the bathroom."

I knelt down to pull my trunk out from under the bed. This wasn't too hard, but I swore loudly to get aggression out. I almost pulled a muscle in my arm. I searched my trunk and found black pajama pants and a pink tank top. I knew a tank top wasn't a good idea, but I couldn't feel winter's icy fingers. My whole body was hot with a fever. Even my palms were sweaty; that wasn't anything to be proud of.

"What are you doing?" Snape questioned as I left my room carrying a bundle of clothes.

My throat went dry from not talking for two days, so I had trouble getting my voice back. "…S...Sev…I'm going to take a shower." I'm pretty sure I sounded like a broken car trying to start.

"Fine," He raised an eyebrow, "but be careful. We can't have you slipping about when you're as sick as an ogre."

Laughter was not an option for me at this time of illness. I carefully went to the shower and did my business; just very, very, very slowly. When I glanced at the clock after I was done, it was already noon. Maybe I took a shower a little _too _slowly. But, who was there to punish me? No one but the ugly mirror reflection of my sallow face. Perhaps I _was_ dying.

When I got back to my room, I decided to leave Snape alone. He was teaching a class right now, but I didn't know which one. If I needed help anytime soon and he was teaching Advanced Potions, the students would most likely trash the room before he returned.

At least twenty minutes passed before I actually started relaxing again. If I was going to be sick all week, how would I be able to help Snape teach? I wanted to be in that room, listening to his velvet voice of the gods.

Snakey-Snape, Seductive god of the Hogwarts Dungeons.

Lying down under my bed covers is what I needed. The fluffy comforter was …well…fluffy. It took me a minute to get settled in the sheets, and with no time to breathe, there was a knock on my door.

I didn't bother ask who it was. By the sound of the knock, I could tell it was the Seduction god of Hogwarts Dungeons. The slithering serpentine awesomeness king.

"Maranda," he immediately came over to my bed with a flask of potion, "I have a class to teach. It's a wonder I can leave the class and not have to worry. Just take the medicine and I'll be in later to check on you. Are you feeling any better?"

My voice was almost back to normal, "Yeah, but I'm sick of being sick and I'm tired of being tired. I'm also very thirsty and feel like dying. But that's just how I feel now. Five minutes from now, or even seconds, it will be worse. Trust me."

"You don't let sickness stop you from your usual exhaggerated, sarcastic comments. I suppose that's a gift. Depending if the one you talk to has either the same problem or appreciates it."

A smile appeared on my face, "Which category do you fall under?"

His eyes glittered, "Both."

I didn't want to hold him up any longer, and I needed some time to write in my journal. So I took the medicine as he handed it to me. The potion was still a cherry-peppermint flavor, which made it go down much easier. I wasn't in the mood to suffer in agony over nasty medicine.

"Why do I think I should have known that you would fall under both categories, Sev?" I yanked the blankets over me a little more and added, "_You are_ the king of sarcasm, so you have the same problem."

He suddenly shifted moods from content to irritated, "Do not mock me."

"Oh, I hit a nerve. Sorry." My stupid mouth spoke before I could think.

Sighing, Snape took the flask from my hands and left the room. My journal was under the bed, so I took it and began to write like crazy. It wasn't long before my stomach grumbled. I hadn't eaten in two days, but how could I? I was so afraid of tossing my cookies in the wrong place. How embarrassing would that be to barf all over the floor and miss the trashcan or toilet? Oh, thinking about my sickness is making me worse.

0o0o0o0o

Darkness devoured me in its soul, eating my dreams and stopping my sleep. I awoke with a startle and jumped to sit upright in my bed. I glanced at my clock and realized midnight had approached. There was a scent of lavender in the air, which brought a faded smile upon my face. I wondered if Snape had fallen asleep without blowing the incense or candles out.

I rolled over in bed, pushing my face into my fluffy pillow. I let out a muffled whine and turned back over. This was day three of my health being damned. I knew there was no way I could fall asleep again, so I took out a book and used my wand as a light to read.

Humorously, I hadn't used my wand for a long time. Somehow tonight I felt less magical than before. Maybe my '_muggle_' side was showing through too much. Or was there a chance that after three years, I was finally waking up from this dream? Would I wake up next week back in my orphanage? Is there any possibility that I have just been imagining things due to insanity? I had so many unanswered questions fogging up my brain. I knew that was the normal thing for me, but these questions are bothersome.

"Please God," I prayed aloud, "Take me from this mess of a life and show me a way to free myself from loving he-who-is-snakeish. I need sanctuary away from this utter disgrace called a life." I thought for a moment and then cursed, "Damn. How come I have to sound so emotional and dramatic when I'm thinking deeply? This sucks."

Hours went by with nothing to do but lie in bed and read my book. There wasn't anything wrong with reading, but I was sick of sleeping and being immobile. I wanted to run with the wind in my hair, feeling the grass underneath my feet. I am totally desperate to get out of this bed!

One minute until six a.m. I had put my book down at least an hour ago. My room seemed to be closing in on me with greens and blacks. When the hell am I going to paint this forsaken room? I suppose it's too late to do that now. Half of the year is over, and I'm going to plan on how to get to college after this E.Y.P experience. Then again, my room could use a color not related to Slytherin, hence related to Snape. If it were a vibrant color, one of more life, I would not think about him in this room and soon not feel love any longer.

Now ten past six, I got up carefully from my bed feeling nauseus again. It was time to visit the bathroom. I tip-toed out of my room and made my way down the hall as silent as a baby's breath. I splashed my face with cold water after running in one of the stall's for illness purposes. I thought carefully while walking down the freezing dungeons, and decided to check if Snape was awake to ask for my medicine.

My knock on his classroom door was quieter than a baby crawling on a cloud. Even though my hope was for him to hear, I knew there was a slimmer chance than if Draco loved Ron and wanted his babies. I knocked a little louder and stopped dead in my tracks. The door was opening. After the door swung open there was a silence between Snape and I. He stood unsure of why I bothered him this early in the morning. I believed he most likely wanted me to leave, but I needed medicine worse than Gilderoy needed to get laid.

"May I help you Maranda?" my name rolled off of his tongue effortlessly.

Straightening my aching back, I replied, "I've come to take medicine. I know it's really early in the morning, but my body is dying and aching for a cure. I can't stand being sick anymore."

"Hang on," a sigh escaped as he turned to fetch the potion.

I stood in the doorway chilled to the bone and ready to curl up in the fetal position. Snape brough the flask of medicine over and I quickly sipped at it. The peppermint-cherry taste still existed, but I didn't enjoy it this time around.

Handing back the flask, I thanked Snape and yawned softly. "Thank you, Severus. I'll leave you be now."

"Wait," He looked me over with contemplating eyes, "Would you like to join me for some morning coffee since you're up?"

"I don't drink coffee," My answer spun out hastily.

His arms folded and he deeply exhaled, "Than I will just have to make you hot cocoa. Don't worry, I'm planning on sterilizing the room once you leave."

My stomach was sick, back aching, and head a tad fuzzy. Yet I still managed to nod and let myself in his room once I agreed for cocoa. I didn't really care that my pajamas were still on. There were no spaghetti straps, so I was pretty safe.

Snape shook his head when I sat near his desk. He said, "We're sitting in my study. I never have coffee out here. It's too drab in the morning. My days must begin with liveliness. Follow me."

My mouth was slightly agape as I followed him into his study. Seductive God of the Dungeons was allowing me into a room where no student has ever been. Of course, I was not a student, and had to keep repeating that in my head to believe it. The study was really nothing I would expect from Severus Snape, Master of Wearing Black and Being Intimidating. There was a cherry-wood bookshelf leaning proudly against the right wall across from a black couch. Straight in front of me, about several feet, stood a spiral staircase. I was liking this study more and more. To the left, after the couch, was a door cracked open.

"That's the door to my sleeping quarters," Snape noticed me gazing at it and then pointed to the staircase, "That leads to my personal balcony. Hmm...It's not really a balcony, but more of an alcove with an opening window. If I haven't scared you this far, would you join me?"

My eyes were glued open, sickness was gone from my mind, "What? Up there?"

"Yes...Up there."

I suddenly felt like throwing up. Maybe it was just imagination?

"I would love..." My stomach jumped and I doubled over. I rushed out of the study and ran to the bathroom. Snape would understand.

Back in my bed, it had dawned on me that I never appologized to Snape for ditching him. He would have to learn that being the Seductive God of the Dungeons did not entitle him to invite me everywhere when I was ill. ... But I was feeling a little better now that I threw up most of my stomach.

0o0o0o0o

Thursday morning I wake up from another Rip Van Winkle slumber. It was my birthday, and ironically my present was no longer feeling like death. Cracking my back, neck, and shoulders felt completely relieving. I hopped out of bed with a bigger grin than the one Seamus was forced to have after being hexed last year. The clock read nearly eight o'clock, so I was too late for breakfast. I realized I had missed most of the week in Snape's room, so why not miss one more day to fully recover?

I decided to visit Hagrid after I took a shower and dressed. I chose to dress up a bit today since It was my birthday and also because all of my regular clothing needed to be washed and rid of the sick smell. At least I could admit to myself that being ill was nasty. out of the school I went, trotting down to Hagrid's hut with a positive attitude. My little red dress gently fluttered in the air as I hopped the last three steps to his hut.

"Hello Maranda!" Hagrid joyously greeted as he let me in, "How in heck are yeh?"

We sat down and chatted about how ill I was and such. I told him about Snape inviting me to his alcove, which raised questions. I had completely forgotten that I never informed Hagrid of past encounters with Snape's lips and my love for him. So, a few hours passed with nothing but me explaining in detail the news he hadn't known.

Around ten o'clock, Hagrid finally spoke with emotion, "Severus is harsh. I know yeh told me how yeh feel towards 'im, but be careful. I don't want my Goddaughter shedding tears over her only crush. Especially since there are pleanty of other men who are good enough for yeh."

"Name one.." I laughed knowing Hagrid would think of none.

He sighed, "Draco. Seamus. Neville. They stuck with you even through tough times. Draco made some tough times for yeh, but he's been better ever since. Everyone makes mistakes, so why not forgive 'im?"

"I forgave him already. There's no way I would go out with Neville or Seamus because they're not even near me, and plus it would ruin our friendships. Draco is fine, but I swore to myself I wouldn't hurt myself by repeating the past."

The room went silent after that. I finished my cup of cocoa and gave Hagrid a hug. I told him I had no hard feelings for his remarks.

"Wait," Hagrid took out a small wrapped gift, "I almost forgot. Happy Birthday, Maranda."

I smiled as I opened the present to reveal a brand new wand. It was about eight inches long with a golden handle. The wood was probably mahogany, but that didn't matter to me. It was beautiful and perfect. Jumping up to give another hug to Hagrid, I thanked him dearly for my birthday gift.

"Yeh' better be careful with that one," He grinned and added, "It seems to have a mind of its own."

A few more minutes of thanking Hagrid passed and then I decided to return to Hogwarts and try out my new wand. This birthday was already awesome. I was nineteen, was no longer ill, and had a new wand. I felt great!


	30. Spiral Staircases Lead to Stars

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

A/N: Forgive me. I'm typing this at eleven p.m. and am tired. Thank you amanda for the small idea in here. I was able to put it in with the rest of my plan_nageishness_. no that wasn't english. haha.

_Chapter 30: Spiral Staircases Lead to Stars _

The afternoon consisted of me visiting the library and reading an entire short novel before realizing it was supper time. I didn't want to miss another meal after not eating for a week. So on I journeyed to the Great Hall to see my friends and ..er..Snape.

As I walked in, Hermione, Draco, Ron, and Gwen shouted, "Happy birthday, Manic-Mara!" It wasn't the best timing since students were everywhere staring at me, _the chick who blushed redder than a ripe tomato in the summer time. _I sat in my usual seat, ready to eat some well-deserved food.

Immediately, Snape commented, "You're well again, I see."

"Yes, I am. I would've gone in to help you teach today, but I needed to relax today. You know, get rid of any leftover icky feelings." My attention was drawn to Hermione after my statement.

"Go to the teachers' lounge after supper," She demanded playfully, "or else we'll drag you their by your hair."

I giggled and retorted, "Alright, alright, keep your shirt on. Sheesh."

Supper passed by pretty smoothly. The only interruption I got was Draco reaching behind and around Snape to pat me on the back. Tha was the oddest moment in the history of Great Hall Suppers. No one really talked tonight. I supposed it was one of those nights where everyone is just too tired or annoyed to be loquacious. I left without confrontation with Sev or anyone for that matter, and headed to the teachers' lounge.

Surprise came at me fast when I found the room undecorated and untouched. Maybe Hermione and the gang finally respected my hatred for birthday parties. I tousled my hair a bit before sitting down and taking a deep breath. My mind knew this night would be long, but not in a bad way.

"Hey," Ron's voice reached my ears, "You're not supposed to be here yet. We have to set everything up.. Snape's going to give you a lap dance and-"

**_"Ronald Weasley!" _**The scolding voice of Hermione appeared too, "If you begin teasing her tonight, so help me, I will bind you to the ceiling."

I adjusted my dress and laughed, "I'd love to see that. Go for it! You can say it's my birthday present."

Gwen ran through the doorway and panted, "Man... Filch chased me down because..." A cake floated into the room above Gwen's head, "Well, because of that. I made the cake follow me with magic and he said it was against the rules to steal cake from the kitchen. I told him I made it with you, Mione, but he still wanted to get me into trouble."

"He's a load of bullcrap anyways," I announced, "He wouldn't be able to get you punished and you know that."

Ron and Mione sat across from Gwen and I. As we sat, Draco rushed in and shut the door behind him.

"Filch is having a fit," said Draco, finding a seat next to me.

The cake was situated in the middle of our group on a table. It lighted its own candles as Gwen moved her wand. They began to sing _Happy Birthday_, which brough a grin to my face. I was a year older, more mature, and ready to take on the world. After my friends seranaded me, Ron cut the cake and we all ate the heavenly vanilla treat.

"Now," Hermione smiled mischievously, "Your birthday, as we know, is not a big deal to you. However, we did get you a present. Gwen..."

Gwen got out of her seat and went behind one of the counters.

"Oh My God!" I squealed at the sight of a small, creamy orange colored kitten as Gwen brought it over.

She held it out for me to take and said, "It's a girl. We didn't name her simply because she's yours. We thought you could use some company when we're not around."

"I love her! Thank you so much guys! I'll tell you the name once I think of it." I held the kitten close and she purred. I managed to give everyone a bear hug and another few thousand thanks.

The party ended a few minutes later simply because it was a thursday night and everyone had to get back to working with their professors. I, on the other hand, had time to burn since Snape hadn't given me any orders today. But it was already eight p.m, so there wasn't much to do since cerfew was about now. I started to head for my room while thinking up a name for my kitten.

"What can I name you?" I spoke, but even my kitten couldn't hear me, for she was sleeping in my arms. "I know...Serenity. You remind me of peaceful days, so your name is now Serenity."

I entered the dungeons and sighed. Another birthday gone, but this one was just as great as the others.

Severus' door was open as I passed. I was somewhat startled as he approached me, "Party over?"

"Yeah. It's Thursday night; I don't expect everyone to not sleep because of me." Serenity squirmed in my arms like a tired worm.

"Is that," Snape towered over me, "your present?"

"Her name is Serenity." Why did I share this information with Snape? Why would he care what her name was.

He allowed a half-smile to show, "That's a nice name. I have a request of you, seeing as your party is over."

"What might that be?" I was in a playful mood. Not a good thing when Snape was added to the mixture.

"A raincheck for the other morning when you ran out of my study to relieve your stomach." He made throwing up sound so elegant.

I considered it, "Alright, but I have to put Serenity in my room."

Turning to open my door, I sighed and stepped in lightly. I knew Snape was still in his doorway, so I couldn't let him see the nerves bubble up and force my face to blush. I placed Serenity on my bed and covered her with a part of my lightest blanket. I truly didn't want to wear my short-sleeve red dress anymore because it was actually annoying me by now, but I couldn't change and not look suspicious to Snape. He might think I'm not brave enough to wear feminine attire around him. Then again, why would he give a damn? It was Snape, I had to remember this. I slightly laughed under my breath. This was probably the millionth time I had to remind myself that Snape wouldn't care about something as little as what I wore.

Before I left my room, I took a few deep breaths to calm down. Snape shockingly wasn't standing in his doorway. I entered his classroom and saw the study door open. He wasn't in his classroom either, so I knew I had to go in on my own. His study was the same as it was the other day. I don't know why, but I half expected it to look different. Sev was standing near his couch, and gave me a strange look as I entered.

"Will you join me _now_?" He asked in a joking manner.

My mouth wouldn't form any words, so I nodded instead. I could tell Snape was still himself, for he went up the spiral steps first instead of having good manners and letting me up. The stairs spiraled at least three times before I arrived in Snape's _'Alcove-Balcony.' _The staircase ended in the middle of a small room. On one side was an elevated area with a few black pillows scattered about. From my guess, at least three people could sit there without feeling squished. On the other side was the same type of elevated area, but instead of a wall being behind it, there was a huge window which opened from the center. The window was out a bit, so I could understand where the alcove came in.

"Like it?" Snape asked as I finally got off of the last stair.

Overwhelmingly, I admitted, "It's so awesome. Damn, times I wish I was a professor."

"I'm the only one who has this. I'm deep in the dungeons so you don't think I would be able to see the sky from here. Those stairs climb three floors, so we are almost level with the Great Hall's balcony. I spend a lot of nights up here. Correcting papers mostly, but it's still peaceful." Snape seemed to be comfortable sharing his secrets with me. Although, I wouldn't really consider a personal alcove as a secret.

"Sit," He continued as he sat himself on the elevation near the window, "I have something for you."

My eyes widened as Snape pulled a head-sized box from behind a pillow. He placed it next to him. I still hadn't sat down until just then. The window was indeed huge, but it was still closed. I glanced at the box and wished it would go away. I couldn't accept anything from Snape, unless it was a joke. But Sev didn't seem like the joking kind.

"What is this?" I pointed at the box, which was wrapped in green paper.

A short laugh escaped Snape, "It's a present. What do you mean _what is it_? Today is your birthday, is it not?"

Pulling the gift towards me, I carefully undid the paper. All I had left to undo was the actual box. I lifted the cover to reveal two parts to the box; One was a bundle of insense and a bottle of lavender lotion, the other part of the box held a smaller box.

"Lavender insense. Lavender lotion. For you, Maranda." Snape was talking, but I was too shocked to register any words. he added, "Open the other one."

Shaking my head, I said, "I can't accept presents from you. You're ... Snape. You don't give presents. You torture people and send them to Dumbledore's office to expel them."

"Are you referring that last statement to you?" He was right. I was letting the past bleed into my thoughts.

Taking out the smaller box, I held it for a moment before opening it. Snape opened the window before I started to see what was inside. The smaller box held a silver necklace. As I puled it out, I could see the charm clearly. Three stars clustered together with a few tiny stars around it dangled in front of me. It glittered with grace and perfection. A gift I could not accept for sure. My eyes stung. Tears leaked here and there, tickling my cheeks as they rolled down.

"This is so beautiful..." I wiped my eyes and held the necklace in the palm of my hand.

Severus moved the box over and inched closer to me, "Can I help you put it on?"

"Wait," I looked into his eyes and back at the necklace, "I can't take this, Sev."

He didn't seem to care what I said. He took the necklace, reached behind my head, and locked the latch. The necklace was now part of me, lying on my skin in hopes of engraving itself into my flesh, so it would never come off. Cupping my chin, Sev brought his lips to my cheek and kissed it softly.

"Happy birthday, Maranda." The black pools of eyes stared into mine, searching for feeling. I could sense his wonder of what I was thinking.

"Thank you," I gratefully stated, "but what have I done to deserve this? From day one all I did was argue with you. Then we had that huge explosion when you ... kissed me. Now you're giving me presents because-"

"-Because I wanted to." Snape interrupted me and pointed to the open window, "Take a look outside. It's a wonderful night. The stars are visible, probably hoping you will change your mood. If looking outside helped me keep my temper and actually feel content, then maybe it can help you too."

I scooted over to the window and stared at the stars, "So you gave me a gift because the stars made you do it?" My joking leaked out, even though it was uninvited at the time.

"I gave you a gift because you are a friend, _yes I said the word friend, _and it is your birthday." Snape had an even worse joking mood than I did.

He sat next to me and rested his arm on the window sill. The night ached with romance. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Look," I started to speak calmly, "I am very grateful for what you did, but I don't think I should stay up here any longer."

Those black eyes shone with disappointment, "Why not?"

My mind raced with reasons. I loved him... I couldn't stay because I loved him and would do something stupid any second. "You told me you wanted to save me from you. Remember? So how am I helping you save me from you if I'm hanging around you all the time? Hmm? Unless of course you really have a reason I should be up here."

"I enjoy your company."

"Snape!" I shouted, but returned to my inside voice, "How can I understand you if you don't let me in your world? Let me know what is going on in your mind and maybe I can figure this out. Figure everything out."

"But some things are better left unsaid." A smile danced around his lips, for he knew he used my own words against me.

A thought hit me...It was time to stop the chaos. "Severus Snape, you can be as stubborn as you want, but I can't be your friend if you're going to play with my head and my heart. Tell me what is going on. Please. I will beg if I have to."

"Alright...You want to know what's going on? I'll tell you..." He stared at the sky.


	31. A Night of Snape

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

A/N: Ok, someone look up lyrics to Madonna's _Frozen _because it is Snape in a nutshell. More of a HG/SS but still. I think I might do a shipping based on those lyrics. Whatdya think?

_Chapter 31: A Night Of Snape _

We sat in the alcove staring at the stars. I was allowing Snape any time he needed to find words to say to me. It had only been a minute since he said he would tell me, but I would give him until forever if it meant really hearing a reason for his actions.

"You confuse me, Maranda." The statement broke all silence. I listened closely and heeded his explanation, "That's what's going on. All those times where we fought, you had a chance to piss me off until I turned red in the face. Then, that day with your journal missing, I find out that my name is written all over the place because Peeve's has a blabber mouth and can't keep it to himself. You fought with me even more but allowed me to stay your...friend."

I shook my head, "But what about you? You've kissed me nearly three times! What is that all about?"

"I didn't know what else to do. It happened without me thinking or planning on it. I had no idea where it came from the first or second time."

"What about the third? New Year's Eve on the balcony. You kissed me again." I tried so hard to suppress any anger.

He gazed into my eyes and took my hand in his, "It was a sympathy kiss. I wanted to appologize for everything I had done to hurt you, but...I'm not very good with appologies. I'm too used to punishing without consequence."

"Sev," My head lowered itself, but I didn't break our gaze, "I think you're too used to being intimidating to show any sensitivity. No offense, but maybe you need a few lessons of your own."

"And you need to learn that sometimes things happen without any reason."

Raising my head again, I responded, "Believe me, I already know that. You're talking to the girl who never knows half the reasons why she does or says things. I guess I can forgive you a little bit. But I know you're waiting for my answer to your questions." I folded my hands in my lap after Snape let go. It was time to let out a few truisms.

In a quiet whisper, Snape asked, "Why are you so kind?"

"Umm..." I took one more deep breath and knew exactly what I was going to say, "Severus, I've befriended you and put up with everything for one reason that I did not know until this year. Your name was in my journal so much because you, honestly, have amazed me. You're so...in your own world. It seems like you built a wall around your heart and soul to protect you from ever getting hurt..."

"Like you, right?" Snape caught me off guard.

Again, snape had pinpointed something about me I never acknowledged. "Yes," I admitted and felt like shrinking in my seat, "I suppose you're right. I was just trying to say...You..._You_ amaze me."

Coldly, he retorted, "Why? Is there nothing important in your life so you are left watching me for entertainment? Do I amuse you? I'm so glad I know you laugh at me."

"What?" I layed my hand on his, "No! Sev, I care about you-" That was it. I was done for. I promised to tell the truth, but knew not to go that far. I couldn't let him know. Not now, not ever.

He looked at the box of insense and lotion he gave me, "I think it's time you take your gifts and go to bed. I think loss of sleep has gotten to your head."

"Why don't you believe me? Is no one permitted to care about their friend? And I don't need to sleep; all week I slept. It's time I stayed awake and maybe you should wake up too. Obviously you're not getting any hints at all about what I'm trying to say." My temper was peeking out, which was not a good sign.

"Maranda," He shot me a mysterious glare, "You are... you're... frustrating."

I grunted and quickly blurted, "Argh! I'm frustrating? You can't even tell what I've been trying to say all night, but I can't because I'm afraid of what you'll say and do and I'm so freaking nervous around you because all you do is intimidate me but then there's a door of hope I can't even reach the handle because you won't let me!"

My breath ran out. I panted and tried to recall what I had just said. It all came out faster than a roadrunner on drugs.

"I'm trying to make you say what you want to say, and perhaps help you get over the fear of talking to me and others." He wiped the tear's streming from my eyes, "Now, please tell me what is wrong."

I sobbed and unintentionally lowered my head into his lap and closed my watering eyes. I felt his fingers run through my hair, which made me cry even more. I had never meant to cry. Not in front of him. I loved him. If I had a mother and a father, they would help me and I wouldn't be in this mess. If I hadn't come into this world, I would've never met Snape or my friends and I probably would be better off. In my orphanage I would sit, without anyone to love or crush on, no one to talk to. Yeah I would be better off.

The tears kept on flowing like tiny rivers. Years of holding in pain had finally exploded on this night. This night where I planned on confronting Snape with the truth, but got scared instead. If I were to have a boggart appear right now, it would transform into a heart, representing love, for I now fear it. Sev kept running his fingers through my hair as a comforting guesture. I had so many repressed feelings that needed to be shared. So much to say but no bravery to even start a conversation. Why did I suddenly understand Severus' mind? We were pretty much the same. We could hep each other out, but instead I have killed that option by weeping like a baby.

"Maranda," Snape had noticed I calmed down a bit, "Will you share with me if I share with you?"

My breathing was still loud, but slowing gradually. I lifted my tear-stained face from his lap and nodded, "Mmmhmm."

He reached in his pocket and took out a handkerchief, "Your nose is red."

I hid a giggle as I wiped my eyes and cheeks, "Is that as deep as the conversation is going to get?"

"I think it's cute."

My face went blank. My mind went blank. My heart jumped hyperly into my throat. Apocolypse. I stuttered, "N...Ah...But..Uhnn."

"Your turn." He acted as if he hadn't even said _what he said._ Seeing my surprise, Snape kindly added, "I meant what I said, by the way."

Since he shared a tiny secret, I would do the same. If I could speak correctly, that is. "Well, I soaked your lap while crying."

"That's not a secret, that's just what you did. You have to share something meaningful. I admitted-"

"I love you." There it was; The bomb of words that waited to explode.

Both Snape and I were loss for words. I had apparently taken his ability of speech away with my shocking news. For once, I actually planned on saying that, just not while he was talking. I hated interrupting people when they spoke.

_Oh, Christ, I told him I loved him._

"Maranda," The Snake spoke softly, "look into my eyes and repeat what you said."

Wha-? I obeyed and gazed deeply into his eyes. I stumbled over my thoughts at first, but soon whispered, "I love you." My stomach sent out an army of butterflies to raid my body. The moment seemed like an episode of the _Twilight Zone_.

Severus gulped, parted his lips, and firmly stated, "I thought you didn't believe in love."

"Until you...I thought it was bologna." I prepared for the worst, "Look, don't think anything of it. I don't want to bother you with childish antics. It's just a crush, I'm sure.."

Taking my hand in his once more, Snape smiled, "If you don't think it's real, then perhaps you don't want to hear my response."

"And what would that be?" My eyes locked with his.

The black pools of eyes were now replaced with shimmering diamonds. Severus gently caressed my cheek, "Oh Merlin, I never thought I would say this to anyone again...I love you too, Maranda."

My life turned around in an instant. One second I was wishing never to have experienced feelings for Snakey-Snape, and now I was kissing the Seductive God of the Dungeons in an alcove above the dungeons. I would never say I didn't believe in love again. I had prayed for this moment secretly for so long, and now the moment was mine. The moment was ours. I was loved, a feeling unknown to me for my entire life. Except for my friends, I had never imagined anyone caring for me. All those times Snape and I fought...They had led to this moment...Fate smiled at me for once without any sign of misconduct or trickery. Severus Snape was alas mine.

He pulled away from our passionate kiss, "I do truly, madly, deeply love you. You don't even know how hard that is to say."

"Yes I do, Sev," I smiled, "You and I...We're practically the same. Except, you're more intimidating."

He suddenly straightened his back and sneered, "Five points from Gryffindor, Miss Maguire."

"Oh no!" I noticed the pitch black sky outside, "What time is it?"

He shook his head, "I don't know. Probably near midnight. We've been talking for a long time now."

"No, it took a long time for us to start talking." my smile widened, but faded as I prepared to leave. "Thank you so much for making my birthday fantastic. I have to check on Serenity. Don't want a kitten to kill my room, or my room to kill a kitten. Umm," I inquired, "Am I teaching the Advanced Potion Class tomorrow?"

With a swift nod of the head, Snape replied, "Yes, if you'd like to. Like I said, that class is hell. But if you want to wait until Monday to come back and teach, I understand. It's been a rough week for you."

"Not as tough as I expected, though. Especially since you gave me medicine. Again, I am grateful, Severus." I took my box of lavender things and gave Snape a kiss on the cheek. I started to go downstairs, but not after cheerfully saying, "Now you know why your name was in my journal so many times...Good night, sir."

I returned to my room knowing fate had planned this night a long time ago. I could feel the perfection. Not too perfect that it hit cliche, but perfect enough to have flaws and not turn out horrible. Serenity was still sleeping, so I did my best not to disturb her while climbing under my covers with my pajamas on. I had rushed to go to bed so the next day would hurry up. I was so anxious to share everything with Hermione, and to see Snape as a new man.

He _was_ a new man to me. With all of our past fights under the table at last, we could start over and have a real friendship. True, we admitted love to one another, but knowing me and Sev, we would want to start out slow. Neither one of us seemed the type to enjoy fantasizing about falling in love. Hell, it even surprised me to get a present from Snape, which I still wore to bed. The necklace was so beautiful, and wearing it made me realize that Snape did mean what he said to me. He cares. Underneath all the black robes and frightening intimidation was a man who had real emotions like the rest of the world. Tonight not only showed me _he _was real, but I learned something too: I cannot, no matter how hard I try, hide from the world around me. I need to start living before it is too late. And one way of doing so was admitting to Severus how I felt. Why did I have to be so stupid and not think of this sooner?

Perhaps because I hid behind books, protecting myself with fantasy away from harsh reality. It is difficult to tell myself these things, but better late than never.

A random thought crossed my mind before closing my eyes. I had a journal last year, but I don't know where it is. Maybe I lost it at Hermione's house over summer vacation. I should check my trunk sometime soon.

As I closed my eyes, there was a knock at the door. Midnight visit?

I didn't move from my bed and softly asked, "Who is it?"

"Severus...I forgot to give you something." Wow, he wasn't in the mood to go to sleep!

"Come in. I'm too lazy to get out of bed and open the door." I sat up slowly as to not move Serenity. She was such a cute kitten.

Snape opened the door and had one hand behind his back. He came over to my bed and knelt down to my height. No, I didn't feel odd or anything having the love of my life come in my bedroom at midnight. I wasn't blushing either, I had ketchup all over my cheeks. _Sarcasm is a wonderful thing. Especially when in comes in the form of a hot man named Snape._

"Here's your other present," He reached out the hand he had held behind his back. On the palm of his hand lay a lock and key, "It's for your journal. Just place it on the cover and it will attach itself. The key will only open it with your hand. It can tell by fingerprint."

I giggled and set the lock and key on my nightstand, "Thank you, Severus, but you could have just given it to me tomorrow."

"It is tomorrow." He stood up, bent over, and kissed me lightly on the lips. It felt so great to have someone love me.. I know, That's all my mind is revolving around.

And Severus left. Just like that. As proud and intimidating as the day I met him, which is how I wanted it to stay. I loved him for him, nothing more or less. I guess that's just what love is...A feeling of complete adoration for someone you are attracted to, but more intense than any brain can endure. Love...What an interesting thing to live through.


	32. Hide And Sneak

Disclaimer: I own nothing but plot and characters.

A/N: Ummm... Mushy lovey dovey stuff...Yeah. You all knew it was coming sooner or later. oh no! few chaps left! (about 7 or less.) I had a dream last night and all I did was stare into Snape's eyes and then we flew away on his broom. D'ya_ think _I'm writing this too much? yeah, me too. and then, to top it all off, I met that stupid jackss Fudge. OH Hi nice to meet you why don't you GO AWAY...book murderer. damn you and your crap-ss ways. what? I'm not defending HP books or anything.

Ok-read this-FIRST book I mentioned stuff about voldemort and stuff but not much. I'm going to tie it into the next chapter and whenever I need it so I can finally say there was a purpose for putting it there. It might be a really stupid thing, but voldemort is cut off after year three because I said so. hehe for this fanfic anyway.

_Chapter 32: Hide and Sneak _

Being in love was something I could have never prepared myself for. Even worse situations have cornered me now, leaving me in a tough bind. It was Friday morning and still the day after I and Snape ...Let those three little words fly out of our mouths. The problem was not with him, but with everyone else. Would we make it seem as though nothing happened? How would I tell Hermione and the others? _Would_ I tell the others? So many questions and only one way to solve them: Go through the day calmly and rationally, not getting nervous whenever something is about to leash out into the open.

The silver necklace was still delicately wrapped around my skin, shining through like the stars in the sky, or the charm on the chain. I put my black teacher's robes on and curled my long hair towards the ends. So what if I wanted to be pretty for Sev? No one would notice if I added a little pink lip gloss and black eyeliner. Or mascera. Ok, so maybe I overdid it a bit with the glitter eyeshadow, but no harm done.

I waited until ten past seven to leave my room. If I knew Sev, he wouldn't want me hanging all over him like some dirty rag. The Great Hall was just as packed as always, and people stared me down as always. Not in an attracted way, but more of a I-hate-you-for-no-reason stare. My seat was the same, so nothing new yet. I couldn't figure out why I thought everything was going to change today.

"Morni--" Mione noticed the gloss, the shadow, the mascera, and the necklace, "Maranda!"

"_Shhh!" _I looked in her eyes and said firmly, "I will explain everything later tonight in the lounge. Bring the gang."

I began to tear away at my breakfast when Sev turned to me and mumbled, "Nice hair."

_Hehe, I knew he'd like it. _"Thanks," I gazed at him with the normal Maranda-toSnape-stare and added, "I need to talk to you before classes."

"So do I," He half-smiled and went back to eating breakfast.

A few more minutes went by with no real conversations. Sev was actually talking to Draco for a moment about how annoying Lockhart is. Hermione had to go over the schedule of the day with McGonagal, which left me talking to no one. I hurried up and finished breakfast so I could leave.

While I walked down the dungeon halls, I figured waiting in Snape's room would be no big deal since he already knew I needed to talk to him. More importantly, the Advanced Potions class was second, right after the first year class. So there I stood, beside his desk, glancing down at the papers. I admired him so much. Severus was so smart, wise, charming-even if he didn't plan to be, and just...helpless. I wanted to help him out of whatever terrible thoughts ran through his mind.

"I see you've let yourself in," Sev started emotionlessly.

When I looked up he was already in front of me, folding his arms. I hated how he could be so intimidating.

"Umm," my words flowed freely, "I was just wondering if I was going to teach the Advanced Class today, and if I'm still allowed to help with the first year's too."

He towered over me and demandingly declared, "You are helping with the other classes. However, since we did not go over that lesson plan yet due to your recent illness, we shall congregate later to discuss it. My bet is you'll teach on Monday."

I loved how he could be so intimidating. "Alright. There's another topic I'd like to touch upon, if that's ok, sir." I wanted to piss him off.

"Sir? Maranda, I know you want to agitate me."

_Oh no, he's on to me! _

Now there was feeling in his voice, "But I guess I deserve it...What do you want to talk about?"

"You don't deserve it. What are you trying to say? You've done nothing wrong." The subject was suddenly altered.

"Why don't you sit down. I'll explain a few things to you." Snape wasn't in a good mood. This made no sense. He smiled at breakfast, didn't he?

I sat in my usual chair and Snape sat at his desk. He looked me straight in the eyes and spoke caringly, "You know how I feel about you, and please don't become paranoid while I speak. There will be nothing bad after this little explanation. Have you heard of Voldemort?"

"Yes, actually," I suddenly remembered the first year I came to Hogwarts, "Hermione mentioned him to me the day before Lockhart came back to teach. She told me that he was defeated the third year of school."

Severus pressed on, "Very well then. You know the basics, which is good enough. During the ages of Voldemort, nothing was sacred. He killed so many, corrupted so many, and the remaining people were either muggles or in hiding. I don't want to discuss my past, for that shall stay where it belongs. But ... I hadn't felt love for a long time. I did love once, but it turned horribly. Anyways, I'm going to cut to the chase. I fought my hardest not to feel the way you do, for I don't want it to explode in my face, leaving me empty again. That's why I said I wanted to save you from me. I'm not that great. Not even good."

"Hey," I took his hand in mine, "To me, you are fantastic. Nothing from us is going to blow up in your face. Hell, it took me years to stop looking at the past. Learn from me: The past may come into your mind every now and then, but don't dwell on it. Most events happen for a reason, even if you don't know what it is. Sev, I'll protect you if I must. You're worth the trouble.."

A hint of a smile crawled across Sev's face at my little joke. "You're going to kill me, you know that. I'm older than you think..."

"_Really_?" I grinned, "Are you too old to put your lips to good use?"

We were about to kiss when the first bell rang. A sign that students would soon pile in and catch their teacher kissing if we had gone that far. I let go of his hand and he cleared his throat.

"I still have more to talk to you about later on." Snape said before standing up and going to the chalkboard. The first years were soon walking in with a dreaded feeling hovering over their heads like personal rain clouds. It was the same sense I had when I first walked in here those two years ago. Of course, I was older than these children.

First period passed rather quickly considering I did nothing but pass papers out. I wasn't going to complain though. Snape had given the class a test, meaning he would sit at his desk for most of the period. I borrowed some paper from him and drew a dragon while he planned next week's classes. Mary Burmingham wasn't as quiet as she usually was today. Before class began, she was talking with a few friends. She seemed to finally find her place in this school.

Kind of like me. Hmm.. History repeats itself. I'm sure I've thought of that before. Even sentences repeat themselves. Even sentences repeat themselves. It's just too bad I couldn't share that with The Seductive Snake God of the Dungeons. He was busy shouting at someone for being late to class. Yes, it was Advanced Potions time. Unfortunately, I couldn't teach today.

The class seemed pretty tame today, which was surprising because it was Friday. Usually kids would bounce off the walls and act really...stupid/crazy. I spent the class drawing again, but that's because Snape was lecturing the class on some of the work they were doing. According to him and the grades these teens were recieving, no one took Potions seriously anymore. Not even the people who were _'intelligent_.' When second period was over, everyone left in such a rush, I thought they would knock Snape over. And he wasn't even near the door.

"I need you to run an errand for me," Sev requested, "Would you mind terribly if you could bring these papers up to Lockhart's room. For some reson they were placed with some new lesson plans I recieved."

I gave Sev an annoyed glare, "Do I really have to? I can't stand Poptart."

"Poptart? I'm not going to ask how you made that nickname." He chuckled a bit, "But please bring them up. I have to stay here and teach."

I sighed and stood up, taking the pile of papers from Snape's grasp. "Fine," I smiled, "but you owe me a favor."

The journey to Lockhart's room was annoying. In fact, everything to do with Gilderoy was annoying. I knocked on his door and Draco answered, happy to see me for once during the week. He let me in, so I could give the papers and explain where they came from.

"Maranda! My dear, how are you?" Yes, Gilders was still a fruit basket, "Is that pile of papers for me?"

Monotony was in my voice, "Yes. It's from Snape. He doesn't know why they were in his room."

"Thank you." Lockhart's class was empty, but I still don't know why he asked me to stay in his room for company.

"I can't stay," I lied, "I have a bunch of work to do."

With that, I waved to draco and left the room. I wasn't going to say anything about meeting in the lounge tonight in case Gildie Poptart went too. I don't know why, but Popfart seemed like the type to invite himself places.

The remainder of Friday went on with nothing to do but sit in my room until the second year class showed up last period. But then I sat anyways, so I didn't see the point in going there. All I did was sit and draw. By then end of the days I had five sketches of dragons and faeries.

"Don't go yet," Snape ordered as last class ended, "I have to talk to you about us."

Us. What a nice word to hear. "Alright. Spill your beans, oh _Master-de-Potions_."

"You are odd." He smiled, "But that's fine. Erm...You know we have to keep us as a secret, right?"

I nodded my head.

He went on with a cheerful tone, "Good. We can't let anyone know. Especially any of my colleagues. You are still technically a student. The rules apply same for students as student-teachers, but in different terms and with more...err..liberation. I could lose my job if word gets out that I am seeing my student-teacher."

_God, I could explode with that sentence. _"Say that again."

"What?" He seemed puzzled.

"Say that last part again.." I grinned maliciously.

He got the hint and whispered, "I am seeing my student-teacher."

"Oh! You must perish now, for you said those forbidden words." I neared him, staring into his happy eyes. "Sev, can I be frank with you?"

He cocked an eyebrow, "Yes, if it's not going to emberass me."

"Your eyes...they went from deathly black to glimmering charcoal. Even though they're dark brown. What happened?"

"You." He smiled once more and then demanded, "Now, leave my room. I'll see you at supper. I must not let joy overthrow my sense of student-hating. There are tests that need correcting."

I never specified a time for Hermione to meet me in the lounge, so I headed there first after I left Sev's room. Lucky me, she was there, along with everyone else in our group.

"Hi guys," I sat on a couch across from Ron, Hermione, and Draco. Gwen sat next to me.

Hermione glanced around the room and back at me, "I wasn't sure when you wanted us down here, but knowing you that would be as soon as possible."

"A.S.A.P" Draco corrected.

I couldn't stall or beat around the bush. I had to just let it out, "So...Snape and I confessed our love to one another last night."

Complete and utter silence. Along with gaping mouths.

"You're kidding. That's too cliche to be true. This is delayed April Fool's, right?" Ron was unshockingly the first to speak.

Gwen touched my hair, "You look different. And what's that around your neck?"

Ron closed his eyes tight, "Tell me it's not a hickey!"

"No, dumbass!" I was irritated, so I explained, "My birthday was yesterday." Ron opened his eyes again and I went on, "It's a necklace he gave me. I'm not kidding you guys. It really happened. I can't even believe it but there it is: Solid, honest-to-God truth. Take it or leave it, but if you leave it, I'm not saying any different. We're together."

Draco spoke with sincerity, "I can take it. I believe you. Whenever you have something serious to say, your eyes do this little shiny thing, as if you're going to cry if no one listens. No offense or anything. Anyways, umm...Congratulations."

In an instant, Hermione jumped up from her seat and raised her voice, "How can you be so stupid? You can't see him! You're technically a student! You'll get him fired!"

"Would you please lower your voice," I begged and said, "We already talked about it. We are going to do it under cover. Nothing is going to change. He and I are just more open with each other and maybe slightly touchy-feely, but not by much."

"Ewww," Ron snickered, "You guys tongue wrestled, didn't you?"

Shaking my head, I responded, "No. Only kissed like civilized people. I told you, nothing's going to change. He's too intelligent and smart to get us in trouble. Besides, I can deny. No one can prove anything. I'm his helper, so obviously we'll be together in the same room."

"Play hide and sneak," Ron suggested, "Instead of hide and seek. You run around corners of the school to meet and kiss. That's what 'Mione and I did last year to not get caught by Filch."

Mione let out a groan, "Ronald! You can't support this! Maranda, Snape is intelligent, I give him that, but he's obviously not wise enough to stay away from those feelings. He should have been professional about it and turned you away. Which one said the words first?"

"Me," I looked at everyone's face. No one was pissed but Hermione.

"See," She stomped her foot, "He could've saved himself a lot of trouble. You know what," She frowned and shot icy daggers from her eyes, "I'm disappointed by you, _Mani-Mara_.Even you are smart enough not to do this. You just set a room of bombs off waiting to explode in your face. C'mon, Ronald. We have that errand to do." Grabbing Ron's arm, he shot me a glance of sympathy. They left the lounge without anymore said.

"What in hell just happened?" I asked loudly.

Gwen patted my back, "Your best friend just disagreed with all of your feelings and morals."

"Hey," my attention was captured by Draco, "Don't worry about it. She's probably PMS-ing. I think you deserve to feel love. Hell, you got over not believing in it, so have it all you want! I support you. Gwen and Ron support you too. Hermione's just pissy."

I nodded my head and lied for the second time in a day, "I have to go help Snape. He told me we need to go over some lesson plans so I can teach next week."

My two remaining friends gave me a hug before I left with stress on my shoulders. Since when did Hermione shout at me? I was supposed to be her best friend, and suddenly she hated the idea of me finding love. Maybe Ron is right. If I play hide and sneak no one will know.

But what if Mione's right? What if finding the perfect, but '_forbidden_' love is something to fear?


	33. Frustration Overload

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

A/N: Some of the things about the group in here are in relation to my own group of friends at school.

_Chapter 33: Frustration Overload _

Serenity woke me up with her purring and licking my face. Now I wouldn't be surprised if I broke out. I sat up in bed and pet her gently.

"You won't hate me for loving Snape, will you?" I knew she wasn't able to talk, but it felt nice having something listen without judging me.

Today was Saturday, which meant my weekly visits to Hogsmeade with my pals. If they, for one second, think I'm going to ditch them because Sev and I are together, they've got something to learn. I would never ditch my best friends. Not even for love. But then again, if Mione makes a habit out of yelling at me, I might just have to leave her alone for awhile.

My clothing for today was a long-sleeve black shirt, and some jeans. My wardrobe selection was wearing thin for some reason. Hogsmeade day was never used for anything but hanging out with friends, but maybe today I would actually get some money out and buy some clothes. I still had a tiny bit of money left from one of my birthdays. I don't know how I didn't spend it. I pinned my hair up with a clip and put on some lip gloss and mascera. It was unusual for me to wear make-up, or even care about what I look like, but for once I had someone to look acceptable to.

I spotted Draco first outside of Hogwarts. He waited by the beginning of the road we walked on to reach Hogsmeade. I hadn't seen Snape this morning, but Saturday mornings seemed to always be like that. Except now, on these Saturdays after my birthday, I have a kitten on my shoulder.

"Maranda," Draco approached me worried about something, "Hermione is really upset with you. I don't know what's wrong. No one can get anything out of her. She's talking to everyone but you. I heard her admit that to Ron. Even he can't get any information out from her."

The air was chilly outside, so I zipped my long coat up before replying. "Look, I'm not about to ditch her for Snape, if that's what she's worried about. Neither am I going to ditch Sev for her. I don't know what's wrong with her either, but maybe if she talked to me like the civil Hermione I know we could figure something out."

"Hey, Serenity looks pretty hungry. What do you feed her?" Gwen immediately jumped into conversation with me.

"Milk," I frowned slightly, "and crumbs of bread from supper that I stow away. I hadn't any time to buy her food. I'm going to today though."

Serenity mewed as Ron and Hermione came over to us. As Mione saw me, she folded her arms and sneered.

"What's wrong, _Snape?_ That's who you remind me of with that bad attitude." After my little non-humorous joke, she turned sideways. I went on, "Hermione Granger, would you tell me what the hell is on your mind? I kind of want my best friend back."

"Oh!" She shouted and glared at me, "So now you think I'm not your best friend!"

I spoke louder so she could hear me past the ignorance, "You didn't seem like it last night when you left the lounge, or now when you're not answering me."

She ignored me, whispered something in Ron's ear, and started walking away.

Ron shook his head doubtfully, "Hey, sorry for everything, Maranda, but I'm walking with her to Hogsmeade. She asked me to, and by relationship rules, I must abide or she won't do any favors when_ I _ask. It's only fair."

Taking Ringo out of her coat pocket, Gwen sighed, "I think I'm going with her too. She was trying to tell me something earlier, but I never got it out of her. Now that there's time, I'm going to ask."

So only Draco and I were left to walk the journey to Hogsmeade. Whatever, at least I wasn't alone.

"Draco," I held Serenity in my arms so she wouldn't fall from my shoulder, "What's happening to our group?"

He put his hands in his pockets, "I don't really know. What do you mean?"

"Well we're all separating a bit. Last year Harry, Neville, and Seamus left. This year Hermione hates me. After this year we're going off to college and stuff, so not even more extra years can save us. It feels like I'm going back to what I had when I came here: nothing." We kept walking through the snow. I hated having snow in February.

"I didn't ditch you just now, did I?" Draco looked at me with the same eyes..._No, can't think on that_.

I smirked, "I know, but what about them? I can't help Mione if she doesn't let me help."

A few minutes snuck by silently, with small glances here and there from Draco. I let Serenity run in front of me for a moment before picking her back up. I didn't want her to become restless. We reached Hogsmeade within ten minutes, seeing no sign of our other friends.

"They're probably at the Leaky Cauldron. We normally go there first, right?" Draco tried to make me feel better. He could sense the worry in me.

We went to our destination. Sure enough, Draco was right. As we entered, Gwen, Ron, and Mione glanced up at us. Hermione immediately shot a look at Ron and then at her drink of butterbeer. Draco practically pulled me to the table. I sat down, as did he, and we all exchanged unsure stares.

"Hermione," I tried to get her attention, "please talk to me. I'll go in a secluded area and listen to every word you say if you just talk to me."

Nothing. I waited one moment before getting up from my seat. I picked up Serenity, who had been trying to eat a coaster, and left without second thoughts. If she wouldn't talk to me, I wouldn't talk to her. I needed some time alone. Plus, it was convenient because I needed to buy cat food and clothing.

But now I was alone. Alone with a kitten who was lucky enough not to be involved in drama. Serenity certainly was a perfect name for her. As I entered a pet supply store further down from the pub, I spotted Lucius Malfoy near the register. He was talking with an employee, so I didn't bother saying hello. I let Serenity run around a bit, but she only circled me a few times instead of exploring. The she began to walk by my side. At least she knew I was her friend.

I searched the cat isle for food and soon found it on the bottom shelf. I took a medium size and looked at the price. Thirty galleons. Yay me, I had fifty galleons in my possesion, leaving me with twenty, which was enough to buy one shirt. Oh well, I'd rather a healthy kitty than a dead one and wardrobe full of clothing I didn't need.

Picking up the bag of cat food, I motioned for Serenity to follow me. She was a really smart kitten. Knew exactly what I meant. I brought the cat food to the register, seeing Lucius was now gone. The food rang out and I was about to give the money when I felt a tapping on my shoulder.

"Miss Maranda," Lucius towered over me with a pleased face, "How would you like if I put that cat food on my tab?"

Bewildered, my eyes widened, "You don't have to do that."

"But I'm going to. I'm buying Draco an owl next week and needed some care advice, which is why I'm here. But that's beside the point. I see you here, carrying this huge bag of cat food, so why not let a friend pay?" He smiled handsomely and gave the money to the employee. I couldn't even object.

Lucius helped me bring the bag outside and said, "Trust me, Maranda, it's not a big deal. I thought you could use a little help since your friends aren't around. Truthfully, you look as though you've had a bad day already and it's only just begun."

"My friends are at the pub. I'm just shopping. But thank you anyways, Mister Malfoy." I smiled and adjusted my hold on the bag. It was really getting heavy.

"I think I've told you, call me Lucius. I'm not an acquaintance, I'm your friend. Oh, and happy belated birthday." He grinned again and winked, something that I wasn't used to seeing.

My nerves started to act up. What was he playing at? Buying cat food for me, wishing a belated birthday, and suddenly knowing I have this bad day going on...It was weird having an older guy who I never see sparadically acting kind and as if I were his best friend. But who am I to judge? He's no more suspicious than my smart kitten.

Seeing as I still had fifty galleons, I marched happily, (even with cat food in my armsto a women's boutique. When I walked in, a female worker came over to me and ordered me to leave my kitten outside, along with the cat food. There went that idea. I went back outside and sat down on a bench, placing the bag of cat food next to me. Serenity jumped on my lap, purred, and lied down.

I started to stare at my feet when I heard a familliar voice, "Maranda..."

"Hello, Hermione." I mumbled loud enough for her to hear.

"Umm, can you move that cat food bag so I can talk to you?" She asked sweetly, so I moved the damned bag to the ground. Serenity stirred a bit, but got comfortable again.

Mione sat down and folded her hands, "First I'd like to appologize for the way I acted last night. I know it's not like me."

"Yeah," I looked at her quickly, "but I want to know what you have against him. Why can't I be happy for once?"

"It's not him. It's not you either. Well, it sort of has to do with you, but ... I need to start over so I can make sense to you." She turned sideways a bit, so we could be face to face. "The problem is...I didn't think you would tell ..._him_ how you felt. In fact, I didn't really believe you at first. None of us did. I'm referring to last night of course, not when you told us your feelings towards him. A few nights ago, Draco pulled me over to talk for a minute. We started talking seriously and he let slip that he still likes you. He has reasons for breaking up with you that I don't even know about, but they're real. He swore to take truth serum if I didn't believe what he said."

She let me have a minute to absorb. I pet Serenity on the head and calmly stated, "Go on, Mione. I'm listening."

"Maranda, he planned to cheat on you in front of you last year so it would be you breaking up with him, not vice-versa. I guess his father threatened to send him to another school if he didn't end your relationship. See, as nice as Lucius seems to be with you, he really isn't deep down. Draco said Lucius thinks you are a sweet girl, but he cannot stand to see relationships between pure bloods and half-bloods or less. In my opinion, Lucius is an ass." She placed her hand on my shoulder, "I blew up last night because if Draco hadn't been forced to cheat on you, you two would still be together. I'm just really frustrated because my best friend has found someone to love, leaving her other best friend jealous."

I was confused, "You're jealous?"

"No, no...Draco. He told me he wants to be with you, but knows it can't happen. And now that you're with ..._him..._there isn't a chance for Draco. I hate seeing our friends left in the dark. Especially when the thing they yearn for is reachable, but then is suddenly ripped from sight." Hermione made a lot of sense, and I felt bad for Draco.

I felt bad for him, but I couldn't and wouldn't leave Snape for him. I liked Draco last year, and those feelings will stay in the past where they belong. Why was I getting all the life lessons when the one who really needed it was Sev?

With a deep breath, I gathered my thoughts and replied, "True, I liked Draco, and would have eventually loved him. However, you and I both know he is going to have to cope. Besides, if I were to leave Se-_him_, the same would happen with Draco. Lucius would interfere again. History thus repeats thyself, leaving everyone with nothing and nothing with everyone."

"Don't worry," Draco popped out of nowhere, "I'm not upset about it, Maranda. You and I are best friends, and that's enough for me. I just hope you consider me if you and your lover ever break it off."

I carefully moved my sleeping kitten to the bench so I could stand up and hug Draco. While hugging him, I said, "Hey, that is a promise. If The Snake and I have some kind of horrible accident or we break up, I will consider you as a possible boyfriend."

Gwen and Ron showed up right after Draco and I parted. The gang was back together again, with no more problems or frustration overloads to deal with today.

Hermione sat back down on the bench and smiled, "Go shopping, Maranda. I'll watch Serenity for you."

"Oh, don't worry about it..." I glanced at my friends who stared at me as though they would push me into the store. "Ok, I'll be ten minutes!"

Gwen accompanied me into the women's boutique. The same women who ordered Serenity out came over, but said nothing and let Gwen and I shop. I found some pretty cute things, and even though black was my usual color, I decided to try something new. With ten minutes passed and clothing purchased, the gang and I headed to the Leaky Cauldron for our weekly afternoon butterbeer.

The day went by fast, for we were all having fun. When we got back to Hogwarts, I put Serenity on my bed and put my new clothes away. I took a little bit of cat food out and placed it in an old hat I had. I never wore hats, so why not use it as a bowl? Severus was in his room as suspected, so I payed a little visit. He greeted me with a small kiss on the lips, which sent me skyrocketing into Heaven. I wanted to tell him about the day, but worried that he'd be mad...I _did _tell my friends about us, which was along the lines of '_Don't tell anyone._'

But, that story would have to wait until tomorrow. I left Sev's room after a few minutes to take a nap. Naps were always helpful when one doesn't know what else to do with her time. Especially when her boyfriend is working hard at correcting papers and being a magnificent teacher. A magnificent person.


	34. Business Mixes With Pleasure

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Ummm... At least ten more chaps. I know I said seven before but that was before I realized what I'm doing. So, ummm... (likes writing ummm a lot.) GUESS WHAT? There's going to be more fanfics of this! Yessssss. It doesn't end here. The only thing that's going to be changed is time passage. But that's not until later so I'm not discussing this any further for now.

AHH TYPOS ATTACK OF THE TYPOS!

_Chapter 34: Business Mixes With Pleasure _

_Sigh, _another Sunday in the life o' Maranda. The morning and afternoon were spent in the library and in my room writing in my journal. I also played with Serenity, rolling a balled up sock to her as she pawed it back to me. Basically, it was a lazy day. But as five o'clock neared, I prepared to go to Sev's room so I could go over my lesson plan for teaching tomorrow.

I walked over to Snape's room with Serenity by my side. She had just finished eating and couldn't go to sleep. I knocked on his classroom door and heard him say '_come in_.'

"Hello, Severus," Serenity ran in before I could approach his desk, "Do you mind if my kitten stays in here for awhile? She's not sleepy yet."

The door shut itself behind me, so I could safely wish for a greeting kiss. Snape stood up and glanced at Serenity, who was jumping on the desks in the first row. He came over to me, handed the lesson plan to me, and stated, "She's like you on good days."

"Oh gee, thanks." I smirked as he cupped my chin in his hand. He brought my lips to his and planted a small, but very much needed kiss as planned. When he let go, we walked over to his desk and sat in our normal spots.

Sev had his own copy of the lesson plan to read along with me, "Alright, Maranda, you're ready to teach. Tomorrow should be relatively easy as an opening day for you. All I want the students to do is make an advanced sleeping potion, which knocks the person into a slumber of at least seventy hours."

"Who'd want to sleep that long?" I questioned in disbelief.

"The potion can be used for medical reasons," He explained while staring into my eyes, "if someone is hurt and needs to be put to rest, so be it. The rest of class you are to roam around with me and check their potions and see that they are not fooling around. You've been in my class, so you know exactly what I mean. Now, the first year class is going to make a simple antidote to nausea tomorrow. Same procedure goes on here. This class, despite the age, is a little more tame than the upper years. You won't have a problem with them. Any questions thus far?"

Slipping my foot closer to his, I shook my head. He continued going over the schedule, and I listened to every word. But what he did not notice was my foot inching towards his. I began to rub my foot against his lower calf. For some reason I felt very brave today.

Serenity mewed and jumped near the chalkboard. Severus looked at her and then back at me, finally realizing what I was doing. He lowered his paper and inquired, "What, may I ask, are you doing to my leg?"

"Hehehe...I'm rubbing it." Why must I explain what I'm doing when he knows perfectly well?

Placing his leg beneath the desk, he teased, "You're feisty, hmm?"

"You don't know how feisty I can be" I didn't even know how feisty I could be. Leave it to my mouth and brain and other body parts to randomly come up with a new trait for my personality.

"During the second year class," he ignored my comment and continued reading the paper, "as I aforesaid, you must hand out the tests and I will take over from there."

This was a time to stop a foolish snake from talking too much. I slowly inched to the edge of my chair and stared at Snape. He was oblivious to my movement. In one swift motion, I reached my hand out and ran my fingers through his hair. He hid a smile and kept reading. I stood up and placed my lips on his forehead for a second. The reading would not stop, so I decided to take more evasive action. I have no idea where this bravery came from, but I moved some hair out of the way before lightly nibbling and licking along the outermost part of his ear.

"Oh Merlin," He mumbled, "Stop."

Haulting my action I turned and faced him. "What's wrong? Is the classroom becoming warm?"

"You are murdering me." Alas, he put the paper down, "Can I help you?"

My subtle smile grew, "Yes, I think you can."

The next step I took caused me to nearly trip over myself, but Sev took my hand and helped me gain balance. Boy was I a dork when trying to flirt. Standing up, he now towered over me with his own subtle grin. Recognizing pure happiness in his eyes caused my stomach to embark on a cartwheeling journey, and my heart to pump fast with racing blood. I was decieved into thinking my lips would meet his. Instead, he pushed my hair to the side, kissed my neck once and nibbled on _my _ear. I didn't want him to stop.

"That was payback," He pulled away and intensly stared at me, "I will punish you if you don't behave. You can't mix business with pleasure."

After he chuckled under his breath and took his seat, we finally spent the next half hour going over the lesson plans once more. It was almost supper time when we finished, so we parted our ways. I brought Serenity into my room and let her snuggle on my bed sheets. I left the room and headed for the Great Hall with no intention of misbehaving...Tonight.

0o0o0o0o

Leaving the world behind for adventurous dreams was my way of ending a weekend. As a normal Monday morning, I dragged myself from layers of comfortable sheets and changed into my teacher robes. I took a few deep breaths and then put some make-up on. Lip gloss for kissable lips, eyeshadow for eyes Sev will yearn for, and a touch of foundation powder to rid my face of any shine. Underneath my robes was a red shirt and black skirt. I would've worn new clothing today, but no one could see it anyways, for we are required to dress in these robes until the weekend. That's why on Mondays I didn't care what I wore. It was the beginning of the week and held no purpose but to jump-start the week.

Breakfast was skipped this morning by me, for I needed to feed Serenity when she woke up. And then I realized something as I fed her: Serenity was named for reminding me of peace. Earlier in the year Sev gave me serenity potion to calm my nerves. I think I had figured out an accidental connection with both. Perhaps my little mind directed itself towards Sev-related words and names when I first got my kitten. Either way, if he hadn't noticed this yet, I was free to let it go.

First period I had free due to it being the third year class. So I spent time thinking about what I would say to the students when my turn came to teach. I was so thankful that Sev decided to let me try actually teaching.

"Good morning, Maranda," Severus greeted me as I walked in after first class ended, "I see you're not sick, as Hermione and I considered. We weren't sure why you skipped breakfast."

I started writing on the chalkboard and said, "My kitten was hungry. I couldn't let her starve. Besides, it was kind of nice having a break this morning. I enjoy Mondays that begin like that."

"You do know the advanced class is going to walk in this room in no less than three minutes. Are you well prepared?" He checked that all of my chalkboard information was correct.

Placing the chalk down and turning to face him, I replied, "Yes, Sev, I know. I'm ready to do this."

My nerves were trying so very hard to explode through my system. The only thing keeping me from internally combusting was knowing Sev believed in me. He didn't admit it, but obviously he asked me to teach with knowledge that I could succeed. To think, I would have deciphered his attitude as one to make me fail if we hadn't gone through the infamous Snape Night.

"Good morning class," I began in a half-cheerful tone when everyone settled in their seats. "Professor Snape has allowed me the pleasure of teaching today. I suspect you all have your books. Turn to page three-fifty and read the proceeding potion you will all create by the end of class. It may seem as if this specific potion has a lot of ingredients and work to be done, but you are all capable of it. Advanced Potions is what I took last year, and it is what you're taking now." I heard someone mumbled _duh_, but I continued on, "I just wanted to make sure this class is aware of what year they're in because you all act like three year olds at times. Well, I have already discussed with your professor that from now on, even in my hands, if any of you step out of line, we are sending you all to the Headmaster's office. Now...Begin reading please."

As the class fumbled around to retrieve their textbooks and turn to the correct page, I sat down next to Sev.

"Good job," He said no louder than a whisper, "but it might get a little harder from here on in."

And he was right. Advanced Potions was rougher to teach than be in. The students began making their potions, adding ingredients in the right order and following directions. A few students would not take my threat seriously, but that was expected when I wasn't even the _real _teacher. Despite the restlessness and immaturity that showed itself here and there by rambunctious students, the class went pretty smoothly. I, for once, did not stutter, blush, worry, or care because of nerves. Thank you Severus for giving me freedom today from all oogly boogly feelings.

Class after class passed by faster than I prepared for. The first year students were horribly easy to teach, and they cooperated like money-hungry businessmen talking to Bill Gates. No one was out of line at all in that class, so mostly everyone passed with an A for the day. (This made Snape secretly yearn to fail someone, of course.) The same went for the second year classes, leaving everyone with a B or above. Second years were like first years, but a bit more daring and blunt. They actually liked having me as a teacher, though, as a group of girls said so before they left. One compliment like that made me feel appreciated for the rest of the day.

"Ahhh man," I let out a long and well-deserved sigh, "It's over."

Snape stared happily at the empty room, "Yes, it is. Students will not pile in for the rest of the day. I must say, Maranda, you've really made me proud of you."

"I have?" I crossed my legs sitting near his desk once again.

"You taught without any obstacles, which is very surprising. I considered what I had put you through by asking you to teach, and my prediction was that you would, no offense, become too nervous. But, as you've proven me wrong, I commend you." He shot me a mysterious look I had not seen before. It was a look of admiration and gratitude.

Letting out a small string of giggles, I said, "Thank you. I don't like taking compliments one-on-one. It makes me blush." I can't believe I told him that! Gah!

A few minutes passed by with nothing to talk about or do, for Sev was in a correcting papers mood. I spoke on that, "You never take a break from correcting papers, do you?"

"I'm a professor; Of course I don't." He sounded so serious, but clearly was joking.

"I know you _do _have time, Sev," My eyes smiled along with my mouth; The Irish in me shown through. "You set off incense, have a balcony, get teacher's advantages, and everything! You're entitled to roam around and intimidate kids who are nothing but annoying. How can you complain?"

He raised his eyebrows, leaving me cowering in his seductiveness. "I didn't complain, my dear, so maybe you should get your ears cleaned. My response to your earlier comment was sarcastic. I thought you were well acquainted with it."

"Yes, I am acquainted with it," I giggled, "You _are_ sarcasm! Ok…Ok.. I'm just kidding, Sev."

"What's wrong, then? You're acting quite strange." He could sense my guilt.

I wanted so badly to tell him that Hermione and the gang knew about us, but there was no way to do so without upsetting him. I had promised not to say anything to anyone, and by lying to him, breaking the trust after the first day of being together, I was ashamed and filled with compunction. I needed to be vindicated, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Only a moment went by after he asked me. I answered, "Nothing's wrong. I think I'm just getting tired. Sometimes I start acting weird when I become drowsy." That wasn't a lie. My drowsy self probably acted as bad or strange as the self that accidentally drank alcohol from spiked punch.

The night ended quickly as supper soon dragged us down with its sweet aroma of luscious food. I found myself not very talkative. Hermione was reading while eating, which was rather odd. She said it was for an experiment McGonagal wants her to do next week on all the ways to transform animals into everyday objects such as toaster ovens, water goblets, plates, glasses, feather dusters, and much more. Why not leave the animals alone? I would hate to transform Serenity into a plate.

Barbaric worlds. I guess mine wasn't the only one.

Stepping into my room, I found Serenity clawing at the nightstand. I fed her, played with her for a few, and prepared to take a shower. Tonight I would go to sleep early and hope to get a good start on tomorrow. The next teaching day I would have would be Wednesday.

Things were starting to look up, even better than before, and I was ready to take on any obstacle that passed me by. Only a few more months to go before I headed for college in hopes to begin a career, which I did not know of yet. When I had just gotten used to this world, I had to start preparing for the next. How ironic.


	35. Heat Wave and Being Brave

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Hello friends who are sitting besides me witnessing my insanely fast typing. Even though I could type faster. Dang. Ok so from here on in things will be a little rocky. Umm.. Mystery, perhaps? (Every time I use perhaps in a question I think of HP 2 where Snape says '_How about someone from my own house? Malfoy, perhaps?'_)

_Chapter 35: Heat Wave & Being Brave _

February ended triumphantly, bringing new hopes, dreams, memories, and lessons. I learned a few things about cat care, which helped Serenity grow a little bit. She was still the sweetest kitten I've ever known, even though I had known no others. Sev, on the other hand, was not becoming more understandable, but a bit more mysterious. Not in any bad way. I found myself perplexed by his every move, word, action, and breath. He was my sun and moon, showering upon me with brightness and warmth, even though he wasn't one for sharing every waking thought.

The sun finally melted all of the snow, bringing spring in like a beautiful rainbow out of the gray, withering earth. Hermione, Ron, Draco, Gwen, and I visited Hogsmeade for the millionth time of the year. Simple Saturdays silently squeezed by like nothing, but they would always be remembered.

"Can it possibly be any warmer?" Hermione asked, fanning herself with a book.

Draco took a book from the shelf too. We were in a bookstore, not for purchasing purposes, but because it was the only store with cooled air. It had to be at least eighty degrees outside, which was tremendously insane for the beginning of spring.

"Let's go get a butterbeer," Said Gwen, untouched by the heat wave.

"Aren't you hot?" I asked, "Or are you immune to any temperature above seventy?"

"I'm not immune. I like the heat. I was in Texas over summer. Heat is nothing to me now." She smiled and went merrily on her way to look at some comic books.

Ron corrected, "If it's nothing, then you're immune."

Only another minute of fanning ourselves happened before we decided to leave for the Leaky Cauldron. Slight breezes swept on our faces, which helped a lot as the outside heat hit us once more. Our destination was reached once feet shuffled a bit faster. I entered the pub first, followed by a cluster of my friends, practically trying to get in at the same time.

"Five butterbeers please," Draco ordered refreshments after finding a table for the group.

I had carried Serenity to Hogsmeade with me and placed her sleeping self on the floor of the pub when I took a seat. The butterbeer was given to us within a moment, ready to be scarfed down.

"We _always _see him on Saturdays!" Gwen noticed Lucius entering the Leaky Cauldron with a stern appearance.

Draco glanced at his father and then back at us, "He's always visiting Hogsmeade on weekends now. Ever since he bought me my own owl, we've been having to buy food every week almost. The damn bird eats more than any hungry human. It's ridiculous."

"He's coming over here," Mione stated, "and he seems angry."

Lucius strolled over to our table and greeted us. He was, indeed, in a bad mood. I could tell just by looking at him that something was up.

"What has Mortifer done now?" Draco referred to his owl.

"Nothing," sighed Lucius, "but he's eaten the remainder of his food, and so I must buy more. I decided to have a break first, as the weather is torturous today. _Ahh,_" He glanced down at me with piercing blue eyes, "Maranda…I'd like to talk to you for a moment, if that's alright."

"Uh…Sure." I got up from my chair and followed him across the room.

Noticing my wonder, he stated, "Nothing to worry about. I was wondering if you would like to help me plan a surprise party for Draco. He's completely stressed because of Lockhart, and has no time to set up anything himself. His birthday is in a week, and I was considering having a small party for him in the Hogwarts' gardens."

"How will you set something up _there_?"

"Magic, what else?"

I laughed, "Sorry, sometimes I forget where I am."

"Don't worry," His smile made up for the previous bad mood, "It will be fun. But I need to schedule a day to pull this through, and then the night before should be when we set everything up."

I stuck out a hand, "Deal." He shook it and we walked back to the table.

When Lucius left, everyone wanted to know what was going on. I told them it was nothing to worry about, just a question he had. I was lucky when no one tried to pester me for information.

The remainder of our Hogsmeade visit smoothly went by, leaving my friends with another saturday embedded in their memories. Back at Hogwarts, I sprinted towards the dungeons. Today was the day to try and hint to Snape that I told Hermione and the gang about us. I already figured out a plan; I would straight out tell him and choose what to do from there depending on his facial expression. If he is A) miffed, then I would explain myself thouroughly and remind him that I am a complete loser, and hope he can see how guilty I feel. If he is B) Distraughtly Agitated, I will run away and hope he doesn't kill me. And if he is C) Shocked and Agitated, then I will be prepared to fight with him verbally until he understands that I am sorry. Any _one _of those choices all has anger in it. But I could take it. My heart was ready to leash out and let Sev decide if he wants to take it or shove it away. I could no longer hold this compunction in my every waking thought. I had to tell the truth, and be brave for the both of us.

"Good afternoon, Maranda," Snape greeted me as I entered his cozy room, which held scents of vanilla and cinnamon.

I mustered up the strength to start telling him as I approached the front of the room. It was now or never. I would prefer never, but seeing as I've bacxked down from enough in my life, it was time to sieze the moment and live with no matter what fate has to offer. "Hey, Sev. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yes," He half-smiled as I sat next to him, "tell me what's on your mind."

Here it went...the moment to decide if he could handle my mistake or not. "Let's start at the beginning," I spoke calmly despite my nerves, "There was a night that you and I congregated in your balcony/alcove room upstairs. You had given me presents and honesty, leaving me perplexed in my own realizations. I was so thrilled, _and still am, _to have you by my side. But...I did something awful."

"-What would that be?" Sev questioned in one of the seconds I didn't speak. His facial expression during this moment was one of wonder. Nothing deathly yet.

"Alright," My heart felt like popping out of my chest because it was beating so hard, "I told Hermione about my birthday night spent with you. I told her, Ron, Draco, and Gwen. I had to say something to them. I couldn't go around and have this huge secret to hide from them. You can hate me, but I couldn't lie to them. I will understand if you don't love me anymore."

My way of seeing things now: If I could tell Sev I loved him…I could say anything else.

I looked for a sign of anger, hatred, or building malice. Nothing shown on his face. He stared deeply into my eyes, seemingly trying to pull my soul from them.

"I…" my words failed. I was a disappointment to myself.

"My dear," _oh the velvet voice vocalizes, _"You made a promise with me. No one is supposed to know."

My lips quivered. I felt small. "I'm horrible. It was a mistake. Like I said, you can hate me if you want. I don't really deserve to be loved by you. But I'm glad I told the truth."

"Now, listen. I am upset, but don't become flustered over this. Your friends have a right to know about your life. It's respectable to tell them certain things from time to time. however, you should have come to me before you told them. But I am able to forgive you."

"Sev..." I sighed in relief, but wanted to go further with my bravery. "Sev, say those words please." We faced each other, knees against knees and hands holding tightly. I continued wearily, "I believe that you can feel it, but I want to hear it. After all, I do love you..." Saying my own words brought reality to me.

Parting his lips, Sev deepened his breathing, "Maranda, this is not simple. I care so much for your happiness, but I don't want you to get hurt. Please be careful."

He wouldn't say the words, but he did express care. "Not the answer I was expecting, but I'll take it for now. I would never want you to say something you're not comfortable with. But why did you tell me to be careful?"

"I want you to enjoy life while it's here. Don't change anything for me, especially concerning your friends."

My God...I had completely forgotten...Snape barely talked to anybody. He had no true friends. It was depressing realizing the man you loved hadn't a friend in the world. I let go of his hands and stood up, helping him up as well. He held a hint of bewilderment over his face like a mask.

"You must be so _lonely_. I'm so sorry." I wrapped my arms around his hips and hugged him while my head rested on his chest. His arms enveloped me too, and for once I felt as if I had given a gift.

Snape didn't stop hugging me, nor I him. He gently spoke, though his words were a bit muffled, "Correction, I _was _... lonely." He waited a moment before adding, "Don't let yourself fall too fast. I am a man of many sides. You won't want to be involved in the mess of me."

I looked up from his chest and lightly joked, "If I find a map, I won't be too lost in your personality. Besides, you aren't the only one in this room who has a multiple-personality problem."

After a few more moments of clinging onto one another, I kissed Snape's lips tenderly and walked to the door.

"Snape," I turned around before leaving and caught his eyes, "please don't forget, those three words that are flying around in your head are allowed to escape at any time."

I left the room feeling accomplished, yet left on a limb. We were nearly perfect together, Snape and I. Sure, he was obviously protective of me as if he were the criminal, but other than that we had a magical romance growing. All because I was brave enough to confront Sev, our connection became stronger. Maybe even warmer than the heat wave.


	36. Glass Shards

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and few chars.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Surprise surprise-I'm running out of floppy disc space. I guess everything comes to an end sooner or later. oh.. yes...I do think Lucius is a vampire. hehehe. Look at him! He's damn pale! Too sallow to be human.

_Chapter 36: Glass Shards _

Clear skies brought wonderful birds to sing for the world as flowers bloomed gorgeously. The heat wave stayed over the course of the week. I taught the Advanced Potions class on Tuesday and Thursday, which wasn't too troublesome. For the rest of the week I helped teach the first and second year classes. It was quite an interesting week. Even today, the Hogsmeade trip was exuberantly fun.

Lucius contacted me about Malfoy's birthday when I spotted him in a book shop. He basically told me we would have to start preparing for the party tonight, which was completely sudden. I didn't have a clue what to buy Draco for his birthday, so I decided I would help him take care of Mortifer, his owl, for a week. At least it would get the owl out of Lucius' and Draco's way for awhile. Serenity was a friendly kitten, so she wouldn't mind some company for a little bit.

The afternoon was a lightning streak flashing by quickly and barely noticed by anyone except for the ones watching for time to slow down. Time had that mysterious way of slipping by. And birthdays proved it.

"So, you're hanging out with Mr. Malfoy tonight?" Ron asked I relaxed in the lounge with Gwen and Hermione.

"Yep," I moved my shoulder to crack it, "Have to get everything together for Draco's party. It's going to be earlier in the afternoon tomorrow; About eleven or so. Lucius has a load of work to finish, which is why we have to have it earlier. And today he told me that we would've had the party today, but he had even more work to do. I guess that's what's going to happen to us once we leave here: too much work and no time for anything fun…" I left that statement on a sadder note.

Suddenly, Gwen picked up a pillow and smacked my head with it, "There's no way in the fiery gates of hell that I'm letting my friends fade away. So what if we work? We can still mail each other and try to get together sometimes. We'll always be together."

Hermione interjected, "We have to stop talking about it now...Draco will be in here any minute now."

"That's what you've been saying for the past half-hour. If Gilder-ass Lock-fart didn't keep him busy all damn day he'd be here right now." Ron was definitely pissed that Gilderoy was such a controlling freakazoid.

Minutes passed and soon Draco did join us, but as a very tired, very annoyed guy who just wanted to sleep. I left the lounge a bit later, heading to my room. I wanted some personal time to write in my journal for awhile. While writing, Serenity jumped around on my bed and cuddled up to my feet. She purred and licked the back of my hand, causing me to laugh. I continued to write everything that came to mind.

I glanced at the clock and knew it was time to gather a few things from my room and start heading for the garden area outside. Draco would be so surprised tomorrow morning at the party. I was almost ready to run up to him and confess everything, but that would kill the whole point of creating this party behind his back. But then again, I wouldn't cause any trouble by telling Draco...Alright, I would give away the secret, which would make Mr. Malfoy upset at me, and I didn't want to see him upset.

With my wand in my pocket and Serenity by my side, I found the first floor doorway which led to my favorite outside situation of Hogwarts: The oak tree and garden area. The late afternoon was chilly, but beautiful and peaceful. Lucius was standing by the oak tree, glancing up at it in anger. His hands were folded and he tapped his foot violently while cursing under his breath. So my wish of not seeing him upset was broken, but I could deal with it. The way I look at angry people now is positive; If I can deal with Snape's insanely infurious side, I can deal with anything pertaining to madness.

"Mister Malfoy?" I approached him with caution in case he was extremely touchy.

He kept his gaze above the high branches of the oak tree, "Hello, Miss Maguire. I am trying to..._Aha!_" Suddenly, he pointed his wand towards the top branch and mumbled an incantation.

A grey and brown owl floated from the depths of leaves into the air, staying there for a moment without ability to move itself. I knew this spell...It was _Subvolo Aerius_, learned in Flitwick's classroom my first year here.

"Do I have a good chance of guessing who's owl that is, Sir?" My playful smile gave away that I knew it was Draco's.

He moved the wand down and the owl floated into Lucius' grasp. He then shouted, "_Accio Owl Cage!" _The cage appeared quickly, opening as Lucius forced the stubborn bird inside.

"Erm..."

"No need to worry," Lucius finally faced me, with a tiny half-smile appearing, "I've dealt with this bird enough to know how to handle it. But, that has nothing to do with why you and I are here. Do you have your wand with you?"

I took my wand out to show him as I nodded my head. He also nodded and walked a little closer to me. Night wasn't as dark in the spring and summer time, but tonight seemed different. Dark clouds creeped in, making the air feel slightly moist against my cheeks.

Lucius must have felt the change in the air as well, "Oh my, I think it might rain on our parade. Maranda, do you happen to know if the weather is going to play tricks with us, or if it's going to stay tolerable in our favor?"

"I have no clue. Judging by the sudden drop in temperature, I'd say it was about to storm. But I could be wrong. I just hope it doesn't rain _after _we set everything up." I suddenly noticed there were no decorations outside. Just two glass orbs resting on the ground near the owl's cage. I predictably asked about them, "May I ask what _those_ are next to the cage?"

"_Those _are party orbs. After I say the required incantation and tap on them three times, they open to reveal decorations that will practically set up on their own. They can only be purchased in a special wizard's magazines. I subscribed for a few years, and just stumbled across the page one day. I admit, they are a bit tacky when you first see them, and may seem a little offensive to the advanced wizard or witch, but they are useful on these happy occasions." He smirked and picked up an orb.

Lucius rested his wand on the top of the orb as he said the spell to open it. He tapped once, twice, three times on the glass and lowered his wand. The glass glowed a blinding white and split in half, revealing floating streamers and balloons in different shades of green.

"Dracos' favorite color. I had these specially designed for him." Lucius fully smiled now with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

A raindrop fell on my nose. Another dropped onto my head. Within seconds the rain was sprinkling the garden unevenly. The streamers darkened from the wetness, the balloons rose into the air and fell as each droplet hit them. Lucius picked up the other orb, apparently not noticing the rain.

"_Lumos," _I decided we needed some light, as the night was growing darker.

Turning to face me, Lucius sighed as his shoulders dropped, "This was unexpectedly expected. Thunderstorms are not on my agenda for Draco's birthday. Will you hold this for me, dear? I must clean up these streamers and balloons before we go back inside." The same glint of mischief resided in his crystal blue eyes.

I reached out my hand to grasp the other orb. Lucius began to hand it to me carefully. He dropped it into my free hand, but it was drenched from the rain. It slipped around in my grasp. I stared at the orb, hoping it would stop moving. I tightened my grip on the round product, and it cracked. Broke. Shattered in my hand. I gasped...The only thing to do as I witnessed first hand the deleterious pain surging through my palm.

"_Ahhh!" _My voice finally conjured up the strength to scream.

Lucius placed his palm under my arm so he could lift it and see what was wrong with my hand.

"Darling," He spoke almost seductively, "Open your fist."

Tears were forming behind my eyes. I pushed the thought of crying aside and loosened my grip. Shards of glass fell to the ground, but there were still pieces lodged in my skin. Rain made the pain worse by stinging the open wounds. I had never experienced such a horrid pain in my life.

Lucius made a _tut, tut, tut _sound as though he were a mother silencing her child. "Poor, poor Maranda. The good news is I can take these pieces of glass out in a jiffy."

He started to pick out tiny glass shards from my palm. It hurt terribly, but I didn't want to move another foot without them out of my skin.

A larger fragment of glass was taken out, but Lucius held it between his thumb and forefinger. I couldn't decipher his gaze. It was almost indifferent. But as all of the glass was gone, I wouldn't complain.

"Thank you..." I took a deep breath and faced the ongoing pain.

"Dear, dear, Maranda..." He shook his head and still held my arm up from underneath, "You misunderstood everything, didn't you?"

I stared at him with confusion, "What?"

"This year was perfect for you... You found your place, found your friends, and found a new love. Oh yes, I know all about you and Severus. If it wasn't for my ghostly companion, I wouldn't know anything."

"Wait..." The pain was suddenly unimportant, "You mean you...Peeves..."

The grin from Lucius was no longer friendly, "Yes, Peeves works for me. You don't know half of it, Maranda."

As I tried to pull my arm away from his grip, Lucius swiped the scrap of glass down my arm, just missing my vein. But this didn't stop the cut from bleeding. I tore my arm away with such force that I was thrown onto the wet ground. Hovering over me was a deceitful man, drenched in not only rain, but lies and anger.

"What's going on?" I yelled over the first clap of thunder, "Why would you spy on me like that?"

He sniggered, putting his foot on top of my stomach so I couldn't move, "Oh Merlin, Here come the questions. Why don't we skip the games and go straight to the ending." He continued as-a-matter-of-factly, "See, twenty or so years ago, your father worked for me, and took care of all of my money. He worked in a bank, and I was his client. One fabulous day he met your mother and fell in lo- _Oh my_, we have a visitor.."

Out of the shadows came Severus, holding his wand at ready position. "Let her go, Lucius, and Albus won't hear about this.."

"Oh shush, Sev, you're ruining my story time." The crystal blue eyes grew cold, uncaring and devilish. If the Devil had blue eyes, they would be Lucius'. And is it sad that at this time of pain and horror, my only thoughts were how ironic it was that Lucius's name sounded like Lucifer's?

Snape quickly shouted, "**Expeliarmus!**"

Lucius got knocked back, his wand flying into the air. The relief of having no foot on my stomach caused me to forget my bleeding arm. I got up, feeling quite lightheaded, and ran to Snape's side after picking Lucius' wand up.

"You're bleeding! Here..." Snape ripped off a piece of his robes sleeve and wrapped it around my wound.

"Give me my wand!" Lucius charged towards me.

Snape finished tying the cloth just as I dodged the attack. Instantly, a familiar ghost flew up from underground and took the wand from my hand, along with my own.

"Peeves," Lucius laughed, "My faithful companion."

Peeves stuck his tongue out at Lucius and shouted, "I'm not a dog, you stupid arse."

The grin from Lucius' mouth morphed maliciously into a scowl, "Faithful until I can dispose of you. _Firma Formalis!" _

In shock, I watched as Lucius cursed Peeves. The damned ghost turned to stone and fell to the ground. Snape moved so I was hidden behind him.

"Now I can finish my story," Lucius stated, pointing his wand at Sev with every intention to start a fight, "but where was I? Oh yes, Maranda, I was talking about your mother."

Sev didn't want to hear anything, and with the rain pouring down on us, we all wanted to head out of there. To humor Lucius, I poked my head from behind Snape's soaking robes and gazed into the scary blue eyes with somewhat of an interest.

I cleared my throat and said, "Go on..."


	37. I Do It For You

Disclaimer: lalallaa. I own nothing but my plot and chars and that oreo cookie you are about to eat. STOP EATING MY COOKIES.

_Chapter 37: I Do It For You_

"Your father fell in love, and obviously got your mother impregnated." Lucius circled Snape and I as we stood very still. I knew if Mr. Malfoy started any trouble, Snape would help. He always had a back up plan for life. I could tell.

_That and I had nothing else keeping my hope alive. _

Now standing to the side, which was in front of me, Lucius pressed on with his speech. "So your greedy and selfish father decided to steal the equivalent of three million dollars from my account at Gringott's. Most of my sickles, galleons, and knuts were stolen. Your parents moved to America where your mother had you. I searched high and low for their asses, and even sent some special spies to help me. Once your parents were settled in, Hagrid started to visit your Mum again, which gave away where you lived. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to obtain my money. It was hidden somewhere... And somehow found its way back into Gringott's. I'm blaming Hagrid for this."

I was having so much trouble absorbing everything. My eyes swelled up. Snape found a subtle way to reach for my lowered hand to hold onto it for comfort.

"I couldn't get the money," Concluded Lucius, "So I killed your parents. I imagine you already know how they died, for I read that in your journal as well. Not the new journal you made this year, but another one you had last year. Yes, I stole your most private posession. I vowed one day to find and kill you as well. I could have killed you at the same time as your parents, but I thought that you living with no parents was rough enough until I felt it necessary to take action. And you were so hard to catch. I tried to stop you so many times..."

Snape finally shouted, "Enough, Lucius! She doesn't need this torture!"

"Pipe down, old man. I'm not finished yet." Raising his wand, Lucius pointed it first at Sev, and then at me, "I've more to tell."

He still had my wand. Dirty bastard kept it by his side. If only I could get to it, then Snape and I would outnumber the loser. No, I wouldn't let all these no truisms distract me from the present. Whatever my parents did is in the past, and I know they would want me to remember them for the good, not bad. I know they would want me to focus and survive through the darkness, not give up with pain. Hell, my arm stopped bleeding three minutes ago, and that was a shitload of blood loss. But I was still standing.

Lucius raised his eyebrows for a second, "I thought knocking you off of your broom on Halloween would cause more than amnesia."

"_You?_ You did that?" I wanted to stab him in the chest.

"Yes, my dear, I did that. Every problem you've had since you stepped foot in that Hogwarts doorway...That was all me. Now," He stepped closer to me as I clung on tightly to Sev's hand, "enough chit chat."

"Lucius, you are insane..." Snape spoke loudly.

I took the silence as a chance to grab my wand. Off I ran, towards Lucius, who used magic to knock me back onto the ground. Damn me and my stupid actions before thoughts. With the rain and thunder involved, I couldn't think clearly, or clearly think. The darkness devoured us in the gardens. I thought for sure the plants would come alive and eat me whole. And Lucius didn't seem to care. All I knew was that the atmosphere was too calm for everything said tonight. I prepared myself for anything.

"Please, Lucius, you can have the money. I don't want it. Just don't hurt me." Begging was never really a solid plan, but there wasn't anything I could do. I began crawling backwards, towards Sev, and tried not to stagger while standing up.

Snape approached Lucius, "Just give her the damned wand back and get the hell out of here. There's no need for any of this."

"Hmm... I guess it's about time we duel, Severus. What do you say? If I win, I get to do as I wish with that scum of human. If you win, I will leave after she gets me my money. Fair game?" A glimmer of hope rose into the air. Maybe Lucius wouldn't harm anyone after all.

"Fine," Snape agreed and rose his arm in the air with his wand ready.

At once, Lucius yelled and his wand shot out a yellow beam of light towards Sev. Blocking it, Snape used his wand to cast a protective charm that only lasted through one more spell. As the duel went on, I spotted my wand in Lucius' pocket. I had to conjure up some plan to grab it.

Out of nowhere, Draco's voice boomed, "_Father_, leave her alone!"

"Stop fighting this instant!" Hermione's voice came in afterwards.

Lucius, after casting another spell, stated, "I shouldn't have disposed of Peeves so early. Very well then, I will have to call on another accomplice. _Geo! Geo!_"

A dark brown house elf appeared beside Lucius, with an evil smirk on his face.

"Take care of the extras while I finish off Snape." Again, the blue eyes glittered and shimmered with vengance.

Geo, the house elf, ran towards Mione and Draco. I felt helpless and lost. I didn't know what to do without my wand. I was never much of a fighter. Glancing towards my friends, I realized Hermione and Draco were trying to use their own wands for defensive purposes. The elf seemed to be unaffected by the spells. Before I could run to the rescue, though my strength dwindled down, Geo snapped his fingers and used his magic as a weapon. Hermione was frozen in spot, and Draco was tossed to his father's side, but also frozen in place. Geo glanced at me and snapped his fingers. He disappeared and reappeared by Lucius once more. Now that my friends were helpless, I had no idea what to do.

"Ahh!" The sound of agony came from Snape as he was hit by Lucius' magic. I rushed by his side and saw that my wand was gone.

Lucius noticed my looking and declared, "Oh, so you're trying to find your wand? Sorry, Geo took it. You must feel pretty helpless by now."

Cackling, Geo waved my wand around. He pointed at me, laughing some more, and then broke my wand in half.

"You asshole!" I yelled with my non-wounded hand forming a fist.

"How dreadfully sorry I am, but you mustn't fret. I'm just going to finish Severus off and then you and I can have a long chat." I knew he was talking to me, but I didn't want to hear it. Malice enveloped the night, presenting itself as a storm that would neither die nor strengthen. We were stuck in the middle..In the center of an explosion.

"Maranda," Sev stared into my eyes with a gaze of worry, "Just run. Run to Albus. Hermione and Draco will tell you what happened after, but you must trust me and run."

Stepping towards me, Lucius asked, "Are you two telling secrets over here? Nonsense, you must share with the class."

Snape pointed his wand at Hermione and quickly shouted, "_Infernus Reverso!" _He was about to shout the same for Draco, but Lucius grabbed his wand.

Struggling to keep his wand in hand, Snape eyeballed Lucius' grip. His wand was falling out of his hold. I grabbed it, ready to take it and run, but Lucius pushed me onto the ground. This gave Sev enough room to break free from the struggle and use the spell on Draco. Hermione recovered from the frozen spell and ran to my side.

"Silly girl! Get out of here! Take Draco and Maranda with you!" Sev ordered us as though we were his pupils.

I would not move. I gazed at Draco who slowly gained strength back. He and Hermione congregated a few feet in front of the garden's door. It had just hit me how odd it was that no one heard or saw any of us out here. But then again, Filch was a lazy son-of-a, and probably never came down here at night.

My feet wouldn't move. My head swivelled around to see what was holding me back. Geo was nearby, laughing loudly at me. The horrid pain in my wounds came back as the air became colder. Lightning struck, signifying the remainder of the storm preparing to harm us all.

"Lucius Malfoy, you're such a jerk! If I could, I would kill you right now." My words meant nothing as Lucius continued to duel with Sev.

Finally, Mr. Malfoy took my speaking as an invite to talk, "Enough of this silliness. I'm done with you both!"

Walking over to us, Geo snapped his fingers. Now Sev was stuck in place as well. Looking past Lucius, I spotted Draco and Hermione frozen again. Snape held his wand, but lowered his hand. My hand was almost touching his, and I could feel Snape's pinky flicking my finger. It was a signal to take his wand. But how? How could I do something so courageous without getting caught. With Lucius watching us like hawks, and the ugly house elf sneering, I had no chance of taking it.

"What's the matter, Lucius?" Snape began to egg Malfoy on, "did you forget your plans on getting revenge?"

He shook his head, "_Geo_, let them free. I want this to be worth it. Oh, and bring the brats over here too."

Snape flicked my finger again, this time harder. He knew I could get away with something... Geo stood in front of me and snapped his fingers. My feet were mobile. I moved my hand closer to Snape's and took his wand while Geo was busy reversing another spell. I moved the wand so it was hidden behind my arm and grip. Intelligently, I switched the wand around so the tip was against my arm. This way, I could whip it out and have it immediately point at Lucius. Of course, I had no clue what I was doing.

Taking Hermione and Draco one at a time, Geo brought them over to be situated by Sev. Geo started to walk across towards my favorite oak tree. Once he started to cross me, I stuck my leg out just enough, and he soon tripped and fell with a loud _thud. _Snape shot a shocked look at me. He instantlyreached out and took my broken wand out of the elf's pocket. Lucius had been tending to my friends, making sure they were really frozen. When he noticed Snape moving, he drew out his wand again.

Sev pointed my wand at Lucius and scowled, "I know it's broken, but it can still be used."

"You _are _going mad, Severus. How many butterbeers have you had today? What makes you think you can use a broken wand against me?" Folding his arms, Lucius returned the scowl.

"Enough to know..." Sev sideglanced at me. This was it... I had his wand and it was almost time to use it..

_But what spell do I use?_

Lucius questioned him, "Enough to know what?"

_Incendio? Set him on fire? _

"Hmm," Sev milked his words even more, "Enough to know ... Enough to know... You don't have to worry about what it is I know."

Shaking his head, Geo helped himself to get back up. He shot me an evil glance. I couldn't wait any longer...

I quickly whipped the wand out from behind my arm and yelled, "_Lethargus!" _Geo dropped to the ground, unconcious...In a coma.

"_Ferme..."_ Lucius point his wand directly at Severus' chest, "**_Ferme Neco!_**"

A bolt of red shot out from Lucius' black wand. I panicked. I jumped in front of Sev and screamed.

The red bolt hit me in the back as I landed in Snape's arms. I pulled myself up and face Sev. His eyes widened. His mouth was open, and he was shouting something. My hearing was slowly fading. My eyesight was becoming fuzzy. I stared into Snape's eyes and could have sworn I saw tears. I forced myself to turn around and face Lucius one on one. I felt weak. Snape's wand fell from my grasp.

I could make out a sly grin on Lucius' face as he bolted towards the owl cage.

Sev picked up the wand. I fell to my knees and shook my head violently to get some sense back into it. My eyes could not see any longer. I felt blind, but my hearing was heightened for a moment. I could hear yelling from both lucius and Sev. My love was in agony yet again, and I couldn't do anything about it. Lucius laughed loudly and mumbled. I was starting to lose my hearing again. I fell to the ground from weakness, feeling a hand flop onto my cheek. It was cold.

Pain surged through my trembling body. And then a shock of electricity rolled from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. The cold hand still rested motionless on my cheek. I heard nothing. I saw nothing.

_My world is fading. Am I..._


	38. Quietus

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and chars and spongebob underwear. lol.

A/N: Don't hate me. I love cliffhangers. yes... diff POV for dramatic emphasis. Quietus is an english word. go look it up. it's the "bad" definition. Oh by the way.. WHERE ARE YOU GWEN?

_Chapter 38: Quietus _

_"...that's why you broke up with her? So it's not a lie... I must tell her before she goes outside with him. He's dangerous.."_

_"...Hello, sir..." "So she's already outside?" _

_"NO! I'm sure it will be worse if we go out.. Just wait until Severus leaves. He'll protect her."_

_"But Hermione, She could..."_

_"Don't say it.. We'll go out in a moment."_

_"Shush! Lucius is talking about her parents.. Exactly what you said you heard.."_

_"I told you so.."_

_"Draco, this is not funny. Quick, now's our chance!"  
_

_"...We're all dead meat, Mione. We should've gone to Albus like Snape said."_

_"We would've been caught by Filch and he would've prevented us from disturbing Dumbledore's slumber."_

_"Even if we get frozen again, we can still hear and see, right?"_

_"...We are still witnesses and can help."_

_"No!"_

0o0o0o0o

The same raindrops had been falling for a few hours. Mud was clearly on his and her bodies; Covering their faces and skin revealed from various tears in their clothes. Hermione sat in one corner, tears running down her cheeks, staining the cotton of her shirt. Draco was in the same corner of the room, devistated in every way. He prayed for them.

A clock ticked loudly as its hands reached almost one a.m. As soon as dawn broke thorugh, Hermione would gather the rest of the friends into the Hospital Wing. But for now, she and Draco had to watch and wait for positive signs. Madame Pomfrey ran in and out of the room, tending to certain medicines and trying to find something that would help. And finally, she ordered Filch to wake Albus Dumbledore. He entered the room with a very concerned and tired look. He immediately looked at _his _body... Lying there with every intention of being the hero. And _her?_ She wanted to be a savior too.

"Lucius was finished, so he grabbed onto the owl cage and disappeared. It was a portkey." Draco tried not to stammer while speaking. His nerves and tension bubbled in his fists. He wanted to punch his own father.

Madame Pomfrey leaned against the wall, "Well, there's no way of knowing until the medicine begins to work. If she and he are not... then their cheeks will redden. And if not...Well, let's just hope for the better, shall we?"

"But..Madame Pomfrey," Draco seemeed to be the only one able to talk sensibly, "What does the _Ferme Neco_ spell do? Lucius hit both of them with it."

Albus half-sighed, "_Ferme Neco_ is not an unforgivable curse, but close to it. The more powerful the one who casts it is, the worse the outcome on the victim. The curse causes the person to fall into a deep coma, almost close to death. In fact, sometimes it kills instantly, but we won't know for sure until Madame Pomfrey's potion starts working. The spell can kill, but it can also decieve the ones around it. Basically, it can seemingly kill the person, but they might not really be deceased."

"So, it tricks the body into thinking they are gone, when they might not even be?" Hermione finally spoke with a trembling in her voice.

Albus nodded his head before lowering it, "The spell, however, is very complex. By the time the potion lets us know wether or not they are alive, it will almost be too late to conjure a remedy if needed. Most of the time, the victim will wake up after twenty-four hours. If there is a problem, they will need aid and help to wake from the coma. If a week passes with the person still in coma, they are destined to die."

"What the hell kind of spell is that?" Draco yelled and threw an empty cup on the floor, "You're dead or not, but we won't know until later, but if they stay in a coma for more than a week then they are dead anyways! This is screwed up!"

"It's very advanced, which is why I'm surprised Lucius used it. If he wanted her to die immediately, he would have used an unforgivable. However, I see what he's done. He wants the ones they loved to suffer." Albus scratched his chin.

"No offense," started Pomfrey, "but who will Severus leave behind? He hasn't loved for ... many, many, many years."

Hermione and Draco glanced at each other. No one else knew about Snape and Maranda's relationship.

"Alright, time for bed..." A sudden energy was passed through the room as Albus spoke again, "I know you are both very worried, but you need rest. Madame Pomfrey will be watching over the room. Filch will also be guarding this floor. I'm sure Lucius won't come back the same night...Or at all. Mr Malfoy, I do need a chat with you, however, about everything you knew and know now. Miss Granger, I will expect you to be here in the morning to tell Miss Thompson and Mr. Weasley about this fiasco."

Hermione felt empty. She glanced at Maranda's body lying on the bed and began to cry again. Severus was in the next bed over, also motionless. The two bodies were in a deep coma, close enough to death, close enough to life, but no free will of choosing which path to take. They're fate would be determined by how healthy they were and how badly the curse was done. Sadly, no friends, family, prayers, or spells could take back the curse. Hermione knew, however, that if they did survive, potions would have to be made to help regain stamina and strength.

With no one left in the Hospital Wing except for Pomfrey, the rooms were more silent than a funeral. The remainder of the night went by without disturbance. The Moon watched over the laying bodies and seemingly protected them with rays of light sneaking through a few windows. Soon, dawn crept up on Hogwarts with strong arms of light stretching beyond the borders of the sky.

Madame Pomfrey paced the room anxiously. If the medicine didn't start working soon, there wouldn't be any chance of either victim surviving. Since Severus was one of the victims, Albus would have to find a substitute for his class.

"Where are they?" A worried Gwen ran in the Hospital Wing entrance and stared at Madame Pomfrey.

She directed her to the two beds just as Ron, Hermione, and Draco entered.

"Oh ...shit..." Gwen felt a few tears well behind her eyes, "They can't..."

Ron walked over to Maranda's side and stared in disbelief, "Merlin...I'm so sorry for teasing you. I take back everything mean I've said."

"Please, Ron, don't make me cry again.." Hermione still had a tear-stained face.

"Children," Started Madame Pomfrey, "I know you are all very worried, but you cannot stay in here for much longer. I have my own work to begin while keeping an eye out for them. I require room to work properly. You have three minutes."

When Pomfrey left the area, Hermione, Ron, Draco, and Gwen decided three minutes would be spent in silence. Praying aloud wasn't necessary for the group of friends. They knew fate would determine the lives of Maranda and Snape, and they couldn't interfere. Not even with prayers. What happen would happen. Destiny anf fate did not listen to those around the situation. Things took place for reasons unknown or known.

Slamming his fist on a table, Ron firmly stated, "This is so frustrating! We aren't alowwed to stay in a room with our best friend because the nurse is _too busy_. Bull! I say we stay in here!"

"We can't do that Ron," Draco frowned, "she'll have a fit."

On the way out of the Hospital Wing, Hermione mumbled, "They will be fine. We just have to hope fate will be kind."

The friends went separate ways, but knew in spirit they were still together. Draco was the first to reach his destination, which was Lockhart's room. Upon entering, Gilderoy handed a pile of papers to Draco without a word. He walked back to his desk, took some more papers, and brought them to add onto the same pile.

Draco tried not to lose balance and asked, "Sir, what do you want me to do with these?"

"Take them to Dumbledore's office, will you lad? I'm trying to tidy up my classroom a bit before the weekend is over." Lockhart showed no guilt as he added a few more papers to the pile.

"Sure," sadly, Draco turned to leave the room, "but I'm not in the best of moods. Maranda and Snape are in the infirmary."

A wave of shock caused Lockhart to gasp and stand with his eyes buldging from his head. Since Draco had already left for his errand, Gilderoy couldn't question the problem. Instead, he darted up to the Hospital Wing himself. He hadn't known that secretly, Draco wished this to happen so Madame Pomfrey would become too annoyed to bother kicking anyone out again.

"Oh! Hello Professor," Pomfrey was surprised at her visitor, "What can I do for you?"

It only took a moment for Lockhart to explain the sudden news. He wondered, _Is Maranda going to live?_ as Pomfrey described the situation in full detail. She knew Gilderoy wasn't friends with Lucius, so she was safe telling him.

Sighing, Pomfrey added, "So, you may check on her if you wish, but I do need it quite silent in here. I'm trying my best to conjure a potion that will help if...when they awaken from their coma. But since I'm not a potion specialist, it's really complicated work. Severus usually helped me with any potions. Looks like the tables have turned for the time being."

"As sad as that sounds, maybe this is a positive thing so you have some extra experience under your belt."

"Honey, I have more experience under my belt than any of you will ever know. Do you _know_ how old I am? Just a few more years and I'll be retiring."

Gilderoy chose not to say anymore and he walked over to Maranda and Snape's side of the wing. He gazed at her motionless body with anguish and wonder. The urge to hug her swelled in his mind, but he fought it away. Something shimmering caught Lockhart's eye; A necklace around Maranda's neck. It was silver with little stars as the charm.

"**Dirty bastard**..." Gilderoy had seen the necklace before...Snape had bought it in front of him at a jewlery store. Gilderoy was only there to fix his watch. Shaking his head with anger, he quietly ranted, "You dared to push a friendship farther even though your job would be at stake. Severus, you are chin-deep in trouble."

Glancing at Severus, Lockhart noticed his cheeks had reddened a bit. He didn't know what this meant, but he knew that his visit was over. Madame Pomfrey asked Lockhart on the way out if anything had happened...Maybe she could tell he was irate.

"Severus' cheeks are red..But that's probably from the emberassment he will have when Albus hears about something interesting I have just realized." With that, Gilderoy angrily left.

Hurrying over to the beds, Pomfrey gaped as Sev's cheeks glowed with red. "Oh dear, where have I put that potion?" She searched for a serenity potion she had taken earlier from the cupboards. "_I know it's here somewhere!" _She fumbled through the dark cabinet, carelessly tossing empty bottles aside. "Aha!" Taking the potion flask, she ran to Snape's side.

Eyes still closed, Severus took in several sharp, deep breaths as his cheeks returned to the normal pale color of his skin. He slowly opened his eyes, which slightly popped out from shock.

"_Ermm_..." He began to look around the room, and rested his eyes upon a certain female who was seemingly dead. **_"Maranda!" _**Snape jolted out of his bed and stood over Maranda's body.

"Severus," Pomfrey hated to interrupt, "you have to take some serenity potion before any aches and pains come back to haunt you."

Not caring about his own health, Snape raised his voice, "What's happened? Is she dead? Did everyone escape alright? Where's Lucius? What about Draco? What about Maranda...Is she alive?"

"Calm down, Severus. Please, take this potion. I will explain everything to you." She painted a fake smile on her face as Snape sat on the edge of his bed.

With another deep breath, Sev listened to every single word from the nurse's mouth. Obviously Snape knew what the spell did, and how the potion worked, but hearing it from someone else made it seem less surreal. He had witnessed Maranda throwing herself in front of him to take the hit of _Ferme Neco_. He sat for a moment before telling Pomfrey what happened to him.

"She took the hit for me.. I don't know what possessed her. Lucius tried to run. Maranda was falling to the ground. I couldn't help her. I ran to Lucius and tried to stop him, but he hit me too. And before all sense got knocked out of me, I was able to see that he used an owl cage as a portkey. And then I, too, fell..." Sev hit his forehead with his palm, "I wanted to be the hero. I could have saved her."

Madame pomfrey didn't know what to say in response to the heartfelt harm that Sev described. She handed him the flask and said, "Take some."

She left the area after advising Snape to relax. He took a swig of the potion and stared at Maranda with every intention of crying, but snakes like him never cried.


	39. Snakes Don't Cry

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: sniffle. and no! It's not cliche...just cute.

_Chapter 39: Snakes Don't Cry _

"Draco! Hurry quick! Snape's waken up!" Gwen shot through the Defense Against the Dark Arts doors like a bullet who's lost its way. She was determined to tell Hermione and Ron as quickly too, but soon found out that the news had already traveled to them.

In the Hospital Wing, Gilderoy tapped his foot against the tiled floor while he pretended to comfort his colleague.

"So, I see you're awake now. I'm glad you're healthy." Lockhart glanced at Maranda's neck, "That's a nice necklace. I wonder where she got it."

Severus was not in the mood. He got up, faced Lockhart, and scolded him, "You have no right to bring that up! She may be dying and all you care about is some foolish teachers' rules. So what I gave her a necklace? It's more than you've ever given a woman. As far as your concerned, you aren't concerned! Is it your business who I am friends with? Or who I fancy? At least I don't sleep with a blow-up witch doll!"

"Gilderoy Lockhart does not sleep with a blow-up witch doll.." Lockhart tried not to blush, "and even if it were true, it still doesn't break a rule like you do! She is still your student."

Hermione, Ron, Draco, and Gwen entered the Hospital Wing and walked straight into Gilderoy and Severus' fight.

Taking his wand out, Snape shouted irritably, "Even if she is technically my student, she doesn't have much longer until the term is over and she's off to college. So, you can take your rule book and shove it up your a-"

"Sir!" Hermione wasn't in the mood to hear swearing, "Please... Albus would support you, not Lockhart. Think about it; All the rulebook says is that a professor must not have relations other than professional with a student from years upon entering until graduation. It says nothing about the Extra Year Program because it is new. I know Albus supports and believes in real love. You can't tell me he's never loved in his life. So obviously he wouldn't shun you and Maranda's feelings. Am I right?"

In his mind, Gilderoy knew _Miss Granger_ was right. He left silently, pushing through Ron and Draco to reach the way out.

"Miss Granger," Severus looked at her with a slight smirk, "I have underestimated you. I'm sure Maranda would be happy right now if she were awake."

"I'm just hoping she'll be healthy. I want to keep my best friend, sir. I don't want..." Mione choked on her words and lowered her head.

Ron nodded his head with a sad smirk on his face as Snape looked at him. "I'm sorry. This is the first time we're all together like this.. The friends and the lover. It's quite odd."

"Excuse me, Ronald Weasley, but do not call me her _lover._ It sounds degrading to the both of us."

Draco brought up an interesting subject, "Should one of us contact Harry, Seamus, and Neville?"

"Oh Merlin," Ron sighed, "I had almost forgotten about them being out of the loop all year. I'm sure they'd want to know about Maranda and _Sna...Sev_...Professor Snape too."

A bit surprised at Ron's bluntness, Snape commented, "You have a big enough mouth to tell them from here. I'm sure they would hear you across time itself."

"Boys!" Hermione accidentally referred to Snape as a boy, "I'm sorry...But please...We need to figure this out. An owl will travel fast enough, but how long will it actually take to get a letter to Harry, Seamus, and Neville?"

Gwen counted on her fingers and then raised her head, "With my owl, it would take three days."

"Mine would take a week." Ron said as he became frustrated with the topic.

Draco forced a small laugh, "Mine's gone. I would love to help, but obviously I can't. Mortifer was a fast owl, too."

"I don't get it," Gwen scratched her head, "Why would Mr. Malfoy go through all that trouble of buying and tending to an owl that he was just going to use as a portkey afterwards? It's so..."

"Dumb." Severus added his two cents to the conversation.

Hermione suggested, "Maybe he was under the control of an unforgiveable." She thought her words over and corrected herself, "Or maybe not."

Madame Pomfrey came into view with another potion flask. She placed it on an end table to Maranda's bed and declared, "This one's for her. Let me know if anything else happens. Severus," She turned to face him, "Albus wants to talk to you in his office."

"Alright.." He glanced over the group of friends and mumbled, "Take care of her. I'll be back soon."

Severus left the room and took a long and slow walk up to Dumbledore's office. He thought, _This is surely about Maranda and I. That Dunderhead Lockhart ratted us out. But then again, Hermione did make a good point. None of the rules apply to the Extra Year Program. _

"Come in, Severus." Called Dumbledore with his usual firm voice.

Sitting down and folding his arms, Snape waited to hear the words from his boss' mind.

"So I see..." Albus started unusually, but pressed on, "You love Miss Maguire. It is apparent by now. I did not need Gilderoy telling me it to confirm my guess. I can imagine she loves you back, since she _did_ jump in front of that spell for you. I just have one question to ask you, Severus."

The black-robed man lowered his arms to his lap and parted his lips, "What might that be, Albus?"

"Are you willing to first confess all your love to her one year, and then let her go her own way, knowing she might not come back?"

"Sir," Snape didn't have to consider the question, "I am aware that I might even lose her _now, _so of course I am prepared. However, I hope you understand that if she is or is going to pass on, that I can no longer work here with the same enthusiasm for teaching as when I first started my job."

Dumbledore nodded his head. He added, "I also expect you to comfort her friends if need be. Love may be important in life, but friendship is one of the most precious gifts. And when both shatter at the same time due to a death, the only thing friends can count on is support from the loved one, and vice-versa."

"Please, sir, don't talk as if she is already dead." Snakes couldn't cry, but torn and broken-hearted men could. Snape was on the verge of letting the pools of pain run from his eyes, but he pushed the feeling back by swallowing the lump in his throat.

"You are free to leave now. Ignore Gilderoy, he's a bit jealous. She is not your student. She is working for you, that is all."

0o0o0o0o

Meanwhile in the Hospital Wing, a group of depressed friends were arguing over how to send a letter to Harry, Seamus, and Neville to update them on unfortunate events. Ron had already begun writing a letter on a piece of paper Madame Pomfrey supplied him with. While this was going on, Draco was reading over Ron's shoulder, making sure he included everything from Maranda's birthday to the recent events.

"Well, my owl is faster than any of yours," Gwen went on, "so why not use her? As long as you feed her before she flies, then she's perfectly dependable."

Ron scoffed, "Why don't you just use Ringo? At least we _know_ where that pet is."

"I never said I lost Ginger!" Gwen was referring to her owl, "I said she went out last week and never came back. I sent a care package to my parents because my Mom had a cold."

"Yeah, but no owl is no good. How can we send a letter with an owl who's not even here?" It seemed as if Ron liked taking his anger out on everyone else, but he really didn't notice.

Draco jumped in on the argument, "You want to complain about owls not being here? What about mine? Mortifer was a very dependable owl. The only one left to use now is yours, Ron, and that bird is the slowest. I thought you were getting a new one."

"No money. I couldn't this year." Ron answered and then went back to writing.

"Damn it all..." Hermione stomped her foot, "Maybe Snape has an owl. He probably won't let us use it though."

_"Why don't you ask him?" _

"I'm not asking him," Ron put the pen down, "Damn thing is out of ink!"

"_I wouldn't see why you would want an owl anyways..."_

Hermione turned to Gwen, "Are you that thick? Have you not been paying attention to anything we're saying?"

"I didn't say anything! It was Draco!" Gwen backed up from Hermione and leaned against the wall.

Draco stopped looking over Ron's shoulder, "I didn't do anything.. Whatever it is you are fighting about now, blame Ron."

_"Of course, I must have missed a lot."_

**_"Maranda!"_** Hermione screamed and leapt over to Maranda's bed.

She was, indeed, alive and awake. This caused everyone to huddle around the bed and squeeze her with hugs.

"I thought you were never going to escape that coma." Gwen commented.

With a short giggle, Maranda sat up and retorted, "No one could have a decent nap, let alone coma, with you guys arguing like that. You could wake the dead.."

Normally, this joke would have been funny. However, seeing as they almost lost their best friend, no one even broke a smile.

"What? You guys look like you've seen a ghost...And not the ones we usually see around this castle." One thing for sure, Maranda had not lost her ability to joke.

Ron half-smiled and stated, "You know what? I'm really glad you're alive."

"Thank you.. Coming from you that's a real compliment." With a broad smile on her face, Maranda gave her friends another hug.

And then it dawned on her, "**Holy crap!** What about Sev? Is he alright? Where is he?"

"Relax," Mione gave her a comforting grin, "He's fine. He had a little run in with Lockhart earlier, but it's settled."

Maranda stood up just as a familiar male voice entered the Hospital Wing.

"You know," the voice began in annoyance, "I would think one of you would walk into the dungeons and check on the poor kitten, but no. Start arguing about owls and whatnot, but don't feed Serenity. And that's another thing, if you were all in a coma, Mara-"

Snape stopped speaking as he stood in front of the group in the Hospital Wing. There she was, Maranda, standing up, smiling that heavenly smile. She was dirty from the Lucius fight, but that didn't stop Severus from thinking she was beautiful. Hermione silently motioned for Ron, Draco, and Gwen to move out of the area to give Snape privacy.

"If you had...left us..." Severus began, but couldn't finish.

Maranda approached him slowly, "Then you could have said I died for you."

"What possessed you to...take that hit?"

"I'm not really sure, but it might have been instinct on love. I...don't know if you realize this, but I love you." She started to twiddle her thumbs.

Severus was an inch away from Maranda, "After everything, you still twiddle your damned thumbs." He gently lowered her hands.

In one swift movement, Snape wrapped his arms around Maranda, taking her in for a well deserved hug. She wrapped her arms around him too, and began to cry.

"Maranda, don't ever do that again.." His words were muffled, but Snape still went on courageously, "Damn it all! I love you!"

They were both in tears now, with no one around to witness. Backing up a little, Maranda giggled.

"What?" Snape wondered what was so funny.

She still chuckled through her tears and stated in a southern accent, "Why, Mr. Snape, I didn't know snakes could cry."

"No," He smiled sweetly, "but I hear Snapes can."

Maranda ditched the accent and said, "I'm so glad you're alright. But I have to know: How many times do I have to almost die to be able to fully live?"

He let go of her and stared her straight in the eyes, "I have no idea. Hopefully that was the end."

"I have a feeling it was..."


	40. The Hardest Thing

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Hmmm 2 more chapters. including this one. sad face. oh.. prounounced fee-oh-nicks-ee-ah. The hardest thing does refer to me and recent graduation lol. yes this is mostly a dialogue chapter.

_Chapter 40: The Hardest Thing _

_I had been revived into life, and everything was almost normal again. _Even though it had only been a few days after awakening from a coma, feelings of normality still trickled into my world. Sev and I both vowed not to tell anyone about the Lucius events. Ron ended up sending letters to Harry, Seamus, and Neville about everything they had missed out on including my near-death experience. Hopefully they would also read a side-note I wrote near the end of each letter saying that I would soon be leaving Hogwarts.

It was true, for the past couple of days I had been considering a sudden departure from Hogwarts. I had been here long enough to almost die, find a new love, and befriend the most deceitful man I have ever met. It was just time. Time for me to go on my way to college and become a student once more. I had nothing against this school, but a few more months here wouldn't be possible for me. Shock was still hitting me from that horrible night. Sleep deprived and paranoid: I know it's time to leave.

"Mione," I began semi-cheerfully, "I've already told you, but my plan is concrete now. I will be leaving next week. I already sent a letter to Pheonixia University. They know I'm on my way, and will more than likely set up my dorm."

Patting me on the back, Hermione replied, "Guess we'll all just have to deal with it. I don't blame you, though. You need to get away for awhile. Besides, don't think I won't write to you. I know everyone else will too, but we'll also give you your space."

"I don't see why you're leaving. You should stay. There's only a few months left." Ron had been surprisingly upset over my news.

"I can't stay." I stopped talking for a minute as the lounge door opened. It was Severus. He smiled at me and walked over to a cabinet. He didn't know I was leaving yet.

Draco tried to hide the subject, "But it won't be much fun without you..You have to ...come with us."

I stood up, "I'll finish talking to you guys later. I need to tell Sev." Approaching Snape, I tried to think of an easy way to let him know. I coudn't make leaving him sound good.

"I know I've asked about a thousand times, but do you feel better?" Snape was concerned with me, which was undeniably cute of him.

My face reddened a bit. There was no more putting off my news, "Health is not an issue right now, even though I'm fine. There's something more important I have to talk to you about."

Severus glanced at my friends, then back at me, "Would you rather talk about it in the privacy of my classroom? I have to get back to class right now, the fifth years will murder each other if I don't return."

"Oh, right..." I was a tad disappointed, "I forgot you're teaching right now."

"Come by after classes are over."

With that said, he left my side. I admit, it was kind of cold for him to just leave. However, I was the one to pick a bad time to talk. I went back to the couch and sat down next to Draco. My friends and I continued to chat about my departure. The thought of going out on my own wasn't too settling, but it had to happen. Knowing everything I knew about my parents death, Draco's real reason for breaking up with me, and the reality of Sev saying he loved me made a light bulb turn on in my mind. There was too much _everything _in Hogwarts to handle anymore. I needed a break. I had no real home, aside from my school, so my only choice of escape was attending my college a wee bit earlier than expected.

0o0o0o0o

A little after five I decided to at last reveal my plans to Snape. I began to walk the length of the dungeons and noticed how chilly it was. I don't remember the last time I thought about the weather in the dungeons. Reaching the old door, I knocked. I heard no response but opened the door anyways. I knew Snape would be at his desk, and I was correct. Go figure.

"Hey," I sprinted to his desk and placed my hands forcefully on top of it. I thought Snape would have a heart attack the way I ran to him.

He stared up at me and smiled, "Yes?"

"So, this is the deal. I have no nice way of saying this...I'm leaving next week. I'm going to Pheonixia University...They've already accepted me and said I could come early. I got their reply yesterday."

"And," His smile faded, "that was so easy for you to say? I would have expected you to twiddle your thumbs, beat around the bush, and maybe blush."

Telling him wasn't easy, I just wanted to get it over with. "I had to tell you quickly or I would've never told you. Well, I would have told you, but with everything you said. I don't want to beat around the bush while blushing and twiddling my thumbs. I hate my habits! I'm sick of bullshit and I need to get away for awhile."

"But, you realize you might not ever come back?" The glimmering dark eyes suddenly looked sad.

And my shoulders dropped. "I know I will be gone four the minimun of four years, but I need to escape. There's too much for me to handle."

"Too much to handle?" I moved my hands off the desk as Sev stood with irritibility in his voice, "You think you have too much to handle? What about a specific man who has several classes to teach, pleanty of work to do, expectations to fulfill to keep his job, and has recently admitted his love to someone who has told him she is leaving to get away from _too much_?"

He was mad and I could understand that. I had to try and keep calm, "I know you have it bad too, Sev. There's only a few months left anyways. What were you going to say when I was forced to leave? It's the same situation, just earlier. I can't stay anymore. I need a break from everything."

"So you take a few days off. Don't leave."

"I have to."

"You _have _to breathe to live. You _have _to sleep to retain stamina. You don't, however, _have _to push everything and everyone away to have a small break." Now standing inches from me, Snape rested his hand on my shoulder, "It's silly. You were glad to leave your orphanage life and come here. But now, though you are still alive and well, you want to run away."

In defense, I said, "I'm not running away."

"Seems like it." He gazed into my eyes and pushed a strand of hair out of my face, "What about me? You're going to leave poor Severus by his lonesome for four years?"

"I'm going to college," I semi-grinned, "not prison. I'm sure I can write to you. I love you, Severus Snape, and not even the boundaries of college life can stop that. Hell, if you hadn't noticed: Death surely cannot stop it either."

Taking his hand off of my shoulder, Snape lowered his head and softly stated, "If you do not plan on coming back in the near future, please save me some harm and don't say those words again."

"But I-"

"No...No, no more. You don't understand how hard it was for me to...admit. Let me preserve the joy you've brought me this year. Do not say those three words again until you come back, if at all, after college." He took my hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed gently.

I whipped my hand away and aggressively pulled his head towards mine for a kiss. He pushed away, giving me a disturbed look.

"None of that either..." He kept a straight face as my lips trembled. He was going to make me cry.

I frowned, "Why-"

Snape laughed, "I'm joking."

We kissed for moments longer than forever. The feeling of his lips on mine brought back the funny floppy feeling in my stomach. When our lips parted, I exhaled deeply.

"I'm going to miss your lips, Sir." I teased.

Snape joked right back, "Fifteen points from Gryffindor for kissing the teacher."

"Don't even...You know what Gilderoy would say if he heard that? Ha!"

A minute of silence swept over us. All laughter and joy seemed dead.

I spoke up, "You know what? The hardest thing is going to be saying goodbye."

"Goodbye? That's only a word. The hardest thing is actually realizing you aren't here anymore."

Taking Snape in for a hug, I knew he was right. Saying goodbye was rough, but not as bad as actually coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going to be in my home anymore. Although my future awaited for me, I wouldn't thouroughly think about it until next week.

"So you're right," I smiled, "sue me. But I still feel that saying goodbye is really, really tough. Especially since you won't let me say those words that reside in my heart. You've said it once to me, so who's to say you even feel the same?"

Sev cocked his eyebrows, "Don't question my feelings. You should know I do not fool around by now. If you only knew half of the life I have lived, you would know that I mean what I say. And I also say what I mean. Either way, I'm honest."

"I believe you." I sighed and concluded, "I'd really love to stay in here, but it's supper time, and I'm hungry. So let's go."

With a slight nod of his head, Severus and I walked alone together to supper in the Great Hall.

0o0o0o0o

Days raced by and left no residue of memory behind. I had stopped helping Sev teach, which was very odd to do. Also, I had returned any borrowed books from the library. The most depressing thing thus far was my initiation of packing. Serenity was pretty calm while I began to fold my clean clothes, sort through all of my notebooks and papers, pick up my fabric, and pack my sewing machine.

And then it hit me...I hadn't told Hagrid.

Knocking frantically on Hagrid's hut door, I hoped to Merlin he would answer. When he did, I let everything out.

"...and so I came to tell you even though it's three days away. I would have imformed you last week, but I was still a little spaced out from the Lucius incident." I had told Hagrid about Lucius' deceitful ways a few days after I came back to reality.

Sipping on cocoa inside his house, I listened to Hagrid's upsetting response. "I would've thought yeh would stay forever. I knew this day would come. Yeh were like a daughter ta' me." Tears started to roll down into his beard, "Always wanted yeh' on the right road. Yer' goin' ta' college an' everything! Boy, yer' Mom an' Dad would be so proud!"

"Hagrid," I grinned, "I will always come back to visit. And if for some reason I am unable to, I will write all the time.

He understood me. He didn't yell, get angry, or tell me not to say I loved him. Hagrid seemed like the one soul who was happy for my choices. Joyous for my ability to move on. I wouldn't leave with grudges. Well, that's what I kept telling myself.

You would think that after maturing, finding my place, putting up with change, and almost dying that my friends would give me some credit. Or maybe a chance from the man I loved to prove that I was really going to make something of my life besides hiding behind books.

I wouldn't leave with grudges...But I would leave without knowing if I would ever be supported for the life I chose from then on.


	41. I'll Try, Fight, and Die For You

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.

A/N: And so there it is... This is the final chapter in my trilogy. I would like to thank everyone for their support. Gwen, especially, for becoming my first official fan. You commented when I wrote, didn't write, and said I would write but didn't. Thank you for being crazy enough and yet sane enough to have as not only a fan, but a friend.

Thank you to everyone else for reading this.

After this story, about two months later, I am going to be continuing this series. Keep an eye out for updates. I have no idea what I'm calling it yet, but I will try to update about it in my other HP fanfic.

News! I am writing a HP/Sex and the City crossover. First chap should be out soon. Charms and the City. rated M. for some sexuality and language.

Thank you again!

_Chapter 41: I'll Try For You, I'll Fight For You, I'll Die For You_

Today was my day to move on to bigger and better things. Ironically it was Sunday, the end of the week, and the end of one chapter in my life. Saying goodbye to Hogwarts is something I thought wouldn't happen for a long time, but I was wrong. Maybe, just maybe if I had come here when I was younger, I could've had pleanty of more time to be here and enjoy it much longer. But now that it's over, I cannot cling to the might-have-beens and should-have-dones of the past.

"You have everything all packed?" Gwen questioned me as I walked into the entrance hall with the first of many trunks.

I put the large trunk down, "Yep. Everything is all set to go. I don't have to be outside for another four hours, so I don't know why you guys are so uptight."

"Let's see," Draco approached me and counted on his fingers as he listed, "you confessed love to a former professor, you were tricked by my father, you jumped in front of a spell to save Snape, you almost died, and you are now pushing everything aside and going away as if no one important lives here. I wonder why we're uptight."

"I have to do what I have to do..."

"-Says the girl who use to have no one." Hermione joked.

I sighed, "Will you guys never comprehend the reason for my departure?"

"No," Ron snapped, "I know I won't. You have three months left here.. You should have no reason to go."

Shaking my head, I began to walk back to my room for another trunk. I guessed that these four hours would be the longest ever.

Serenity had been napping when I brought the first trunk out, and she still was luckily. I put some food out for her, but only enough to keep her satisfied until we reached the college. My trunks and bags were piled on my bed and on the floor. There were about five of them. I had no idea I owned so much, but I knew two trunks included my sewing machine and all the fabric I owned. All my dresses that I made were in one trunk as well. My Halloween dress from the first year I came was still in tact. I didn't know if I'd ever use it again. Despite this thought, I would still keep all of my creations as keepsakes and memories.

Draco came into my room, "Need help?"

"Immensely!" I sounded exasperated, for lifting my heaviest trunk was no field day.

He took one end of the trunk, and I the other. We lifted on the count of three and carefully carried it down the dungeon hall and up some steps to reach the Entrance Hall once again. Placing the overloaded trunk on the floor, Draco gave me a fake smile. I was feeling very hated today.

"I suppose I should start saying my farewells." My words only made my friends seem more let down.

"Not yet," Gwen suggested, "You have to save us for last, or next to last... Close enough towards the end so that we aren't tempted to kidnap you and keep you locked in a closet."

Ron added, "Or locked in a trunk."

"Nice. Whatever. I have people to say bye to, so I'll catch you guys later in the lounge." My patience was wearing thin with my friends. If they weren't going to support my decisions, then so be it.

I returned to my room and glanced at the remaining four trunks. One by one, I brought them into the hall, seeing no more friends waiting around for me. I pushed the trunks towards the door so they would be ready for when I had to leave. It was alas time to say farewell to anyone of significance to me.

My first stop was Dumbledore's office. I approached a statue, the entrance to his room, and realized I didn't have a password.

"Damn it."

"Can I help-" Dumbledore appeared behind me.

I swiftly turned around, interrupting him, "Sir! I was trying to visit you and say goodbye, but I forgot you needed a password to get in."

"It's alright," Albus smiled and his eyes glimmered, "You are here now. I guess this is the day you move on. I have to say, you have matured a lot. From the day you entered, I knew you were going to have trouble fitting in, but you managed. And now you are on your way to a very fine college. Please keep this in mind: Your true friends might not like the idea of you going on your own, but eventually they will be at your side. And sometimes, when you love something, you must let it go in order for it to learn to return to you."

"Thank you, Sir. I love Hogwarts, but I don't think it will grow legs and walk to me." I giggled half-heartedly.

Dumbledore shook his head, "I'm not talking about the school." He quickly gave me a hug, "but you'll understand soon enough."

We didn't say farewell, or goodbye. Instead, we just smiled and went on our ways. Albus was the type of man to smile at and know he was thinking that he would miss you and hope the best for your life. There were no words needed for a man so respectable.

My next stop was Lockhart's room. Despite my hatred for him, I still had to say bye. It was something I needed to do. He was standing in the corner of his room skimming through a book. I got his attention and he was predictably shocked to see me on his floor, let alone in his room. We talked for a few minutes, as civil people did, and ended on a good note. He was happy I was moving on, but he was still pissed at Severus for getting involved with me.

"You are smart to leave now," Lockhart shined his teeth at me with a full grin, "Severus wouldn't be a very good boyfriend for you anyhow. Go get yourself a nice college boy. One you can have fun with. One who isn't aged over his limits."

That statement angered me, but I told myself that he was an idiot, and didn't know anything about relationships. "Whatever, Gilderoy. I have to go now...Nice seeing you one last time."

"Farewell, Maranda." He gave me another killer smile, (really, it killed me.) and I left his room.

After visiting Lockhart, I walked to McGonagal's room, then to Flitwick, then to Madame Hooch-who put up with my awful flying accident last year. The professors supported me, so why couldn't my friends?

There it was: The Potions door. The last time I would be down here. Unless I came back after college, I would never see this room, or this hall, or this school again.

"Maranda," Sev's voice sounded hollow and emotionless. Much like it was when I first attended this school. He continued, "You have come to say your final words to me, correct?"

I went up to his desk, where he always was and always would be, "Yes, Sev."

"You have a choice..."

I nodded, "And I'm choosing the right one for me."

He stood up and reached out his hand for a handshake, "Then, goodbye, Miss Maguire."

"Sev..." A few tears dripped down my cheek, "don't be heartless."

"You should have known what consequences you would face by first loving me and then leaving me." His hand was still reached out.

I took it, shook it, and swallowed a lump in my throat. I held on for a few extra seconds before putting my hand back down. He put his hand down too before sitting back down.

My heart stopped, "Is that it?"

Snape softly said, "Class dismissed."

I backed up, each step growing harder to take. I stared at the man who I thought I had known so much about. Apparently I hadn't known him at all. Snakes should never be trusted, for they take your heart and pretend to care. The suddenly, out of nowhere, they step on it and suck the blood out right in front of you.

So I walked to the teacher's lounge hiding my tears as I used to.

"Maranda!" Gwen shouted happily, "You've come to say goodbye!"

"What's going on?" I wanted to know why everyone seemed so euphoric.

Draco patted me on the back, "We're really sorry for the way we acted."

"It's really hard to say," Ron added, "but we are satisfied ... ecstatic with your choice. We just needed time to let it sink in."

Grinning at me, Hermione declared, "We love you! There's no way we're not going to see you again. Besides, I hear Neville is going to Pheonixia as well, so you'll have someone from our group to keep an eye on you."

I started to giggle, and then laugh loudly, "You guys! I swear I'll see you and keep in touch with you! The fact that I'm going on my way has nothing to do with you. Thanks for not holding it against me."

"No problem," said Gwen, holding Ringo very close to her, "Ringo says bye too."

"Bye-bye, Ringo."

Suddenly Albus' wise words made a lot of sense. My friends would eventually support me, as they did right now. I headed for the door to Hogwarts and looked at my watch. Five more minutes until it was time to go. I had already given many hugs to my friends. I had tried to say my farewell to the one I loved... And failed. Although I wanted to cry an ocean, a positive feeling swept over my heart and soul. I was moving onto bigger and better things.

A few house elves helped me carry my luggage outside as a black, horse-drawn carriage rode up to the school. No turning back now, and no looking for reasons not to leave. The driver of the carriage helped the house elves pack the trunks onto the back by using a levitating spell. Serenity was purring at my feet, and I lifted her into my arms, not taking my eyes off the carriage. I was scared, but very excited.

"Miss Maguire?" The driver asked if I was in fact, myself.

With a subtle smile, I asnwered, "Yes, I'm Maranda."

"On your way to the train station?"

"Yes."

He asked another question, "Do you have everything?"

"Yes."

"Alright then...All aboard!" He helped Serenity and I into the carriage.

The day's sunlight poured into my window, comforting me with sweet warmth and life. Serenity stretched in my lap and curled up for another nap. The clip-clop sound from the horses starting to move caused me to close my eyes and absorb the reality of me leaving. I thought about Severus. He wasn't too thrilled with me leaving, but I knew deep inside that he still loved me...Well, at least I loved him. Funny how I had never been in or believed in love until I fell for Snape. Now that I'm leaving, it doesn't bother me as much as it should that I may never see him again.

Perhaps it's because I have learned so much in Hogwarts, and I will always take the lessons with me in life. I learned how to befriend people, how to stand up for myself, how to not care what people thought about me, how to cry, laugh, live, and love. Now that I have a chance to go on my own, I'm content at the possibility that maybe Snape was just a lesson as well.

And as I neared the train station, I thought about it more. Severus Snape had, in fact, unintentionally supplied me with a lesson:

Love was worth trying, fighting, and dying for...

But sometimes, even when you have done everything to gain it, you must let it go. Let it find protection and safety. Let it flourish or wilt on its own. And then one day...It will come back to you, ready to try, fight, and sacrifice the way you have.

The way you always will.


End file.
